Work Text:
What happens to Jin Yuuichi, the super elite agent, behind closed doors?
Being a skilled agent meant that he is often called out for missions. This also means his time is filled to the brim with things to do, but when the night gets quiet and he is all alone, things get a little darker.
Settling in front of the window, with his back against the bed frame. In his hands is a brand new pack of rice crackers, as he stare out the window, looking out at the moon.
Sometimes Jin thinks about the people that has been taken away from him by the neighbours. It hurts sometimes, still hurts pretty bad at times.
He would be lying if he said he hasn't thought about ending it all himself. Sometimes he finds it hard to live as well. There is nothing keeping him here anymore.
Jin rips open the pack of rice crackers and places it in his mouth. It was one of his favourite snacks, still is but for a completely different reason. It was the only snack he had shared with his mother right before her death to a trion soldier during one of the attacks. It was also a snack his mother often got for him as a reward, so it is his favourite.
It's probably the only way he could still remember his mother by.
A knock came from the door bringing Jin out from his thoughts. "Jin-san, can I come in?" Yuma was standing outside the door. "Yea sure, come in. The door is unlocked." Jin said as he stood up.
Yuma opened the door. Jin has his usual lazy smile as he looks at the younger boy. "What's wrong? If you need help, you should ask Konami." Jin said.
With his side effect, he could more or less guess what Kuga would ask.
"You seem sad." Kuga said. Jin sighed, he knew he didn't hide his feelings well.
"Wanna have some?" Jin held out the bag of crackers to Yuma. Yuma gladly took one. "I'm not one to pry, but if you want to talk about it, I don't mind listening." Yuma says in his usual monotone voice. "As stoic as ever huh?" Jin says as he sits down on the bed.
Yuma also settles himself next to Jin. They kind of just settle in silence.
"I'm not sure if you know, but in a world like this, where gates often appear, there is no doubt that many would experience the loss of a loved one. No one is excluded in a world like this, me included." Jin placed a rice cracker into his mouth.
Yuma just listens. He knows that feeling, after all he lost his father too. Even though, after being revived, he seemed to have lost a part of his emotions.
"My mother was killed in one of the attacks, and my mentor had sacrificed himself too." Jin sighed. He knows lying to Yuma would be useless.
"Sometimes I think that I have gotten over it but... humans are complex beings." Jin empties the bag of rice crackers.
He picks up two bags and places one into Yuma's lap.
"I understand." Yuma mutters.
Jin chuckles as he opens the bag of crackers. "Well brooding over that won't do any good. I can only do what I can do to protect those that are still alive. After all, we can't bring back the dead." Jin says.
That's right, that's why he joined border. He joined border so that less people would experience what he has to go through.
"Hahahaha sorry it got a bit dark..." Jin laughs, trying to brush things off.
"Don't worry about it, I don't mind." Yuma said. "So uh, what did you find me for?" Jin realised that Yuma did come to him first, definitely not to hear him talk about his past.
"Ahhh right..." Yuma said.
~~~
Jin sent Yuma back to his room, then settled down in his bed as usual. He stared up at the ceiling he has seen the past few years.
Yet he continues to live another day to protect the families that are still in tact.
"The future continues to move forward..." Jin muttered to himself.
~~~
Holding a dangerous weapon sometimes is dangerous to oneself. Jin holds Fujin in his hands, the only weapon his mentor has left behind for him. He fought so hard to have Fujin for keepsake, but having such an impressive weapon sometimes tempt him.
Jin hits himself to stop his mind from drifting to such thoughts.
His mentor has placed his hopes onto him, so there was no way he is going to kill himself just because. Not to mention, right now, there are many people depending on him. He can't let all those people down.
Still, the self destructive thoughts don't stop.
It gets hard to control them sometimes.
~~~
Jin holds himself tightly trying to stop himself as tears runs down his face. "Make them stop, make them stop...." Jin muttered to himself.
Knowing the future sometimes is hard on him. There are so many possibilities, and the fact that he would see his friends and comrades die in these predictions. It gets a little much.
His breathing is ragged as he clench onto his uniform. He tries to even out his breathing, trying to soothe himself on his own.
Jin's fingers dug into his own skin, making cresent-like indents. "God please..." Jin muttered to himself. It was rare for him to act this way. It doesn't always get this bad.
Still somehow, Jin manages to gather his bearings and calm down a little. The situation that they are about to face is not going to be easy. In almost every possibility, someone would die, or get seriously hurt. It was rare, but such futures do happen.
He can't really confide all of this to anyone. They would be thrown into panic for sure.
"Get a hold of yourself, Jin Yuuichi. You have got to think of ways to get the best future possible." Jin grits his teeth as he looks at Fujin.
He can't afford to break down now, even if he really wants to. He still have got to save as many people as he can, with his side effect.
"Not today.... not today...." Jin told himself as he got down to the drawing board to try think of tactics to save the future.