Work Text:
it hasn't even been a day yet and i already miss you. you don't send messages or call often nowadays but i still miss those. every time i click on social media and see you online, my heart hurts a little more. how i wish we could go back to when we first started working together, when we used to text everyday, call, and just have a good time. i can't do that because you need space and i respect that. i understand that. but how i miss you so much. we don't have anything special, but why does it feel like we've always been together. we never dated, yet why does my heart ache for you like we grew up together. i miss you so so much and i love you so much too. i wish we could've had something... just to try. but i understand your point. you don't want to waste my time. but you have no clue how much i'm in love with you. i myself can't even describe it. you're constantly on my mind and everything reminds me of you. i just want to be next to you, in your company. i crave your touch and your hugs, as if i've felt it before, but i haven't. part of me wants to beg for just one chance, but i respect your feelings and boundaries too much to sacrifice them for my own wants. something about you just makes me go crazy.
i always preferred prioritizing myself, especially when i know that what i have with someone isn't permanent or guaranteed, yet somehow, with you, i'd sacrifice anything for you. i'd put you before me in so many situations. your feelings before mine, your deadlines before mine, your happiness before mine. you have no clue what i'd do for you. i don't even care about myself hurting, i'm just scared of hurting you. even though, in this situation that doesn't really make sense to most people. something about your presence just makes my day. it doesn't have to be interactions with me specifically, although those are of course preferred. just your laugh, your voice, your eyes, the way you do things and the way you act around your coworkers. everything you do is so mesmerizing. your voice and your laugh are like symphonies to me. the way you act could be a whole choreography. your handwriting is art. everything about you deserves its own museum.
i just realized that giving you space means we won't get each other's news anymore. i won't be able to tell you about how i won my last gamble. wage rises are around and i won't be able to ask you about it and hopefully be happy for you if you got a higher raise than me. it hasn't even been a full day and there's so much i miss about you. i just realized how present you are in my routine. i just realized how much space you had in my life. i know i used to think that you were distant and that we weren't close anymore, but now that i'm trying to actively stay away from you it feels like we were close. i can't help but always stare at you every time i see you. hell, i think i got caught earlier at the general meeting. i don't know. something about you is always so attractive. even when i passed by your office, i couldn't help but steal a glance.
i'm trying so hard to not think about you but it's so hard. i miss you so much and i love you so much. the fact that you said you wanted to "sort your feelings out" is messing with my head. even now, i can't help but still hope you might like me back. seeing you talk to another girl makes my heart ache. because it makes me realize how that won't be us for a while, or forever. i'm still scared we can't stay friends. i love you so much but i think i can set aside those feelings and settle for friendship if that's the only way i can keep you in my life. i'm so constantly spaced out and daydreaming. you're so pretty when you're nonchalant. you're so pretty when you're just enjoying your life and having fun, i'm almost jealous. i wish i were invisible so i could always just watch you from afar without fearing getting caught. you're so mesmerizing when you're just existing.