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She was certainly a sight to behold.
From his position behind the truck where he was conducting routine maintenance, Sam watched Violet conducting her usual inventory of the ambulance. She took her role as PIC very seriously, carrying on every task with the same determination and focus as when she was treating victims in the field. It was one of the things that he most admired about her.
Violet was one of the strongest, most capable people he’d ever had the privilege of working with, intelligent, tough as hell, and not afraid to stand up for anyone she cared about. She had been the one to make the first move, suggesting a casual, friends with benefits type of relationship. At the time, securing his place at Firehouse 51 after a rough and tumble start had occupied his mind, so he had been fine with a no-strings-attached affair.
Somewhere along the way, things had changed.
He found himself thinking about her all the time, looking around to catch a quick glimpse of her at the firehouse, worrying about her when Ambo 61 went out on calls. He loved their playful banter, their easy physical chemistry, and mostly how right everything felt between them. There had been so many times where he’d wanted to ask for more, to cement whatever they were doing into something more, something real. But he was scared, scared that she would reject him or that she wouldn’t reciprocate his feelings; ultimately, he’d decided to leave everything the way it was and try to enjoy the moment.
And yet, when push came to shove, he had been the one to ruin everything.
From day one, Sam knew that Chief Hawkins was still very much on Violet's mind. He'd seen firsthand how painful his death had been for her, and watched her struggle to recover from that loss. She still had photos of the two of them together all over her apartment. Combined with her constant reminders that what they had was casual and nothing more, it was hard not to feel like a consolation prize.
Then there had been that restaurant call, watching a teenage boy being abused his father and brother, had brought up bad memories of his own family. His brother Nathan's taunts and violence, his parents' neglectful indifference, it had all come rushing back, and he'd shown off his hot Texas temper by body-slamming the father into some metal shelves.
Later that afternoon, when he’d tried to apologize, Violet had turned the tables on him and accused him of being in love with Kidd. He’d been so angry and frustrated that he’d shot back that she was keeping him at a distance because she couldn’t let go of Hawkins, and that he wasn’t in love with Kidd, because he’d been stupid enough to have fallen in love with her.
Even as the words came out of his mouth, Sam regretted bringing up Hawkins, and seeing the way her face fell when he said the name made him feel like a bigger bastard than he already knew he was. And to profess his love in anger had been the worst way possible to make his feelings known.
True to form, rather than trying to talk it out with her later, Sam had retreated to Texas and fallen into his old habits of drinking and having too much of a good time. Then when he’d come back from Texas with his old girlfriend Tori, it had been all too easy to maintain the live-hard, play-hard lifestyle that had marked so much of his adolescence. Until he came to the realization that while Tori had made herself quite comfortable with living life in the fast lane, he had grown up and actually managed to make something of his life, a realization that abruptly ended his and Tori’s relationship.
Now that Tori was out of the picture, he felt like he could focus on himself again. Sam knew that it was going to be a long road to rebuilding trust with everyone at Firehouse 51, especially Lieutenant Kidd, but he was prepared to put in the work and make it happen. But with Violet, there was no easy answer or clear solution on how to resolve the tension between them. In the end, it all came down to a simple question: what was next for them? Was there a chance for them to get back together, or had he truly burned the bridge between them to ashes?
Finishing up the last few steps of his work, Sam tossed everything back in the toolbox and went back inside. Nothing was going to be solved today, all he could do was keep moving forward and wait for the right moment to begin making amends.
****
Looking up from her clipboard, Violet watched Sam head into the common room. She knew that he'd been there the entire time, but she wasn't feeling up to facing him. Ever since he'd come back from Texas, she'd thought about reaching out to him, try and apologize for the way things ended between them. But every time she tried, the hurt, angry words that he’d thrown her way stopped her dead in her tracks.
A large part of the blame for this distance between them fell on her shoulders.
Losing Evan had been one of the worst moments of her entire life. Watching the building collapse on him, and knowing that there hadn’t been anything she could do for him, had destroyed a part of her that she wasn’t sure would ever recover. She’d been so afraid of getting hurt by loving someone else on the job that she’d put up every wall imaginable to protect herself from that pain.
But she hadn’t counted on Sam Carver getting so far under her skin.
Sam was a good man. He was kind, honorable and braver than anyone she’d ever known, unafraid to put himself in danger if it meant protecting someone else. There had been a few times where she had thought there could be something more than a casual relationship between them, but those thoughts disappeared as quickly as soon as they appeared, the pain and sorrow from Evan’s death still so fresh in her mind.
As a result, Violet had begun looking for any excuse to end their relationship before it became too serious. First, there was the suspicious closeness between him and Lieutenant Kidd that hinted at something more than just being on the same team. Then, there had been the call where Sam just went berserk on a victim’s father while they were out on a call with little to no remorse for his actions after the fact.
Rather than take a moment to see things from his point of view, she’d jumped on him the first chance she had, calling out his behavior on the call and questioning his feelings for Kidd. All of which had blown up in her face in a most spectacular way when he’d called her out on her inability to let go of Hawkins AND telling her that he wasn’t in love with Kidd, but was actually in love with her.
She’d been stunned into silence. There was a modicum of truth to what he said about Hawkins, and she was doing her very best to try and deal with those feelings. But finding out that he was in love with her? That had really thrown her for a loop. And then to learn the truth about his traumatic past with his older brother from Stella had showed her just how wrong she had been about him. Violet had gone to his apartment after shift to apologize for her mistakes, but he had already left for a several weeks long furlough, and she hadn’t been able to get in touch with him.
When he'd come back from his furlough with Tori on his arm, she had been sure that the window of opportunity was closed. There had been a few times over the past few weeks that she had tried to reach out to him, but to no avail. She had no doubt that Tori had inserted herself in the middle of it all to ensure that they stayed apart, but there had been no way to prove it. Now that Tori had moved back to Texas, this should be the perfect opportunity to finally try to close the rift between them.
However, there was a large amount of doubt on her part that he would ever want anything to do with her again.
It had been her idea to keep things casual and fun between them, whereas he had been ready and willing to go public with their relationship. After she had rejected him so many times, what could ever make him entertain the idea of starting something between them again? Was it too later, or was there hope for them after all?
Shaking her head, Violet finished her inventory checklist and continued her work setting the ambulance to rights. If something was meant to be, then it would be. And until she found the courage to face Sam again, there wasn’t much she could do in the meantime but be patient and wait for a sign.