Work Text:
“...And that’s all for today! Thank you Luka so much for coming to today’s interview, it was delightful to hear about the concept of your upcoming album, Ruler of My Heart, I can't wait to hear it! Now, my dear listeners, it’s time for the afternoon song requests…”
Hyuna’s peppy voice chattered in the background as Sua drove back home from a long day at work. Tired from the meeting that went on for way too long for its purpose, she moved her neck in a futile attempt to relieve the tension. It was rush hour, so she'd been stuck in a traffic jam for half an hour already, her mind numb from overstimulation. Some frustrated driver ahead of her appeared oblivious to the fact that blowing a horn every few seconds wouldn’t teleport the cars away from the stagnant traffic. She closed her eyes, teetering dangerously close to dissociating, when suddenly, a familiar tune entered her ears. She blinked, surprised, and glanced at the radio—not that it would provide her with any context for the peculiar occurrence that seemed to repeat itself for the last few weeks.
Oh, my Clematis,
Hope bloomed through the abyss,
Oh, my Clematis,
Always be by my side
Sua could feel the stress draining away as she closed her eyes back. This song never failed to soothe her, its soft vocals a comforting cure for moments like this. A shadow presence that made all of it more bearable, made her feel a little bit more alive. Just like…
Another sharp honk, this time coming from behind her. Sua realised that she was dozing off in the middle of the road for the duration of the song, and the car in front of her had long since driven a few metres away. Embarrassed, she changed the gear and closed the distance once again, looking apologetically into the back mirror, only to meet a furious glare of the driver behind her.
“And that was My Clematis! Dear listeners, we seem to have a big fan of this song—an anonymous donor had given us another generous donation for the same song request. Thank you for your continuous support, we love you!” Chirped the voice of the spiker.
Once again, this unnamed stranger seemed to know exactly what Sua needed right now. She was now back on the same congested highway, still just as tired from the long hours at work as before, but the gloom was gone from her face, now graced with a light smile despite her dangerous nod off in the middle of the road. She could deal with today. Another half an hour, maybe more, and she would be back to the comfort of her apartment. Everything was alright.
Her guardian angel was with her.
.o0o.
“Ah, Sua! I finally found you!” A cheerful voice greeted her on the way to her office. She didn’t have to look back to know who it was, but she wouldn’t deny herself the pleasure of looking at her university classmate, now also her intern.
“Look out.” Sua sighed when Mizi ran over with a coffee in her hand. “And I told you that you need to call me Ms Kim during the work hours… Do you want the boss to give us another warning?”
“Yes sir! No sir!” Mizi saluted with her coffee, but her face was too bright from the smile to take it seriously. Sua sighed again, exasperated but amused. She took the coffee—she knew that it was for her. It always was, after all, Mizi was allergic to caffeine. Not that she needed it, a bottomless well of joy and pep.
Life is always full of surprises, and even more so are people. Both of them studied at the same music school, and seemed so close that neither of them would believe that something could separate them. But alas, both born to headstrong parents, their future together—once a dream that seemed so close to coming true—was never to be. They tried to stay in touch when Mizi’s mother decided to take her to the capital to steer her child’s career onto the ‘great path to stardom’, which apparently involved a great deal of talent shows, music and dance training, and didn’t include a whole lot of Sua. Meanwhile Sua’s father, ever so cold and methodical with his upbringing, decided that she got her fair share of indulgence, the years of youth he allowed her to waste away on such an unpractical hobby as music, was gone, and so he categorically decided to make her into an entrepreneur like himself. The years of childhood nonchalance were no more, and now she had to make sure she would grow into a responsible woman.
Maybe it wasn’t that bad. She had a father that made sure no one harassed her in the office, and even though now she had to call him ‘boss’ whenever she saw him, ridding them of the last semblance of closeness in their father-daughter relationship, she was at least safe and with a stable job.
The same couldn’t be said about Mizi. Her mother, with her flippant and whimsical attitude towards their life, didn’t plan that far ahead for their future, banking it all on her daughter to make it in the big world. Yet who would have thought that child stars aged too quickly, that not every talent was to be unearthed, not every gem discovered and polished to awe all? Her ‘investitions’ for the future were many, but curious, like a luxury car (didn’t last long before she crashed it) or daily fine dining, all for the money her daughter won in the child competitions. Mizi’s musical and dance education was still part of her planned expenses, but it didn’t account for much of it, considering how much money was spent on different things. In the end, she pushed her growing child into more and more sketchy competitions and shows, draining their pockets of every last penny, until an accident Mizi didn’t want to talk too much about created an irreparable rift between them.
It was Sua’s second year as a manager in her father’s company when she got to interview potential interns. And who would have thought… A familiar face of the one she so long since gave up on yearning for. Like a ray of sunshine she would wish nothing more than to bask in.
After fifteen minutes filled with their buzzing excitement, barely covered up in the presence of her fellow interviewer, they sneaked out for a talk in a nearby coffee shop. The undercurrents of emotions bubbling inside Sua were beyond anything she would be able to describe, but she kept it tucked the back of her heart. Mizi didn’t worry as much, as she burst into tears the moment they sat down across each other in the cafe. What followed were hours upon hours sharing memories from their time together, recounting their life after their parting, everything good, bad, every bump and twist on their path to reuniting.
It was a long evening, yet it passed so fast. And that was the first time she heard it. The song. She remembered it because of how Mizi watched her intently when she stopped talking for a moment, lost in the soothing sounds.
“...It reminds me of us.” Mizi said as the song finished. Sua blinked, taking a long while to understand what she was referring to, still entranced by the feeling that washed over her the moment she heard it. It was this moment, this person, and this song that was engraved so deeply in her heart. Her gaze met Mizi’s stare, but it was too intense, almost scalding. She looked down to her coffee, taking a sip from it before finally nodding.
“It really does.” She whispered.
Later on, Mizi got accepted for the internship. After two years of working for dirt-cheap behind a bar in pubs or a restaurant waitress, it was the first big addition to her CV that could potentially guarantee her a better-paying job for the future. She was still helping her mother pay off some debts, so her paycheck was still halved into a meagre sum, but she was in much better shape than when Sua first saw her after those many years.
Now, she would always be around Sua, just as sweet and clingy as Sua remembered. It wasn’t exactly suitable workplace behaviour, but despite her own gentle reminders, Sua couldn’t help but soak up every bit of this lively sunshine.
“Did you listen to the Anakt Radio yesterday? I know that you love Luka’s music, so please tell me that you didn’t miss that interview!” She was still as cheerful now, even after one of her colleagues reminded her to talk less and work more. She listened respectfully, and went back to the mundane work she was assigned, but the moment she spotted Sua, she seemed to teleport right to her side. Strangely enough, her smile appeared tinged with some expectation, or maybe nervousness? Sua couldn’t tell.
“Mhm. I heard some of it.” Only a little bit before the end though. She didn’t know if it was the fatigue after work, or the ease brought by that song that wiped the content of the interview out of her mind, either way she knew she wasn’t in the mindspace for it at the time. “But our song was played next.” She said as she grabbed some documents from the file in her hand to pass Mizi. Only then she noticed Mizi’s gaze.
How should she describe it? The cheerfulness was gone, her expression… different. Sua hesitated, then reminded her gently, “You know… the one you said reminded you of us? My Clematis? I hear it a lot on the radio lately.”
Mizi snapped out of it and smiled again, “Ah. Yes, I know which one you mean. That’s good. That’s good…” She repeated, taking the documents from Sua’s hand. The girl seemed absent-minded, but for some reason a blush appeared on her face, a tempting tinge of pink Sua would love to…
“I gotta go back to work! I know you have another meeting today, so rest while you can—I can see how much they’re draining you.” Mizi squeaked and skittered away like a spooked mouse. Sua’s gaze followed after Mizi until she disappeared between the cubicles, loath to part with her friend.
A certain bold assumption started to form in her mind… It was laughably self-indulgent, too much so even. But she couldn’t help but think back to each of her hard days at work that got graced by that one comforting song, a memory of one person…
How it only started a few weeks ago, precisely when a certain intern got accepted into their company.
Sua was no stranger to her feelings. Many would call her cold, emotionless even, and few would ever hear her inner thoughts, yet despite Mizi being one of those pitiful few who really knew her, there was one secret Sua never shared with her.
Her heartbreak after their parting ran much deeper than she would ever expect. They spent years together as friends, trusted confidantes, but. It wasn’t until months after they were torn apart when she woke up from a dream of better times, a familiar ache of being denied her other part. Not a new sensation, she used to feel it a lot in the first months of their dwindling communication in between their suddenly busy daily life. But it was then that she wondered for the first time—what would she do if she could go back in time? What were her regrets?
Soon enough, she could list plenty of them. That time when she plucked a blooming clematis to show Mizi, she should have put it in her hair instead, see her blush with joy at a tender gesture. Or when they slept together in a tent on their first excursion into the mountains, she should have said it was too cold, give in to the temptation of stealing Mizi’s warmth for herself, spend a night in her guileless embrace. Check the softness of those smiling lips, pursed sweetly in sleep. To…
But those lost chances only fed the looming fear that she would only ruin it all. And so maybe letting this friendship fizzle out into a distant memory would spare her the pain of paying for her sinful desires. She could take the numb pang at the bottom of her heart at the sight of clematis blooming by her apartment building, the crumbling love that was never meant to be, but not the heartwrenching agony of tearing it apart with her own hands.
That was why she didn’t grieve their dying bond. And that’s after the initial joy of reuniting, she felt lost at what to do. A missing piece of her life was back, and she could now treasure it dearly. But what now?
.o0o.
“Pft, you look like a confused cat when you stare at me like this. Something’s bothering you? Could it be.. me?” Mizi’s teasing tone brought Sua back to reality.
It was getting late, so those who didn’t have to work overtime had already left the company premises, leaving the office half-deserted. She was standing by Mizi’s desk, clutching the file in her hand, entranced by the sight of her friend (and intern) biting the end of a pen, lost in thoughts. She meant to scold her for spacing out while working, but somehow ended up drifting off herself. She blinked a few times, meeting Mizi’s now focused gaze, tinged with playfulness and an underlying curiosity. Yet, despite a moment of confusion passing, that goddamn pen was still tapping lightly against the plush lips. Sua sighed, and reached to push the offending object away from Mizi’s face, definitely not thinking too much about it.
“You should know better than this. How is your team’s project doing?” A cringe on Mizi’s face told her that the situation wasn’t great. Apparently she was left on her own with the task of completing the documentation for the entire project, which went far beyond her work requirements as an intern. Vexed, Sua sat on the chair she pulled from the neighbouring empty cubicle, tossing the file on the Mizi’s desk.
“You’re an intern, you shouldn’t be responsible for shouldering their incompetence. I thought better of them when I was assigning you to learn from their team…” She now regretted the choice profoundly, and made a mental note to let her dad know about this unprofessional behaviour of Mizi’s team members.
Mizi was surprised by her willingness to help, but was clearly flustered. “Didn’t you just attend a meeting? You must be tired, why don’t you go home and rest? I can handle myself here…”
“Are you so opposed to the idea of us staying together alone? Don’t worry, I won’t bite you…” Sua let herself tease her a bit as she with the abandoned pen on the office desk—if she let her thoughts wander for even the shortest moment, she could still picture it against Mizi’s lips. In fact, she subconsciously looked at them, unaware of what her eyes were doing. Only when she looked up to meet Mizi’s gaze did she realise that her inappropriate stare didn’t go unnoticed.
Or unappreciated.
Mizi was blushing immensely, the pretty lips now parted in an adorable fluster. If Sua was blind enough to not see it before, then she would be a fool if she thought that her friend was not in the least interested in her. Was it Sua’s teasing that got her? Or her staring? Whatever it was, the effect was stunning, and… emboldening.
So Sua went a step further.
“Say,” She leaned closer, her arm now draped over the back of Mizi’s chair and hanging over the woman’s shoulder, just shy of a fleeting embrace, “Will I get a reward for my help?”
That was it. Mizi was thus gone. The sight of her scrambling to keep even a semblance of peace, gears skipping and clattering in her head amused Sua to no end, and she finally couldn’t contain the laughter. Feeling bold, she planted a chaste kiss that could pass as friendly on the other girl’s cheek, a ghost of impish smile still lingering on her face. “Let’s get on with it.”
She loved the view of Mizi descending into a flustered panic, but if she wanted to play with matches, then they had to finish their work first.
.
.
.
“And that should be it.” Sua stretched her tense neck as she leaned back on her chair. Mizi’s gaze followed after her, no longer so startled, but still suspicious and dodgy. “Your team wasn’t as bad as I thought—I know those documents look scary at the first sight, but once you know the right details, it all goes pretty quickly. What, is something wrong?”
She noticed the girl’s look. Mizi shook her head, and reached to massage her neck a bit, “You should get your neck checked. It’s from the stress, isn’t I know you’re good at not showing it, but you never liked public speaking, and hose meetings must have been stressful.” She seemed genuinely concerned.
Sua sighed and stood up, picking up her files, “Don’t worry, I’m okay. It’s alright,” She repeated when she saw that Mizi was about to object, “I have just a thing that always cheers me up.” A surprised look on Mizi’s face told her that the culprit had no idea how well her little ruse worked. “Let’s go. I’ll drive you home.”
In the car, Sua was considering whether she was going too fast. Her suspicions were as good as confirmed, but it didn’t mean she should take it as a green light to do whatever she wanted. However, the way Mizi’s gaze continued to drift to the radio made her want to push her luck.
“Something wrong?” Mizi asked when Sua stopped the car near Mizi’s house, but locked the car door.
Sua’s fingers drummed against the wheel, as she gave herself a moment to see if it really was a good idea… only to forget it all and turn to look at her friend. “I think this ride lacked something.”
Mizi blinked owlishly, at a loss. Seeing her confusion, Sua continued with a tinge of a smile, “You know, whenever I feel stressed and tired, my guardian angel helps me.” Her right hand slid off the wheel to rest on the radio beside the dashboard, where she tapped it twice, “Your company was more than enough to make up for it, but I still miss it…”
A hint of shock appeared on Mizi’s face as realisation dawned upon her. “I—” She started, but went completely silent without continuing.
“You?” Sua watched her with the same gentle smile, an expression that revealed nothing of the surging emotions beneath the surface. She wanted Mizi for herself. She wanted her guardian angel, her fragrant clematis, a bloom of youthful love she used to think long gone.
She hummed softly and watched as Mizi’s eyes grew wide.
“In the endless darkness… I find you with your scent…”
A short, disbelieving laugh escaped Mizi’s lips. But then, a tear fell from her eye, streaking across her face, “So… You know. How—”
She didn’t get to finish her question. She had no way to. Sua stole the words from lips, the breath from her lungs. When she opened her eyes again, she saw a blurry silhouette of the woman that meant more than the world to her. Whose presence was the only thing that let her escape the past, the painful memories of people and places that weren’t home. The indulgent fantasies of her angel, her world—her hope incarnate.
“Please stay by my side, my clematis.” Her angel whispered into her lips.
She will.