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Shuuji is a big fan of three-word sayings.
As far as he’s concerned, there really isn’t any situation that a good three words can’t accurately describe, so long as you pick the right ones. Yousuke teases him mercilessly every time he recites one of them, but Yousuke wouldn’t know good advice if it stabbed him through the skull with his own spear.
He’s got a few personal favourites that apply almost all the time: Knowledge is power. Just do it. Conquer from within. Never give up. Never give in.
Never forgive Neighbours.
But recently he’s had to swallow his pride, bitter and heavy on the back of his tongue, and do the exact opposite of that. He helped Mikumo during the invasion, after all, so apparently he’s on better terms with Tamakoma than most HQ agents. Which now means that whenever Kido needs something from Tamakoma, Shuuji is the one who gets sent to deal with them.
Fucking Jin Yuuichi. Does that guy ever stop meddling?
He knocks on the front door to the Tamakoma building, hoping to see their operator or one of the senior squad members. Even Kuga wouldn’t be too bad, although one time, he’d had to deal with Mikumo being overly polite and grateful and all of that. Jin should be at HQ right now, so at least he’s spared that outcome. Maybe it’ll be the kid with the weird animal?
Instead, when the door swings open, it’s the Neighbour. The new one, from Aftokrator. Hyuse. He’s got a TV remote in one hand and a nearly-empty tub of ice cream in the other. He seems to have kicked the door open. Kicked. With his foot.
Really? This is the level of security Tamakoma has for their prisoner?
“Sorry,” the Neighbour says, shrugging. “No one else is here. I am technically not supposed to open the door, but I thought it might be more entertaining.”
Shuuji can practically feel his face start to turn red. He’s here to convey Director Kido’s message, not to entertain the enemy. He tries to restrain his voice. “Do you know when Branch Director Rindou will be back?”
“No idea.”
How very helpful.
Hyuse tilts his head. “Would you like to come inside and wait? There’s plenty of ice cream. And I would prefer not to leave any for the others when they return.”
That sounds like a very odd way to satisfy a vendetta, but not one Shuuji particularly minds. He shrugs and lets himself be led inside. The interior of the building is exactly as messy as he remembers from the few other times he’s been here, and he steps carefully after a near miss with some kind of pet food dish.
Hyuse is busy scraping a layer off the top of the ice cream tub and putting it into a bowl for himself before he digs out some more for Shuuji. “Vanilla is all that I have. Unless you would prefer dorayaki. I think we still have some dorayaki.”
“Vanilla is fine.” God, he hopes Branch Director Rindou gets back soon. Or that he wakes up and this turns out to be some sort of very strange dream.
The ice cream isn’t bad, at least.
They sit in awkward silence eating for another few minutes. Eventually Hyuse turns the TV back on to whatever he was watching earlier. It seems like it’s some kind of kids’ science show. “You actually like this?”
“It is educational,” Hyuse says, like that’s something to be revered. “Did you know that an octopus has three hearts?”
Shuuji would have been fine for the rest of his life not knowing that, but whatever. “Now I do.”
A few more minutes of awkward eating. He should have come here hours ago, when he had his break. Or he should have waited until tomorrow. Any other time, Rindou probably would have been in his office, and Shuuji could have left by now. But Jin had said that this would be a good time to stop by. And like a fool, Shuuji had taken him at his word.
“Your special elite is an asshole, you know that? Always pulling strings.”
Hyuse hits pause on the kids’ show right before they burst into a musical number. “Pulling strings? Like on a musical instrument?”
“It’s an Earth idiom,” Shuuji explains. “It means he’s a manipulative bastard.”
For fuck’s sake. He is standing inside the Tamakoma branch building, eating ice cream and explaining idioms to a Neighbour. He suddenly feels very, very tired.
Hyuse laughs, sounding almost startled. “That’s a good way to describe him. He’s always involving himself in other people’s business. It’s like he’s got nothing better to do.”
Wait, can it be? A member of Tamakoma that doesn’t worship the ground Jin walks on? “He told me that Rindou would be available if I came here now. Liar.”
He expects Hyuse to be appropriately indignant on his behalf, maybe, but instead the Neighbour groans loudly and scowls into his ice cream bowl. “Not this again. He keeps attempting to socialize me with the rest of Border. I did not think he would go so far as to leave me here alone to that end.”
If there’s one thing Shuuji knows about Jin: “He’ll go to the ends of the Earth to meddle with your life. Especially if you don’t want him to.”
“And then offer you those stupid fried rice crackers!”
“God, the fucking rice crackers.” Shuuji eats another spoonful of ice cream angrily just thinking about it. Hyuse is doing the same thing. An idea occurs to him. “Did he get you a cell phone as part of his socialization plan, by any chance?”
“You mean the strange little device?” Hyuse holds one up. The newest model, no less. Apparently Tamakoma doesn’t hold back on spending for their weird pet projects. “Yes, although I have no use for it thus far. Sometimes he uses it to check on me. Why?”
“I’ll give you my number,” says Shuuji, “and we can discuss — things. You have interesting battle insights. I have knowledge about Earth idioms and better science television. And we both dislike Jin.”
Hyuse thinks about it for a moment, then shrugs and hands over the phone. Shuuji puts his number in as “Miwa Shuuji” and tries to ignore the sinking feeling that he’s playing directly into Jin’s hand once again.
God. The man would be laughing his annoying head off if he knew.
“I appreciate it,” says Hyuse when he hands the phone back. “Although I did not anticipate — ”
There’s a loud call of “We’re home!” from outside, and before either Hyuse or Shuuji can react, the entirety of Tamakoma spills in through the door.
“Ah, Miwa!” Jin calls out, smiling, as the strange furry animal runs directly to the kitchen. He has that same knowing look that he always does. Smug jerk. “Was Hyuse here a good host to you while you waited?”
“Hello, Branch Director,” Shuuji says, ignoring him altogether. “I came bearing a message from Director Kido.”
Rindou laughs and waves a hand. “So formal, all of you in HQ! My office is this way, we can chat there.”
He ambles off in that direction, clearly expecting Shuuji to follow. Which he will, as soon as he shares some choice words with a certain elite. “I do not appreciate being stood up or made to wait like this.”
“Terribly sorry,” Jin lies. “I had no way of foreseeing our departure today.”
“Difficult to believe from a man who flaunts his side effect so often.”
“Yes, well, my mistake,” says Jin, still looking altogether too cheery as he pops another rice cracker into his mouth. “But I hope you and Hyuse had a good time. After all, you know what they say. Misery loves company!”
“Oh, fuck off,” Shuuji says, striding past him towards Branch Director Rindou’s office.
Hyuse looks like he wants to stab Jin. Or shoot him. Or dump an entire pack of bonchiage over his head. It’s kind of nice to finally have someone who agrees with Shuuji when it comes to hating that smug bastard. Even if Hyuse is a Neighbour.
He knows another great three-word phrase that describes this new situation: Enemy of enemy.
Okay, so that’s not exactly how it goes, but it’ll do.
≅
Hyuse isn’t sure why Meeden is obsessed with things that come in threes.
They have three-colour traffic lights and three types of utensils. Three meals a day. Three this, three that. Miwa’s weird three-word sayings. And apparently their groceries come in threes now as well.
“It’s a sale,” Usami explains patiently. The tone of her voice makes Hyuse want to stab something. It’s as if she’s talking to a kindergartener. (Another set of three — major levels of schooling.) “So if we buy two tubs of ice cream, we get a third one for free.”
“I see.”
This makes perfect sense, of course. Purchase incentives on a small scale line up with the policies of the Meeden economics books that Reiji gave him. What Hyuse doesn’t understand is why he has to be dragged along for this impromptu Tamakoma shopping trip.
Yotaro sidles up alongside him. “Today you’ll get your first taste of human supermarkets! Isn’t that exciting? Doesn’t it feel like you’re exploring new worlds?!”
Hyuse doesn’t think the local Maruetsu is exactly comparable to being on an away ship across planets. But Yotaro seems excited enough, so he lets it be. Even the perpetually sleepy Raijinmaru seems to be looking forward to grocery shopping.
He can think of it like acclimatization. If he’s to be a prisoner of war here for the foreseeable future, he might as well know how and where to purchase fresh produce.
“Well, then!” says the cheerful, grating voice of one Jin Yuuichi, and Hyuse is suddenly reminded of why he hates it here. Jin lays a hand on his shoulder and smiles widely. Asshole. Idiot. Jerk. “Shall we get going?”
To their credit, none of the other customers or the Maruetsu cashiers seem perturbed by the sudden presence of three border agents, one small child, and one rotund capybara.
Usami makes a beeline directly for the freezer with the sweets, her eyes already shining. Hyuse follows her, feeling like some sort of baby goose. He can feel Jin still hovering directly behind him. Raijinmaru flops down in front of one of the shelves with a loud thump while Yotaro starts looking for the dorayaki.
“Look!” Usami says, grinning. “They have Oreo flavour this time! We’re getting a quart of that. And a quart of vanilla, because we’re almost out. And, hm, azuki for Kirie and then… Hyuse, have we made you try matcha ice cream yet?”
No, she hasn’t, but she’s made him try matcha-flavoured just about everything else. Apparently most tourists come to this country because of how good it tastes. It makes Hyuse want to claw out his own tongue.
“Absolutely not.”
“Fine, fine. Then we can make him try black sesame instead. So that makes four.”
“What about mint chocolate?” Jin suggests.
Usami makes an exaggerated face of disgust, but adds a big tub of it to their cart. “Fine. That’s five. We can get another free one, then. Hyuse, what do you want?”
His mind is suddenly completely blank. What the hell are these options, anyway? Why are there so many? Most of them sound awful. How does he even know which ones he won’t hate? Maybe he’ll accidentally pick one that tastes as bad as matcha and then what’ll he do?
“Try Neapolitan,” Jin says, pointing to one of the flavours higher up. Hyuse is too relieved at being given advice to even be angry at Jin for getting involved in his decision.
He reaches up to grab it and drops it on top of the others in the cart. The cover of the tub shows an ice cream striped with three different colours, as if it’s trying to be strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate all at once. Who knows? Maybe it is.
“My side effect tells me you’ll like it,” Jin adds, and then, like the asshole he is, “and so will Miwa.”
“What does Miwa have to do with this?”
“Nothing, nothing.” Hands up in a pacifying gesture. “I just happened to see him yesterday, and it’s good to know that my juniors are getting along, you know? You don’t talk to many people, it makes me worry.”
“I am not your junior, and who I speak to is none of your business!”
“Guys, guys,” Usami says, before Hyuse can do something stupid like throw a punch, “let’s just go stand in the checkout line. Yotaro, put some of the dorayaki back, you can’t take that much.”
“Aw, man!”
Their strange entourage takes the cart full of frozen sweets over to the cashiers. Hyuse is still seething, hands clenched in his pockets. Jin is a prudent seven feet or so away for the entire trip back to Tamakoma. He disappears into his bedroom as soon as they return, and Hyuse storms into his own, leaving Usami to stack everything in the freezer. Jin is just so goddamn annoying.
Actually, he has Miwa’s number for occasions exactly like this one, doesn’t he?
The phone is still a little confusing to operate but he navigates to his contacts and hits the button to start a text conversation. Jin is so obnoxious. How do you stand him?
Miwa’s reply comes a few hours later, when Hyuse is finishing up in one of the practice rooms. What makes you think I can stand him?
You don’t seem to have punched him yet.
It’s a near thing. You won’t *believe* what he said last week.
Hyuse laughs. His credulousness can handle a lot. Does it have anything to do with three-flavour ice cream?
≊
Jin doesn’t care much about physics, but he likes the three-body problem.
Well, he likes pretty much any rule that doesn’t apply to him, which is quite a few. And he likes solving problems that no one else can solve. If he’s being completely honest, although he rarely is, it’s one of the primary draws of being in Border. He matters to its framework. He can do things for the organization with his side effect that no one else can.
He can solve a three-body problem by looking into the future for its possible answers. And while there are an infinite number, he still gets it right more often than not. Same way he gets almost everything right, these days.
It’s nice, for his current actions to all be relatively low-stress. Sure, nudging Mikumo in a certain direction will make the kid progress quicker than he currently is. And he’s looking forward to the end of the Rank Wars and the beginning of the away mission testing, and planting seeds that help with that is a good use of time. And ultimately pushing Miwa and Hyuse into each other’s orbits will lead to better outcomes for Border as a whole.
But really, none of that is preventing imminent destruction or world-saving or life-threatening. And it’s nice to just gently nudge interesting people towards one another for nothing more than the joy of seeing them interact in new, firework-explosive ways.
Such as: his side effect told him yesterday that if he came by this particular Border vending machine, he might just get to say hello to some of his precious juniors.
“Hyuse! Miwa! How lovely and coincidental to see you both!”
Miwa mutters something that sounds like “Coincidence, my ass.”
Hyuse frowns. “Your ass is a coincidence?”
“No! No. Earth idiom. My ass is a perfectly regular — ” Embarrassment catches up to him halfway through the sentence, and he finishes in a much more subdued tone. “A perfectly regular ass.”
“Mine, on the other hand,” Jin says while he peers at the vending machine’s meager offerings, “is truly befitting of a special elite.”
Miwa groans and hides his face in his hands. Perfect. “ Please shut up.”
“But it’s so fun to mess with you!” Nothing good in the vending machine. He gives up and opens a fresh pack of bonchiage. Two main possible futures. Either Miwa stands up and storms off now, or Hyuse says something.
“Is that why you do all this — all this string-pulling?” Option two, then. He even turns to Miwa to make sure he’s using the phrase correctly. How cute. “For fun, to mess with us?” He manages not to make it sound like an insult, which is rare from him. More like he’s just commenting on Jin’s choice of hobby.
Jin munches on a handful of crackers and takes his time to swallow before answering. It’s not very nice to speak with your mouth full, after all. “I do it because you two are my talented juniors, and I like it when my juniors can get along. It does great things for Border morale!”
“I am not your junior,” they both say, in unison, like a little chorus. So similar, really. Good thing Jin pushed them into speaking to each other, or they might never have realized it.
“Sure, of course. Whatever you say. Want a rice cracker?”
He thrusts one into each of their hands before they can do something stupid like refuse his offer. Hyuse starts eating his without enthusiasm. Miwa looks at it like it might be poisoned.
Is this how the repairs begin, between humans and Neighbours? Kuga and Mikumo, and these two?
Mogami would have gotten a laugh out of it, to be sure.
“Anyway, I’ve got to go. Important special elite business.” Jin pops another rice cracker into his mouth. “I’ll catch you both later. After all, we shared a snack, so we’re all friends now, right?” He tries not to laugh when both Miwa and Hyuse raise their voices in protest. “I’ll take that as a yes!”
When three bodies orbit each other, there is no closed-form solution to their trajectories. Sometimes even his side effect can’t tell where they’re going to end up.
Now, isn’t that exciting?
≋