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The Greatest Thing We've Lost

Summary:

Alexandra wasn’t going anywhere for Christmas. In fact, she wasn’t even doing anything. She just bought five bottles of wine and three bags of chips and decided that was it.

---
or
It's hard being someone you're not. But maybe there's a way to make it easier.
During the holidays Alexandra encounters people that make her change her perspective on her life in Witness Protection.

Notes:

This started out as a page in my google docs and quickly got out of control. I don't normally do Christmas stories but this one was just begging to be written and now I'm putting it out there just because.
Content Warning: there is attempted rape of a minor. It's a tiny part and I don't think it's big enough to tag it but you've been warned.
Not a content warning: I don't own Alexandra Cabot or Jack Hammond. The OC's are mine, but those two (and Olivia who gets mentioned all of one time but still) belong to whoever it is they belong to. Don't sue me please.
All mistakes are mine
Enjoy!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Alexandra didn’t know what to do. 

Her name wasn’t even Alexandra anymore. It was Emily. 

And Emily liked rose petals and red wine and despised cigarettes and thought men with beards were sexy. 

Alexandra didn’t. Alexandra only ever drank white, always smoked when nervous and didn’t find men sexy at all. 

She was sitting on Emily’s couch in Emily’s house. The couch was a shade of green Alexandra never would have bought. The walls were an almost sickly shade of pink that made her want to throw up more times than not. 

But maybe it was just hate by association. 

Alexandra got up from the couch and slowly walked to the front porch. Hicksville, Ohio was awfully quiet. She sat on the porch and looked to her left. During the day the kids in the Wilson house were always playing outside. She would watch them sometimes on the weekends when their parents wanted to go out. Erik was 7 and Diane was 14. Alexandra was starting to think Diane was figuring her out bit by bit. The girl had asked way more questions than anyone ever had. 

Alexandra tried not to think about it much. She didn’t want to move. Didn’t want to have to get used to yet another name, yet another story. And yet a part of her, one she buried so deep inside even she couldn’t really reach it, longed for it. Longed to be known. Seen. For who she was, not for who she has been pretending to be for the past 5 months. 

But Betty Wilson always poured her red wine and Stephen Wilson never smoked in her presence and even Diane called her Emily. 

Erik called her Emmy and she really should have found it endearing. But all she wanted to hear was “Alex.”

There was a commotion in the Wilson house. The lights were on, which wasn’t typical for 11pm on a Monday. But it was Christmas holidays and the family was going away to Egypt. Diane had told her all about it when she last babysat a week ago. 

Alexandra wasn’t going anywhere for Christmas. In fact, she wasn’t even doing anything. She just bought five bottles of wine and three bags of chips and decided that was it. The wine was white. Not that anyone would see, aside from the store clerk who didn’t pay enough attention to remember anything but her being over 21. 

The most ridiculous thing was that all of those things about Emily were things Alexandra came up with herself. If she had a shrink, they’d probably tell her it’s because she wanted to distance herself from this new identity as much as she could so as not to lose herself in it. Alexandra just told herself she hated Emily so she made her like the things she hated. But maybe the shrink would have been right. 

Because when she needed to feel like herself she could just open up a bottle of white wine or smoke a cigarette or look through a furniture magazine and pick out a dark blue comfortable couch that she would never buy. But a girl can dream. 

It was starting to get cold and Alexandra pulled herself up from the porch. She gave the Wilson house one last look as walked back into Emily’s. 

 

—

 

Christmas had gone exactly how she’d imagined it. She downed the first bottle in fifteen minutes and after the second very few things really mattered. 

What mattered was the headache the next morning, reminding her she was far from being 21. But it was welcome. She had nowhere to be. Ever since she became Emily, there was no urgency in her life. 

Back in New York she needed to always be at 100% because a call could come any minute of any day, no matter Christmas, birthday or her grandma’s funeral. And she would always answer and wake up a judge on Christmas night and produce a warrant and put the bad guy behind bars. 

In Ohio the most urgency in her life was getting her shopping done before the store closed at 8 pm. Which only happened once and left her shell-shocked because what do you mean the stores close at 8?  

She spent the rest of the holidays watching all of the unbearably stupid Christmas movies she could remember. She avoided any and all that were set in New York like the plague after she accidentally put on Home Alone 2 and started crying at the sight of Manhattan. 

And then it was December 30th and she was out of wine and she hadn’t left the house since the 25th. She put on the full gear which was waterproof leather sneakers, a huge (and coffee stained) sweater and her coat. The coat was something she had to splurge on because she desperately wanted a reminder of New York and it just made sense in her head at the time. Now she looked a little ridiculous with her reddish eyes and her messy bun and her 4000$ coat barely covering the huge coffee stain on her sweater but who cared on December 30th?

She walked into the store and realized she’d never seen so many people there at the same time. Teenagers scrambling to buy something their parents forgot, adults running around aisles looking for something the store was out of. It was a mess. Alexandra walked straight to the alcohol section which conveniently had chips right beside it and picked out 6 bottles before moving on and getting 4 packs of Lay’s. 

When she looked behind her back, sensing someone's presence, a teenage girl, barely more than 16, was standing there. She seemed completely at a loss, staring at the aisle full of white wines that probably all looked the same to her. 

Later Alexandra would say she had no idea why she did what she did, but deep down she knew she just wanted to make the day a good one at least for someone. She rolled her cart up to the girl. 

“You need any help there?”

She didn’t expect her voice to come out so rough. It was when she realized she hadn't spoken in 5 days. The girl looked up at her nonetheless.

“Yeah? I mean, I don’t know. Would you even want to? Me and my friends are having a party and everyone is bringing something alcoholic and I have no idea how this stuff works.”

Alexandra chuckled. She remembered being 16 and at a loss when it came to drinking. She missed the feeling. 

“What’s your budget?” The girl pulled a 20 out of her pocket and Alex contemplated it for a minute before walking up to the aisle and pulling out a bottle of Australian semi-sweet. She looked at the year and, satisfied, put it into her cart. The girl looked confused. Alexandra smiled. “Wait for me just outside the store. I’ll be out in a minute.”

It took more than a minute. It took 10 agonizing minutes of waiting in line and 4 more of scanning and packaging. And then she was finally out of the store, having, it felt, gotten all the sad “oh that lady is spending her New Years alone” looks in the world. 

Alexandra didn’t know why she just did what she did. This wouldn’t change anything, but for some reason it felt like it could. She never believed in Christmas miracles, never had a reason to, but maybe this was hers? Getting to make someone’s day a little easier, a little more fun. Maybe it would help her feel less powerless. 

Alexandra saw the girl just outside the store, waiting, and regretted not telling her to wait inside as soon as she noticed her red knuckles, no doubt awfully cold. 

“Sorry for making you wait, the lines are hell. Walk me to my car?” The girl gave her a side look and Alexandra laughed. “Promise I’m not a serial killer. Just don’t want people to see me handing alcohol to a kid.” 

The girl seemingly relaxed and walked behind Alexandra all the way to the car. Alexandra should have been jealous of the girl’s naivety, angry the girl got to have parties with her friends while she was drinking alone like a sad person. But for the first time in months, she wasn’t. She was just happy to be with this girl who had yet to experience so many things including pain. And it made her wonder if she’d been doing this all wrong. 

“That’s where we stop,” Alexandra announced as she got into her car. She moved to give the girl the bottle but before she could, she noticed her looking around, as if searching for something. Maybe she overestimated her age. “You looking for your ride home?” The girl nodded at her, smiling tightly. 

“Yeah, my friend was supposed to be here like 10 minutes ago but she’s not. And she’s got this family that if she’s not here she might never come because her parents put her on house arrest or something.” 

Alexandra contemplated it for a second. Being friendly and doing something nice (though very illegal) was one thing. What was on her mind was a completely different one and she wasn’t sure she wanted to find out where it led. But hell, it was a 15 year old girl who she just bought wine for. It didn’t get any worse. “At least get in the car and warm up a little. Promise I won’t kidnap you.”

Surprisingly, the girl complied with a grateful smile and opened the passenger door with shaky hands. Alexandra underestimated just how cold she must have been. 

Alexandra put the bottles in her trunk, making sure they wouldn’t break while she was driving. What was she doing? A 15 year old in her car, wine in her trunk, it felt like two worlds were colliding and it made something ache in her chest uncomfortably. Alexandra got into her car. She didn’t turn on the ignition, didn’t make a move to start the car. She wasn’t driving this child home. Or anywhere for that matter. The last thing she needed was to be investigated if this girl didn't come home from the party with her friends. 

And then the girl trailed her fingers across the headboard and asked if they could turn on the radio. Alexandra smiled and did as she was asked. The news was playing and she quickly switched it to a music station. With the hum of some Christmas song in the background and properly un-frozen, the girl seemed to get a little braver. “So, how many people are you having over?” 

The question stopped Alexandra in her tracks. The line of thinking was new. But she was good at lying, hell, she was living a lie. “Just a few good friends from work and then my siblings with their families. Maybe a friend from college will come. What about you?”

The lie left a sour taste on her tongue, but the girl’s eyes lit up. “It will just be like ten of us. My friend’s parents left for a skiing trip and we have the house and one of our friends promised to bring something I probably shouldn’t be telling you about. It’s gonna be fun.”

Alexandra stopped for a second. Alcohol was one thing. “Do you mean drugs?” Drugs were another. A whole other thing. She’d prosecuted too many cases that started exactly like this. Teenage girls getting high and then getting used by older boys. 

She didn’t like where this was going. She was letting herself slip into Alexandra and it was too dangerous, too high-risk. Alexandra helped people, but Emily didn’t. She needed to be Emily. For all intents and purposes, she was Emily. 

The girl nodded sheepishly. “Yeah, but it’s cool, right? We only live once after all, and everyone wants to try.”

Alexandra looked at the girl and then pulled a piece of paper from her purse. She scribbled something on it and handed it to the girl. “This is my phone number. I know you would never call your parents if anything went wrong, but I’m not your mom, I don’t even know your name and I just bought you wine. So if anything happens, if you feel unsafe, if you need to get out of there, you call me. I will pick up at any hour. Promise.”

It was instinct. She did it before she could think about it and it terrified her. She’d almost scribbled Alex next to the phone number. She needed to stop this right now, before she got in too deep, before she ended up rescuing this girl from a rapist, before she ended up testifying in court and inevitably being found. But she couldn’t. 

The girl looked surprised, then contemplated it for a minute, and then nodded. “Okay. Thanks, stranger.” She smiled. That was when Alexandra realized the girl didn’t know her name either. The girl noticed a car driving in and her face lit up. “That’s my friend!” She started pulling the twenty out of her pocket but Alexandra just smiled at her and handed her the bottle. 

“Consider it an early New Year present.” The girl looked at her, shocked, and then erupted in thanks. Before she closed the door behind herself, Alexandra yelled. “The name is Mary!”

The girl nodded enthusiastically and ran to her friend’s car. Alexandra closed her eyes and leaned back, her hands on the steering wheel. 

She didn’t know why she gave her a fake name. Well, Emily was a fake name too, but.. No, she did know. Exactly because of that. Because Emily was fake and everything about her was fake and Alexandra didn’t want this girl to know Emily. She couldn’t know Alexandra, but she could know Mary who was everything that Alexandra once was. A woman who would do anything to protect those who needed it. A woman who cared. A woman who got killed for caring a little too much. No, that part she would have to evade somehow. 

That was when she knew she was at a point of no return. She promised herself she would request a new placement after the holidays, go through some program that would erase Alexandra and make her Emily or Mary or Susan. This had to end before she lost control.

She already had.  

 

—-

 

Alexandra drank herself to sleep the night after the girl incident. She couldn’t shake the sight of her happy and innocent smile out from behind her eyes and she hated it. 

No, the smile was perfect. It was all Alexandra would never get to be again and that was the problem. The girl was whole and full of life and probably dreams and plans. Alexandra was taken apart, she was empty and the only plan in sight was the escape plan she’d devised with the Marshalls for in case she was found. 

But on the night of the 31st she didn’t drink. She carefully sipped at her tea and stared at the wall because she couldn’t bear to watch the TV with its happy Christmas movies about families and couples. She couldn’t even watch the ball drop for the obvious reason of it happening in Manhattan. 

But she refused to drink because what if the girl called and she needed to drive. She couldn’t drive drunk and she certainly wouldn’t do it with a child passenger. So she drank tea and stared at the wall and picked out couches in the magazine because maybe going into the new year all alone was reason enough to splurge on a blue fucking couch. 

And then at 2:37 AM the call came. Her phone buzzed and Alexandra startled awake from where she’d fallen asleep on her still-green-fucking-couch. She picked up immediately and just by the girl’s hysterical tone of voice she knew something went very wrong. “Mary, it’s Sarah, I’m so sorry but you said you’d pick up and it’s such a mess and these guys are being creepy and they just took Ashley into a room and I’m scared and please Mary can you come get us?”

Alexandra was on her feet and pulling on her shoes before the girl even finished the sentence. This was bad. This was very very bad and she had to get there now . “Sarah, I need you to focus for me. What’s the address?” 

The girl, no, Sarah rattled off a street number and Alexandra felt some relief. It was just a couple streets over, she could get there in under five. It was one hell of a happy coincidence and if she believed in a higher power she would be sending thanks right about now. “I’ll be there soon. Get outside and don’t let anyone touch you, got it?” 

She was already starting her car and driving out. She didn’t have time to ponder over the fact she just now learned the girl’s name or the fact that after this she would probably get sent away or anything at all because all she could think about was getting there as fast as she could. And she did, in 2 minutes she was there and she was storming out of the car and rushing up to Sarah who was standing outside in her small cocktail dress and heels looking utterly terrified with her tear-stricken face and wide pupils.

 “Show me the room they took Ashley into,” Alexadra told Sarah and the girl sprinted back into the house and up the stairs. Alexandra followed because all she wanted to do was punch whoever decided it was a good idea to drug and use little girls. 

The thought should have made her stop in her tracks, turn around and run for the woods because this was such an Alexandra thought and it was so inappropriate and so not Emily . But it didn’t. She didn’t care in that moment if she was Alexandra or Emily or fucking Bernadette because there was a girl about to be raped somewhere in this house and she could stop it. For once in her life, she could stop it. Not try and punish the perp after the fact, but stop it.

When Sarah stopped and pointed to a door, Alexandra wasn’t shy as she pushed said door open and stepped inside, flicking the light on and seeing the horrifying picture of two boys trying to hold a sobbing and fighting girl down on what was probably someone’s mother’s bed. 

Alexandra didn't pull her punches when she grabbed one of the boys and pushed him away, repeating the same for the other and pulling the girl up into a tight if not protective embrace. “You two, if you do this to any other girl ever again, I will personally find you and castrate you in my basement. Is that clear?” 

The anger was welcome. For the first time in her life she could say exactly what she thought to a perpetrator’s face. Emily wasn’t a prosecutor, Mary wasn’t either, and for the first time in her life and to her own terror, Alezandra was glad not to be Alexandra.

And her tone seemed to be just the right amount of terrifying because the boys nodded sheepishly, wide eyed, and looked away. Alexandra told the girl it would be alright, pushed her up a little and carried her out of the room, bridal style. 

This was usually Olivia’s job, Alexandra thought. But she forced the memories out because yes she was saving a would-be rape victim but she wasn’t doing it in New York and she wasn’t doing it with a unit of detectives and the only Olivia in Emily’s life was the cleaning lady in her office.  

When Sarah saw her friend she started sobbing yet again, Alexandra thought back to the conversation in her car. Maybe if she’d told her to not take the drugs, to not go to the party, this wouldn’t have happened. But then she decided people told her to drop the Zapata case and she still got herself killed over it. It wouldn’t have mattered. What mattered was this girl wasn’t raped and that was better than she usually had these. 

It took them several minutes to make it to the car with Sarah sobbing and Alexandra carrying Ashley. When they did get in, after depositing Ashley in the back and telling Sarah to join her friend, Alexandra sat at the wheel for a minute, composing herself. And then she pulled away and drove back to Emily’s house. 

It was strange. The whole situation was so Alexandra , so not Emily , that taking the girls to Emily’s house felt weird. But she didn’t own any other properties in Ohio and even if she did, showing up there would be the stupidest thing to do. 

By the time they were passing the Wilson house, the girls’ cries subsided. Alexandra let herself have a second to just stare at the empty house. It was peaceful. Peaceful wasn’t her thing. She needed this, as much as she hated to admit it. She needed the wait for a phone call in the middle of the night, the drive to a random house where someone hurt someone. She needed it and she was feeling an unwelcome but warm nonetheless sense of being herself. Being in her element. Being Alexandra again for a minute. But she didn’t let herself ponder over it. She was in parking and she needed to get these two girls into the house and into some warm clean clothes. 

Alexandra got out of the car and opened the back door for the girls. They stumbled out, Sarah now seeming much more drunk without the adrenaline pushing her. She helped both into the house, closing the door behind them. And then Sarah stumbled trying to get out of her heels and Alexandra just promptly sat on the floor. “Let me help,” she said and without waiting for an answer got both girls out of their horrible cheap heels. 

She realized it was the first time she had people over in this house. Well, “people over” was hardly the case, more like two high teenage girls on New Year’s night. But word choosing wasn’t something she really had time or energy for right now, so she settled for ordering them onto the god awful couch and rushing into her bedroom to get them something warm to wear. 

Picking through Emily’s clothes was weird. She usually just grabbed something not even looking, knowing that whatever it was it was probably plain and ill-fitting. 

“I know these will be a little big on you, but they’re better than whatever this is that you’re wearing right now,” she said, showing the girls two sets of warm pajamas. Neither protested, just pulling the clothes over their dresses. 

While they were at it, Alexandra walked into her kitchen and scrambled for a second mug to make tea. Yeah, if anyone from New York saw her like this, she’d probably have to threaten them with something to make them forever silent about it. But she had no one to keep a second anything for, so it tracked. She finally found a second mug (which someone who lived there before probably forgot because she definitely didn’t buy it) and made the girls each some hot tea because she didn’t have any gatorade and she wasn’t sure coffee and drugs were a good mix at 3 AM. 

“Drink. And then you’re going to sleep it off and we’ll reconvene in the morning.” She put the tea in front of the girls and sat down on the corner of her couch. Both girls looked ready to drop right then and there, but she needed to get some warm liquid into them if she wanted them to last the night without an ER visit. 

To their credit, both drank obediently and without question. While they did, Alexandra took the time to study them. She’d gotten pretty good at people reading both as a prosecutor and someone on the run from mercenaries. But these two were just that: teenagers high as a kite and more tired than she had ever felt. So when they finished their respective teas, Alexandra almost had to physically pull them up from the couch and guide them into her bedroom. She pointed at the bathroom adjacent to it. “Throwing up is only allowed into the toilet. You throw up on the floor, you clean it in the morning.” Both girls nodded weakly and Alexandra really, really hoped they understood what she’d said. 

And just like that, she killed the lights and closed the bedroom door. Which was when she realized she had not gotten any pajamas for herself which meant she was now resigned to not just sleeping on her god awful green couch, but she would have to sleep in her jeans. She already hated how 2004 was beginning. 

Her first year all alone, starting with chaos and drugs and would-be rape victims. SVU really was a curse that followed you everywhere, even if you changed your name and preferences in wine. 

She had to report this to her handler, she realized. She had two teenagers sleeping it off in her bedroom. She needed to report it to her handler. She would do it in the morning. It would just be plain rude to wake the man up in the middle of the night on New Year, she decided. And it had nothing to do with her wanting to put off that conversation for as long as possible. 

 

—

 

“Hammond, good morning,” Alexandra said, her voice still a little raspy from sleep. She’d needed to make the call before the girls woke up, before she needed to take care of them. Before they could overhear. 

“Emily. What have you done that has you calling me at 9 AM on January 1st? Have you never heard of days off?” The man sounded annoyed and she could relate. She hated it when people called her on holidays. 

But he would want to know this. As much as she hated doing it, he needed to know and she wasn’t going to put him in a position where he would have to explain to his bosses why no one was informed. 

“I have two underage girls sleeping it off in my bedroom after they got high and one of them almost got raped.” She could hear him sit up as soon as she finished the sentence. 

“Why in hell would that be?” Now he was just pissed. And she couldn’t blame him. She deserved it for breaking the rules and not staying as low as she possibly could. 

“It’s a long story and if you need me to I will write a report detailing it and I know you’re angry but they were in trouble and you know exactly who I used to be and,” she paused. It was hard enough talking to the man because he knew her before. He was the only person in her world who did. But telling him she wasn’t strong enough was even harder. “I couldn’t stay away, John. I’m sorry. I know it will be a headache and I take full responsibility and you can throw me off the program if you want to but this is where we’re at and I thought you would need to know.”

She finished her rant with a resigned sigh and trailed her fingers over the god awful green fabric of the couch. Emily’s couch. She thought this whole time that she’d hated Emily but the fact of the matter was, she didn’t. She couldn’t hate Emily because while Emily was nothing like Alexandra, she was still her. And she would miss Emily after this is all over one way or the other. 

“Stop it, Alexandra,” the man suddenly said and she flinched. No one has called her that in five months and surprisingly, she wasn’t ready for it. The name made goosebumps appear on her arm, her breath hitching for a second. “No one is kicking you out or even relocating you. You didn’t make it to the newspaper, did you? Then you’re alright. You’re okay for now but you listen to me, you will get those girls out of your house as soon as humanly possible and you will never, I repeat, never cross paths with them again. And you stop it with your savior syndrome, understood? You can’t afford it.”

Alexandra was still coming off of the instant high that was hearing her name and so she just nodded along to everything Hammond said. Until she realized he couldn’t see her. “Got it, Hammond. Thank you, really, thank you. And I’m sorry. Won’t happen again.” She thought for a second. “Could you say it again?”

He knew what she was talking about, knew exactly what she meant. But he also knew something she didn’t. The more she hung onto her old self, the harder it would be for her to finally put down roots. “No, Emily. You need to get used to the idea of never being her again.”

And it was like being hit by a truck. Never being her again. Never getting to wake up as Alexandra. It was her worst nightmare. But getting shot was once her worst fear and it happened. Losing everything she couldn’t ever even fathom and it happened. So was it that far-fetched an idea? 

“Happy New Year, Hammond,” she said, before hanging up. 

She didn’t know what to do with this. She might never get to be Alexandra anymore. 

But did it mean she had to always be Emily? The bitter woman who hated cigarettes and drank red wine and dated men? Maybe it didn’t.

Alexandra got up from the still-awful couch and walked into her bedroom. Sarah was already sitting up, looking rough. Alexandra smiled at the girl and went into the kitchen to pour her some water. 

The girl was innocent in all of this, along with her friend. And the Alexandra she was back in New York would be proud of this not-quite-Emily version of herself for helping her. 

The morning was awkward. After the girls got up and properly awake, they had nothing to wear but their god-awful dresses so they tracked around the house wearing Alexandra’s pajama pants that were way too long for the petite teenagers and their dresses over the pants. Both discarded pajama shirts for the reason of being too hot in them. Alexandra could relate. After realizing her refrigerator was empty and feeding them all the chips she had left, Alexandra told the girls to put on their shoes. They were going back to the party house to retrieve their coats and then she was driving them home. 

This time around, without breaking any speeding laws, it took them a few minutes to get to the place, but they were more shocked by the state of it. The house was trashed. There were beer bottled on the porch along with vomit in the snow near it and Alexandra didn’t even want to think of what was inside. Nevertheless, they went in, Alexandra guarding over the teenagers as they picked their coats out of a huge pile.

Upon exit everyone was just relieved nothing happened. Alexandra was nor ready to encounter other teenagers in various stages of a hangover. She figured Sarah and Ashley hadn’t taken much drugs and had no idea if others at the party were as smart. 

She never wanted this, she kept telling herself, this was a complication. But fact was, she did want it. She needed something to happen and shake her out of her miserable limbo. 

The drive to the girls’ house was silent. It was then that Sarah confessed Ashley was her younger sister. And that they told their parents they were going to a friend’s small party where they would watch movies and eat pizza. Alexandra had no idea how she would explain herself if she encountered the girls’ parents. But it was a problem for the future. 

Luckily, the girls lived far enough away that none of the routes she took on a daily basis crossed their street. It was truly a blessing because Hammond was right in telling her to stay away. 

She didn’t need these girls in her life after tonight. And they didn’t need her. 

The drop off was fairly easy. The parents seemed to be asleep and the girls ran from the car yelling thanks and showing her heart with their fingers. She smiled and waved back at them. The snow was falling and it almost looked magical. 

 

—

 

Alexandra was sitting on her front porch sipping a glass of white wine when she saw the Wilson car pull up to their house. She waved and smiled at them and she saw Diane waving back from the backseat. 

It felt strange but her smile was genuine. She was glad to see the family. She was looking forward to watching the kids play in the front yard again. She was even looking forward to being invited to dinner and chatting with Betty about little nothings. 

She felt like she was ready to start living again. Not as Alexandra Cabot, no. She was still working on accepting that might never happen again. But Emily Franklin wasn’t that bad after all. 

The family got out of their car and she saw Erik running towards her. “Emmy!”

And she smiled. It was endearing. She put the glass on the porch and stood up, catching the boy and pulling him up, hugging him before placing him back down. 

“Look what I got you! It’s got the name of the city we were in, it was so pretty !”

The boy fumbled with his pocket for a minute and pulled out a magnet. It was big and absolutely not something she would ever buy. But it made her breath stop for a second and her lips widen in a smile. The magnet was a picture of Fort QaitBey with the word Alexandria written atop. She felt a tear drop down her cheek. 

Her voice was not the one she would usually use with the boy. There was nothing usual in her expression. It was sincerity in its purest form. 

“This is the best present I’ve even gotten, Erik.”

And for once, she wasn’t lying. 

 

—

 

Emily liked white wine and smoked cigarettes with Stephen Wilson. She was casually seeing a beautiful accountant from her insurance agency. 

She’d bought a new couch, a deep blue one, and painted the walls white. 

She walked to her front porch. Hicksville, Ohio was peaceful.

In the Wilson house Stephen was making barbeque while Erik was selling lemonade on his stand and Diane was lying on the grass with a book. Betty was sipping wine from a bottle Emily'd given her for their anniversary. 

Emily didn’t have to think much before she got up from the porch and walked up to Betty, stealing her glass and taking a sip. The woman laughed. 

“Emily Franklin, wine thief, I will have to report you to authorities!”

Emily laughed harder, “It’s not stealing if I’m the one who gave it to you in the first place!”

Stephen turned to the women. “Emily, you got any barbecue sauce? I’m running out.”

Emily nodded and ran back to the house. The magnet was proudly hung on her refrigerator. She trailed it with her fingers before opening it. 

Yes, Alexandra would have been proud.




Notes:

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Thanks for sticking till the end of this at times quite depressing ride, ha-ha.