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The first time she sees him really angry is after a particularly disapointing loss at Arrowhead. Downhearted and frustrated might be more accurate words to describe it. Even from a far distance in the suit, she can make out the tense shoulders, the determined, quick walk and jerky movements. If the helmet is intact after that throw, she can feel calm that his head is safe out on the field.
The atmosphere in the suit is decent following the loss, friends and family chatting the afternoon away, disappointed of course but glad to be all together on a Sunday afternoon. There’s drinks and food and upbeat music, Christmas is closing in on them. When Travis finally joins them in the suit, long after the majority of the other players have already left, he does so with a polite, tight smile. He tours the room, thanking everyone for coming, apologizing for not giving them a victory to celebrate. Some friends give him supportive dunks on the back, others tell him that it will just fire the team up, some extra motivation to get that Super Bowl trophy in February.
After a while he excuses himself from a conversation with some old friends and turns around, searching the room for something, then his eyes land on the corner where Taylor and Ross have been quietly chatting for the past 15 minutes. When he meets their eyes he finally lets his face fall for just a moment, lightnings of frustration and disappointment reflected there.
He approaches them quickly and before Taylor has fully registered just how quickly, she has a 250 lbs football player basically falling into her. His arms are tight around her waist, head bent down so she can feel his lips against the side of her neck and she has to take a step backwards to keep her footing.
“Fuck, Tay..,” he groans against her, his mouth must be full of her hair with how tightly he presses against her, “We shouldn’t be this bad, I..-, I shouldn’t be that useless, so sorry you had to witness that..,” he wheezes out. She can practically feel how he is vibrating with pent up frustration.
She doesn’t answer at first, isn’t sure how she should tackle this, which words convey the emotions pressing under her breast bone. The thing is, she doesn’t really care about the loss, she only cares about him. It’s the first time she’s witnessed the team losing at Arrowhead and of course he cares about the result, especially since they were so close. So she can’t say that it’s fine, that it’s only one loss and that the team should focus on perfecting it for the coming Sunday. Not right now when the wound is still open, not when all the people that admire him have traveled here to watch the game. That’s not how it works, she knows, because she’s just the same.
“Traav, babe..,” she mumbles against his ear, pushing lightly at his arms to make him lift his head so she can look him in the eye. “You know.., even when you lose you’re the hottest guy out there,” she half teases, because well, it is true. Her eyes are still soft as she searches his.
He doesn’t exactly smile, but for a small second something glimmers in his eyes and he presses a kiss to her cheek, then her mouth.
“I think you are biased, baby,” he says, shaking his head. Right then Ross coughs quietly, reminding them that they aren’t alone.
“Man, that sucked,.. Don’t forget you’re the number one TE, man,” is the only thing he mumbles, he also knows to stay on the low for a while, not say anything about how Travis should feel or what he should do. Instead he wraps his friend in a one armed hug, because with the grip Travis has on Taylor’s waist he’s not letting her go.
“Nothing’s gonna get better by staying here sulking though, I’ll make sure the party gets started..,” Ross half shouts then, giving them a short nod before pointing to some guys a bit further away and they all start moving. Leaving Taylor and Travis alone for a few minutes.
“So how are you holding up, baby?” She whispers. “Wanna ditch the party, run by Trader Joes for some ice cream and watch Friends instead..? I’ll even let you have the superior side of the sofa.”
She tries to lighten the mood a little bit and she’s serious, ice cream and Friends, that’s always a good idea. But she doesn’t get the reaction she usually gets. Instead he hums quietly, hand tangling in the ends of her hair, eyes almost dark gray from the turmoil of emotions behind them. Still he manages a small smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.
“Yeah, but I promised to go, babe. Might need some minutes by myself in the house first,” he murmurs, eyes scanning the room, gaze somehow still far away.
She’s not hurt by his lack of enthusiasm for her idea, but the feeling settling in her chest makes her uneasy. She wants to do more, wants to be the one that puts the smile back on his face, drags out that low laughter he saves just for her. So Taylor practically drags him out the door, hurrying to get them as much time as possible alone in the house before they need to put on their smiles again.
As they move towards the car someone taps Travis on the shoulder.Then it happens so fast she almost misses it, the way his face quickly changes. His far away look is replaced with a polite, warm smile and he takes his time to kindly answer the question, giving the man a solid handshake and a appreciate the support, see you at the next game.
She’ll never cease to be mesmerized by the respect and patience he shows every single person he meets. Even on a day like this, when he’d like to just disappear, he still takes his time, keeps his promises. He is a light, Travis. Her light. But also a light to so many others.
The car drive home is quiet, the only sound is the anxious drumming of his fingers against the tinted window. One hand is resting on her knee, squeezing it rhythmically, a bit harder than last week. That time they celebrated a win and his hand had moved higher and higher until she had to stifle her moans against his shoulder. It’s very different now.
As they reach the house, Travis basically bolts out of the car, taking her hand and pulling her with him, never leaving her behind, before he slams the door shut.
“I just need a minute..,” he murmurs while letting her go, disappearing through the house.
She stands there in silence for a while, looking after him. The backdoor opens and closes and she slowly follows the route he just took. Quietly, she watches him from behind the curtains. He is pacing the backyard back and forward, murmuring something under his breath, knuckles turning white with how hard he is clenching his fists.
His foot lifts up in the air before he kicks one of the decoration stones. It’s not hard enough to do any damage to the stone, but Taylor winces, he should really think about how valuable his feet are.
So she takes that as a sign, protecting him from any further damage. She gave him some space, no she’s done with that. The door opens and closes quietly when she pushes it to join him in the cold outside.
“Hi,” she says softly.
It takes a moment, then he looks up at her with a confused and surprised look.
“Tay,” he mumbles. “I just need to calm down, m’ sorry for being like this.., I’ll join you soon.”
This time she doesn’t listen to him, well, if anyone was to ask Travis he’d say she never listens to what anyone tells her she should do. It might just be true.
“No, I’m staying.” There is no room for objections, not really.
Travis sighs dramatically, defeated and opens his mouth to say something, but she doesn’t let him. Instead she tells him exactly what she’s been thinking since they were up in the suit.
She tells him that he is the most important person in her life. What she really cares about is not a win or a loss in a game, no, it’s that smile that gives him crinkling eyes, the loud laugh he can’t stop when he finds something hilarious and the softness in his eyes when he talks about things that really matter to him.
She also emphasizes that she deeply respects him as a professional athlete, and therefore it’s of course ok if he is angry after a bad game, frustrated when he can’t train because of a hurt knee. She gets it. She just doesn’t want him to be afraid to share it with her, let her be a part of the calming down process. Maybe it might even ease the frustrations, to have someone to ventilate with.
Then she adds, “The strong emotions are actually a good thing, it gives so many dimensions to you, Trav.”
It’s quiet for a moment.
“Well.., as long as you don’t do anything totally crazy, then I'm out, babe,” she adds lightly, a contrast to the seriousness of the words tumbling out of her mouth. They both know he won't do anything crazy, not more than blame himself something that wasn’t even his fault.
Most importantly though, she tells him that she doesn’t know what lucky star to thank, giving her such a genuine and good person as her partner. Hopefully for life. The last part is said softly, but not less confident.
When she’s done she searches Travis' eyes for a reaction and finds them glistening in the dark. Letting her words sink in.
“You’re too good for me, Tay,” he whispers while closing the gap between them, pulling her into a warm hug.
She shakes her head no. She’s not, but the feeling is mutual.
“And you're too good for me, what are we gonna do about it babe.., huh?” She mumbles against his chest. He just sighs contentedly against her and then quietly promises to let her in more, let her be his partner not only when everything is sunny and good.
They sway together for a long moment after that, before they get ready to leave for the party, matching Christmas shirts and everything.
When they step out into the cold December night Travis tugs lightly on her hand, nodding towards the driveway. First she can’t see anything, then, there’s one of her security guys and he’s carrying a giant bag with the Trader Joe logo in bold letters. It paints a pretty amusing picture.
“I asked for, like, all the flavors of the brand you like, thought we could find some new ice cream favorites,” he says sheepishly and continues, “So I have this plan, we can be on our way back here within the hour..” He whispers now, like what is saying is a deep secret. ‘
It earns a loud laugh from Taylor.
“Sounds amazing, babe. We’ll do season 2, starting from the prom video one,” she whispers back, just as quietly with a big smile.
“Good choice, then that’s decided.”
Travis holds out his hand and she takes it in a firm handshake. Shaking her head again.
“You know, Tay, I’ve never felt so at peace after a bad game before.., might lose on purpose to cozy up to you on the sofa,” he jokes and winks.
“You can cozy up with me on the couch anytime, baby, no need for a bad game to do that,” she says then and drags him into the car with her.