Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Hey, Kay. 

Bet you thought you'd never hear from me again, huh? I know it's been a while, and I know the family is still, like, real mad at me and stuff after everything that happened, but do you remember that salad dressing you made for the 4th of July BBQ that one year? The green goddess one? Do you still happen to have that recipe lying around somewhere? I really wanna impress Addie, and I think that might be the ticket. 

Anyway, Kay, I hope you've been doing all right. Been keeping up with that blog of yours. You've been around the world a few times over by now, it looks like. Addie's son's like that, too. Don't think there's much he hasn't seen. 

Not trying to tell you how to do your job, but you should think about coming out this way sometime. This humble little town could use a look. I think you'd love it. 

You should hit me up sometime if you aren't too mad at me. Miss you and everyone back home.

Love you, Kay. X. 

Kayleigh Flynn had no idea how to respond to her cousin's impromptu email. 

It had been months since she'd heard from Xander, and while part of her felt relief that he was alive, safe, happy, and settled, her sense of disbelief and incredulity was currently winning out. This was really the way he was going to walk back into her life after all but falling off the face of the Earth? No explanations, no apologies, just a request for access to her recipe box? How was she supposed to respond to that? Was she just supposed to act like nothing had happened?

Wrapping her hands around the rounded white mug with the pink knit sweater cozy, Kayleigh let her eyes scan his words on the her computer screen over and over again, her hazel eyes rolling. She had no idea where to even begin unpacking this seemingly innocuous email. What could she say? What should she say?

She sipped her latte and decided it was definitely too weird to pretend he hadn't dropped a nuclear bomb on the family. For all the impulsive, reckless decisions Xander was known to make in his eternal search for joy, his latest exploit had to be one of the strangest by far — which was an impressive task, even for him. 

His email found her while she was struggling to come up with an idea for her next blog, for her next place to travel. It found Kayleigh on her lunch break, on what was shaping up to be one of the slowest creative days she'd had in a long while. It didn't help that Christmas, her favorite time of the year, was coming quickly, and for the first time in five years, she was spending it as a single woman. 

She scanned his words again. Kayleigh was trying her best to will the right words to come to her, but she had no idea where to even start her reply. Growing up, Xander had always been a few fries short of a Happy Meal, even by So-Cal standards. But he was a good, kind spirit. He was a man who never wanted to hurt anybody, so she knew the family's reaction to his current slate of choices had to be wounding him deeply. 

With a sigh, she put her mug down on her desk, hit reply, and began to type. 

Well. Hello, Stranger. Long time, no hear. I'm sure I got the recipe around somewhere. I'll look when I get home. 

The green goddess, huh? Sounds like things are getting pretty serious with you and this Addie, huh? When are you gonna bring her out this way to meet us?

You know I'm not mad at you, right? Like, you could have called me. I don't think I have your new number, but mine hasn't changed. You can call it any time. No matter what, X, I'll always be there for you. 

Anyway, take care of yourself out there in Big Sky Country. I miss you out here, but you better be enjoying all that snow. You have no idea how jealous I am right now. 

Be safe out there. Love you and miss you lots. Kay. 

There were plenty of people around the Flynn family — both friends and family — who thought Xander was insane for trading the warmth and waves of California for the mundane farmlands of Montana. Kayleigh wasn't one of them. She loved California, but she knew there was a rustic charm that Montana possessed. Kayleigh could envision just how beautiful it had to look now, with white-capped mountains and elegant ski resorts and small-town winter festivals. She bet it looked like something straight out of a Hallmark movie. 

Kayleigh was startled out of her grand visions of a white winter and log cabins by the loud, shrill ringing of her cell phone vibrating across her desktop, Ariana Grande's Moonlight blaring through the otherwise silent space. She didn't recognize the number, but that was normal for her job. Swiping, Kayleigh answered before the call was directed to her voicemail inbox. 

"Kayleigh Flynn."

"Kay! Hey!"

Her eyes narrowed. "Xander?" 

"Yeah! I, uh, just got your email, and I thought I'd give you a call. What's been up?"

"Not a whole lot. Working."

"You still with what's his face?"

"No." 

"Sorry to hear that." 

"So am I," she sighed. "What about you? What's life like in Montana?" Xander laughed at the drawl she added to her voice for dramatic effect. 

"You know, the usual. Smoothies. Yoga. Addie owns a marina out here, so I've been learning how to help her out with the day-to-day stuff. I'm not much when it comes to boats, but Addie says she doesn't keep me around for that."

Kayleigh couldn't contain the almost inhuman noise that escaped her mouth. Xander laughed. 

"You'd love her, Kay. Addie's great." 

"Well, you'll have to bring her out this way sometime. Maybe if the family gets to know her they might ease up a bit." Hopefully, Kayleigh thought to herself. There was a huge age difference between Xander and Adelaide Drubman. Xander's mother had almost had a heart attack when Xander had announced — over the phone, no less — that he was in love with Adelaide and that he wasn't coming back to California. His parents couldn't believe it; they refused to believe he could be in love with somebody older than his mother.

"I wanna believe that, Kay, but I don't think it's the right time yet. I think Mom still needs to cool off a little," Xander confessed. There was an underlying hint of sadness in his voice that hit Kayleigh square in the chest. As quickly as she'd heard his sorrow, Xander's tone shifted, morphing into something far more cheerful. "If you're not doing nothing for Christmas this year, Kay, why don't you come out here to Hope County? We got more than enough room at the house. You could meet Addie, maybe talk to Mom..."

Kayleigh stiffened at the impromptu proposal. "Oh. Uh, I don't know, Xander. With Christmas...Addie's probably gonna have a house full. I don't want to impose..." 

"You wouldn't be imposing on anything. Right now our plan is just the two of us. Her kid and her nephew stop by from time to time, but I'm guessing they're gonna take in the holidays with the ex.

"Come on, Kay. I'm promising you a white Christmas. I know how much you love those..."

"I do..." she conceded, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth as she giggled. "Are you sure Addie won't mind?"

"Not at all." She heard Xander pull back from the phone. Then, he was shouting. "Hey, Addie! Mind if my cousin Kay makes it out this way for Christmas?" 

"I don't mind at all, darlin'!" she called back. Xander's voice returned to her ear. 

"See?"

"Okay, okay, fine. Where exactly is Hope County?"

"It's a few hours northeast of Missoula. What you'll want to do is drive out to the middle of nowhere, and then drive out, like, another hour or so. It's a great little place, Kay. You'll love it. Everyone's great. I'll run to the store and get some Christmas stuff so we can decorate. Just...don't forget to bring that recipe with you."

"I won't," she promised. "What's the name of her marina?"

"Drubman Marina. You can't miss it. If you hit the bridge to the Whitetail Mountains, you've gone too far."

"Noted." Kayleigh wrote the instructions down in her fuzzy pink day planner. "All right. I'll start making arrangements. I'll let you know what's happening in the next day or two." 

"Great! Yes. Kay. Thank you. I can't wait to see you."

"Same. It's been too long." 

"It has. Okay. Well. I'll let you go. Got a lot to do around here before you arrive. Let me know when everything's in place."

"I will! See you soon." 

The cousins said their goodbyes and Kayleigh hung up. She sighed, allowing the wave of relief to wash over her. Everything was going to work out. She had plans to not be alone for the holidays, and she'd found something to write about for her blog. The small-town Christmas charms of Hope County. She could mine something from that. Sitting back in her black computer chair, she looked at the corkboard behind her laptop, loaded with all the dream locations she still wanted to see in her lifetime. The Eiffel Tower. Stonehenge. The Leaning Tower of Pisa. So far, her travels just took her around America, and a few small places in Canada, including a haunted hotel in British Columbia that still made her shudder. 

Xander knew her well. Too well, if she had to be honest. Truth be told, he probably knew her better than anyone in their family. Ever since she was a little girl, Christmas had been the most magical time of the year for Kayleigh. She loved everything about it. The baking, the smell of peppermint, gingerbread, and pine. She loved the hot chocolate and whipped cream, and the lights and movies. She loved the bright foil of garland and the intricacies of wreaths. She loved wrapping gifts and making them look as pretty as they did in movies and commercials. 

She lived in an area where snow was a rarity. Kayleigh could count the number of times on one hand where she'd experienced a white Christmas. Xander had cast that net knowing she wouldn't turn it down. Kayleigh hoped that Hope County had some fun winter festivals and traditions that she could partake in and write about while she was there. 

Overexcited, Kayleigh let out a squeal and clapped her hands together. Sure, her parents weren't going to be thrilled that their only daughter was skipping out on Christmas with them, but she was willing to take snow over them asking her questions about her failed relationship. She'd just have to make it up to the family the following year. 

Maybe while she was in Hope County, she could bring them souvenirs back. Great gifts always smoothed over troubled waters. 

Chapter Text

Kayleigh crossed the bridge over the Henbane River. 

Anxiety gnawed at the corners of her brain, at her guts. Her cousin’s warning about not driving into the Whitetail Mountains was at the forefront of her mind, keeping her hyper-vigilant on the road. She didn’t want to get lost in an area she didn’t know. Hope County was small, small enough for her to drive right through without realizing if she wasn’t careful. 

Hope County was rustic. Very small-town Americana. The main drag of Fall’s End boasted a place called the Spread Eagle — Kayleigh was sure that was a strip club — a general store, a garage, and a pretty white church. She was relieved to see it all, after spending hours driving past nothing but wide open fields. She’d paced herself, taken her time and adjusted to winter driving conditions, but now that she was in Hope County, she was eager to reach her destination and get settled in. Her tail-bone was killing her. 

As fate would have it, once she crossed the bridge, Kayleigh began seeing billboards adorned with Adelaide Drubman’s face and information. It was her first time getting a glimpse of the woman who had stolen her cousin’s heart so quickly, and Kayleigh had to admit that Adelaide Drubman was not what she’d pictured. When she’d heard the complaints about Adelaide’s age,  Kayleigh had automatically envisioned a woman who was far more matronly than what she was seeing on the signs. 

If Kayleigh had to guess, at some point in her life, Adelaide Drubman had been a beauty queen. The woman on the billboard was slender and beautiful, with bright brown eyes and a warm smile, her blond hair pulled into an up-do that was tied with a pink bandana. Gigantic gold hoop earrings hung from her lobes. Xander hadn’t mentioned that Adelaide also dabbled in selling real estate, but the billboards boasted that she’d won awards for it. She certainly didn’t look like a typical real estate agent, but based on everything Kayleigh had read about Hope County — from its testicle festival to its celebrity diabetic bear — it seemed to fit somehow. It was endearing in a small-town way. 

As it turned out, Kayleigh had no reason to fear. The sign announcing she’d arrived at Drubman Marina was too big for her to miss, an enormous light blue sign stationed against a backdrop of lush green trees. She turned into the lot and took the first empty parking space. Tarps covered supplies around the front. If Kayleigh had to guess, renovations were ongoing or ready to start when the weather permitted. The Henbane River was almost entirely frozen over, the boats parked and covered to shield them from the elements. At the edge of the parking lot, behind the sign, was a helipad and a helicopter. 

Stepping out of the car, Kayleigh let out a contented sigh as her cramped muscles stretched. It felt good to be out of the car. Now that she was at Drubman Marina, in Hope County, Kayleigh found herself becoming giddy. The mountain air was cold, crisp, and it smelled distinctly like winter. Her face crinkled as it burned her nostrils, but she didn’t care. Her heart was singing Christmas carols. She wanted to take in every little Christmas tradition that this quirky little area had to offer. 

Taking her phone out of her black and pink purse, Kayleigh pulled up the camera. Thick white fog had settled low on the water, partially obscuring the trees across the river. It was a beautiful sight. She snapped a few photographs for her blog before slipping her phone back inside her purse and heading towards the front door. It had only been moments since she’d got out of her car, but the cold was already burning every exposed patch of skin. 

The heat that hit her in the face when she stepped inside was a welcome relief. The main office was obviously in some state of renovation, the yellowish walls half-painted a gentler shade of green. Rubbing her hands together to warm them, Kayleigh scanned the area, surprised to find nobody sitting behind the reception desk to greet her. Approaching slowly, she searched the counter for some kind of bell to ring, or any note on how to draw someone’s attention, but there was nothing. Craning her neck, she tried to sneak a peek into one of the offices. 

“Hello? Xander? Adelaide?” 

“Oh, shit!”

Adelaide. 

She emerged from a room just off to the side, dressed in dark blue jeans and a red and white Christmas sweater with the sleeves rolled up to her forearms. Her hair was up, just like the billboard, tied with the same bandana. “You don’t look to be from around these parts, darlin’. What can I do ya for?”

“I’m Kay…”

“Yes! Oh, girl, I didn’t recognize you with that big old jacket!” Shuffling around the reception desk, Adelaide approached Kayleigh with her arms outstretched. The two women shared a quick embrace before Adelaide pulled back, holding Kayleigh at arm’s length. “It’s so nice to finally make your acquaintance. Xander’s told me all about you.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you, too. This is quite the place you have.” 

“Thank you. Got lots of ideas for this little place now that it’s mine. Won it fair and square in the divorce. This place was all I asked for. Well, that and my Tulip.”

“Tulip?”

Adelaide nodded. “My Tulip. Can’t miss her. She’s parked on the helipad.” 

“Wait…that’s yours out there?” 

“You’re goddamned right is is. Got my license years ago. If the weather’s not half bad while you’re here, I’ll have to take you for a trip around the county. It’s beautiful from the air.”

“It’s beautiful on the ground, too,” Kayleigh told her. “But that sounds…amazing. Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. You’re family.”

“Speaking of family…is Xander here by any chance?” 

“He was, but he forgot a few things while he was out yesterday. He said something about you wanting to do some Christmas baking.”

“Yeah…it’s a bit of a tradition. This is my favorite time of the year.”

“Xander mentioned that. He should be back at the house by now. I’ll call him up and tell him to stay put. Let me finish up here, and we can head out to the house and get ya settled. Xander mentioned you flew in from California and drove in from Missoula, so I know you gotta be exhausted.”

“It has been a long day,” Kayleigh confirmed. “But it was a beautiful drive. The roads weren’t as bad as I thought they were going to be.”

“Glad to hear that. Ice with the wildlife around here can be one hell of a mix.” Adelaide moved back to her office. Kayleigh stood out at the reception area, walking around, looking at all the certificates and newspaper articles hanging in frames on the wall. She could vaguely hear Adelaide on the phone, and she knew that she had to be talking to Xander. 

The sound of a light switch being flipped made Kayleigh turn, in time to see Adelaide shut her office door behind her, pulling her jacket over her shoulders. 

“Sorry about that. Xander was hoping to be here to greet you, but shit happens. Come on, you can follow my car. The house isn’t far from here.” 

“Thank God,” Kayleigh blurted. Adelaide smiled. The two ladies left the building, and Adelaide locked up behind her. 

Adelaide and Xander were playing house in a cozy yellowish home. Kayleigh parked beside Adelaide and got out of the car, shutting the door behind her. “Wow. This is cute.”

“Why, thank you. Just a little something I picked up after the divorce,” Adelaide explained. 

The two women looked at the front door as it opened, as Xander stepped out onto the porch, dressed in blue jeans and a black sweater, boots on his feet. He offered both ladies a sheepish, apologetic wave and a smile. 

“Shit. I’m sorry I didn’t make it to the marina, Kay. I thought I had more time.” 

“It’s fine.” 

Xander was down the stairs in the flash, passing Adelaide to hug his cousin tightly. “It’s good to see you, Kay. It’s been too long.”

“I know. It’s good to see you, too. Montana’s clearly agreeing with you.” Kayleigh moved to the side as Xander took her keys and made his way to her trunk. His eyes narrowed slightly as he raised it, moving it up and down. 

“Packed a little light, didn’t you?” 

“You know me — gotta make room for the presents.”

“How could I forget?” he laughed. “I got everything for you to do your baking.” 

“Great. Thank you!”

“I also stopped by the general store and got the containers and wrap you asked for. Got the containers with the snowflakes on it. Figured you’d want the Christmas print over the regular.”

“You know me too well.” 

“All right, all right, the two of you have had your reunion,” Adelaide cut in, passing Xander and making her way up the steps. “Let’s get in the house before our tits freeze off.” Kayleigh watched Adelaide walk into the house, noted the sashay of her hips as she moved. When she was through the door and out of earshot, Kayleigh spoke. 

“She’s…Something. I mean that in the nicest way.” 

“Yeah. Addie’s amazing. When the renovations are done at the marina, she’s gonna let me set up a smoothie shop in there.” Draping his arm around her shoulders, Kayleigh and Xander began to walk into the house. “The guest room isn’t much, but I got it set up for you. Did you check into anything here before you came out? Is there anything you’re gonna want to see while you’re here?”

“Is the FANG Center open this time of the year? I feel like I need to see this Cheeseburger.”

“Oh, yeah. FANG Center’s open year-round, but Cheeseburger’s probably hibernating. FANG’s got a gift shop, though. You could get a Cheeseburger bobblehead or a T-shirt to make your friends back home jealous.” 

“That’s tempting.” 

The inside of the house smelled like sandalwood incense and jasmine. Kayleigh knew right away that was Xander’s doing. There was a flight of stairs that led to the second floor, where the bedrooms and a small bathroom were located. Kayleigh kicked off her boots in the entry as Xander began ascending the stairs with her bag. Kayleigh quickly moved to follow after him. In the kitchen, Adelaide was murmuring and fretting about something, the sound of cupboards casually slamming echoing through the small space. Kayleigh’s room was located at the top of the stairs, a small room with white walls and bright wood floors. A single bed was pushed against the wall, made with two white pillows and a navy comforter. Boxes were shoved against the wall, labeled HURK JR.’S SHIT. There was a dresser and a simple mirror on top of it. Xander’s gray yoga mat was stretched out on the floor.

“It’s not much…” Xander started, but Kayleigh waved it off. 

“It’s perfect. Thank you.” She watched Xander place her suitcase down at the foot of the bed. The two of them fell quiet for a few moments. Kayleigh made her way to the window beside the bed, looking outside at the white-capped mountains against the steel skyline. “Did you want to help me with the baking?” 

“Of course!” 

“The green goddess recipe’s in my bag. I didn’t forget.”

“You’re the best. Thank you.”  

“Hey! You two hungry up there?” 

“You hungry, Kay?”

“Yeah. I haven’t eaten since the plane.” 

“Yeah!” Xander called back. “I’ll be right down to give you a hand, Addie!” He turned back to Kayleigh. “I’m gonna go give her a hand. Take all the time you need, get yourself settled, and come on down when you’re ready to eat.” 

“Okay. Thanks, Xander.”

“Thanks for coming. Didn’t realize how much I’ve missed my family.” Kayleigh’s lips pulled into a tight, sad smile as Xander turned around and went down the stairs to assist Adelaide in the kitchen. Shutting the door behind him, Kayleigh’s eyes widened at the sight of a black swing hanging on the back of the door. Then, she blinked. 

“Oh, dear. What did I sign up for staying here?” 

Chapter Text

“Fucking shit!”

Jacob Seed jolted awake, panting and thrashing, tangling himself in his bedsheets as he shot up into a sitting position. Every nerve in his body felt like it was on fire, like he was burning from the inside out all over again. His head pounded, and his mouth felt dry, like it had been weeks since he’d had a drop to drink. 

It took Jacob a few moments to settle and recalibrate, to ground himself, to realize that he wasn’t wandering lost through some godforsaken desert, but alone in his solitary cabin deep in the heart of the Whitetail Mountains.

Hand over his heart, scars on scars, Jacob struggled to breathe. He gasped and wheezed and hacked like he’d run a marathon at full sprint. It took some time for his breathing to return to normal, a bit longer than it normally did. Once he’d settled, Jacob clapped a hand over his face and let out a deep groan that reverberated through his bedroom. 

Goddamn nightmares. 

Didn’t matter what he did, what he said, or what he tried, they never went away. 

Reaching for the tangled mess of chains on the nightstand, Jacob slid them over his head, the dog-tags and rabbit’s foot cold against his heated skin. Jacob’s hand went to the rabbit’s foot, clasping it. He wasn’t sure he believed in luck, but there was some kind of force out there working in his favor. Jacob didn’t know what it was or what to call it, but he figured something had to be responsible for the way his fortunes had reversed in the last couple of years. 

Untangling himself from the red and black checkered blanket and gray flannel sheets, Jacob swung his legs over the side of the bed, releasing a full-body shudder as his bare feet made contact with the cold floor. The sweat on his skin, coupled with the cold breeze in the cabin, left him chilled to the bone. Looking down, he watched his hands shake, the way they always did after he dreamed. Closing his eyes, he gripped the mattress with both hands and took a deep breath, doing his best to take stock of all five of his senses and center himself. 

When he felt steady, Jacob rose, his bare feet padding along the laminate floor as he approached the bedroom window. His lips pursed into a thin line as he grabbed his pack of cigarettes from the dresser. Putting one between his lips, he lit it, his eyes narrowing at the sight of all the snow that had fallen overnight. Taking a long drag and blowing out the smoke, Jacob knew he was going to need to shovel a path to his shed and to his truck. He was also going to need to bring more firewood into the cabin, and he’d have to do it before he went to the St. Francis Veteran’s Center. He supposed if the roads were bad, he could take the day and find things to fix and organize around the cabin. Jacob wasn’t sure what he wanted to do yet. 

The stairs that would take him from his loft-style bedroom to the main floor were narrow, almost comically slim for Jacob’s hulking frame. It didn’t bother him; over the years, he’d been cramped into tighter spaces and worse environments. Besides the stairs, the cabin was perfect, small enough to comfortably suit his needs, which was the polar opposite of his little brother John and his palatial estate in Holland Valley. 

It had been almost four years since the Seed brothers had landed in Hope County. The first thing John had done when he’d arrived was purchase the biggest piece of property for pennies on the dollar. He’d renamed the place Seed Ranch. It was a massive estate, with a huge open floor plan, a gigantic stone fireplace, a dock, and a hangar for a goddamned airplane. John wasn’t even flying at the time. It was only a year or two ago that John had started paying Nick Rye from Rye & Sons Aviation to teach him. 

Jacob, like their brother Joseph, had a room at Seed Ranch, but Jacob didn’t like to stick around. He kept his overnight visits for the nights when discussions between brothers ran way too long or John talked him into imbibing in some contraband whiskey. Seed Ranch was easily the most elegant place he’d ever been in, and the luxury of it made him deeply uncomfortable. 

While he prepared his coffee, Jacob listened to the news radio, listening intently for the Hope County traffic report. While he waited for the pot to fill, he went to the fridge. He let out a sigh when he opened it, his shoulders sagging. 

It wasn’t totally empty, but it was empty enough that Joseph would start asking questions about his brother’s well-being if he saw it. Jacob knew that Joseph meant well, that he had his concerns, but it was always such a headache when Joseph stopped in with his impromptu visits and inspections. The answer to his empty fridge was always a simple one; he’d just gotten distracted and lost track of things. Once again, Jacob had been focused on other things — his brothers first and foremost — and not focused enough on himself. From an early age, Jacob had been wired that way. It was impossible to reprogram. 

Jacob let out a weary grunt. The idea of having to brave the back-roads into town for some groceries was thoroughly unappealing. 

He supposed he could call one of the guys at St. Francis and ask if they could do a grocery store run for him. Jacob was well-liked and respected at the center, and he was sure people would willingly do those tasks for him. But that was lazy, and Jacob Seed was not a lazy man. 

But at that early hour, with all the snow outside, it did feel like the more appealing option. 

Jacob was getting ahead of himself, though. Coffee first. Decisions could come after. 

While the coffee percolated, Jacob worked at a small fire. His fireplace was a small black contraption, positioned in the corner by the door. He worked with efficient expertise, only stopping to raise his hands so he could feel the heat on his palms. John was always trying to talk him getting rid of the fireplace and installing a furnace, but Jacob was fine with things the way they were. Building a fire kept him busy, kept him useful. John didn’t understand that he needed the busywork. 

Once coffee was made, he fixed himself a cup and sat down on his worn brown sofa, in front of the dusty television John had brought him as a “cabin-warming” gift. Jacob never used it. When he had downtime, Jacob liked to read from his bookshelf that was overfull of historical non-fiction and psychology books. 

The current book he was reading was a thrift store find in Fall’s End, a weathered paperback about the effects of killing on the human brain in wartime. Buying it had set him back a whole quarter. Unlike John’s pristine leather bound books that adorned the shelves of his ranch, all of Jacob’s books were secondhand paperbacks with cracked spines and yellowed pages. It never seemed to matter how far he drifted away from military life; everything drew him back. He could never shut those instincts off. Joseph and John liked to tell Jacob that it was a feature, not a bug, but sometimes Jacob wasn’t so sure. 

So far, life in Hope County was better than life in Georgia by a landslide. Here, he had a roof over his head, food in his fridge — when he remembered to restock it — and most importantly, he had his brothers, something he never thought he’d have. Sure, some of the locals looked at the Seed boys and Joseph’s church a little funny, but for the most part, everyone in Hope County was open and friendly. At least, they were to their faces. John seemed to be having a different experience, but Jacob knew that was because John was brash, impulsive, and temperamental. John was also trying to purchase a lot of valuable property and airspace, and that was ruffling some feathers. Jacob, in contrast, was a quiet man. He was a good leader, but he liked to stay in shadow. He kept to himself, helped where he could. It went a long way. 

After coffee, Jacob rinsed his mug in the sink and set it to dry in the yellowed dish-rack on the counter. It was old and plastic, a thrift store grab that had set him back a whole fifty cents. Outside, the sky had lightened considerably, but the snow was still an unwelcome sight. Jacob Seed was a lot of things — a soldier, a strongman, a tactician, a weapon. But he was also human. He really didn’t want to leave the warmth of his cabin to shovel. 

With caffeine in his system, Jacob went to shower. When he finished, he emerged from his small bathroom dressed in blue jeans and a gray T-shirt. He felt a little more like himself, more awake and alert. The first order of business was going to be shoveling. Then, he’d think about heading into town for some groceries. Joseph had a tendency to show up unannounced, so Jacob needed to prepare himself quickly. He didn’t want his brother to worry about him. It was his job to worry about Joseph. 

He also supposed he needed to take something out of the freezer for dinner. There was plenty of meat in there, food he’d hunted himself. Jacob wanted to believe that the sight of meat thawing on the counter would remind him to eat later, but he knew from experience there was a fifty-fifty chance that the strategy would work. 

Jacob went upstairs to make his bed. After years of sleeping on cots, from juvie to the military and its hospital and the shelters that came with life after service, John had insisted on getting Jacob the best bed that money could buy. Jacob had protested, of course, but he’d learned early in their reunion that John was rich and liked to throw his money around. Jacob had protested until Joseph had intervened, quietly telling Jacob to accept the gifts, to see them as rewards for all the sacrifices he’d made, for his country and for his brothers. He told Jacob that it meant a lot to John, to be able to repay Jacob for everything he’d done for them. That had been enough to kill Jacob’s protests, but the attention still made him uneasy. The bed was bigger than he was used to. Even with all the space he had, he still slept on one side. 

He set about fixing his bed. His nightmares always did a number on the bedding. It wasn’t the first time he’d torn it up thrashing, and it wouldn’t be the last. He silently worked, separating the sheet from the comforter, throwing the blanket onto the floor while he worked to reset the bedsheets. Jacob wouldn’t go so far as to call himself a neat freak, but this was routine, and Jacob liked routine. 

When the bed was done, he bundled up and ventured outside. It didn’t take him long to shovel, but by the time he was finished, his hands and face burned from the cold, his ears, cheeks, and nose bright red and frozen. “Fucking winter,” he grumbled as he put the shovel back in its place. 

After he’d shoveled, Jacob bit the bullet and went into town. The roads weren’t as bad as he’d expected, but they still weren’t great, even with the studded winter tires on his truck. Jacob picked up enough supplies to keep Joseph off his back, and he even grabbed himself a treat — some penny candies. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had them, but when he was younger, he used to pinch them from the corner store all the time for John and Joseph. Their parents never kept treats in the house. “It’ll rot your teeth and your minds,” Old Man Seed would tell them. Joseph had judged Jacob for stealing the candy back then, but he also accepted they were the only bright spot they had. 

Jacob’s jaw clenched. Thinking of Old Man Seed always did that. 

He was home long before the clock reached double digits, and he was grateful for the warmth that greeted him when he stepped back inside the cabin with his paper bags in hand. Kicking off his boots, he took his groceries to the kitchen and set about putting everything away, the cupboard doors banging shut as he closed them carelessly. He popped a gummy worm into his mouth as he worked. 

All Jacob knew was war. Growing up in their broken home back in Rome, Georgia, had been war. Juvie had been war. War had been…well, war. All Jacob knew was how to fight. His parents hadn’t been equipped to raise children, let alone three boys. Jacob had decided early it was up to him. Joseph’s judgment had cut deep some times, especially when it came to Jacob pilfering those cheap, waxy little candies, but it had been the only thing Jacob could do to take the sting out of their home life. 

Back then, it worked. But only ever for a short period of time.