Chapter Text
Oscar was, in every sense of the word, stupid.
He tapped his pencil on his notes, nervous. Everything sucked so badly he considered moving to another country and starting over, making all the right choices this time. But no, here he was, stupid, stupid, stupid.
Tomorrow, he had a major test—the one that practically defined the semester—and all he could think about was Lando. Which, in hindsight, wasn’t exactly normal. Well, it was and it wasn’t. Obsessing this much over his best friend was objectively weird, but not for Oscar, who had been stupidly in love with him for six years and had never managed to stop. Not even when he had started dating Emily.
He banged his head against his books. So stupid.
The problem was that Oscar genuinely liked Emily. She was beautiful, smart, sometimes funny, and she even smelled nice. But she wasn’t as beautiful as Lando, wasn’t as funny, and definitely wasn’t as brilliant as Lando, who had an imagination and creativity no one else ever would.
Oscar was an idiot. He’d gotten fed up with watching Lando—popular, outgoing Lando—find a new girl or guy to kiss whenever he wanted. So, in a moment of foolishness, Oscar said yes to a date with Emily. Then there was another date, and before he knew it, everyone was expecting them to be together, so he thought, “Yeah, sure, why not?”
Everyone except Lando, who couldn’t stand Emily. He always had something to say: “She’s mean,” or “She listens to terrible music, Oscar.” So, yeah, a total mess. Emily didn’t like Lando either, so any time the two of them ended up in the same room, it always led to a fight. Always. And Oscar, who was a weak man, ended up siding with Lando. He kept trying to explain to his girlfriend that Lando wasn’t actually mean—even though he knew Lando was, especially toward her.
A sound at his window pulled Oscar out of his self-pity. Little rocks tapped against the glass. With a sigh, he went to open it, finding his collection of small stones lined up along the window ledge.
Lando was in the house next door. It was London, just too close to his own home.
Oscar’s family had moved away there when he was eight years old, after his mom got a better job. Suddenly, they were all living in a new country, in a smaller house under a perpetually cloudy sky. It was fine for Oscar; he liked the rain. But he was a shy kid in a strange city, unable to make friends, and spent his days reading or watching the rain fall. He felt lonely, wondering if there was something wrong with him. His sisters made friends quickly, spending entire days at the park, while Oscar struggled to even say hello to another kid without feeling pathetic.
One day, someone knocked on the door. Oscar’s dad was busy cooking dinner, so Oscar answered it. He was surprised to see a neighborhood kid standing there. He knew his name, of course—when you have no friends, you become a good observer. Lando was wearing a Spider-Man hoodie and joggers. His curls were a bit too long and in need of a haircut, as his mom would say. In his hand, Lando held two bright orange toy cars. They looked cool; Oscar had some, too.
“Hi! I’m Lando,” the boy said, smiling. “Can we be friends? My mom says you’re cool, and I’m really cool, too. I’ll share my toys with you! Promise.”
“Really?” Oscar replied, smiling a little. Lando was like a prince, radiating confidence. “Okay.”
Just like that, Oscar found his first and best friend. Being around Lando brought him more friends, since Lando loved talking to people, and people loved him too. That was fine by Oscar, though; he only shared his favorite toys with him.
But everything changed when they turned nine, and Lando began having nightmares. Oscar remembered hearing little Lando talk in the street about a monster called "Enderman." Noticing the short distance between their houses, Oscar gave Lando a bag of small stones the next day.
“When you can’t sleep, just knock on my window, and I’ll stay with you.” Lando hugged him so tightly that Oscar almost couldn’t breathe.
That night, with a flashlight and a bottle of water, they talked through the window until Lando fell asleep on the couch of his room. Oscar felt proud. What started as a single night became years of late-night visits. They were suddenly seventeen, and Lando was still knocking on Oscar’s window with the same small stones they’d collected on their walks to school.
“What, Lando?” Oscar asked, noticing Lando wearing his red hoodie—the one Emily had posted on her stories.
“Sorry,” Lando mumbled, glancing at his feet. He always looked down when he lied. “Is the witch around?”
Oscar took a deep breath. He considered closing the window but stopped, finding it hard to resist Lando’s guilty face and tousled curls.
“She’s my girlfriend, you know. You should respect her.”
“She’s an evil witch and a manipulator.” Lando began fidgeting with the rocks. “I don’t like her.”
“Well, lucky for you, she’s mine, not yours.” But Oscar was weak and leaned further out the window. Lando smirked.
“She’s horrible, Osc. And rude. And has terrible taste in music. You’re way too good for her.” With that, Lando reached over, and Oscar climbed through the window, his limbs briefly suspended before he landed in Lando’s room.
“You should break up,” Lando insisted.
“No.”
“Why not?” Lando’s room was familiar—his DJ console, the bed by the window, a desk cluttered with papers, a MacBook, and a shelf of model cars beneath a TV with his PS5. His uniform lay on the floor, next to a glass of water on the nightstand surrounded by pictures of their families and of him and Oscar.
“Because I like her,” Oscar replied, which wasn’t entirely a lie. “Come on; we need to study.”
“Wait, wait. Are you mad?” Lando looked at him closely, and Oscar’s heart softened.
“No, Lando. I’m not mad.” But Lando kept searching his face, as if looking for reassurance. Oscar sighed. “Come here, sunshine.”
He opened his arms, and Lando didn’t hesitate, falling into his embrace. Lando smelled like jasmine, laundry detergent, and something else Oscar had come to think of as home. Oscar kissed the top of his head, holding him tight.
“I didn’t mean to call her a vampire dick sucker, by the way,” Lando whispered. “She just doesn’t want to share you.”
“I know. I’ll talk to her.”
“I don’t want us fighting over her, though. Promise?” Oscar nodded, not ready to let him go just yet.
“Promise,” he said, because in no universe would he deny Lando anything he wanted.
“Great, amazing! Can we nap? I’m exhausted from all the fighting with… Emily,” he said, glancing apologetically at Oscar.
“Yeah, sure. I’m kinda tired too.” It wasn’t a lie—Oscar was exhausted by his own mixed feelings. “Oh, and I’ll need that hoodie back.”
They settled in bed, with Oscar’s head on Lando’s chest, listening to the rhythm of his heartbeat. Lando played with his hair, and Oscar squeezed his waist, closing his eyes. Maybe, in another life, things would be different.
“I love you, Osc,” Lando murmured.
“I love you more.” And that wasn’t a lie.
"Why are you doing this? We shouldn’t even be discussing this again! It's insane that the little brat does whatever he wants and you let him."
Oscar was beyond tired—he was exhausted. He hadn’t been able to sleep after napping with Lando. He hadn’t slept, even when he walked into class to take a miserable exam that took far too long because his eyes kept closing. And all the while, Lando decided that the red hoodie was the perfect outfit choice for school—a school with a strict uniform policy and, unsurprisingly, no red in its color scheme.
“It’s just a hoodie,” Oscar explained. He knew Lando all too well; Lando had been stealing his clothes since they were nine, ever since Oscar got that cool car-themed T-shirt.
“It is not just a hoodie! God, Oscar, are you blind?” Emily practically shouted, drawing the attention of others nearby. Great , now they had an audience. “I posted a picture of myself naked, wearing only your hoodie, two days ago! He saw the damn story, and now he decides to wear it? What is he trying to do?”
"Look, Em. He liked that hoodie. Yesterday he asked me for it, and I gave it to him. If there’s someone to be mad at, it’s me," Oscar explained. He was exhausted and needed a coffee—desperately. "And I honestly don’t see the problem. But you’re upset, I’m tired… Maybe we can talk about this later?"
“No! Oscar, for God’s sake!” Emily was furious now, her wide brown eyes blazing with anger. “Why are you always defending him? He’s using you, Oscar! All the time. When he’s sad at three in the morning, he calls you. When he wants to eat, it’s your money he spends. When we’re finally having a moment, he calls because he wants you to drive him! He’s using you!”
It wasn’t like that at all. Oscar always kept his phone on silent, except for Lando, because Lando could be a little needy, and Oscar loved being needed by him. So, when Lando called him at three in the morning, Oscar was more than happy to hang up on Emily and fall asleep with his head on Lando’s chest. It wasn’t just a perfect excuse—it was the better plan.
Money was never an issue. Never. Lando ate like shit, so if he wanted to blow all of Oscar’s money on Takis, he could. As for the driving, that was the best part. Oscar loved driving Lando around London, music blasting and trash food strewn across Lando’s lap. It was a dream they’d shared since they were eleven, watching the cool high school guys cruise around in their cars.
But Emily would never understand that.
“It’s not like that,” Oscar said simply, brushing a hand through his hair. “Em, he’s my best friend. That’s the worst part for you, isn’t it? But I’ll never change anything between him and I, but you knew that. I told you that at the beginning.”
“Oscar. You fuck me at night. In your bed. You kiss me. You touch me. Not him. I’m your girlfriend, and he needs to understand that he’s not your priority anymore.” That was a lie. Lando would always be Oscar’s priority. But it was stupid, because it shouldn’t be that way. It would never be. “We’re together, and Lando is just your friend. He needs to understand that.”
“Yeah, yeah. You’re kinda right. But I don’t understand what you want me to do.” Emily took a step closer to him, placing a hand on Oscar’s cheek. His hands were warm, making it a little uncomfortable.
“Well, not using your hoodies would be a good start.” Emily leaned in to kiss him, but Oscar didn’t follow the change in tone of the conversation. He was too tired for this. “Come on, we shouldn’t fight.”
“Osc?”
Emily was about to kiss him, and Oscar’s hand rested on her waist. He didn’t want to fight either; he just needed to sleep. But then Lando’s voice, sweet and caring, interrupted the moment between them. Oscar turned his head to look at Lando, feeling Emily sigh and mutter a curse under her breath.
Lando was standing there, fiddling with the sleeves of the red hoodie. His curls were a mess, probably because he’d fallen asleep and hadn’t heard his alarm, which had delayed Oscar as well, since Oscar always drove them both to school.
Lando had a smile on his face, but the mood quickly shifted. Oscar had his usual soft and loving smile, while Emily wore a devilish grin. The bastard did that on purpose.
“Yeah, Lando?” Oscar asked, his hand still resting on Emily's waist.
“We’re busy, Norris,” Emily spat, her other hand reaching for Oscar’s hair. Lando’s face soured.
“Yeah, we all saw you screaming, Buster.” Lando shot back, stepping closer to Oscar and giving him that look—those eyes that always made Oscar melt. “Sorry, Osc, but it’s time for lunch. You told me we would eat with the guys. George is getting pissed.”
Oscar nodded. He offered Emily a strained, apologetic smile before pulling her hands away from him—warm and uncomfortable. Lando stepped back, staring at his hands with something Oscar despised: doubt.
"Sorry, I'll catch you later, yeah?" he said, placing a hand on Lando's shoulders to steer him away, making sure Emily couldn't start another fight. They walked for a bit, Lando unusually quiet.
"Hey, do you want the hoodie?" Lando asked finally, his voice small and sad. Oscar wished he could go back and have a chat with Emily.
"No, Lando. I don't. It doesn't bother me. You look better in it than I do, anyway." It was true—Oscar loved seeing his clothes on Lando. He also loved when Lando handed them back, and they smelled like jasmine, detergent, and home.
"You sure?" Lando insisted, already pulling the hoodie off.
"Yeah, mate, I'm sure. But you’re going to get dress coded for that." Oscar paused for a moment. The most likely explanation was that Lando hadn't had time to grab another sweater that morning, and the weather was a bit chilly. "Here, take mine."
"Thank you, Oscar," he said politely. He took off the red hoodie and put on the new blue one, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, this is so much better." Oscar smiled; it certainly was much better than the other one. "So, Friday night I have a party, and they'll let me play. Are you coming?"
"We have an exam on Monday, Lando," Oscar complained, tossing the red hoodie onto his backpack. There was a strange combination of Lando's pleasant scent and Emily's artificial one.
"But it’ll be fun, and if we don’t drink anything, we could study all weekend," Lando said, giving him puppy eyes. "Please?"
"Yeah, whatever." Oscar didn't have the heart to say no to him. Besides, it would be fun. Every time he watched Lando on stage, he felt so proud that it made him happy for the whole week. Something he really needed. "You didn’t tell me how your exam went."
Lando made a weird sound, frustrated, which was funny. It was exactly how Oscar felt.
" We don’t talk about Bruno… " Lando started singing. "Hey, so today you’re giving me extra classes? For the make-up?"
"Sure. We can make cookies if you learn something."
"Oh my God, I love you so much," Oscar smiled, the endorphins in his brain kicking in, just as they always did when Lando said those words.
"Chocolate ones?" Lando asked.
"Yeah, but only if you study," Oscar replied, holding the cafeteria door open for him. Lando made a funny gesture. "At five it’ll be great. I have training today."
"I know, but I’ll wait for you by the grades. I’m not your pretty girlfriend in a cheerleader skirt, but I’ll still scream your name."
You cheerleading for me is better than anything here, because it makes me happy that you decided to be with me. Oscar didn’t say a word, probably for the best.
"Okay. Maybe Charles will stay too, to keep you company."
Lando nodded, pulling the sleeves down over his hands. It was really cute, Oscar thought. They were almost the same height, but Oscar liked how Lando's clothes always seemed a little more disheveled.
They stood in line together, both of them scanning the options for food. Finally, they settled on a sandwich and a Coke—definitely not the healthiest choice, but after that exam, they deserved it.
However, something felt off. Lando was rummaging through his backpack, not handing the sandwich to the kind lady.
Oscar decided to take the food from Lando’s hand.
“No, Osc. I can pay,” Lando said.
“Stop being silly. I always pay for you. You’re acting weird, mate.” Oscar frowned as he handed over the money. He knew Lando better than he knew himself—it had always been that way. So, yes, Lando was acting weird, and it made Oscar’s heart ache. He hated the thought of a world where Lando was a mystery for him. “Okay, done. Now, what’s going on?”
Lando had spotted the table where all the boys were gathered. George was hunched over his laptop, somehow managing to eat a salad while Alex chatted with him. Across from them, Charles and Max sat in silence—Charles nibbling on a slice of pizza while Max leaned on his elbows, probably stressed about that stupid exam. Even from a distance, it was obvious to anyone that Charles kept stealing glances at Max, always teetering on the edge of doing something but never quite taking the leap.
It was fine, though. Lando was on his way, and he always managed to get everyone to talk, even when they didn’t know how to.
Oscar loved that about him, actually.
“I was thinking…” Lando said as he cracked open a Coke, not even waiting to reach the table. “About your cute and totally not toxic girlfriend.” Oscar nodded, his gaze fixed on his shoes as they walked. “I don’t like seeing you sad.”
“You’ve never made me sad, Lando.”
“Oh.” Lando took a sip of his drink. “But I don’t like being a burden.”
Oscar stopped walking almost immediately and turned to face Lando. He looked nervous, which was strange—Lando was never nervous. Carefully, Oscar shifted his sandwich and drink into one hand, then reached out, brushing Lando’s curls back behind his ear.
It was painful, really—always being able to touch Lando, but never in the way he truly wanted to.
“Listen to me, you idiot. You are never, ever , a burden. I love you. I love doing things for you. I love seeing you in my hoodie. I like paying for your stuff because I love you. You don’t owe me anything— ever . You pay me back just by being here.”
His voice caught as he pulled his hands away. Oscar felt pathetic. “Are we clear?”
“Yeah. Well... no, yeah. I love you too. I just thought maybe you wanted to stop, and you didn’t know how to tell me.” Lando, for his part, reached out and touched Oscar’s cheek. And Oscar—weak, hopeless Oscar—leaned into the touch. It was worth it because Lando was smiling again, and that alone made it easier for Oscar to breathe. “I don’t use you,” Lando said softly.
“I know, sunshine.” They exchanged a look—a simple one, yet full of love, care, and quiet adoration. “Listen,” Oscar continued, “Emily is just... intense. But I’ll talk to her. I promise you that.”
“Yeah, and tell her to fuck off, I was here first.” Oscar laughed, nodding as they walked toward the table.
“Hello, my boys,” Lando said as he slid into the empty spot. Oscar, almost instinctively, took the seat beside him, their thighs brushing together. “What's going on with Max?”
“My father is going to fucking kill me.” Max whispered, and Oscar felt a twinge of guilt as he checked his phone. Emily had posted a photo of them together, accompanied by way too much text. Still, he kept reading—it was... nice. Kind of.
“Oh shit, bad exam?” Lando asked, noticing Oscar's distracted expression. Oscar kept his gaze on the phone, answering with a lot of heart emojis. Then he deleted it all, typing out a simple “Love you, Lan” before posting it. He slid his phone into the pocket of the hoodie Lando was wearing and began eating. “Yeah, me too, mate. That was like a massacre,” he uttered, chewing.
“He’s going to kill me,” Max said again, his voice tinged with panic. Lando kicked Charles under the table, and Oscar muttered in discomfort before giving Lando a light punch in return. Lando kissed his shoulder as an apology, and that was more than enough to ease Oscar’s irritation. “Mate, I can’t believe I did so bad,” Max continued, shaking his head in disbelief.
“Hey, do you want to sleep at home?” Charles offered, a soft smile tugging at his lips. They were insufferable when they weren’t fighting—in that moment, it was just plain annoying. “I have to go to physiotherapy, but after that, you can come over,” Charles added.
Oscar took a sip of Lando’s Coke, a smile spreading across his face. Lando grinned in return, resting his chin on Oscar’s shoulder as he leaned in, watching Max and Charles talk.
“Still bad?” Alex asked, leaving George alone with his laptop.
“Not really. I think I’ll be able to play next Sunday,” Charles explained, his hand hidden mysteriously under the table. Casually, Max mirrored his posture.
“We need you, mate,” Max added, nodding in agreement. “Come watch?”
“Oh, yes. Please, Charles, I’ll be so bored if I’m left alone today,” Lando said, his voice dripping with exaggeration. “I’m sure I don’t understand how you three enjoy sweating and running after a ball.”
“It’s not about that…” Oscar started, but then his attention shifted. “Oh, hi, mate.”
Oscar gave a clumsy wave to Logan, who was smiling as he stood at the table. Lando immediately leaned in closer, tightening his arm around Oscar, hugging him like his life depended on it.
"Hi to the boys," Logan said, and everyone smiled and waved at him. Lando started chatting with Charles and Max, while the others just settled into eating.
Logan glanced at Lando and Oscar for a moment, then decided it wasn’t worth asking what was going on between them.
"So, bro, I had the best idea," Logan continued, shifting his focus back to Oscar with a grin. "Like, amazing." Oscar raised his eyebrows, intrigued. "Remember Belle? Well, she just asked me out on a date, and your girl was there, so... double date?" Logan suggested, his grin widening as he watched Oscar’s reaction.
Lando, on his side, went still, his posture tense.
"When?" Oscar asked, his voice thoughtful. "I’ve got something important on Friday." He remembered the event, squeezing Lando's hand gently as he spoke.
“Yeah, the party? I was thinking maybe Saturday. Just chill, grab something to eat in the park. You know?”
“Emily will probably prefer a restaurant, mate, but yeah. Sure, sounds fun.” Lando pulled away from Oscar. “I’ll text Emily later to confirm. She has this place she likes, but it should be fine at night.”
“Cool. I have class, but I’ll see you at football. See you too, Lando,” Logan said as he said goodbye. Oscar turned his attention back to Lando.
“Yeah, well, maybe I’m lazy, but at least I look really hot. You, on the other hand, Max…” God, Oscar loved him so much.
Lando was sitting on his bed, checking his phone when Oscar came out of the shower. He was looking for a t-shirt, probably something clean, just washed. Every muscle ached, and his thighs were sore. He grabbed the McLaren shirt and then lay down on the bed next to Lando.
“God, I’m just so tired,” Oscar said, toying with Lando’s t-shirt. “Where’s my phone?”
“I don’t know,” Lando replied, lying down too, facing Oscar. “Want a nap?”
“No. You need to study.” Lando started drawing softly on Oscar’s face. It was so calming that Oscar closed his eyes for a moment. “You’re manipulating me, you brat.”
“Is it working?” Oscar opened his eyes and sighed softly. He nodded, then lifted Lando slightly, pushing him to the side of the bed. He hugged Lando around the waist, pulling him close. Lando, for his part, continued drawing on Oscar’s face.
“Yeah, it’s working.” He whispered.
From his window, the one facing Lando’s house, came a pink light. Probably from the dawn. It was calm, golden, and perfect. Lando’s body was always cold, and it made him feel so much better compared to the warmth of his own. Balance, like they were. The noise from the street had died down, replaced only by birds and kids playing with their bikes, shouting as their parents told them they had just five more minutes. And a world that didn’t have Lando—at least, not the way Oscar had him.
Maybe Emily was right. Maybe he gave too much attention to Lando. But he didn’t know how not to. He was the earth, and Lando was the sun—always shining, making him grow, making him feel alive. Lando was the pink-golden sun that came through the window, calm and comforting. He was also the sun that rose in the morning, full of hope and light. He was the midday sun, hot and annoying. He was the sun. Lando was his gravity, the center he needed to survive.
“Twenty minutes,” Oscar negotiated. “Twenty minutes of napping, then we study and make cookies.”
“Twenty minutes is not a nap, Oscar. An hour.” And Oscar was always inclined to give Lando whatever he wanted. So he nodded, shifting so his head rested on Lando’s chest, and Lando’s hand began playing with his hair. Oscar sank his fingers into Lando’s perfect waist and let himself breathe.
“I love you so much, Osc.”
So, in the end, they both lied. When Oscar woke up and checked Lando’s phone, it was past midnight. The moonlight filtered through the window, casting a soft glow over the room. It was a beautiful moment.
Lando lay beneath him, his expression calm, almost angelic in his sleep. Oscar could count the delicate curve of Lando’s eyelashes, the small marks on his skin, and the steady rise and fall of his chest with each heavy breath. It was perfect.
But Oscar had a girlfriend, and maybe staring at his beautiful friend for five minutes was... creepy. He gently detached himself from Lando’s arms, careful not to disturb him, and began searching for his phone. Once he found it—tucked away in the hoodie Lando had worn that day—Oscar quietly made his way to the kitchen, closing the door softly behind him to avoid waking Lando.
He started making a quick dinner for both of them—just some burgers and potatoes in the air fryer—while checking his texts. Most of them were from his girlfriend, full of angry messages. There were a lot of missed calls too. It was late, so the best thing to do was probably see what she wanted.
He paled slightly, then went straight to Instagram. Indeed, Emily had every right to be angry with him. Oscar had spelled the wrong name. He quickly deleted the comment and typed a new one, making sure to spell everything correctly this time. He even added an “I adore you, baby,” doing his best to smooth things over. He was fucked up. Maybe this little crush would complicate everything, maybe everything was already lost. Oscar in love was a mess, especially because he was in love with Lando. But he didn’t want to feel that way. Being friends with Lando was better than not existing in his life at all.
In that moment, his phone rang. It was Emily.
“I´m so sorry, Em.” It was the first thing he said, trying his best to stay calm.
“Do you even want to be with me, Oscar?” It was the only thing she said. Emily sounded sad, a little heartbroken. God, Oscar felt like a terrible person.
“Yeah, of course I want to,” he replied quickly, trying to steady his breath. He checked on the potatoes, needing something to do, anything to avoid making this worse. “I really do. You’re an amazing girl.” The words felt empty, but he meant them. It just didn’t change the mess inside him—the mess he’d created without even realizing it. “How about this: I take you out to dinner tomorrow as an apology. Then we can also go out on that little double date with Logan. How about that? I’ll make it up to you.”
Oscar's voice wavered slightly, but he was desperate to make things right. He just needed to fix it—somehow.
Emily stood in silence for a moment, and Oscar took a deep breath. The weight of everything felt crushing. It was all so terrible.
Lando was upstairs, sleeping, maybe dreaming about his perfect love life—the one Oscar had ruined by being in love with his stupid best friend, the one who had no idea how to even feel about it. Oscar couldn’t even get his own emotions right.
“Yeah, that sounds nice.” Oscar sighed in relief, starting to prepare the burger buns. “But Oscar, you know that we can’t work out if you and Lando…”
“I know,” he interrupted, his voice low. It wasn’t something he wanted to talk about, but the truth was right there. “But he is my best friend, Emily.”
“You know I don't like him, right?” Emily said. “He is always there, Oscar.”
“He is my best friend,” Oscar said, his voice barely a whisper. And the love of his life, maybe—the loss of his life, definitely. “And you said you were fine with it,” he added, his words heavy with the weight of everything unsaid.
“Yeah, with Lando being your best friend. Not the way he…Oscar, people think that you’re actually dating.”
“We are not,” Oscar said too quickly, almost tripping over his own words.
“You don’t let me do half the things he…”
“Emily, I have to go. My mum is telling me to shut up.” Oscar quickly cut in, the lie hanging heavy in the air, anything to avoid the conversation spiraling further. “See you, bye.”
Oscar hung up and left his phone on the kitchen table. He started breathing heavily, as if the world was upside down. He knew, of course, that he and Lando were touchy, maybe even too much, but he didn’t care about that. What mattered was that if everyone found out about his stupid, secret love for Lando, then Lando would find out too—and everything would fall apart.
“Osc?”
Oscar closed his eyes, feeling the weight of everything on his chest. He turned slowly, watching sleepy Lando standing in the kitchen doorway, looking at him with concern. Lando took two big steps toward him and wrapped his arms around him, pulling Oscar close. Oscar felt like the air was ripped from his lungs, but he hugged Lando back just as tightly.
“You weren’t in bed,” Lando murmured softly, his voice thick with sleep.
“I’m sorry,” Oscar said, his voice barely above a whisper. He wasn’t just apologizing for not being in bed with Lando. He was apologizing for something much deeper—something that weighed heavier on him than he could put into words. Something that made his heart ache every time Lando was near.
“It’s okay. I’m hungry anyways.”
“Yeah, I suppose.” Oscar took a deep breath, forcing the mask he wore in front of everyone else—no expression, nothing to show. It was probably something he learned from all the time spent with Lando. “Here, let me finish this, and we can eat in my room.”
“Sleep well?” Oscar asked, his voice soft, trying to keep things normal, even though his heart was anything but.
“You know I always sleep amazing with you; you’re so warm,” Lando said with a small smile.
Oscar couldn’t help but smile back. He knew he was like a solid, steady surface—unmovable, unchanging—but it was nice to hear Lando liked that about him.
“You were on the phone. That was Emily?” Lando asked.
“Yeah,” Oscar replied simply, his tone clipped. He was tired of talking about her with Lando. Tired of everything, really. “Stay the night,” he said suddenly, the words out before he could think them through.
“Are you sure? I don’t think Emily will like that,” Lando said, frowning slightly.
Oscar’s heart ached at the truth of it. No, Emily wouldn’t like it at all. But tonight, he needed Lando. His cold and warm presence at once, the little bubble of safety they shared, even though Oscar knew he would break it someday. He needed Lando to calm him in the way only he could.
“Yeah, I kinda need you tonight, mate,” Oscar admitted, his voice softer now. It was the truth. He lied about so much to Lando, but this—this he couldn’t lie about.
“Okay,” Lando said simply, as if it was the easiest decision in the world. Can I say something, though?” Lando asked, his voice softer now.
“Of course, Lando.” Because Lando could stab him in the heart, and Oscar would still be hopelessly in love with him.
“You’ve got a smile so beautiful, I think it could light up the whole town,” Lando said, his words carrying an almost shy honesty. “But… since you’ve been with Emily, you’ve turned it off. It’s kinda sad.”
“I know,” Oscar said quietly, because he did. He always knew. “It’s just... I’m really tired of the drama. But I think maybe... maybe I create the drama,” he admitted, his voice wavering slightly. Saying it out loud felt like cracking open a door he’d been trying to keep shut.
“No, you don’t,” Lando said firmly, shaking his head. “The problem is her. I think... she doesn’t get you.”
Oscar didn’t reply right away, instead focusing on plating the potatoes and burgers. He glanced at Lando, who was now grabbing some water and cups, avoiding Oscar’s gaze.
Without saying more, Lando began walking toward Oscar’s room, his steps quiet in the late-night stillness.
Oscar followed, carrying the food. It was late, and the weight of everything hung in the air between them, unspoken but understood.
Both sat down on the floor, the soft glow of the bedside lamp casting a warm light over them. Lando slipped on another hoodie—it didn’t matter whose, as long as it kept him warm. He was always cold.
Oscar moved closer, the warmth of their proximity comforting in the quiet night.
Lando took a bite of the food and smiled. “This is really good,” he said between chews.
At least I didn’t mess this up, Oscar thought, his own small smile tugging at his lips. For a brief moment, everything felt simple again.
“One episode of Criminal Minds ?” Lando asked, his big eyes locking onto Oscar’s.
Oscar noticed the bit of ketchup in the corner of Lando’s lips and, without hesitation, reached over to wipe it away. Lando didn’t pull back; instead, he leaned into the moment, comfortable as always.
“Lando, you ended up traumatized after the puppet episode,” Oscar complained, though not seriously. He actually liked that week of sneaking into Lando’s room because Lando couldn’t sleep alone. It had been... nice.
“Yeah, but I really think Hotch and Emily—you know, the cool one—might end up together. So… one episode? You’re sleeping with me tonight anyway,” Lando said with a grin.
Oscar sighed in defeat, already scrolling through the catalog for the show. He had a real problem saying no to Lando.
“I’m pretty sure JJ is better with Emily,” Oscar said absently. “She’s, like, a total lesbian.”
Lando gasped dramatically. “How dare you ruin my ship?!”
“Mate, they’re like madly in love. I don’t understand how you don’t see that,” Oscar said, setting up the episode and getting comfortable against the wooden frame of the bed. He popped the last bite of his food into his mouth and smirked. “You have a terrible gaydar.”
Lando huffed, pulling the hoodie tighter around his hands as if it could shield him from Oscar’s teasing. He sat cross-legged beside him, eyebrows raised in mock offense. “Excuse me, my gaydar is excellent. You’re just projecting your lesbian fantasies onto JJ.”
Oscar snorted, leaning his head back against the bed. “Right, because recognizing the obvious is a fantasy now.”
“You just want everyone to be gay.”
“Maybe I just want you to have a better taste in ships.”
Lando gasped dramatically. “How dare you insult my impeccable taste?!”
Oscar chuckled, hitting play on the episode. “Impeccable, sure.”
“I like you, right? I mean, I love you. And you’re definitely a catch, so… I have amazing taste,” Lando said with a smug grin, nudging Oscar’s shoulder. Oscar froze for half a second before Lando kept talking, oblivious.
“And Hotch too—he’s like super hot,” Lando added, leaning back with a dreamy sigh.
Oscar exhaled a soft laugh, his chest tightening. “So, you’re saying I’m on the same level as Hotch now?” he teased, masking the sudden whirlwind of emotions.
“Pfft, don’t flatter yourself,” Lando quipped, grinning. “You’re more like... Hotch’s secret weapon. You know, dependable, always there.”
Oscar smiled faintly, looking back at the screen. He could live with being Lando’s secret weapon, even if it hurt sometimes.
They ended up watching three full episodes on the floor, the dim glow of the screen illuminating their quiet laughter. When Lando started yawning, Oscar took it as his cue to tidy up. He gathered the empty plates, glasses, and discarded wrappers, stacking everything on the desk in a neat pile to deal with tomorrow.
Meanwhile, Lando shuffled off to the bathroom, toothbrush in hand. He still used the brush Oscar’s mum had bought just for him—soft bristles in Lando’s favorite color. It was one of the many small ways she’d made Lando feel like part of the family, ever since the day he’d saved Oscar from being the quiet, lonely kid no one noticed.
Oscar plugged both their phones into the chargers, noting the dangerously low batteries with a shake of his head. Once done, he slipped under the covers, settling in the middle of the bed like a silent invitation.
When Lando came back, dressed in his old pajamas—ones he’d left at Oscar’s months ago—he grinned sleepily and crawled in beside him. "You’re the best," Lando mumbled as he burrowed into the blankets.
Oscar smiled softly, turning off the lamp. "Yeah, yeah. Go to sleep, sunshine."
“Cuddle me?” Lando mumbled, his eyes barely open, his arms reaching out for Oscar.
“Sure.” Oscar responded softly, pulling Lando closer and resting him against his chest, fingers gently running through his curls. It was moments like this that made everything feel right—being so close to Lando, the steady rhythm of their breathing in sync.
“Night, Lando,” Oscar whispered, feeling the warmth of Lando’s body against his own.
“Night, Osc. I love you.”
Oscar’s heart tightened, hearing those words. Maybe he’d never get this with Emily: the peace, the butterflies, the quiet, effortless love that seemed to radiate between them. The way Lando’s presence filled the space around him, balancing out the warmth and the cold, the caring in every gesture, every word.
But for now, he had Lando, and maybe that was enough. Maybe one day, things would change. Maybe one day, he wouldn’t hide his feelings, wouldn’t make comments meant for someone else’s eyes. Maybe one day he could love Lando without the weight of pretending.
But not today.
Today, he could hold onto this—his best friend, his love. Just for today, it was all he needed.
“I love you more,” Oscar whispered, his hand brushing through Lando’s curls one more time, before the world blurred into the quiet comfort of the night.