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“ You’re not coming? “
“ Yeah…” Ena sighed, her voice heavy with disappointment. “ Something came up and I kind of owe Akito and his group. They needed some help with… something. Mizuki’s with me, it’ll probably take a while. Can we reschedule? Ah, Mizuki watch out for the wires- “ Mizuki’s loud shriek could be heard, along with a loud thump. “ Idiot! “ Ena shouted, the call cutting out. Mafuyu stuffed the phone back into her bag, a small frown forming itself onto her lips. They had been planning this meet-up for weeks, following through with it would have been nice.
“ Won’t make it? “ Kanade’s soft, honey-like voice soothed into her ears. Untying the rough knot in her stomach.
Warm.
Mafuyu nodded. “ They’re busy. “
“ Ah. “
“ Do you want to cancel? “ Mafuyu glanced down at the other girl. Kanade normally avoided going out in public, she wouldn’t want to waste her time.
Kanade cut her off, vigorously shaking her head. “ No, we can always do something else… Just the two of us. You made an excuse to your mother after all. “ Mafuyu looked to meet Kanade’s pale blue eyes, a soft smile had rested on Kanade’s face. It oozed warmth, it made Mafuyu feel dizzy.
Just the two of them?
“ Did you have anything in mind? “ Mafuyu asked, she felt herself evading Kanade’s gaze, her heart felt too warm. Kanade shook her head.
“ A park, maybe? “ Kanade offered. “ I wouldn’t mind spending a lot of time outside with company… There’s a nice one just a thirty minute train ride away… “
“ Okay. “ Mafuyu nodded. This earned another warm smile from Kanade.
……
Mafuyu and Kanade walked in silence side-by-side towards the train station. Their echoing footsteps mixing in with the vibrant sounds of the crowd around them, their strides almost in near in sync. Pods of people walking in groups, talking, laughing, having fun; brushing against them. Mafuyu thought it was interesting how someone could find such simple joy in walking through a crowded street. Even just with friends it seemed like such a terrible task to touch unfamiliar people. Mafuyu stopped at the crosswalk, waiting for the cars to pass. She felt Kanade’s hand grab onto her sleeve.
“ Kanade? “
“ Sorry… I didn’t want to lose you in the crowd. “ Mafuyu watched as Kanade pulled her hand away, a nervous smile resting on her face. Whenever Kanade had smiled, her eyes would always droop down, softening in a way. Her entire face would relax. She looked so comfortable.
So warm.
“ Okay. “ Mafuyu nodded. “ We can still hold hands, I didn’t mind it. They’re warm. “ Mafuyu shrugged, offering her hand to the shorter girl. She felt Kanade’s cold hands engulf her own, her fingers intertwining with Mafuyu’s. Kanade’s hands were familiar, despite how cold they were it made Mafuyu feel warm.
“ Thank you. “ Kanade smiled once more, swinging their hands together. Mafuyu felt a smile crawl its way onto her face, a small chuckle escaping out of her lips. She felt Kanade’s gaze rest on hers, pausing before she let out her own little chuckle.
Such a strange thing to be thankful of.
……
As the cars began to come to a stop, the pair walked across the road, following the crowd towards the train station, hand in hand. Once they had gotten there, she felt Kanade’s hands drop to her side. The pair stepped onto the train, settling into two seats beside each other. It was fairly full, but quiet. Men and women alike stood with briefcases, checking their watches every two or so minutes. Mafuyu sighed, resting her hands in her lap. This would be her reality soon enough. Mafuyu peered over to Kanade, she seemed lost in thought. Her gentle expression wavering as her eyes seemed to droop. She looked tired.
“ Did you sleep after the call yesterday? “ Mafuyu asked, gently nudging the shorter girl.
She felt Kanade tense up beside her. She sighed, her hands reaching up to rub her eyes. “ I had too much work. I wanted to get as much done as I could for today so I wouldn’t fall behind. “
“ Always hard at work on the next song, aren’t you? “ She felt a sigh escape her lips. She always seemed so eager to create a melody that would finally save her, but she had never seemed to stop and think for herself.
“ I want to save you as soon as I can. “ Kanade murmured from beside her. She felt Kanade’s shoulders ease up against hers; relaxed.
“ How are you going to help me if you can’t even help yourself. “ Mafuyu mumbled, shutting her eyes as she leaned back against the rocking train.
She felt Kanade’s head beside hers. She felt Kanade’s breath against her skin as she sighed. She felt… Content.
“ You deserve it more than I do. “
Mafuyu opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out. Kanade was so intent on saving her and making her realize her true feelings. She was so passionate about saving her, but Mafuyu couldn’t think; couldn’t help Kanade help her. It was sickening how much Kanade had cared. Was it wrong of her to like it?
“ I just wish you wouldn’t ignore your needs. “ Mafuyu mumbled. She felt Kanade’s gaze turn to her, but she couldn’t meet it.
Why was it so hard to look at her?
The rest of the ride was silent and the two made it to the station. They walked along the quiet sidewalks of the park; that too was quiet. There wasn’t really much for the two of them to talk about as they walked, but it didn’t feel uncomfortable. It felt comforting that she didn’t feel pressured into making more conversation. It had always been like this with her. Mafuyu felt safe.
“ Mafuyu? “
“ Kanade…? “ Mafuyu turned her head to face Kanade as they walked, meeting the other girl's gaze. A short pause inflicting the atmosphere around them. The two stopped in the middle of the path, staring at each other for a moment. She felt the skin around her ears warm up, her face felt warm.
“ How are you feeling right now? “ Kanade’s gentle voice echoed in Mafuyu’s ears. How was she feeling? She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to be feeling, nevertheless how she had actually felt. Kanade had always made sure to attend to how she felt and to what she had thought. For the longest time, her brain felt numb. Mafuyu wasn’t even sure if she felt anything. Her skin felt warm, her stomach hurt, her legs felt as though they were going to give out. But she also felt joy. Like the comfort she had felt those years ago when she had actually cared or felt something. Was she feeling that very same comfort?
“ I don’t know. “ Mafuyu mumbled. She wasn’t lying, but she wasn’t telling the truth. What she felt wasn’t bad, in fact she had quite liked it. It felt selfish to ask for more of it.
“ I see. “ Kanade nodded. She continued on walking forward, another soft smile making its way onto her lips. “ By the end of this… I hope I can make you feel something. “
Her precious smile.
Kanade had already made her feel something. She had promised herself to not lie to Kanade about whatever she had felt, to make it easier for her… To put less of a burden on her. But to burden her with these new, strange feelings? It was unthinkable. “ I’ll look forward to that. “ Mafuyu nodded back, following Kanade at her heels.
It was warm.
……
The rest of the afternoon felt like a blur. The pair walked around, talked, and laughed. Kanade hadn’t asked about her feelings at all, almost as though she hadn’t even asked. The pair sat down in two seats beside each other, quiet as the train started moving. It felt… different. Everytime Kanade spoke, her stomach felt fluttery. As though thousands of little insects had laid their eggs in the depths of her stomach. Whenever her hand softly grazed Mafuyu’s, she’d feel warmth rise up to her face. She had always longed to be around Kanade, but maybe it was because of the nature of their relationship. Kanade and the others were the first to know of her wish to disappear. Being around Kanade and the others died that feeling down. But it felt different with her than with Mizuki or Ena. How was it different, why was it different?
“ Kanade… “
She didn’t respond. Mafuyu turned to peer over at the other, but her gaze met with Kanade’s closed ones. Her head rested against the sides of the chain, shaking lightly as the train trekked along. Mafuyu felt a giggle escape her lips. She gently guided Kanade’s head to her shoulder. Her long hair tickled Mafuyu’s neck, but it felt right. It felt nice to have Kanade leaning against her. To have Kanade beside her.
“ I think it’s love. “