Work Text:
Am I Happy?
What does it even mean to be Happy?
The question keeps circling in my mind.
I take a moment to wonder what the question actually means, Am I happy right now? Was a joke told at the moment, making me laugh, and for that moment I am happy? Maybe it refers to the entire day? The week maybe. Perhaps it refers to my career, and how happy I am with the career choices I have made. It might just mean, that I'm happy with the overall picture of my life. Maybe happiness is more like scattered fragments—tiny, delicate moments that surface, then fade, leaving only the hint that they were ever there. Do all the little moments add up to happiness in my life?
Truthfully, I have no idea.
It's hard to know if I'm happy. If it's worth it to keep going. I'm not sure if I made the right decision in my life, or if I'm happy with the direction things are headed, but I'm also not sure if changing directions would be any better.
I've always envisioned myself as a hero, shaping my life around that dream. But now, as time drags on, I can’t help but wonder if I would have been happier as something else—someone simpler , without the weight of that expectation.
It is becoming clearer to me that not every villain is truly bad, but I must still do my job to keep the public's trust. I've also come to realize that not every hero embodies greatness; many possess a distorted worldview that influences their choices and actions. Would it really make a difference if I just walked away? Every step I take is judged, mimicked, and relied on, and I often wonder if I’m a truly good hero or merely playing the part they want me to play, I can’t shake the feeling that the ideals I’m upholding are deeply flawed
I stand on a rooftop overlooking the city, aware of the crime unfolding below me, yet I choose to ignore it. I know I’m slacking, I can’t keep chasing the little guys anymore. Being in the top 10 means I have to let the small villains slip through the cracks, keeping an eye on the bigger picture, but what exactly is the bigger picture?
Am I truly a hero if I let the little guys go? This question haunts me, undermining my sense of purpose, and I don't know how to shake the sense that ignoring the small villains makes me complicit in their actions.
Am I happy? I really don’t know. Questioning the sacrifices I made to be a hero, would I even be good at anything else, or am I just skilled at throwing myself into danger without thinking? This question gnaws at me as I consider my choices. I often wonder if there’s more to me than this reckless pursuit of heroism. I’m slacking, and I can feel myself slipping. I know it all too well. Each day, I play the role of a hero, but inside, I’m battling doubts and a growing sense of disconnection, Am I balancing precariously between heroism and villainy? What even is a villain in this sense of justice? In this ambiguous space, I find an unexpected sense of comfort.
My feet are planted on the ledge now, toes dangling just over the edge. It’s a precarious position that I can't help noting mirrors my current state of mind. A strong gust of wind ruffles both my hair, my balance, and the line of heroism I’m teetering on, and again I wonder,
Am I Happy?
As I balance between here and gone, hero and villain, alive and dead. Each moment feels precarious as if my choices in this very second could tip me in either direction. I'm not sure what to do.
I’ve only known one thing my entire life: what I was led to believe was good. Now, for the first time, I find myself questioning it. This doubt shakes the foundation of everything I thought I understood.
The idea of letting go is... tempting, the idea of stepping off this ledge is offering a sense of freedom from the expectations and burdens I’ve carried for so long.
“Oi, Deku! What do you think you’re doing, slacking off?” The voice pulls me from my thoughts. Kacchan doesn't startle me, I heard him walking up, but if he had startled me, would I have slipped?
“Sorry, Kacchan! The lights look so pretty up here!” I call back, trying to brush off the moment of distraction. It’s true; from this vantage point, the city sparkles like a sea of stars, and for a brief second, I’m captivated by the view.
A fake smile spreads across my face as I turn around to face the other hero. I stay on the ledge, slipping off still in my mind.
“Of course, that’s what distracted you. Come on, nerd, we have shit to do.” I can’t help but chuckle a little at the familiar jab.
His eyes don’t quite leave my form, continuously glancing down at my feet. I can hear the concern etched in his voice, a mix of worry and frustration. Almost as if he were waiting for me to walk off the ledge, waiting to save me from myself, again.
He glares at me, reaching a hand out, his fingers brushing the air between us as if trying to bridge the gap. “Deku, come on.”
Without thinking my hand grips his, letting his strength guide me back from the edge as he yanks me roughly into his chest, the impact surprising me as I look up at him, my hand briefly resting on his shoulder before stepping back.
Kacchan ruffles my hair, an almost playful gesture, a lighthearted attempt to comfort me. The familiar motion brings a smile to my face, a real one.
“There it is,” he murmurs,
Of course , of course he knew my previous smile was fake; he wears his own fake smile, masking his own worries. The act of hiding behind a mask felt too automatic for us.
“Why don’t we take a break and grab some katsudon?” Kacchan suggested a hint of mischief in his eyes. The idea hung in the air, a tempting escape from the weight of our responsibilities. Knowing that look means we wouldn’t be returning to patrol tonight I add, “How about an All Might movie afterward?”
Kacchan smirks, “Obviously nerd.” my smile widens.
Taking one last look at the city, its lights twinkling like fireflies dancing in the night. Before I turn back to face Kacchan, his eyes are questioning as he looks at me, the tough guy act momentarily fading.
“Come on Izuku.”
I slip my hand back into his, squeezing it tightly for reassurance, for myself or him, I'm not sure, maybe both of us.
“Right behind you Kacchan.”
Am I happy?
It’s not always an easy question to answer, but right now?
Yeah, Yeah I think I am.