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The time was 3am.
For some reason, your mind didn't seem to care that it was three o'clock in the morning. Your mind had decided then and there that you would be awake, and you needed to be awake now.
You had jolted up just as the pain hit you. The nightmare was one of the worst you'd had in weeks, and you couldn't help but feel panic begin to rise in your chest. You could feel an anxiety attack trying to creep up on you as you relive the horrible dream once again.
Darkness is the first thing you see.
Then, red.
Then, blue.
Red.
Blue.
Red
Red...
You try to blink to clear your vision, but you can't seem to. You can't control your body. You can't bring yourself to do anything.
Then, you can see.
But you wish you couldn't.
You see Sans standing in front of you with his brother's scarf wrapped around his neck, anger flaring like a fire in his soul.
That fire was blue. And it flared within his left eye socket, indicating that he was intending to use magic.
It's then you begin to move, but you weren't moving. Something else was controlling your body. You had no control.
You tried your hardest to fight for yourself, try to regain but you had lost, but to no avail. And you are forced to watch as your own hands gripped the knife that took Sans' life.
You watch as his eyes dim and fade away as his health is practically shattered by the blow, and you want to scream, but you can't. All you can do is watch as you see Sans go to his knees, smile somehow fading. You try your hardest and fight the force holding you hostage but you can't, you can't fight, you can't stop this, you can't do anything.
He stands slowly, clutching at his chest where the knife obviously landed its final cut. He begins to, still unhurriedly, walk away.
"Welp, I'm going to Grillby's." He says sadly, trying to smile.
"Papyrus, do you want anything...?"
You scream internally, hating yourself for what you've done, it's all you can do. If you could be sobbing, you would. But still you can't.
It's then that you regain control, for just a spilt second you feel your body once again, and you, with no hesitation, plunge your knife deep into your chest.
You are shaking when the flashback ebbs and fades, trying to force the feeling of panic and sorrow you felt away. You're trying your hardest not to cry. You didn't want to wake Sans, who was sleeping besides you. You didn't know what this dream meant, but you sure as hell couldn't face him after watching yourself take his life. You couldn't.
Despite all your efforts, though, you feel panic begin to rise in your chest, you were beginning to have an anxiety attack. You try your hardest to stay calm, to force the feeling that something was horribly wrong away, but it almost seemed to have taken root in your consciousness, driving your heart to race inside your ribs. You feel yourself growing more and more scared; it was overwhelming you, you could barely breathe. Your breaths came in shallowly, too fast, but you couldn't bring it back down.
You shift away from Sans, tears rolling down your cheeks and your heart threatening to break your ribs at any moment. You felt as if you were being crushed by the weight of your own anxiety.
It's then that you hear rustling behind you, followed by a soft yawn. You freeze, your breathing still ragged.
"Babe? You ok?" He asks tiredly, reaching over and draping his arm over your waist. Your body tenses immediately; you couldn't respond, all you could do was bite your tongue and listen to the pounding of your heartbeat.
He seems to notice your tensity along with your lack of answer, and you feel the bed dip as he props himself up on his elbow, leaning closer to you.
"Kiddo, is everything alright?" He asks, concern in his voice. You still don't respond, but your breathing becomes more labored, and the panic was beginning to settle throughout your body. Tears flowed down and over your cheeks, dripping onto the bedsheets below.
Suddenly, he gently grabs your shoulder and forces you to turn so you are facing him. A sob rose in your chest when he looked down at you, and you could barely breathe, you felt yourself shutting down, being crushed by all the pressure and fear--
"Oh, goodness, sweetheart, did you have a nightmare?" He inquires, worry filling his voice. You don't reply, instead you avoid his gaze and stare at the spot where you had landed the final blow.
You close your eyes.
Your heart was hammering almost painfully, like it wanted to break free and run away, and you couldn't blame it, you were so pressured, so terrified, and you couldn't stop the pure panic. You hated it. Not being in control was the worst possible thing.
Slowly, his arms wrap around your waist and he draws you close so you are snuggled into his chest.
"Hey...hey, you'll be ok, I promise. I'm here for you." You sink into him, crying harshly into his chest and mumbling apologies. He holds on to you tightly.
"You won't ever be alone. I promise. Any time you feel dark I'll be right by your side so you can see the light again. I love you. And I swear everything's going to be okay, I'll keep you safe." He whispers, and you close your eyes, still feeling the effects of your anxiety attack. Your heartbeat was over the top, but you're regaining control of your breathing.
You clutch at the cloth of his loose shirt, tears rolling down your face. "I'm sorry, Sans, I'm so sorry." You find yourself saying, hiccups making you stumble over your words. You felt like the whole world was crushing you, your anxiety was simply too much.
He holds you tighter. You shutter, drawing your hands to your chest, trying to seclude yourself. You killed him. You watched yourself take Sans life and now he was gripping you tight like you hadn't dreamt something so horrible.
So you sobbed. Although gently and quietly, you cried into his shirt as he softly ran his hand up and down your back in a comforting manor. You were shaking and was grateful the room was dim so he couldn't see your face. You were a mess and you know it.
"Hey...hey it's ok, really, everything's fine, you're gonna be ok, I promise. Nothing can go wrong when you're with me, I won't let anything happen to you. I love you so much." He pressed his teeth against your forehead softly, and you appreciate the sentiment despite his inability to actually kiss you. You attempt to take a deep breath, but you shake too much, and your breath hitches horribly.
The dream was one you'd had on occasion. It got more vivid every time, and this instance had been the worst. You hated the feeling that you had dreamt such a thing. Why would your mind conjure up a nightmare like this?
You realize after a moment that you were gripping his shirt harshly, so much so that you were sure your knuckles are white. But he just draws you closer, nuzzles into your skin with his cheek.
"You're going tibia-ok." He whispers, and you feel his permanent smile change a bit. You let out a choked laugh, looking up at him, ignoring your heartbeat, which, although slowing, was still too fast. The corners of his eye sockets appear to lift a bit, showing a larger grin, but you can't quite see in the dim light.
He slowly wipes away your tears, mumbling "I love you" over and over again. You were beginning to feel better, and you were happy he took this sort of panic so well.
Finally, after a few minutes, you manage to tell him you love him too, in which case he let out an excited "yay" that you couldn't help but giggle at. You then lean up and press your lips against his teeth, enjoying the sentiment behind the gesture.
"Feeling better?" He asks when you lent back. You nod, attempting a smile which you hope looks genuine. You were still a bit freaked, but you were trying to put it aside. After all, you didn't actually kill him, or yourself for that matter. You were both fine.
"Well I'm glad you're better now. Oh, hey, (Y/N), did I ever tell you that you look skele-fine in those shorts you wear to bed?"
You laugh quietly, smiling through your glare.
"That's not a very clavi-cool joke."
He laughs, a sound you had come to love.
"Let's go back to sleep now, ok?" You say. He nods, and you snuggle into him, closing your eyes.
Sleep came easy after that.