Chapter Text
It was another quiet day. Those weren’t very common nowadays, despite the name of the series. Kolin, being the way he is, relaxed in the silence. The only other one in the Master’s bedroom other than himself was Owl, who was busy drawing on some scratch paper. As the unit’s eyelids slowly closed, he heard the door creak open, causing him to turn his gaze.
“Oh, hello Ziraph. Hello…Carrion,” he said, his tone softening as he spoke the latter’s name.
The young gadget duo were unusually quiet for a few minutes, standing out the doorway. Something about the smiles on their faces came off as odd to Kolin, like something terribly wrong was about to happen.
“Hi Kolin!” Carrion spoke aloud, “Did you pray today?”
Kolin stared at her, puzzled. “What?”
“Amongus.” Ziraph interjected, only causing more confusion.
“What- what are you talking about.”
The duo seemed more ominous than usual. It was as if something far beyond appliance comprehension had occurred, and Kolin could feel it. Even more so when they began to walk inside.
Owl felt it too, enough for her to take a glance at the doorway, her scribbling motions taking a pause.
“Ziraph, Carrion…?” she muttered, “Why do you guys look so…weird?”
“Schlawg what are you yappin about?” Ziraph said, “We ain’t sus.”
“Yeah man! We’re normalmaxxing.” Carrion added.
Owl furrowed her nonexistent brows, slowly turning towards Kolin. Kolin stared back. Both appliances shared a look of concern for their friends.
“Wow, Owl! You drew that?!” Ziraph exclaimed excitedly, pointing at the sheet of scratch paper next to the little nightlight.
Owl looked down, her face beaming as he acknowledged her work.
“Yes…” she muttered, holding up the paper with her plug. The drawing depicted the gang in a charmingly crude manner, the kind of drawing one may hang on the fridge as per tradition. Everyone’s names were written down, and at the bottom were the words “I Love You Everyone.”
“…do you like it…?”
“It’s so sigma!” Carrion exclaimed with glee, as if that was a normal thing to say.
Owl’s invisible smile faltered. She looked towards Kolin again, then back at the duo, who were smiling as if nothing was off.
“Well, we gotta skedaddle now, chat,” Ziraph said, “We gotta edge our gyatts in Ohio.”
“Word,” Carrion replied with a nod, before the two gadget friends hopped on their merry way. “Seeya!”
As they left, Kolin and Owl stared out the doorway. Both of them were rightfully confused; what was that?
“Do you…know what they said…?” Owl muttered nervously.
Kolin furrowed his brows. “I- I don’t know…”
Owl tilted her head. “Maybe they’re broken…maybe they short-circuited a little…”
Kolin shuddered at the thought.
“...I’m just guessing…” Owl muttered. She folded her drawing in a neat square, putting it aside in her resting spot. “...I’ll go tell Mr. Acer…maybe he can help.”
“That’s a good idea, I suppose,” the air conditioner said with a sigh. Owl nodded in response.
…
“And then they just…started talking like that…” Owl explained. For an avian nightlight with limited facial features, she was somehow able to express as much visible disgust as she did.
Acer’s rabbit avatar nodded as he listened, holding a clipboard in his disembodied paws. He wrote down a little bit on it, muttering out “uh huh” every so often. He almost acted like a therapist. Come to think of it, Owl could notice that he was dressed like one, donning a white buttoned shirt, a yellow tie that complimented the golden glow of his eyes, and gloves on his paws. She wanted to ask, but there were bigger concerns.
“...I think they’ve short-circuited, or…or caught a sicky,” Owl muttered, sighing. “Does that sound familiar to you, Mr. Acer?”
“It does, actually.”
The rabbit turned to look at Owl in the eyes. He pulled out a pair of glasses seemingly from out of nowhere- he tended to pull things out of nowhere often- and donned them on, the lens reflecting a bright glow, like nerds in anime.
“I’ve experienced something similar to what you’ve described,” he stated, “It was when I was a young laptop, and the Master used me a lot for less productive things back in the day. All those memes of the 2000s? They all ingrained into my software.”
“Is that bad…?”
“Not necessarily. It’s normal for gadgets who get used a lot,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s a sign of a chronically online Master, though. You know the projection theory?”
Owl shook her head.
“It’s summed up into a simple phrase; like master, like appliance. We tend to reflect the humans we’ve been around the most. That’s just our psychology. It’s usually pretty healthy, assuming that the things that we mimic from humans are relatively harmless.”
“...I don’t really like the words they’re saying,” Owl muttered, “They’re a little weird. They make me feel like my wires are twisting with each other…”
Acer chuckled amusedly. “Ah, little one, you’ve experienced your first cringe.”
“what”
“Cringe,” the armless bunny repeated, “It’s when you find something so embarrassing that you feel like crumpling.”
Owl thought for a while, before nodding. “...that sounds like the feeling I’ve been feeling a lot lately.”
She tapped her plug awkwardly, glancing to the side before facing Acer again. “...so…what do we do with Ziraph and Carrie…?”
“Well, I say that you should let them be,” Acer said, lowering his clipboard. “They’re major appliances now, but they’re still pretty young in spirit. Young people do things that are a little…stupid.”
“Hey…”
“No offense, kiddo,” Acer said, smiling. “But anyhow, just sound out their lingo. They’ll grow out of it eventually. Or not. Time will tell.”
“Have you grown out of it, Mr. Acer?”
Acer grinned awkwardly.
“Well…if I have to be honest…no, not really,” he said, chuckling. “It still slips out of me sometimes. It’s just le habit of mine, kiddo.”
He caught himself slipping it out, letting out another chuckle. “Oop, there it is!” Owl raised a brow.
“Yours doesn’t sound as bad…”
“Well, it doesn’t come out as much as it used to.”
Owl nodded, taking note of this. “I think I get it, Mr. Acer…thank you.”
She turned around to leave, but then she paused, facing the old laptop again.
“Oh, also,” she muttered, “...why are you wearing formal fancy clothes?”
Acer looked down at himself, then back up at Owl.
“...I’m gonna be your dad’s therapist today,” he said.
Owl narrowed her eyes in confusion. “I don’t have a dad…I’m a nightlight.”
“Vortex is pretty dadlike to you, no?”
“Oh…I don’t call him that, but…that makes more sense…” Owl muttered, “...well…I’ll go back now, Mr. Acer. Thanks for talking to me.”
“See ya later alligator!”
“I’m an owl.”
“It’s a saying– nevermind.”
…
Owl was heading her way back to the bedroom, satisfied with her answers for now. As she entered the hallway, hopping across the floor, a sound can be heard from inside the Master’s bedroom.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!”
Owl blinked. Unmistakably, that was Kolin’s voice. But the AC unit rarely ever raised his voice above monotonous level, so hearing this was somewhat concerning.
Hurriedly, the avian nightlight hopped over to the door. She reached her plug towards the doorknob, twisting it open.
“Kolin…!” she exclaimed, but as soon as she saw the sight inside, her core dropped, her silicone face growing more pale than it already was.
The bedroom was a mess. On the floor, Ziraph and Carrion stood still, facing Kolin unblinkingly. Said AC unit was shaking in his spot in the wall, streams of freon tears trailing down his face.
“P- Please- please, mercy…” he cried, “I am but an innocent appliance who wishes to be spared! No more of this, I beg!”
“Kolin! Wh- what’s wrong?” Owl said, stepping inside with concern laced in her tone, “Mr. Acer said this is normal for gadgets! I-It’s ok-!”
“You don’t understand, Owl…”
Kolin stared off into the distance, his teary eyes shaking. “The torture, Owl…it never stops…they wouldn’t stop…they wouldn’t stop exhibiting the skibidi…”
“What…??” Owl muttered.
“The skibidi!! They won’t stop! It’s skibidi this, skibidi that!! Skibidi everywhere! Skibidi! SKIBIDI!! SKIBIDI!! ” Kolin screamed. It was evident at this point that the poor rectangle was losing his mind.
“I swear to whatever electrical deity exists, I’m going to skibi-DIE if this keeps up!”
Owl, with great hesitance, approached the two gadgets. She was about to say something to them, but she paused upon seeing their faces. Displayed on their screens was the same fake PNG image of a toilet– not even the actual meme they were referencing, just a regular toilet.
“What the fu- what the featherfluff?” Owl muttered, confusedly. “It’s just a toilet.”
“OWL!! A HEAD COMES OUT OF THAT TOILET!!” Kolin screamed, “IT TORMENTS ME!! I WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE!! SPARE ME!!” Owl thought at that very moment that Kolin needed Acer’s therapy sessions more than her adoptive vacuum father.
Before Owl could speak, one of the gadgets spoke.
“What’s wrong, Kolin?” Ziraph said, a grin appearing on his face. “Can’t handle the…skibidi rizz?”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!”
At that, the gadgets broke character. They snorted, before letting out the loudest fits of laughter they’ve ever cackled. Kolin’s breakdown faltered, he and Owl staring at the gadgets with a look of confusion.
“Oh your FACE!” Carrion laughed out, wheezing. “I- It- I can’t! I can’t anymore! You guys- oh! Ya’ll were so hilarious!”
“Wait what?” Owl muttered.
“Couldn’t you tell? We was pranking yous!” Ziraph said, giggling a little. “Speaking only brainrot for a day was the plan, but Kolin…Kolin was just too funny!”
Owl felt the tension within her ease in. If she had a mouth, she would have smiled a little as she sighed in relief.
“Well…it was a silly prank…” she said.
“Yeah! April Fools!” Ziraph exclaimed.
Kolin looked at the cracked phone dead in the eyes.
“Ziraph.”
“Yeah Kolin?”
“It’s August.”
“...”
Ziraph’s smile faltered.
“...I…” he muttered, “...I…forgor…?”
“Ah hell nah, bro…” Carrion muttered.
Kolin’s expression grew dark. Ziraph flinched as he saw a bright blue glow from the unit’s pupils, shining menacingly.
“Count your days, iPhone. Your time has run out.”
“Oh SHIT–”
“GIRL RUN”
“I’M TRYING!”
“BESTIE!! RUN!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!
“I’M STUCK!!”
“WHAT–!?”
“I’M STUCK TO THE FLOOR! THIS CONVENIENTLY PLACED CRACK GOT ME!!”
“WHY DO WE HAVE THAT?!”
“I DON’T KNOW, PLOT CONVENIENCE?! OR THE MASTER’S TOO DEPRESSED TO MAINTAIN THE FUCKING HOUSE—”
“BRO YOU’RE COOKED!! YOU’RE FUCKING COOKED!! GORDON RAMSAY TYPE SHIT!!”
“NO!! OH STEVE JOBS!! NOOOOOOOOO–”
Zach came back home that day only to find his iPhone in the toilet.