Chapter Text
If I die, will anyone cry for me?
He is neither alive nor dead.
He kept dying many times but never died.
He looks alive but doesn't look alive.
“Seriously, making him a colonel at sixteen and sending him overseas right away, our superior is a bit crazy.”
“He's still a kid, what was he thinking?!”
There was the sound of footsteps approaching.
“Oi, what are you doing here? Eavesdropping on your own superior's conversation?”
“Ah, Norito Goshi-sama, um—”
“Leave!”
“Yes, sir! Please forgive us!"
The two private soldiers immediately ran away from the meeting room, whose door was closed tightly. There was a meeting going on, but only two people were present.
Goshi just shook his head and tapped his forehead. After the two soldiers left, he looked around, made sure no one was around, and then pressed his ear against the door.
“Colonel Shinya Hiiragi,”
The room was silent.
“…ready to carry out the task!”
Kureto, standing with his arms crossed in front of him, grinned smugly. His adopted brother did as he was told.
A mission to be carried out in a faraway land, across a sea full of poison. A suicide mission to obtain important information.
“Good. Your formal manners are quite good too.” Kureto’s hand was patted on the colonel’s head. A fake gentle pat on the head… Honestly, he hated it so much.
Still, Shinya accepted it and kept his smile. “Thank you, Kureto nii-san!” he said.
The possibility of him dying, either by being shot or having a limb removed. If he had never met the young man, there might have been little hope. He would rather die on the battlefield then, but someone would cry for him.
Shinya was surprised by the porn maniac Goshi when he came out of the room.
“Gosh, Goshi! Don’t surprise me!”
Goshi chuckled and scratched his head.
“Ehehe, I’m just curious. What did you just discuss with Lieutenant General Kureto?” (please tell me if anyone knows what rank Kureto was when he was 19, I couldn't find it)
Hearing that, Shinya lowered his head.
Should he tell this?
But what if Goshi leaks it to someone?
Someone he didn't want to meet today.
“Um—” his breath hitched. He then prevented the sentence from coming out by waving both of his hands. Making another excuse, which was to invite Goshi to go out for a walk.
“Forget it, it’s nothing important. I’m not in the mood to talk about it anyway.”
He was grateful when Goshi said yes. Unfortunately, bad luck struck again. The person he shouldn't have met today came, asking how he was and join the outing.
Seriously, he felt like banging his head against the door.
The person was currently talking to Goshi, and Shinya suddenly canceled the outing to take a break, without even saying a word to the person.
No, he didn't want to see him disappointed. If he let something slip, he would come to his room in the middle of the night and cry his heart out... maybe even throw a pillow at his face.
Maybe Shinya would laugh and mock him for being childish as usual, but not this time.
If Guren heard about this mission, a pillow would no longer be enough as a tool for him to sulk. He would bring a sword.
“You really don’t want for anything? Revenge, power, love, and the like?”
"No."
Here I smile. My heart is empty. I have no grudge against anyone. I don't hate my fiancée who dumped me. I also don't want a power. And I don't need love… What's the point of all that after I die?
From the beginning I didn't need anything like that. My parents were enough.
Maybe they are dead.
True, I will not get any more love except from them. None.
“Shinya,”
“Hmm?”
In front of me, Byakkomaru touched my chest with his index finger.
“You are a strange man. Without hope.” He said.
Haha, maybe he's right.
“Since when did I have hope?”
“I didn't ask that.”
I sighed and tried to be gentle. Talking heart to heart in this white room was a little boring. So I crossed my arms behind my back and started walking in circles, stretching every now and then.
“So, is the interrogation over?” I asked.
Byakkomaru nudged my arm.
“Yes.” He replied.
“I found hope in the depths of your heart, undead.”
Liar. Do I remember? What's in my heart? Do I want love?
I think those feelings started to take root after I saw the raven haired boy. I hate to admit it, but it's true.
“Undead? What do you mean?”
“You're dead, that's what happened.”
“And why am I still alive?”
“Because you are not really dead. But I say, you are not alive either.”
Byakko-san, I don’t get what you mean! With all those crazy statements… What do you mean? You’re digging too deep, to a place where feelings are planted that I don’t even remember.
Here was the sixteen year old boy, standing in front of his bedroom door, hesitating to open the door and go inside.
Sixteen years old… actually, he would soon be leaving that age. In November, he would be seventeen, right when his mission was to depart. His brother-in-law seemed to have deliberately arranged it on that day; his birthday.
He took a deep breath and let it out. Slowly and carefully, he pulled the doorknob and the door to his room opened, revealing a small, messy room. There was a small bed with messy sheets on it, boxes of shirts and pants everywhere, unwashed toast plates piled up in one corner, and so on.
Shinya chuckled to himself. Ah… he had to make sure his room was clean and tidy for the rest of the week, or Guren wouldn’t want to sleep with him.
That's right, before he ran away, the young man suddenly grabbed his hand. He said he would sleep with him on Saturday. Shinya was about to refuse, but was immediately hit by the young man's pleading face.
It was quite surprising to hear such a request. As far as Shinya knew, Guren wasn't the type of man who would ask for something like that, well... even though he was quite outspoken.
Hopefully it wasn't a plan to prevent him from going on a mission. He didn't want Guren to know about it.
“Shinya-sama…” someone called him from behind and made him jump in surprise. The underpants he was folding was immediately piled up in the cardboard box.
Girl voice.
There was a girl his age, standing in front of the door. Her hair was red in two pigtails. Her eyes were purple, sparkling as she stared at him.
She is Mito Juujou from one of the three great clans that serve the Hiiragi Family, the Juujou Family.
She seemed nervous, judging by her anxious expression and her hands hidden behind his body. Her head was slightly lowered.
“Um—”
Shinya immediately stood up.
"Yes," he replied before Mito could finish her sentence.
“I know. It must have been Goshi who told you, right?”
Mito looked up slightly and nodded quickly.
Goshi, that jerk… how did he know? I haven’t even told him… Shinya thought.
Forget it, at least Guren doesn't know.
“So, what do you want?” he asked, putting his hands on his hips.
Mito turned her face away this time, both of her hands moving down, squeezing her skirt. It was clear she wanted to say something, but was hesitant.
Shinya smiled softly. Mito was really shy when talking to him. If he think about it, she was the one he rarely talked to. Unlike Guren and Goshi who dared her to hit, or Shigure and Sayuri who liked her to hug.
She was only spoken to when necessary. Maybe because of her status.
But this time Mito came to his room, inviting him to talk about something that felt private. About feelings.
“Are you… really going to leave?” she asked softly.
Shinya nodded. “I’m sure.”
Hearing that answer, Mito's eyes briefly looked teary. She quickly wiped away the warm water that came out of her eyes. How could she cry over the departure of a man who was not even that close to her?
A woman's heart is truly fragile.
Shinya understood her feelings and could only sigh. He then approached the girl.
“I don’t deserve to be cried.” He whispered. “Why cry over a man you’re not close to? Go, meet Goshi.”
Mito was surprised and then shook her head.
“Don't go… because we’re—”
"Friends?"
Shinya laughed softly. He patted his own forehead.
“You guys are Guren's friends , I'm just a nobody.”
“But, Shinya-sama also—”
“I'm not part of your squad either.”
Every sentence that Mito wanted to say was always cut off by him, making the girl bite her lip in annoyance.
She puffed out her chest to gather her strength, then nudged Shinya's arm and walked into his room.
“Whatever.” She said coldly. “Your room is a mess. Let me help you tidy it up, at least it’s the last thing I can do before you leave.”
Shinya didn't expect that action and immediately moved to prevent it.
“Mito-chan,” he stopped her.
Mito looked back.
“This is a boy’s room. I thought you were a sensitive girl.”
Mito knew what he meant. The room she entered probably contained men's belongings, which a woman like her wouldn't want to see. Like porn magazines, underpants, or something like that.
She shook her head and reached for a pile of dusty books, arranging them on an empty blue shelf. She also picked up the dirty plates in the corner of the room.
Before she could act further, her arm was immediately pulled by Shinya and pushed out of the room.
“Sorry, enough for the plate. Please wash it, okay?" he asked.
Mito protested. “Shinya-sama!”
The door immediately closed and Shinya leaned back against it. He rubbed his head which felt a little dizzy.
From outside, a soft knock was heard.
"Shinya-sama..." called the girl.
He didn't answer for a moment, letting Mito continue her sentence for now.
“Please, come back here in good health.”
“…”
In the dark room, Shinya's cheeks flushed red. He covered his mouth with his right hand. He didn't expect that someone would still be caring him.
But what's the use?
He was dead—or rather dead but alive. But Byakkomaru said he wasn't alive either.
Now he only has two choices; continue to be a living corpse or he finds a way to die completely.
And who the hell bring himself back to life?
Goshi yawned as he walked through the corridor. Too bad, he wanted to show Shinya the porn magazine, but the young man suddenly excused himself and left so quickly, especially after Guren came.
Only he and Guren were left. Guren had been silent all this time, not having any interesting topics to talk about. That made Goshi bored. It would be better for him to immediately look for Mito or Shigure and Sayuri so he wouldn't have to be alone with him.
Suddenly he was hit by someone and fell. Guren beside him, chuckled.
“Ah, Mito, huh?”
The girl realized the person she bumped into and immediately got up. So did Goshi. He rubbed his chest which was hurting.
“Ugh, Mito-chan, what are—”
He was surprised to find the girl sitting in front of him, tears were visible flowing down her cheeks.
Goshi panicked, thinking that Mito was crying because of him.
Guren laughed even harder.
“Goshi, you made her cry!” Goshi tried to calm Mito down and denied Guren’s response.
“No!” he denied. It wasn’t his fault, Mito was the one who bumped into him first and he didn’t do anything rude. Then suddenly the girl cried.
He patted her shoulder gently. "Calm down, dear Mito," he comforted.
“tell me, what happened?”
Mito wiped the tears streaming down her eyes and controlled her breathing. She was panting from running earlier.
Mito intended to open her mouth, but immediately stopped after seeing Guren standing not far from her, looking at her curiously.
So Mito chose to whisper something to Goshi. Goshi stroked his chin, nodding in understanding.
Witnessing all this, Guren narrowed his eyes suspiciously.
“Playing secrets with me, eh?” he said sarcastically.
He then walked past the two of them and walked down the corridor alone. Mito and Goshi just watched him leave in silence. Sweat soaked the two of them's temples.
Thud!
Shinya flopped down on the soft bed, lying down. He had finished cleaning his room. He was now enjoying the fragrance of the room.
Cardboard boxes were neatly arranged in one corner of the room. Books were also arranged on his blue shelves. The floor had been mopped and he had burned some of his porn magazines. It would be useless now, if he died on the battlefield.
Shinya shifted his lying position to his side and stared at a photo frame showing himself when he was twelve years old, standing with his fiancée, Mahiru Hiiragi. Two fake smiles were plastered on both of their faces.
Shinya grabbed it and looked at it for a moment, smiled and then threw it into a cardboard box.
I don't love her anymore , he muttered.
Out of nowhere, a sudden feeling of sleepiness hit him. He yawned and decided to sleep.
A short afternoon nap is no problem. (it's not good bro...)
He was in the white room again.
When he tried to get up, his head felt heavy so he had to get up slowly. Getting used to his surroundings, Shinya realized that the white tiger was already near him. Before long, bluish-black smoke appeared and enveloped the tiger's entire body, changing its appearance into a human figure wearing a horned hood.
“Humans are boring.” He commented.
“You think?” Shinya laughed.
Yes, he was boring. There was no other hope for him but death.
“Can I die?”
“No. That would be a hassle for me.”
“Then you ask me to stay alive?”
Byakkomaru was silent. Even if he wanted to be alive, what else could he do? Shinya was already dead, and the resurrection performed by the young man failed.
“Forget it.” He ended the conversation.
Shinya didn't care. He lay back down on the white surface because the heaviness in his head wouldn't go away.
It looks like someone is going to cry over him, or is he currently crying?
He was reluctant to get up, because the situation outside did not interest him at all.
I'll go, he muttered.
I'll go on a mission, and no one cares if I die. It doesn't matter.
“Hey, Byakko-san.” he called. Byakkomaru who was sitting turned around.
Shinya stared at the boundless white sky above him. The room was quiet and felt very peaceful, as if he was the only one there.
He stretched his body and yawned.
“Can you sing me a lullaby?” he asked. Byakkomaru pouted.
“I thought you wanted to talk about something serious,” he replied. “And by the way, no! I’m not going to sing you a lullaby.”
Shinya chuckled softly. His head felt heavier. It seemed like he would soon wake up to the real world. Well, stupid.
He yawned softly and tried to comfort himself as best as he could. During that time, Byakkomaru moved closer to him and again, put his index finger to his chest.
“Don’t go near those humans, understand?” he threatened.
"Why?"
His finger was lowered and the demon crossed his arms.
“Because you are now an undead. And undead eats humans to satisfy its desires.”
Shinya didn't take the sentence seriously and laughed again.
“Understood.” He said, then closed his eyes to go back to sleep.
Heavy.
Something heavy hit his body. The young man tried to get up and get rid of the weight on top of him. He pushed the thing until it fell off his bed, then a scream was heard.
Half-awake, Shinya gathered his senses and then pulled aside the curtains. He was surprised to see the sky that had turned black. It turned out that night had come. He fell asleep.
Shinya peeked at something from the bed. There was a boy rubbing his head that hurt from hitting the floor. He was wearing shirt and shorts. His hair was black and his eyes were purple. He stared at him sharply for a moment and grumbled.
“Can you relax a little?” he protested.
Having just woken up, Shinya's brain was a little slow to respond. He didn't know the boy beneath him. What was clear was that he hated having his sleep disturbed.
“Who?” he asked.
The boy beneath him was even more annoyed at being asked that. He climbed back onto the bed and hugged him suddenly. Shinya rolled over and fell back onto the bed.
“Ow—what the hell?” Shinya gasped and both his hands pushed the head of the boy who refused to let go of his embrace.
Finally he gave in and let him lie on the bed. His mind was full of questions.
He heard his stomach growl. Oh yeah, he hadn't had dinner yet. He tried to get up but couldn't, remembering the mysterious boy who was holding him back.
“Get off me.” He said. The boy shook his head and tightened his hug, making it a little difficult for Shinya to breathe.
He looked at the boy above him. It felt familiar…
But his attention was immediately diverted to something.
The boy was wearing a shirt with a wide collar, exposing his neck. Instantly a strange feeling ran through his body.
He felt like biting that soft skin.
No, no! But it's not lust. That desire was driven by his current hunger. Yes, he wants to eat humans on top of him.
Don’t go near those humans.
Byakko-san? He thought.
Is this what you mean?
Shinya felt his body hot and covered in sweat. His breath was ragged. He shook his head quickly to get rid of the horrible thought. Bad idea, damn it, why did he have to end up like this?
Who is this person?
Shinya feels like no one is worthy of him, but he doesn't want to hurt anyone.
In order to prevent his thoughts from going too far and causing him to do something bad, he clenched his fist. A little punch might be enough to get rid of that person.
But all that was put on hold after a sentence came out,
“I’m glad you cleaned your room. Now I can go to bed with you earlier.”
And after that Shinya realized the person's identity.
Guren, his own friend.
Or not…
Shinya canceled his intention to hit. Instead he stared at his friend's half-asleep face.
So cute, seems enjoying the comfort. His eyes were closed and he was snoring in his arms.
Slowly, Shinya's anxiety disappeared. The feeling of hunger earlier also disappeared. Instead he stroked his friend's head.
But there was still one thought that bothered him.
The fact that he was an undead. A heartless figure consumed by hunger. It made his determination to leave his friends even stronger.
The mission he had initially rejected instead became a way to escape.
Now Shinya hugged Guren back and stared at the white ceiling. The room was dark and quiet, the atmosphere was exactly like the white room earlier.
“Mmn…” Guren squirmed on top of him, moving his legs and pressing against Shinya’s. Their thighs touched.
This time Shinya cursed, hoping his lust doesn’t get the best of him.
“Bad news! Colonel Shinya Hiiragi—”
Panicked cries were everywhere. Their leader was lying on the ground, covered in blood. But what made some of the soldiers scared, his mouth was smiling.
The vampires became more aggressive in launching attacks. Some even seized the weapons of several soldiers and used them to counterattack.
Madness ensues in Hitler's Land, while an eerie silence descends on JIDA's main headquarters.
On a balcony, a man stood on the railing. Looking out at the city of Shibuya that had been destroyed by his actions.
Second Lieutenant of JIDA, waiting for his friend who is on a mission to return, does not know about his dying condition.
If I die, will anyone cry for me?
I said the words again. Here, in my subconscious, where only I could hear.
The sentence came out so peacefully and lightly, perhaps because I felt it had already happened. Out there, I fell asleep because of a bullet that penetrated my chest. Right in the heart and blood immediately spurted out.
My mission in Germany was a failure. The vampires inhabiting the country were incredibly powerful. Hundreds of JIDA soldiers were quickly eliminated to just a few dozen. This incident happened because of my carelessness in leadership.
This is my second death.
Byakkomaru said so.
I should be happy, yeah…
After this I'll be completely dead, right? Enough of everything. Enough of all the troubles I've been through. I just want to sleep.
I just want to meet my parents.
Footsteps were heard from behind and I found Byakkomaru, in his human form, standing near me.
I smiled cheerfully.
“Am I going to die?” I asked excitedly.
However, the demon shook his head.
"No."
My excited face immediately turned into a frown.
“Why?” I asked again for what seemed like the umpteenth time.
Byakkomaru didn't immediately answer, instead looking up. I followed his movements and saw a black and empty sky.
“Someone is waiting for you…”
“Curry, Guren-sama?” Sayuri, his subordinate, opened the door to his room carrying a plate of warm curry rice. The smell was mouth-watering.
But the one who was offered shook his head.
“Just put it on the dining table.” He ordered.
Although a little surprised, Sayuri followed him and went out. Outside, Shigure was waiting. She tilted her head at the plate of curry in her friend's hands.
"Again?"
Sayuri nodded. A week after Shinya left, Guren kept refusing her curry.
Alone in the room, Guren curled up. He was shaking and biting his lip. The sheets were in disarray and pillows were scattered on the floor. A cellphone was in front of him.
He didn't sleep for a day because the message he sent to Shinya had not been replied to.
A happy birthday greeting.
Both of his hands were gripping the sheets and almost crying, but a notification sound was heard. He immediately held back his tears and checked his phone.
From Shinya.
Short reply:
"Sorry."
He will return in three years, seeking a way to overcome his strange immortality, which he considers a curse.