Chapter Text
«Seungkwan, are you okay?»
Seungkwan is used to losing. On God, he has lost so many times in his career he doesn’t even keep count anymore. And, as every good athlete, he's glad for those because each loss has helped him grow into the tennis player he is now. The tournament that hurt the most was the one in Seoul when he was 13 years old, his first ever loss in a final, and the one that hurt the least was his first US Open. He didn't even expect to qualify that young, let alone win, so just the experience of one match was enough for him. But the title of loss that hurt the most is soon to be replaced with this one: losing at the Wimbledon final.
There's one thing that groups in all these losses: Kim Mingyu.
Each one of them is crafted by the hands of Kim Mingyu.
«Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?» Seungkwan responds to his senior, best friend, and occasional doubles partner, Yoon Jeonghan who is on the other side of the phone, probably making sure Seungkwan has turned off the news for the night. He hasn’t. «I mean, Kim Mingyu took away from me the possibility of getting closer to winning my first Grand Slam, why would I not be okay?»
Seungkwan has been pretending to be okay the whole day for the cameras. Trying his best to smile and answer the journalists' questions politely.
How does it feel to lose against Mingyu Kim for the first time this season?
How do you feel now that you won’t win the Grand Slam?
Are you happy that another person from your country won?
So, after 20 years, you still can’t play on grass as well as on other fields? What does your coach think?
Bottling up tears, thoughts, and emotions to then let them out on the tennis court once the tournament is over is a strict part of Seungkwan’s routine. A part he still hasn’t gotten used to because at times he just feels the crippling urge to reply with the mere truth.
It feels terrible.
I feel terrible.
Yes, but here we are merely recognized for our nationality, this is no Davis Coup or the Olympics. Therefore no, I don’t care much.
Yes, it’s my weak point. And what does Jihoon think? That it’s okay, unfortunately for you, he doesn’t hate or resent me for it.
Because, let’s be real, who would believe the answers he actually gives? That he’s just “happy for him” and that he just feels “more challenged” after losing against his historical rival? Pure bullshit. At least the biggest part, he surely feels more challenged, but that’s another story. All the reporters seem to know he’s hurting, he’s never been good at hiding his emotions, and yet, they always seem satisfied with Seungkwan’s lies. And with Mingyu’s as well. The two tennis players have been pretending so well for years to cheer for and support each other that Seungkwan himself sometimes believes it while rewatching the interviews.
Like anyone else, I don’t like losing, but I’m happy a friend won.
It makes me feel like I need to work harder so I can be a better opponent for Mingyu.
Of course I am, I want to congratulate him again.
Hahaha, yeah, it’s my Achilles heel, but we’re working on it. Jihoon is always satisfied with me and my performance when I pour all I have into the game.
As he thinks more about it, deep down, there’s something that makes the adrenaline in Seungkwan’s body rush at the end of the game while he shakes Mingyu’s hand above the net, smiling politely at him, knowing he has, yet again, won. Knowing that he has, yet again, succeeded in defeating him. Knowing that he has, yet again, lived up to the oath he made to himself when he swore to always beat him. There’s something even more exciting when they meet in the final and Mingyu comes second, so he has to watch Seungkwan from behind, holding the winner’s cup high with the public cheering for him.
But today, after one year, Seungkwan was again on the other side. He was the one receiving the “you still did well” smile. He was the one behind Mingyu watching him lift the cup. And he now hopes he never gets to experience it again.
Seungkwan hears three distinguished knocks on the door.
«Jihoon’s here, I’ll call you later?»
«Mhmh, don’t forget about your doubles partner. I love you. Say it back.»
On Seungkwan’s face appears the first real smile of the day. «I love you too.»
And as he hangs up the call, Jihoon enters Seungkwan’s hotel bedroom and closes the door behind, leaning on it.
«I am okay.»
Seungkwan is the first one speaking, the british newscast filling the background noise.
«I haven’t said anything.»
Jihoon has his hair tied up in a bun and he’s wearing a fitted shirt that makes his big arms look even bigger. He can see why he was nominated the hottest coach of the season.
«I am okay.»
It seems like those are the only words that can come out of Seungkwan’s mouth that won’t make him completely break down.
«I know.»
Jihoon smiles and sits next to him on the couch. He knows he shouldn’t say anything unless it’s Seungkwan speaking first. He’s now there as his friend, not as his coach. They both are looking at the television, now displaying the last point of the first set. Seungkwan lost that one.
«Did I play well?» Seungkwan asks as he watches himself sit on the bench and drink water.
«Of course you did.»
«Tell it as my coach now.»
Jihoon chuckles. «Of course you did. You were better than last year, you put Mingyu under a lot of pressure, and it lasted until the fifth set, you did everything you could. We know Mingyu’s strongest point is grass, which is your weakest one, so you played well.»
«All right, then when you have the report with everything I’ll read it thoroughly.»
«Forget about Wimbledon now and focus on the Olympics, okay? You’ll be playing both single and double, even if it’s on clay, you need to have your head in the game for it.»
Seungkwan nods.
It has always been his dream to take part in the Olympic Games. For Rio 2016 he wasn’t good enough, in 2020 Covid hit, therefore when Tokyo 2020 became Tokyo 2021 he unfortunately got injured just a couple of months prior the event, ending his season early with Wimbledon. Despite his condition, he still went to support Jeonghan, who played in doubles with his arch enemy, Kim Mingyu. This year, instead, he was able to qualify and, most importantly, attend because, as of now, no injuries are preventing him from going back to the Roland Garros in Paris, but to compete in the Olympics this time.
Wearing his country’s uniform competing in the biggest sport event in the world won’t affect his ranking in any way, as a matter of fact, in the world of tennis, it’s the least important event, hence why some tennis players decide to sit out. Instead for Seungkwan it’s always been a dream, and Jihoon, his coach, and Wonwoo, his manager, allowed him to take part without any kind of discussions and hesitation, even if it might tire him out for more important, at least ranking-wise, tournaments that will follow. A decision that partially changed Seungkwan’s life as he has the honor of being the first tennis player as male flag bearer for South Korea after his astonishing results.
«When are we leaving?»
«For Paris?» Seungkwan nods. «In more or less ten days. But from Seoul, if I’m not mistaken you have a couple of schedules there before Paris. And we have the plane home tomorrow morning at 10 am. Make sure to set an alarm.»
Seunkgwan hums. He knows it won’t be necessary, Jihoon will call him asking if he’s up to go for a run, waking him up anyway.
«Do you think I’ll ever win Wimbledon?» Seungkwan stares emotionless at his reflection on the TV screen, which Jihoon has promptly turned off just a couple of seconds before. «Or I’ll never get a Grand Slam?»
Getting a Grand Slam is Seungkwan’s biggest dream, at times even bigger than the Olympics. He’s 27 now, he is not too young anymore, ergo he has gained a lot of experience, but not too old either, ergo his body can still react well to the extreme exercises. It’s the perfect time.
Seungkwan’s mother always thinks that winning shouldn’t be his prime goal and dream, but finding the love of his life and giving her a grandkid she can take care of while they watch him play with the cameras recording them cheering for him every time he scores an amazing point should. Seungkwan always huffs when every time they call she brings this up. He doesn’t have much time to date and he won’t, not until he gets his first Grand Slam. And even if he did, he would probably be an awful boyfriend, he barely makes time for his friends (he has just a handful, and two are part of his staff and one is his double partner), how could he make time to go on dates?
«The more you worry, the more it won’t happen. Only a few tennis players got a Grand Slam in their careers, even Federer didn’t and he’s your favorite. If it’s bound to happen, it will happen.»
«It’s just…»
«Seungkwan, I told you. Focus on the Olympics, then we’ll focus on the US Open, and then the rest of the season, and maybe we’ll talk about Wimbledon after. I have to go now, I have an interview, but I wanted to check on you. Don’t worry, okay? We’ll work harder so you can win.»
Seungkwan faces the second loss of the day. He agrees with Jihoon and decides not to bring up the Wimbledon discussion for a while. Or until they have to actually watch the match together on the plane home.
«For a job or the press?»
Jihoon ruffles Seungkwan’s hair. «Press, you’re stuck with me now. Forever.»
Seungkwan smiles. Jihoon is the biggest gift Seungkwan could have ever wished for. The perfect coach for a hothead like him. Seungkwan loses his cool easily while Jihoon always stays calm, and just looking at him in the audience makes Seungkwan feel more at peace. Seungkwan is hard on himself, Jihoon instead is always kind and knows the right things to say: Seungkwan doesn’t need someone who pushes him harder, he already does it on his own, he needs someone to help him take a step back instead. And Jihoon, a coach some people overlooked, is instead the perfect match for Seungkwan.
So, yeah, Seungkwan isn’t letting go of him, and Jihoon isn’t letting go of Seungkwan either.
«Don’t forget to call Jeonghan.»
Oh yeah, he also won’t let go of Jihoon either way since he is dating his best friend.
Seungkwan’s phone vibrates beside him.
New Message
So, the usual? 9 pm? 10 pm?
Seungkwan smiles. Some things will never change.
«I’ll give him a call, don’t worry.»
🎾
«The thing is, I dedicate my whole fucking life to this stupid fucking sport,» Seungkwan’s racket hits the ball, sending it right on the baseline, making it harder for the guy in front of him to reach it, but he still does. «And I still fucking lose. And I fucking lose the fucking most important competition for me.» Seungkwan hits the ball sending it on a perfect trajectory again, almost impossible to hit. Despite the difficulty, the guy hits it, but judging by the trajectory, Seungkwan knows it’ll be out.
«That’s a lot of fucking.»
«Want me to tell you that too?» When the ball comes back into Seungkwan’s side it bounces out of the field behind Seungkwan, who throws his racket on the floor and makes his way to the net.
«There’s no need, honey. I heard you loud and clear today when you said a couple of swear words in Korean, but I didn’t know if it was towards me or the referee,» Seungkwan shoots a deadly look. «What? I’m Korean too, I have perfect hearing, and I’m not a snitch. I think only I heard it.»
«I just, I just want to win,» Seungkwan sits, his back leaning on the net. And shortly after his opponent does the same thing. They are now back to back. «I want to destroy you on the field and get that fucking Grand Slam, Kim Mingyu.»
Yes. Oh, Seungkwan and Mingyu’s sweet ritual after any competition they both take part in and make it to the final matches: meeting at a local tennis club that is open until late at night and play for two or three hours to release all the tension.
Seungkwan feels the sweat dripping down his arms and his face, tingling his eyes from where tears are fighting to get out.
«Then do it,» Mingyu laughs. Seungkwan hates his laugh. And he also hates how good he smells, even after sweating for so long. «Beat me. Destroy me.»
«I’m trying, for the love of God, I’m trying so hard to beat you.»
It’s been like this from the dawn of time.
Seungkwan tries his hardest to be the best. Mingyu just is.
Seungkwan takes everything at heart. Mingyu consoles him.
«You're first in the ranking. Doesn’t this count for you?»
Seungkwan turns his head to look at Mingyu. He is playing with a tennis ball and smiling. He looks so calm, like his usual self, it wouldn’t be weird if it wasn’t that he has just won Wimbledon, preventing Seungkwan from taking another step towards his first Grand Slam.
Seungkwan looks at Mingyu from above, just like his name on the world ranking looks at his, which is placed second.
Yes, Seungkwan is currently the best male tennis player in the World. Mingyu is second. They are close, they always have been, and yet they are always far away. The approximate 6 thousands points separating them, or the places where they decided to train, or the net between them. Seungkwan uses everything he can to keep a safe distance from Mingyu, his first best friend, his first rival, his first one-way love, his first heartbreak.
«Not until I get a Grand Slam.»
«I bet Jihoon has already told you that not winning one won’t make your career any less impressive.»
«Many times.»
«Do you believe him?» Mingyu stands up too. Now he is the one towering over Seungkwan, that stupid height, if Seungkwan could steal some away from him, he could also run and reach those impossible trajectories that Mingyu places. Those legs also keep Seungkwan away from higher ace percentages since he can also reach the fastest ones.
«Not one bit,» Seungkwan takes out the ball from his pocket and throws it in the air and Mingyu catches it before it could touch the ground. «Last set?»
«You said that two sets ago, it’s the first time we keep going for five. Are you trying to replicate today’s game?» Seungkwan shrugs. «Yeah, as I thought. Well, we’re on a draw, we might as well go for the last one.»
Seungkwan looks at his watch. 12:12 am. And then he also looks at Mingyu’s watch. They’re almost similar, both from the same brand they endorse.
«Why aren’t you coming to Paris?»
Seungkwan asks as nonchalantly as possible. It’s a question that has been occupying his mind for some time now. He wanted to face Mingyu again and they both qualified automatically, but the guy turned down the offer.
«Cute, will the greatest player in the world miss me? The guy he says he hates?» Seungkwan involuntarily blushes and takes that as his cue to go to the side of the field where Mingyu was during their previous set. «What? Did I hit right where it hurts?»
«No way I’ll miss you, there are plenty of other people to face that will make the competition interesting.»
«But no one is like me.»
Mingyu is right.
No one is like him, at least for Seungkwan.
No one makes Seungkwan’s heart race during a match like Mingyu does. No one knows Seungkwan well enough to put him under pressure like Mingyu does. No one is as nice to look at as Mingyu as he sweats on the field and lifts up his shirt to dry himself.
No one smiles at Seungkwan the way Mingyu does when it’s Seungkwan the one winning.
Seungkwan has probably watched every single Mingyu’s match since their middle school days, he has a specific smile when he wins, even the ones against Seungkwan. And he has another specific smile for every match he loses, and it’s the same one he has when he loses against Seungkwan.
And then there’s this one smile, the one he has when Seungkwan beats him. It’s indecipherable. There’s a hint of sweetness that confuses Seungkwan and doesn't allow him to fully understand it. But he likes it. He loves it. And he never wants to stop seeing it.
«Don’t flatter yourself too much, Kim Mingyu.»
Seungkwan watches Mingyu walking to his side to get ready for their last set. Seungkwan looks attentively at him. And his legs Seungkwan is so jealous of. But then he looks away before Mingyu can comment on it.
Seungkwan tilts his head. What is he waiting for? And Mingyu, as he heard him, extends his hand.
«What?»
Seungkwan rolls his eyes. A typical activity for when he is in the presence of Kim Mingyu.
«Pass me that other ball you keep in your pocket. It’s my turn to serve.»
«I don’t know if they have taught you this, but if you turn around, you can see it’s full of tennis balls.»
«I know, but I like that one the best.»
Mingyu smiles coyly. It’s a game, and Mingyu is winning at this too. He knows it.
«So, are you going to give it to me?»
Seungkwan takes the ball out and tosses it towards Mingyu.
«Thanks,» It arrives precisely where Mingyu’s standing and he doesn’t have to move one bit to grab it. «That was all I needed to know.»
«What do you mean?»
«I’ll give you the answer if I win. But play fair.»
Fuck Kim Mingyu, who perfectly knows that Seungkwan’s pride (and a old promise) would never let him lose on purpose, even to discover something he is very curious about.
«And by the way,» Seungkwan says, interrupting Mingyu’s serve routine. «The swear words were for the referee. I think he had a crush on you, he kept calling them out when they were clearly in. I’d never insult you like that, not to your face at least.»
Seungkwan winks and sends a flying kiss, which Mingyu takes and stores it in his pocket.
In the end, Seungkwan won that night, so he will have to wait. And no, begging in the changing room didn’t work.
🎾
«Did you finally kiss Mingyu or did you just beat his ass on the court in a very boring safe for work way?»
«Yoon Jeonghan, does this seem like the moment to ask me that?»
Because Seungkwan would tell his friend to go and fuck himself if it wasn’t that Jeonghan is in front of him. In a hospital bed.
«It’s always the right moment to ask you if you have finally realized you still like Mingyu and that you want to fuck him and then also go on a date with him. Or the contrary. I don’t care as long as you admit that.»
«No, it's not the right moment. Jeonghan, sweetheart, you have a cast on your leg.»
«Not my first time, you know it.»
Jeonghan chuckles with a hint of sadness Seungkwan can immediately distinguish, so sits on the chair next to the hospital bed and holds Jeonghan’s hand.
«It’s the first time this serious. I rushed here with Jihoon as soon as Wonwoo told us everything. How did it even happen? During practice?» Jeonghan nods. «How bad is it?»
«Not enough to destroy my career, but enough to end at least this season here.»
If Jeonghan is holding up well, or maybe he is just pretending to, Seungkwan isn’t. Because out of the two, it’s always Seungkwan the one taking care of Jeonghan’s health, making sure he takes all his supplements, does the right stretching before and after practice, and actually shows up at their mandatory check-ups.
«I’m sorry.»
Jeonghan continues, barely looking at Seungkwan in the eyes.
«For what? This is not your fault, it can happen to anyone.»
«For the Olympics.»
«Hey, you don’t need to worry about it. I can also drop out of the doubles, I’ll just focus on the single. I know our fellow citizens will understand. You need to focus on your recovery now.»
«No. There’s no way, we need that gold metal.»
«How do you even know it will be a gold one? We might have gotten eliminated in the first round.»
Seungkwan laughs but Jeonghan is very serious in front of him.
«We have a reserve. Registered. You know, just for this kind of occasion. A reserve we know works very well with us both as we have already played with him.»
«So, why did you wait until Wimbledon was over to tell me you hurt yourself? Did you do it for Jihoon? He was so mad at you and the way here, and then he calmed down, and then he got mad again.»
«Don’t ignore me,» Jeonghan takes away his hand and crosses his arms. «You know playing with Mingyu is the best solution.»
«Jihoon’s years in med school turned out pretty useful now, looking at your medical record,» Jeonghan is still pissed at Seungkwan constantly avoiding the Mingyu-Olympics topic, but he follows Seungkwan’s eyes to where Jihoon was standing, at the end of Jeonghan’s bed, talking with a doctor, updating him on the entire situation. «Talking with the doctors, knowing well what’s best for you. I wish I had a boyfriend like him.»
«You see him more than I do. We already share my boyfriend. And you could have a boyfriend of your own who would do all that for you, if you only admitted that your hatred towards Mingyu is based on love and a silly one-way rivalry that, at the end of the day, just pushes you to be better.»
Seungkwan rolls his eyes. He doesn’t love Mingyu, all he feels is hate and only hate. They have too much history for Seungkwan to feel something for him besides that.
«And that possible boyfriend will be your doubles partner for the Olympics, no discussions here. You don’t want me to use the “your best friend is in the hospital” card, right? You won’t be a baby and you will gulp it down and play with Mingyu, right?»
Now they are both crossing their arms, and Jihoon has joined them, also crossing his arms.
«Why are we all mad? I should be the only mad one since my boyfriend has been in the hospital for the past 2 days and I didn’t know about it.»
Jeonghan extends his arms and Jihoon turns the other way. He is not a fan of physical affection by default, but Seungkwan loves catching the small smile that appears on his lips every time Jeonghan showers it with physical affection. Jihoon pretends not to like it, but the moment Jeonghan stops or is mad that Jihoon rejected it, he immediately asks for more.
«I wanted you two to focus. Luckily the media attention was on you and no one noticed I was rushed here, this private clinic was the best choice, they are rather discreet. And I also needed time to think about how to make Seungkwan accept playing doubles with Mingyu at the Olympics.»
«There’s no way I will accept.»
Jihoon is facing them again and immediately holds Jeonghan’s hand.
«But you will because there are no reasons for you not to. It’s your dream going to the Olympics.»
«I hate him.»
«Not enough.»
«He just won against me.»
«Even better. You’ll show you’re not a baby and that you can collaborate well with the second best player in the world that just defeated you in the oldest tennis tournament.»
Seungkwan knows Jihoon will stay on the same side as Jeonghan and won’t let this go.
«He doesn’t want to.»
«I think he has no problem with that, and even if he did, do you know why he would still go?»
«Because he is not a baby?»
Both Jeonghan and Jihoon nod. Seungkwan losing three times in the past two days wasn’t on his bucket list. Two against Mingyu and once against his friends. Awful couple of days for him.
«Ding ding ding, we have a winner! I’m so proud of you Seungkwan. I know you can do this.»
Seungkwan knows he can do it, it’s just a couple of weeks, it won’t be the end of the world. After all, not going was just a wishful thinking that lasted a couple of seconds. It’s the idea of maybe disappointing his country in two categories that partially restrains him from going. He was in his best shape before Wimbledon, and now he wonders about that too. When he plays for himself the worst that can happen is losing, here he is not playing only for himself and his score. If he loses, it means losing a gold medal for everyone, not just himself.
«I’ll be there for you, okay? The whole tournament, and I would have even if I wasn’t your coach.»
Seungkwan nods.
«Tomorrow at 10 am the training with Mingyu starts, don’t be late.»
🎾
«Have you also told Mingyu not to be late? Or do you reserve punctuality for me?»
Seungkwan is looking at the time on his watch and tapping his foot frenetically. 10:30 am. Seungkwan is known for being late, even if recently he is trying his best to arrive on time, but he can’t tolerate Mingyu also being late.
«You have never told me the reason why you hate him this much.»
Jihoon sits next to Seungkwan on the bench.
«You know the statistics well, he’s the one who wins the most against me. I have all the reasons to hate him.»
«Minghao, Joshua, and Mingyu are the ones you lose against in approximately the same percentage, and you adore Minghao and Joshua.»
«They didn’t stop me from Grand Slams two years in a row.»
Seungkwan is referring to the previous year in which he and Mingyu splitted two Grand Slam tournaments each, Mingyu scoring Wimbledon and the US Open, while Seungkwan got the Australian and the French Opens.
«But they defeated you on many other occasions.»
Seungkwan is staring down at his shoes.
«They did. I guess Mingyu and I go way back. I can’t believe Jeonghan has never told you anything.»
«After Challengers we have agreed not to base our relationship on work.»
Seungkwan chuckles, a little offended, but he still understands them. He hasn’t dated in a while, but his last boyfriend, someone outside of the tennis world, also imposed a time constraint on the tennis talk. He said that since it’s a huge part of Seungkwan’s life he had all the rights to talk about it, but he couldn’t make it the main point of their conversations. This worked for a while, but then when Mingyu hit the scene again after a break he took from 2019 to early 2020, they inevitably broke up.
«I didn’t know I was considered work.»
«Gossiping about you is fine, but talking too much about your tennis performance isn’t. And since Mingyu is directly connected to both, I usually don’t ask.»
Seungkwan turns towards Jihoon. «You asked many times, but Jeonghan told you it’s not his place to tell you, didn’t he?»
«Yeah.»
«When I moved to Seoul for middle school I didn’t know anyone and he was the first friend I made. He then introduced me to his friends, but I never really liked them. For the first year he didn’t play tennis, but we used to play together from time to time, I think I gave him his first tennis lessons ever. You know, he kept saying that he wanted to spend time with me and playing tennis was the only way to do it, so he started playing,» Jihoon’s expression becomes different and more interested in this. He probably wants to question further, but also lets Seungkwan continue. «And he was such a quick learner I was very surprised, so I suggested him to join the tennis club with me and he did. We became inseparable, we also did many doubles together, because he kept insisting. We had an awesome friendship, everyone joked saying we were dating and he always played along with it, saying I was his boyfriend. He was obviously joking, but I guess I developed a crush.»
Seungkwan looks up and there’s no Mingyu or any person from his team in sight, so he keeps talking.
«During our last year of high school he was competing professionally too, and because of both his talent and his looks he started to develop a fanbase too. I sent him a letter confessing my feelings. I felt like I was going to explode if I kept everything inside even a few moments longer. In particular in that moment in our lives, I don’t know, I felt like he was feeling something for me too? Even with the fame, he kept coming back to me, and at the time he was already in doubles with Jungkookie and he still insisted on training with me. I don’t know, he made me feel special. I guess it was just an act.»
«Did he reject you?»
«Not explicitly, I thought he might have never received the letter, but one week later some articles were published about him dating someone else and he cut almost all contact with me. I started to see him again after a while but only at the tournaments. I think I made one of my goals always beating him,» Mingyu finally appears in front of them so Seungkwan wraps it up. «We never talked about it. I guess it’s fine.»
«Wouldn’t it be better to talk about it?»
«Almost a decade has gone by, there’s no reason to bring it up again. I’m over it.»
«No you’re not over it.»
Seungkwan is ready to answer back but Mingyu is now close to them. Seungkwan notices that Seokmin, Mingyu’s manager, has iced americanos and a bag from an expensive bakery. Seungkwan is relieved though, because he wouldn’t have known how to justify his behavior which clearly indicates that he is, in fact, not over it.
«Seungkwanie isn’t over what?»
«You don’t have the right to know since you’re almost half an hour late.»
«I’m sorry, I had a meeting and then there was so much traffic on the way here, and since we were already late, we stopped to take apology sweets for everyone.»
Mingyu explains and Seokmin sets everything on the bench where Seungkwan and Jihoon were previously sitting. Jihoon thanks them. And right before Seungkwan can criticize Mingyu’s choice since he follows a rigid eating regimen, Mingyu starts talking.
«And since I know you follow a strict diet,» Mingyu says addressing Seungkwan. «I made sure the iced americano is sugar free and decaf, and there are a couple of protein bars I saw you eating at Wimbledon.»
Mingyu himselfs hands everything to Seungkwan, who can just accept without complaining much. He muffles a thank you as he takes a sip of his coffee, funnily enough, from one of Seungkwan’s favorite cafès.
«So, Seungkwan, do you still prefer to stay on the right?”»
Playing with Mingyu is convenient as when they are on the receiving turn, he can easily stay on the left side and Seungkwan on the right one, since they are respectively left-handed and right-handed and both prefer forehand.
«Only if you still prefer to stay on the left.»
«Oh,» Seokmin says after he gulps down his bite. «I always forget the two of you used to play together. It might feel like you’re young again.»
Seungkwan’s bite is instead hard to swallow. For many reasons.
First and foremost, he’s going to play with Mingyu again, the guy he hates the most. And secondly, because he is watching Mingyu eating one of those expensive pastries he also wishes to eat but can’t because of the eating regimen he has imposed on himself. Nor Jihoon nor Wonwoo would tell him anything if he started to loosen up, but he knows it’s better if he doesn’t.
The hardest bite to swallow about Mingyu is that he doesn’t spend as much time as Seungkwan practicing, and yet, he is just a little behind him on the scoreboard. He’s born to be talented in everything he does, and tennis isn’t an exception. He’s built like a model, so he strikes many more brand deals, and he can accept them all as he can take away time from practice because his talent will make up for it. He can eat what he wants, go to parties, meet famous people, and appear on variety shows. On the other hand, Seungkwan has had to sacrifice everything to be at the top. His family, friends, relationships, hobbies. He still has the fame and the money, granting him a stable life and also an undying love from the public. However, at the end of the day, tennis and all of its derivatives are the only things that Seungkwan allows himself to care about.
Seungkwan might be the number one, but Mingyu is the one winning.
🎾
«Okay, this was the last practice. You two are better than I expected.»
«Well,» Seungkwan says, drying the sweat off his forehead. «We are placed first and second in the world ranking.»
«I know, but not every good single player is good in doubles. You two work out weirdly well,» Jihoon explains and he seems pretty satisfied knowing he touched a delicate nerve for Seungkwan. Mingyu just takes everything while smiling. «Seungkwan, make sure to rest a lot because tomorrow we’re leaving for Paris. And Mingyu, your coach sent me everything I need to know about you, and honestly I hate the way he trains you and how he keeps score, I hope you didn’t mind the change.»
«No worries Jihoon, I’m having so much fun and I’m also considering stealing you away.»
«Don’t you dare,» Seungkwan points the racket at Mingyu in a threatening manner. Just he retires it as soon as he notices he's getting too familiar with Mingyu. «Just enjoy him while you can.»
It’s 9 pm. It’s already dark outside and he and Mingyu are both exhausted, painting on the court reaching out for the last drops of water. The increasingly humid weather isn’t helping at all. Jihoon didn’t hold back in the slightest during this practice. Seungkwan is satisfied about it, he has been dreading the times in which Jihoon would push him even harder, and he finally did. Jihoon clearly also wants them to win so he’s making his athletes work hard to achieve that gold medal, forcing them to practice until 11 pm every day.
To Seungkwan’s surprise, Mingyu hasn’t complained once about the amount of work. He is always smiling, always encouraging Seungkwan, always lifting up the spirits, even when things go badly.
Seungkwan would never admit it out loud, but playing with Mingyu is fun.
Not only because another presence pushes Seungkwan to be even better, but because he can still easily read Seungkwan and his intentions. At times, he doesn’t even have to call the ball, Mingyu lets him hit it. Sometimes he scores, sometimes he doesn’t, but they both smile at the end.
Might it be because the two of them study each other’s games to the detail, at least Seungkwan does, or because of their past experience, but Seungkwan also feels the same way about Mingyu, knowing perfectly what his plans are.
What makes it all work is that, despite their hatred, they always meet halfway.
It would be stupid of Seungkwan not to admit they still carry a good chemistry they have developed throughout the years, however, he would still not admit it out loud.
«You two can go ahead, I’ll clean up.»
Seungkwan looks at Jihoon, who then looks at Mingyu, who then looks back at Seungkwan, who now is also looking at Mingyu.
They all know he isn’t going to just clean up but that he will probably call a friend or ask a member of the tennis club who passes by to play with him so he can practice a little longer.
«I’ll stay here,» Mingyu says, bending down to pick up some balls. «I’ll help him clean up.»
«There’s no need. I can handle it on my own.»
Seungkwan says, knowing on the one hand that his words won’t make Mingyu change his mind, and knowing that a part of him actually wants Mingyu not to change his mind.
«I know,» Mingyu steps beside Seungkwan and wraps him around him. «But a couple more hands won’t hurt anyone.»
Jihoon knows damn well they aren’t just going to clean up, just like he knows saying anything will be a lost cause. «Just don’t get too tired, you in particular, Boo Seungkwan. You have a flag to carry on a boat.»
Both Seungkwan and Mingyu pursue their lips as they look at Jihoon going away, blubbering to himself that taking care of those two without Jeonghan will be the end for him and that he deserves a raise for this.
They exchange a look and Mingyu picks up a tennis ball.
«So, are we going to play against each other or are we really cleaning up?»
«What do you think?»
It baffles Seungkwan how after just one week of practice on the same side of the court, they can read even more easily what the other is going to do, even now that they are playing against each other. Their exchanges are taking longer and longer and Seungkwan can feel the sweat dripping down his eyes and his hand almost giving up on holding the racket.
Mingyu lets the ball go, giving Seungkwan the final point to win the second set.
«Why did you let that go? You could have reached it.»
Seungkwan did a backhand, placed in a convenient place for Mingyu as he couldn’t give all his power and precision to the hit. Anyone could have reached it. So he angrily steps towards the net, a crippling pain in his right foot he has just noticed.
«No, it’s okay, you won. I was getting tired anyway.»
«No you weren’t, I know how you look when you’re tired and you are not.»
Mingyu sighs and approaches the net to get closer to him. «Seungkwan…»
«You promised Mingyu,» Seungkwan feels the tears fighting his eyes to come out. «You promised to never let me win, not even in practice, not even one point.»
«Seungkwan,» Mingyu softens his tone and Seungkwan feels overly embarrassed. He has never cried in front of Mingyu, at least in recent years, not even a week ago and not even the previous year, or the one before it. It’s weird though, he wonders how it would feel. Mingyu used to give great hugs that would make everything go away. «I’m sorry, it was just this time, I saw you limping and I didn’t want you to get hurt. I remember our promise and I have never let you win, not once.»
«Okay,» Seungkwan wipes away the only tear that successfully escaped and clears his throat. «Okay, I’m sorry. I know. it’s just built-up tension.»
He turns around, gulps down another tear, then turns back towards Mingyu, who is looking at him worryingly.
«They won’t be disappointed if you don’t win, as long as you try your best.»
Seungkwan has never signed up for Mingyu still being able to read every single emotion off of him with the same easiness as he’s reading the subway newspaper.
«I don’t know, they can be pretty ruthless online.»
Seungkwan has never signed up to let himself be vulnerable in front of Mingyu either. And yet, a part of him dreads to let go.
«Then they better take their racket, start competing, and make it to number one,» Mingyu hesitates, but puts his hand on Seungkwan’s shoulder and Seungkwan lets him. He also lets him squeeze it. The simple gesture almost brings Seungkwan to the verge of tears again. «You can do this, and if you don’t, it’s okay, there’s always next time.»
Seungkwan notices how long Mingyu’s hair has grown. It’s cute.
Seungkwan breathes out. «Thank you.»
«I’m sorry again, by the way, I know I shouldn’t have let you get the last point. But you make sure not to put too much pressure on your foot, alright?»
Seungkwan nods. His legs were hurting too much he didn’t even realize his foot, where he had to undergo surgery in 2021, was hurting too. It’s not bad most of the time as he can do his usual routine without worrying much about it. However, it seems like his intensified sessions in the past year in preparation of competing in doubles with Jeonghan, now Mingyu might have been a little too much to handle.
«You should also eat something sweet from time to time, I bet it would only benefit you.»
Seungkwan starts to pick up all the balls scattered around the field and Mingyu does the same on the other side.
«You mean like the expensive pastries you brought the other day?»
«Exactly, enough of protein bars or protein shakes, you should enjoy actual food a little more.»
«I do, just not right before a competition.»
«But we’re always competing, Seungkwan. You need to relax a little, go out more, see your family, try new restaurants, date, unless you already are, but I’m not seeing anyone looking at you from the bleachers. You’re rich and beautiful, you should enjoy your rich life more.»
«It’s not by doing that that I will keep my number one position for as long as possible.»
«And what if you lose it, it will happen eventually, so you might as well live a little while you’re at it,» Seungkwan’s and Mingyu’s eyes meet in front of the basket where all the tennis balls are stored. «Don’t you think?»
Seungkwan tries not to give too much weight to the fact that one day he might lose his number one position. Even if all of his efforts are always paying off and he knows he will always be remembered, just like he knows many kids now take him as an inspiration, he still wants to elongate his results as much as possible.
«Do you mean enjoying it like you do?»
The comment sounds different out loud than he had in his mind. It bites more than he intended to, but Mingyu doesn’t seem to mind, he just laughs it off.
«Yeah, I mean, I still train a lot, I love being in the top 2, just like I love buying expensive things with the money I win,» Mingyu sits down on the bench. «However, I’m sure you’d still be number one even if you loosened up a little.»
«Not everyone has the gift of talent like you have. Some of us need constant training and sacrifices to be where we are.»
«I sacrifice a lot too, Dispatch only likes to underline my crazy life though. They don’t care that I spend every day of my life training too. Those 10 minutes I do something they can write about are more interesting.»
Seungkwan would like to admit he doesn’t know what Mingyu is referring to, after all he hates the guy, but he still is pretty aware of all the gossip surrounding him. And he kind of pities him. Mingyu has great achievements and he started to reach them before Seungkwan, who eventually catched up, and yet all the media and general public talk about is his private life, treating him like some kind of entertainment and not as one of the best tennis players in the world, which is how Seungkwan sees him.
However, despite how much Seungkwan tries to ignore the gossip regarding Mingyu, he can’t escape it. So he knows about Mingyu allegedly cheating on his ex-girlfriend during the Australian Open, news debunked by Mingyu himself in an interview saying that they already broke up. Just like Seungkwan also knows about the rumors currently circulating about Mingyu’s new flame, a girl often seen sitting with his family during the games. Seungkwan has seen her too. She’s pretty. Her and Mingyu would be a cute couple.
«You have to become less hot then if you want to leave you alone. If you’re ugly like me, they care less.»
Mingyu throws a ball at Seungkwan who promptly avoids it. «What was that for?» Seungkwan chuckles. He doesn’t recall the time he has last seen Mingyu getting angry outside of a match (and it doesn’t happen often in matches either).
«Don’t you dare call yourself ugly ever again.»
Seungkwan knows he isn’t ugly, but he also knows he isn’t exactly everyone’s type, he still remembers when he was younger netizens used to critique his looks a lot, while they have been praising Mingyu since day one. Seungkwan isn’t jealous or anything, he’s glad the media doesn’t focus on his private life (not that he has one anyway) but on his records, while for Mingyu his achievements always seem to come second.
Seungkwan was just slightly joking, but the seriousness on Mingyu’s face makes him think otherwise.
«It’s not that serious Mingyu. I’m not tall and built like a model like you, I accepted it a long time ago.»
He did. Long time ago, he accepted that he wasn’t just jealous of Mingyu, but that he would rather kiss him. A long time ago ! Now he’s simply jealous again, no more kissing Mingyu thoughts.
«You’re …»
Mingyu seems to be looking for the right word to say.
«Hot?» Seungkwan teases, but Mingyu doesn’t reply. «Cute? Funny? Awesome? Great at tennis?»
Mingyu mumbles something under his breath Seungkwan can’t quite catch, but before he tries to ask what he has said, Mingyu talks again. «What I meant to say is, don’t talk badly about your appearance, I know it’s not important, still. I have seen the hint of abs in the changing room.»
«Yah, keep it in your pants Kim Mingyu.»
Seungkwan throws the ball back and Mingyu grabs it and puts it in the chest.
«I’ll try, we can’t create a scandal at the Olympics, right?»
«It’s not like you like guys anyway.»
Because as far as Seungkwan knows, there hasn’t been a single article about Mingyu possibly dating a guy. And, as far as Seungkwan knows, Mingyu hasn’t come out either, neither publicly nor in private, not that it owes him to Seungkwan or anyone, but Seungkwan thinks he might have known by now since the Korean male tennis circle is small and since they all compete together during the Davis Cup, they all know each other.
«Really? I didn’t know. I mean, as far as I know, I’m bisexual.»
Oh.
Seungkwan almost trips on his own feet. Mingyu promptly moves to help him, but Seungkwan signals with his hands that he’s fine. He needs Mingyu to stay away from him while they are having this conversation.
«You,» Seungkwan hesitates. «You like guys?»
«Yeah, I thought you knew. I don’t talk about it often, but I’m not hiding it either.»
Seungkwan’s read articles in which Mingyu talks about his ideal type in gender neutral terms, or that he doesn’t care about the gender of the person he loves, but he thought that it was a strategy to appeal to a wider fanbase rather than his actual sexual preference.
Seungkwan stares at Mingyu.
This doesn’t change anything. He still hates the guy.
Now. How can Seungkwan explain this to his heart that hasn’t stopped beating loudly in his ears.
«Oh,» Seungkwan almost stumbles on his own words this time. «I didn’t know.»
«Well, now you do. I hope it won’t bother you since we will probably share a room in Paris.»
It’s weird. This is probably the longest one-on-one conversation with Mingyu Seungkwan has ever had in years now. Seungkwan feels at ease. They talked, they interacted, but nothing outside of tennis and barely just the two of them. This is familiar too. Very familiar, almost a little too much.
But hey, they have to play together, Seungkwan might as well try a little harder not to hate Mingyu as much as he should be.
«I have been out for years now, Mingyu. I know you don’t care about me, but I thought you knew.»
«I know. It’s just, I don’t know.»
Mingyu shakes his head and Seungkwan wishes he could read his mind. But he can’t, he never could.
«Nothing will happen Mingyu,» Seungkwan friendly pats Mingyu on the back, just like a bro would do to a fellow bro . «We both can keep it in our pants, we hate each other, we’re just on a temporary truce for a greater good.»
«I know you hate me, but I don’t hate you. I never did.»
The tennis balls are all in the chest.
There’s no reason they should stay behind and talk. It’s late, they should already be heading towards the changing rooms and stop talking to each other. But here they are. Seungkwan can’t allow this to go on longer.
«I know.»
Seungkwan smiles and picks up his bag after he carefully placed his racket inside.
«I think this is your cue to say you don’t actually hate me either.»
«I know,» Seungkwan waves goodbye. «Thank you for the additional practice, and the talk. We’ll see each other in Paris when the tournament begins?»
«There’s no way I’m missing the opening ceremony, it’s just a couple of days early and I have nothing that ties me here. I’ll be right there filing you raising our flag up in the sky. Maybe I can even pick you up.»
Seungkwan doesn’t understand himself, why is his heart going on a rollercoaster? Nothing that ties me here . Does that mean that Mingyu and that girl aren’t actually dating?
«Then I guess we will see each other in a few hours.»
Playing tennis with Mingyu is already hard. As if it wasn’t enough, now Mingyu has decided to play with Seungkwan’s heart as well. The next few weeks are going to be exhausting, and Seungkwan isn’t referring to physical fatigue.
There’s a reason he had to step away from Mingyu and now they are all resurfacing again. One right after the other.
Maybe people are right, maybe distance is sometimes the only factor that keeps one away from falling into a hole they barely managed to escape from.