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Gasping for breath, she awoke violently, body jolting upwards.
Yet another night terror.
Stilling her breath, the girl blearily turned her eyes to the alarm clock sitting on her bedside table, and slowly spun the glowing red numbers inside her mind till comprehension dawned. 3:38 A.M…far too early to get up. But on the flip side, she eyed her pillow warily, she…didn’t want to go back to bed either.
The girl gently placed her head back down, slowly sinking back into the pillow. Not to sleep again however, simply deciding what she would do next.
The dark room, illuminated only by the faint light of stars shining down through the window to the left of her bed, was too dark for her to make out the faces of any pictured frame that littered the wall that the long side of her bed was shoved up against. She stared at the scattered pictures above her, growing more and more uncomfortable with that fact as she desperately needed the sense of familiarity at the moment. Once she realized no solace would come unless she turned on the light, she pried her eyes away, blinking rapidly to try and adjust them. She could see without light, she knew, if she just...tried hard enough. She was sure of it.
As she thought, her eyes adjusted to the dark gradually. Her room came into definition, soft fuzzy shapes transforming into sharper edges. In fact, as she swiped her tongue across her teeth nervously-- getting pricked by her own cutting canines in the process-- she felt like she could even see better than most nights. Despite that, she still felt a restlessness inside of her. An unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach to move. She carefully picked herself up off the bed once more. Slowly, she removed her thin blanket from her legs. Cautious, deliberate movements she used as her leg snaked down until the pads of her foot touched the floor. Then another foot followed suit, and she rose. As quiet as a mouse, she walked. She treaded between her childhood stuffed animals, clothes, and assorted papers littering the floor, careful not to step on any. Finally, arriving at the high window a head above her eyeline, she turned her body and stole a glance at her bedroom door.
Not a sound greeted her gaze. Despite this, she stared for a moment longer, as though expecting something. With a twinge of disappointment when nothing more happened, she shifted her head to look back at the window before her eyes caught on something shining. Her eyes met the large full body mirror right next to the door, and within that frame she could make out...herself. Eyes unnaturally dilated. Canines sharp and pointed. Hair a mess. Wearing a pajama onesie from two years ago, holes present. Perfect attire to head outside. Well, no one should see her anyways.
Finally. The window. The stars' light had become brighter as she rose. It was a small thing, the window, could barely fit a person. A tad too high up as well, that despite her being a teenager, she couldn’t comfortably make it through without standing on top of something. Even still, the primal call to leave, to be washed in the glowing embrace of the stars, deep inside her refused to abate.
Delicately, she lifted up the window. The crisp night air immediately blasted in her face, and a sense of relief washed over her. The night had claimed her as their own the moment her eyes had adjusted to the darkness, and it was her duty to answer that call. But even in the face of this wild feeling, like she’d be ripped apart from the insides if her feet weren’t touching the dewy grass, she hesitated still. Ears careful, waiting, watching for any sign of movement. From the door.
Desperately, she hoped for the salvation of her own humanity to come out into this darkness and stop her. She knew he must be awake. Surely he was. Despite her best efforts at quiet, there was no way to circumvent his sight. And that was what she had been hoping for. Well, she conceded, as not a sound reached her ears, perhaps he was asleep, and none the wiser. It would hurt her a lot less if that were the case.
With the practiced grace of a stray cat, she nimbly leapt on through, into the open night air.
The air smelled wet. The glow of the now unobstructed stars burned into her retinas. A cool breeze lifted her hair from her shoulders in a playful sort of way. The beginnings of spring overtook her gaze as she ripped her eyes away from the magnetic pull of the stars, into the forest surrounding her home.
She briefly wondered to herself whether she should go knock on a friend’s window. She lived simply a five-minute walk away, after all. The girl was certain that Aubrey wouldn’t mind, she herself having been woken up countless times by that annoyingly nocturnal punk. But in the end, the girl decided against it. She didn’t want to risk the threat of an alarm clock to the face had she been wrong about her friends’ judgement. Even otherwise, she’d be under the threat of death the whole night long had she chosen to rouse her, and that sounded far too tiring. Well, that same tiresomeness inherent to their friendship was indeed the entire reason why she chose to never leave Aubrey alone in the first place.
Instead, she walked onwards into the woods. The trees seemed to beckon her into their dense abode, vines whispering into her sight. They snuck and took root deep in her soul, carrying her forwards to the gaping maw of the thicket. The trees appeared to close behind her, sneakily blocking the path behind her back. She paid the trees no mind. What she was more concerned about were the stars. Covered up by the canopy, the dim light barely shone through the leaves. Skin grew clammy at the disappearance of light, but the girl trudged onwards nonetheless. Spikey grass gave way to wet leaves and jutting roots, her feet as familiar with the path the way an ant was able to navigate its colony, easily sidestepping dangers despite the darkness.
She kept herself going, for she knew the beauty of what lay just beyond the dark woodland. The light called her, impatient now. Her heart stirred as her body recognized how close it was. Feet once calmly trekking now turned to frenzied bounding as the sticks and things underfoot transitioned begrudgingly once more into grass, softer and lusher this time.
Heartbeat rising until finally, the fully unobstructed little pinpricks of light hit her face once more, more powerful than it ever had tonight. Glowing dots in an inky void swimming across her vision, the girl took it all in. The trees had quietly parted into a sharp jutting cliffside overlooking the greater forest. She had not broken away from the trees, merely found their disjunction. The girl didn’t know what was beneath the cliff. She had never bothered to look, so transfixed by the view of the horizon. The sun set here. The sun rose here. Breaking the laws of nature, the sun would refuse to leave nor arrive in Deviltown without a bang. But now wasn’t the time for the dramatics that radiant ball of light would bring in a few short hours. Not for scorching rays penetrating the cold spring air, not brilliant laughter. Now was the time for subtlety, for the lull in the conversation, some soothing calmness.
The girl, eyes still glued to the sky, took a step forward onto the cliffside. The clearing of grass covered about the same area as a house, wildflowers gently bowing to the soft wind. She sat on the edge, the closest she could get to the firmament without invoking Icarus's name. The gleaming diamonds seemed to swell and diminish as she stared.
But, she wondered, where was the moon?
“Domina,” A low voice came soft from behind.
Oh. There’s the moon.
The girl, Domina, turned her head to look back at her brother.
“Sora,” she answered.
He had emerged from the tree line silently, and only made his presence known through spoken word. She could never even dare to compete.
“Did you follow me here?” she questioned.
A pause. Sora looked about the cliff before meeting her eyes again. “Sort of. I heard you leaving, but wasn’t sure if I should come.”
“You must have made up your mind quickly then,” she hoped. “Did you see me?”
“No,” he replied easily, stepping closer until he was standing right beside her. “I just figured that if you were leaving, you’d come here if you didn’t see Aubrey or something. Really, I only followed you for a change of pace. Even if you hadn’t been here, it would have been nice to stargaze.”
She looked to her lap as Sora sat down close to her on the cliffside.
“The stars...look nice tonight” he mumbled, almost to himself. She nodded in agreement, although not sure he was even paying attention.
“Where did the moon go?” Sora asked, clearly not looking for an answer.
“It’s right here,” she said before she could stop herself.
“What?” He cocked his head questioningly.
She clammed up immediately, staring at her hands.
“Ah,” Sora took her silence as an admission. “Well, if the moon is here...then the sun is too right?”
“What?” It was her turn to question, slightly incredulous at the notion. Couldn’t he see how dark it was? How any hint of sun would ruin the glowing canvas in front of them? The moon merely enhanced the night sky, while the sun banished it, reveling in its own narcissism.
“You. You’re here.” Quietly he whispers, eyes trained on a star—Subaru, she realizes as she follows his gaze.
“...Should I leave?” Worriedly, she asked.
“Why would you? You got here first.”
“Even still, aren’t I bothering you?”
Sora remained silent at that.
“Domina, you…” he began, but trailed off before he finished his sentence, clearly thinking of how he should answer. Was he trying to find the best way to put her down gently? How kind.
Heart clenching in guilt, Domina exhaled from her nose. Slowly, she got up again, aiming to leave before he could say anything.
“Wait!”
Sora exclaimed a little too loud, shocking the two of them. She looked down at her wrists to see Sora gently grasping one.
“You … I didn’t mean it as a bad thing. Domina, I came out here because I thought you’d be here. So of course I… would like you to stay. Please.”
Domina looked down at him, searching his face for a glimpse of his true feelings, waiting for the wrinkle on the mask. When she couldn’t find one, his eyes looking straight at hers and jaw set in truth, she conceded and sat back down. Her brother was truly kind, to allow her to stay with him here.
After a few moments of silence, she began again.
“Hey Sora.”
“Yeah?”
“What are you going to do? When I’m gone.”
“When you’re gone…? You won’t be. Not any time soon, at least, so I shouldn’t even need to think about that question.” Sora proclaimed, determination in his voice.
Domina knew that arguing with him on this now wouldn’t change anything. But she knew deep down inside, that despite the overwhelming desire to live, she must die. It would likely be the only way for her brother to win his freedom. The niggling voice that wormed its way into her brain agreed. It also wondered, to her and only to her, whether she even deserved that desire in the first place. She brushed off its negative language and decided to respond steadily herself.
“Sora. One day, it will happen. There’s no doubt anymore that you’ll live longer than me, even if you never kill me. What...” her voice choked up and cracked here, betraying her emotions hiding just behind her rationality. “What will you do then?”
Sora, who was clearly about to argue something, cut himself off. Face scrunched up a bit deep in thought, it took even longer for him to answer.
“I... will make sure you stay here. Immortal with me.”
Domina's vision went sideways as her head bobbed in confusion. “What?”
“What, you don’t remember? I mean that I’ll do what you told me you’d do for me. Leave a memento for your existence.” Sora’s voice quick to get the words out. “Man, I always knew I had a better memory than you, but this is embarrassing...”
“What exactly are you talking about?” Domina encouraged him softly.
“When we were little. I... wasn’t really in a good headspace at the time, and I asked you...what you would do if I died. I don't know why. But I did, and your answer... went something like ‘I’ll plant a flower on your grave, and your ghost can watch it grow!’ I thought that was so strange... but sweet.” His voice went quick in some places while trailing off in others, as though he was using up all his willpower to continue following the train of thought.
Domina stared at her brother for a moment. Had she really said something like that? She couldn’t remember. But... that was what she did for May’s grave. It was likely that she in her childhood folly wanted her brother to survive forever, even after death took him to his inevitable end. She had wanted that forever after all. But she was older now. She realized that immortality was the last thing Sora wanted, and that at some point, people deserve an eternal rest. Even still, immortality was what Sora had received nonetheless.
She clenched the fabric of her onesie, which she embarrassingly remembered she was wearing. She…had ruined a whole lot. Especially for her brother, who had never done anything but help her. She selfishly pushed her feelings of adoration onto him when he himself wanted none of it. She really wished he would quit being so considerate and just tell her to stop.
“So uh,” he started again awkwardly before clearing his throat and glancing at her. “I think that… when people die, mostly they want to be with people who love them and be remembered. I’ll of course be there with you, but more than that I’ll make sure people remember you. Not that that’ll be hard, you’re pretty memorable anyway.”
Domina looked at him curiously wondering where he would go with that. Did he really mean that last comment in a good way or was he just being polite? She knew that in general she was a pretty bad influence, and she had surely left more than a few broken hearts and minds over her travels.
As if implicitly understanding what was going through her head –her brother was always good at that- he continued.
“I’m serious. It may not always quite be in a good way, but I’ll tell you right now. Nobody hates you. Everybody likes you. I promise. It’s the opposite for me—everybody loves me, but not a single person likes me.”
“That isn’t true,” she says softly, not sure what part exactly she was refuting. All of it, maybe.
“...Sure, Domina.”
“I’m serious!” She snaps suddenly, anger raising her voice, interrupting the quiet tranquility they had been under before. Night was the time to hush, but here she was once again, unable to stop herself as she selfishly burned through the atmosphere once again. “Andres likes you! Red likes you! Crystal and Flare like you! Sunshine and Tong Tong, Bone, Mom, every single one of the old ladies in town, every person you’ve helped, Darren, Night, Me! Even Ryu-ji! I swear to you that it’s true, if you could--”
She stops as suddenly as she started as she realized that Sora’s expression hadn’t moved even a twitch as she rattled off names. Merely keeping a sad smile as he looked at her, or rather, through her. Fully set in his beliefs, not a single word she spoke currently could possibly get through to him. The night remained still, not a star out of place. So kind, to keep the night calm even at threatening dawn.
In defeat, she let out a disappointed sigh and let the crisp quiet of gentle far-off stars wash over her once more. Perhaps tomorrow, when the moon returned just a bit, when her ability might reverberate in their heads for just long enough to force each other to understand. To stop them from running away. Until then, at this moment, nothing more could happen.
Or so she told herself. In reality, she knew she had let them run away once more, and that perhaps she never would corner the two of them at all. Not until the end.
Maybe she was a little too forgiving.
“Domina,”
His voice stirred her from her guilt. Almost hesitantly, he began again.
“You’re...A good kid. Y’know that? Nobody minds you. So just stop worrying.”
That wasn’t what any of this was about. But she begrudgingly accepted the compliment, the deflection, the lie. One day, she wouldn’t. She comforted herself with that thought.
“No one cares, alright? So just...shut up.”
Without her realizing it, he was still speaking. As she looked up, she found that he seemed far more engrossed in himself then. Muttering under his breath face hidden by hands, unexplainable aggression bubbling up.
“I don’t wanna hear it anymore...”
“Sora.”
Her voice thankfully seemed to snap him out of his growing delusions, just as his always did for her.
Quickly deciding there was no more room for this conversation anymore, she deflected to trying to cheer him up.
“I’m bored, Sora. Could you do that thing again? Please?” She pleaded whiningly, pulling out the “adorable little sister” card and the puppy dog eyes he would never resist. He would have agreed either way, but she wanted to alleviate the mood just a bit more.
“Oh...Sure? You want that? I can do that.” Sora turns from slightly puzzled to mildly excited. She smiled, but braced herself. She would never say it to Sora, but to be completely honest, she never felt comfortable when he did this. It terrified her, primally. With an over-the-top, superfluous flick of the wrist and a concentrated light blue gaze up to the heavens, as she carefully opened her eyes once more, Domina was greeted to a horror beyond human comprehension.
The sky, the one she had been called out of bed to worship not even an hour ago, the one she had once wanted to swim amongst, was changing.
Or rather, moving. As she watched, feeling an abject horror welling up deep inside but refusing to let it show, Sora thoughtlessly toyed with the heavens above like a bored child doodling on the back of a test with over an hour of waiting remaining. She could merely watch as one star, more to the left of her vision was swept away to the side, only becoming still once more when above a brand-new star to create an elliptical pattern.
She already knew he could do this. Sora had always been a very special person, even as a child, and they were perhaps the closest pair of siblings in the universe. Sora must have been an angel, to be granted the stars’ favor like that. Such heavenly bodies allowing an earthly beast to have their way with them would be utterly laughable otherwise. She didn’t know what he did to earn their favor. Maybe he was born with it. Sora was always more talented than she. Although perhaps that was because he was surely an angel, while she was unequivocally a demon. Why else would he be granted this power, something that she should be happy and excited about, but terrified of it instead?
“Um, Domina, y’wanna...see?” Sora asked her nervously.
“Hm? See what?” That was strange. Her eyes had never torn away from the sky since he began pushing the stars around. Like a deer in headlights, merely watching her demise.
“Please look,” He urged, but even with a glance in his direction, there was clearly nothing to see.
“I made something. For you.” Finally she realized what he had done. A bunny. In the sky. What?
“Oh...cute.” She tried to muster up emotion, any emotion to disguise what she really felt, but clearly must have failed as he looked at her with worry.
“Did I not do it right? Or um, do you not like rabbits? I could make a bird!”
“No, no, you’re okay. Please, it’s fine.” It wasn’t. But he didn’t need to hear that. Really, he’s a good artist, and well, the sentiment was cute. But wow. How could he desecrate the sanctity of the night sky to this extent? It was bad enough when he used to make up his own constellations. That, at least, actually included her, as they created little stories to go with them together. Well, at least he could always put it back to normal in the end.
But she had asked for this, so she had to just grit her teeth and be a big girl. Not scared at all of the fact one person has this kind of power. It was her attempt to ward off awkwardness, but now she was ruining it all over again. Stargazing with her brother was one of the things they did together the most. She was used to this temporal discomfort. Perhaps she shouldn’t be, but at this point if she weren’t in some state of suffering her brain would supply it for her.
The idle destruction kept on for some time, and she could feel it was almost time to leave. Despite staying up, strangely she always felt more energized after these stargazing sessions—perhaps the night’s glow was charging her similar to the thunder and bolts of light in rainstorms. She knew she would work as an Umbreon. Or perhaps it came from the endless anxiety and adrenaline that she so often experienced, that same feeling of compelling stirring her heart too fast to stop, and bearing witness to some of the most horrific human hubris imaginable, controlling the stars. But that made her feel bad, so she chose the former.
Eyes glowing light blue in the night’s dark, she attempted to communicate this to her brother as well, starting to stand once more. Getting the message wholeheartedly, he shifted in place, preparing to rise up when he looked down once more. This time, it was clear he wasn’t simply looking at nothing, and perhaps for the first time that night, perhaps one of the only times she had ever done so in the countless years she had spent on this particular cliff-side, Domina followed his gaze and slowly, carefully, looked down.
The sight that greeted her only sent the hairs on the back of her neck to raise slightly. The dirt on top of the cliff gives way to sedimentary rock and deeper down, granite, forming an incredibly sheer drop down after the initial hook of the top. She shuffled a little closer. The cliffside face looked like it had been hacked into, rough ang jagged as could be, before dropping off into inky black. Due to the lack of true light, it was impossible to see any further than a few meters, even with her “night sight”.
If she had been in the daylight however, she knew from one of the only other times she chose to look down that it would be an endless amount of empty air meeting cliffside before the dense canopy of gigantic and tall trees below obscured one’s vision entirely of the bottom. The cliffs were impossibly tall, and the forest impossibly big. She had never even once been to the bottom of the cliffside, as far as she knew, at least. Navigation was difficult in Spandrel’s Forest, unintuitive to all but those born and raised inside. Each tree down in what simply must be a valley below had to be at least a hundred meters each in height, making the distance to the ground from the clifftop something in the hundreds of meters.
The distance to the bottom had never felt scary, however. Mostly because she never chose to look down and see it, such that she quite frankly just forgot most days. Too entranced by the heavens to look down at hell. She didn’t feel good looking down there now, either. She couldn’t.
“Hey. Shut up.” She felt herself say before she regained lucidity.
It was at least enough to get Sora to speak to her again, though his eyes didn’t quite leave the empty space below.
“...Sorry.” It was obvious he wasn’t apologizing for his distractedness, but for something far more unforgivable.
“Get up. Let’s go”
“I’m sorry.”
“C’mon Sora. Morning’s coming.”
“I’m so sorry. Please...won’t you forgi--”
“Sora!”
Finally. He finally looked at her again.
“Shhh.” I need to forgive you. “It’s late,” It’s not okay. “How are you gonna work in the morning?” I can’t forgive you. “I love you.”
The last bit was a non sequitur, but she felt it in her bones and couldn’t keep it inside. She did that often, so Sora wasn’t too surprised. He only looked at her with eyes less frantic and wild, eyes that spoke now to the wisdom of a man far older than he appeared. Likely the fault of having the face of a fourteen-year-old at nearly seventeen, though it juxtaposed quite naturally with his haunting eyes of grave sorrow.
He nodded up at her and finally got up fully, though he still looked at Domina as if she killed his best friend and was now asking her brother if he would help her hide the body just by uttering those few broken up words. Bitterly she thought to herself that it should be the other way around, but there was no hope to changing that now. It was Sora who needed help at this moment, not her. She took his hand gently in hers and took a step westward, towards the gap in the thicket.
As she led her brother through the forest, slowly, less manic, this time, they watched the horizon for the beginnings of morning to form. As the tiny pink began to turn into orange, Domina knew. Even with the rise of a brand-new day, she and Sora would never manage to see things eye to eye like this. Something new had to happen, for them to talk about anything at all without Sora or her running away. Something like...
An eclipse?