Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Loop 1.

Kobeni woke up with a splitting headache. It throbbed, like her head was about to explode. Her eyesight blurred, and she dug her hands into the cover beneath her. She closed her eyes and tried to will the pain away, with no such luck. Her head pounded, and a few tears of pain escaped her eyes.

She stayed like that for several minutes, sitting on her bed and taking sharp breaths until the pain finally subsided into a sharp jab at her head.

She rubbed her temples. That was new; usually it was her chest that felt like it was about to split open.

She finally opened her eyes and blinked the tears away. This wasn’t her apartment. No, it was, but it was an old one. She could see the wallpaper slowly falling off onto the floor—old and weak. She had never bothered to clean it up or try to get rid of the peeling wallpaper. Her room was mostly barren, with a few pictures of her siblings on a few of the drawers.

She took a deep breath. She hadn’t been here in years, not since… She stopped that train of thought. She didn’t want to remember that day; she didn’t want to remember her eerie smile, polite and foreboding-

Ring! Ring! Ring!

The sound of an alarm clock ringing caused her to jolt. That was the usual time she woke up, back when she was still working at Public Safety. Actually, how did she remember that? She furrowed her eyebrows in thought, then shrugged it off. She had a habit of remembering little details.

She got out of bed. She was wearing a large tank top and shorts. A thought loomed over her head. She walked out of her tiny bedroom and looked at the calendar.

It was 1997. Yesterday, the year was 2000. And the date wasn’t February 5th; it was November 24th.

She stood there unmoving, just staring at the calendar, until finally she clutched her head in frustration. She forced herself to take a deep breath in, and her hands fell back to her sides.

So. There were three things that could have happened to her. 1; she’s going insane and imagining things; 2; this is the result of a Devil attack; 3; she time traveled.

She immediately crossed off the third option, despite the nagging voice at the back of her head. So, this meant she was either finally losing her mind or had been attacked by a Devil.

Why her? She internally thought. Why is it always me!?

She swallowed up any sobs threatening to spill out of her throat. She could panic later.

She couldn’t even do anything about this! She didn’t know who did this, meaning she essentially stuck here until she could figure out what was going on.

She rubbed her eyes and moved into the bathroom to take a shower. Fuck my life , she thought bitterly.

It didn’t take long for her to shower or get dressed. She took the knife under her pillow, which she used to always keep, and put it into her inner suit jacket. It was old, and the handle was worn, but it had been what she had. Actually, she was pretty sure she still used the knife, even after three years.

She saw the two hair clips she used to always wear just sitting on the drawer. Like, she used to always put them on before going to bed. She gulped and moved away, grabbing a comb that somehow hadn’t broken despite being used since she was seven.

As she combed out her hair, she walked to the fridge and opened it, looking for any leftovers. Although, if this was all fake, did it matter if she ate? She decided yes, and took out a covered bowl of noodles. She put it in the microwave and let it cook.

She went back to her bedroom and tied her hair into a loose ponytail. She hesitated, but put her two red hair clips on. It felt weird to wear them again after all this time.

She looked at her hands and turned them around, wondering if they would still be how they used to, and blinked, noticing her right middle finger. Her finger was segmented, with the tiny bit of her bone showing separating the two parts. If she wanted, she could pull on it and extend the bone. It was her trigger. She would have thought it wouldn’t have looked like they do now. Actually, why would she think that?

She definitely couldn’t be seen like that, even if this was fake, she didn’t want to be questioned. She searched through her drawers, opening one after the other quickly and ravaging through them. She found a frayed pair of gloves and put them on. It would do. They weren’t as good as her current gloves, though.

She went back out of her room and took the noodles out of the microwave and shoveled them into her mouth as she went to put her shoes on. She tied the laces, taking a spoonful of her noodles when she could. She managed to avoid getting any stray noodles on her sneakers.

Once she had finally finished eating, she dropped them into the sink, leaving that problem for her future self.

It was odd how easily she could get back into a schedule, she mused. She went back and brushed her teeth, and then opened the door to her apartment. She looked at it hesitantly, before closing the door. She hoped she wouldn’t be back.

With that, she began her two-hour trek to Public Safety.

When she got there, she saw that she was early, which was normal when she used to be working here. She didn’t really have a plan, she was just going through the motions that she used to go through and seeing what she could find.

She nodded at anyone who greeted her, but kept her eyes on the ground. She stopped at her desk. She didn’t have an office, she never would. Kobeni hesitated before sitting down. She could still see a pile of paperwork stacked up that she hadn’t finished. She grabbed a pen that was still sitting on the desk and got to work.

While she worked, she decided to focus on how she got into this situation. It must have been a Devil Hunter, nothing else would make sense. But how, and why?

She clutched the pen more tightly and forced herself to take a deep breath in. She would not panic, she wasn't even being attacked right now.

But that begged the question, What exactly was this? Was this her own memory that she was trapped in, or had she been essentially placed into a time capsule?

People began to slowly trickle in, and she ignored them, although internally she kept track of everyone coming in.

How would she get out of this situation? If this was a mental attack, the best bet would be to attack whoever was causing it, but she didn't know that. She almost hit her head on the desk in frustration.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Kobeni looked up, to see Makima looking down at her, an enigmatic smile on her face.

She tensed, and could remember a beam of light hitting directly towards her, Makima smiling like she wasn't about to kill her in cold blood-

“Miss Higashiyama.”

She jolted her head up, and then moved her gaze back down to the desk. She could feel the heat of Makima's gaze on her.

“I want you to meet me in my office, when you're done here, of course.”

Kobeni gulped. “A-a-alright.”

She could hear Makima walk off, and she took another deep breath in. This doesn't matter , she told herself firmly, although she didn't believe it.

She hesitantly put the pen down and got up from her seat, keeping her head down to avoid looking directly at other people. She stopped right in front of Makima's office and gulped.

She knocked on the door and waited.

“Come in.”

Her hand stopped short of the handle, but she put her hand on it and pushed the door open.

She entered and stood awkwardly. She could see Makima, auburn hair, ringed eyes, and perfect posture. She was sitting down at her desk, because, of course, she was. Where else would Makima be?

This never happened, she recalled. It was weird, how she was so certain of that.

“Take a seat,” Makima requested, no, ordered.

She wanted to say, “No, it's fine, I would rather stand,”  but she didn't have the courage. Instead, she pulled the chair back a little and sat, still not meeting Makima's gaze.

She dug her nails into her thighs. She didn't want to be here. She reminded herself that she was fine.

“How have you been doing, Miss Higashiyama?” Makima asked.

It was an innocent question, but she doubted Makima actually cared how she was. Especially not now. So that meant she was interested in her, but why?

Kobeni nervously bit her lip. “I-I-I’ve been f-fine…” It was a blatant lie, and she was sure that Makima knew that.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could make out Makima tilting her head. “That’s good to hear. So nothing has happened recently?”

Kobeni froze. Did she know? How could she? Kobeni hadn’t done anything to indicate her knowledge. But did it matter? It wouldn’t affect the present; she was sure of it. (She ignored the way her stomach churned at the thought.)

“N-n-no.” A lie.

“Very well, it was a pleasure talking to you. Please close the door on your way out.”

She nodded and bowed, and she could feel a beat of sweat flow down her face. She opened the door and escaped the suffocating room that was Makima’s office.

Kobeni made her way back to her desk and sat down with a sigh. She bit her lip again and fiddled with her thumbs, looking down at the floor. What happened with Makima had been weird, and it unnerved her. Did Makima suspect something? Well, she obviously did suspect something, but what? It nagged at her.

“Good morning!”

She turned her head up to see Arai, and she almost vomited on the spot. He looked so alive, like she hadn’t seen him take a bullet and die, and-

She gulped. “H-h-hi…” she greeted, her gaze moving to look back down at her desk. She would panic later when she was alone.

“Is something the matter?” Arai asked, and she shook her head.

“N-n-no,” she lied. “I’m f-fine, e-everything is fine.”

For the rest of the day, she spaced out. Thoughts flowed through her hair and flew out. When she finally could go home, it was 6 PM. She left, still not fully there.

She made it back to her apartment and entered, then sunk down to the floor as she finally allowed tears to flow freely down her face. Kobeni’s body trembled as sobs wracked through her body. She was so tired. So tired of everything going wrong for her. She hated having to see her former co-workers alive, as if she hadn’t seen their gravestones and dead bodies.

Eventually, her sobs turned into deep breaths, and she just sat there. This is fake, she reminded herself firmly. This is fake, and I’ll get out of here.

Chapter Text

Loop 1.

The next week went by surprisingly quickly. Kobeni felt like she was floating, her mind full of static. It usually happened when she was talking with one of her dead co-workers. Words would come out of her mouth, but it didn’t feel like she was there, like she was saying anything. It was a bit scary, if she was being honest, but she decided not to dwell on it.

Unfortunately, others seemed to notice.

Himeno wrapped her arm around Kobeni’s shoulders, causing her to tense. She almost hit Himeno on instinct but forced herself not to.

“Soooo, how have you been?” Himeno asked, still uncomfortably close.

“I’m fine,” Kobeni replied, looking away. 

She looked into her eyes, and she could see Himeno’s eye searching for something. Whatever she was looking for, she didn’t find it and moved her arm away.

Himeno patted her arm. “Well, tell me if you need anything.”

Kobeni would not. She didn’t like telling people her problems.

It was when she was trying to read a map with Arai she got déjà vu. They got help from an old lady, and she had a creeping sense of unease.

Just as she turned around, she remembered what exactly happened here. Shit, how could she forget!? Had she been so out of it recently that she couldn’t even remember when Arai died for her!?

She threw Arai to the ground and fell with him. She got up and aimed for the woman. Kobeni maneuvered away from a bullet she knew was coming, kicked the gun away from her, and sliced her throat. She fell to the floor, and Kobeni stared. 

This wasn’t real, so this didn’t matter, did it?

She laughed hysterically, tears spilling from her eyes, and fell to the ground. She jumped, turning around and snarling when she felt a hand on her shoulder. 

Arai looked at her in surprise, and she relaxed slightly.

“S-sorry, just…j-just please don’t sneak up on me like that,” she mumbled. 

He hesitated for a moment before speaking. “We should get going; see what’s going on.”

She nodded, not saying anything.

Just like before, she forced the gunmen to retreat.

Almost her entire division died, just like last time, except Arai was also alive. She spent the night crying in her apartment.

The next day, she was sitting in the lounge with Arai, tapping her foot as people slowly trickled in. She noticed him swiping glances at her. She didn’t say anything. After the 20th glance, she finally turned her gaze to look at him. She couldn’t meet his eyes, so she looked at his eyebrow and faked it.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. 

She just nodded and gave him an awkward smile before looking at the ground again. She perked back up when she saw red hair out of the corner of her eye.

Kobeni and Makima’s eyes met for a brief second, and she turned away. She swore Makima’s smile grew. Yeah, she didn’t like her boss. 

“...are you resigning?” she finally asked.

“Are you?” Arai responded.

“…no.”

“Then no.” 

Kobeni blinked in surprise and then slowly nodded. “Alright.”

Makima found the War Devil in a dusty old alley. She had made an old air conditioner. It was made out of broken branches and plastic bags. All she had to do was grab her back. War scratched her wrists, which she ignored. She shoved her into the birdcage she had brought and locked it. 

Makima watched as the War Devil squawked around. Her sister had been reduced to a pathetic, small bird. She felt a surge of amusement.

“Let me out!” War screeched.

Makima ignored her. She sat the birdcage on the passenger’s seat and began driving. War was still banging around in her cage. 

Now, she needed to find Famine. She hadn’t planned to need to capture her siblings so soon, but with Chainsaw Man already in her grasp and the Death Devil so close, she was certain she would achieve her utopia soon. She had originally planned to put killing Death on the back burner, but she had a perfect opportunity. Makima wouldn’t waste it.

She found Famine in a restaurant near closing time. She wasn’t surprised. 

Likewise, she had to be quick. Famine was like a snake. She struck quickly, then slithered away before she could be caught. If Makima wasn’t quick enough, Famine would escape, and she wouldn’t be able to find her again. 

Guns were suddenly shot out, and her workers invaded the restaurant.

“Bang.” She purposely made sure to only graze Famine’s shoulder. 

“I didn’t think you would strike,” Famine murmured, tilting her head. “I believe it would be more beneficial if we worked together. We both have the same end goal.”

She was tempted to roll her eyes. “That’s unnecessary. Death’s already out of Hell.” 

Famine stared at her.

“I can kill her myself; I do not need any help.”

“How do you know she’s out?”

Makima hummed. “I can smell her.”

She kept an eye on both the War and Famine Devils and made sure to keep them separated. 

Everything was falling into place. She just had to make sure Death didn’t find a way to escape.

“Why indeed…” 

Kobeni looked up to see Makima. This nightmare of a day was repeating itself. She wanted to cry.

“It’s got nothing to do with me…nothing to do with me…” she mumbled.

Makima’s gaze turned to her. “Oh? But it has quite a lot to do with you, Kobeni.”

Her eyes widened; did Makima know? How could she know? Wait, no, this is what Makima said last time.

“Did you know everyone has a specific scent?” Makima asked, still smiling at her.

Oh, shit. Her stomach churned.

“You always have two scents on you, just like any other hybrid.” 

This isn’t real, this isn’t real, this isn’t real, this isn’t real, this isn’t real , she chanted in her mind.

“I know which Devil acts as your heart. Thank you, Kobeni, for delivering the Death Devil right to my doorstep.” 

She began to hyperventilate, her hands digging into her pants. A halo formed over Makima’s head. She knew what was about to happen. She couldn’t move; she was stuck in place, and–

Chainsaw Man took the blow. Just like last time. 

She was such an idiot. She tugged on her right middle finger. Kobeni could feel her head turn into a skull, and bones formed over her back. 

“Bang,” she heard Makima say again. 

She hissed in pain as her right shoulder got blasted, and then–

Kobeni opened her eyes, looking around. She felt her stomach churning. She got up and went and checked the calendar. It was February 5th, 1997. She took a deep breath in and started screaming at the top of her lungs, piercing the air as she fell onto the floor. 

Loop 2.

Chapter Text

Loop 2.

Kobeni didn’t know how long she stayed there; she just curled up on the floor, sobbing. Distantly, she thought that she should probably be at work, but the thought was fleeting. Her hands were shaking, and her own tears were falling to the floor. She didn’t even know why she was crying. It didn’t help that her shoulder felt like it had been ripped apart. And it felt like her chest was being squeezed.

Eventually, she forced herself to get up. Her feet wobbled, and she almost fell down but caught herself. She stood still for a minute before getting up again. Her eyes were still watery, and she was almost certain her eyes were red. Great, just perfect. She took a deep breath in and tried to focus on something else.

Her eyes landed on the only hanging picture in the entire apartment. She kept the others on a stand. The picture was taken when she and her brother, Yoshiki, graduated. Yoshiki had his arm wrapped around her shoulder with a big, toothy grin on his face, while she had a nervous, small smile. She could still remember that day vividly. Her brother had demanded that they take the photo together. Her mother and father had congratulated Yoshiki. She was fine with him getting the attention. It would have been overwhelming if she got it. It had been a good day.

She took another deep breath in and wiped her tears. Her chest was hurting more than normal, probably because she cried too much. She ignored the pain, something that she always did.

The first thing she decided, was that she needed to figure out what was going on. She needed to know if her suspicions were correct.

She checked the calendar. February 5th, 1997, it read. Just like when she first woke up. She almost banged her head against the wall in frustration. This entire situation didn’t make any sense! It didn’t make sense that she went back in time in the first place, and it didn't make any sense that she went in time again! This was the work of a Devil. And she had no idea which one, and it hadn’t shown itself last time, so she couldn’t even try to fight it to get herself out of this mess and-

She was panicking again. She took another deep breath in. She had to be rational and think things through. Things she knew: she woke up on February 5th, 1997, when she went back again to this date after being attacked by Makima.

…

She caved and banged her head against the wall in frustration. Tears began to well up in her eyes again, but she blinked them down. So currently, she basically knew nothing. She still didn’t know how this had happened or why she had gone back again.

A shiver slowly creeped up her spine, and a low hum filled her ears. It was scratchy, like nails going down a blackboard. She knew what this meant; she always knew. She was a slow Devil, preferring to take Her time. It was both irritating and comforting. Irritating because it meant she had to wait, and comforting knowing that She would let Kobeni take her time.

‘The Future Devil. Speak to it.’

She was tempted to complain; shouldn’t She know what was going on?

‘My eyes are on you.’

She didn’t know if that was comforting or not. But she knew better than to ignore Her advice. She was usually right. She was reliable.

Kobeni took a deep breath. Her eyes moved to the clock on the wall. She was late for work. She didn’t have an excuse. She couldn’t just say she had this day happen to her already multiple times. Yeah, like that would go over well. She should call and say that she was sick and couldn’t come in today. She bit her lip. Actually, maybe they would call her first, then she could lie. Right, she was going to be lying.

Well, she could always not say anything and come in tomorrow and not acknowledge it. But she bet others would. She wanted to groan in frustration. She decided to focus her mind on something else, or else it would drive her insane.

So, She wanted Kobeni to talk to the Future Devil. It was a smart choice, but it made her uneasy. She didn’t know the Future Devil. She was aware that Public Safety had it locked up, but that didn’t mean she could really walk up to it. No, she would have to get permission, which meant asking Makima. The thought made her breathing quicken.

She went back into her room and threw the covers over her back. She deserved at least one break, probably.

She did, in fact, not get a break. The entire time, she had been worrying about what would happen when she got back to work the next day, causing her to barely get any sleep. Even when she had been going to work, she had been worried, constantly tapping her foot against the floor. Arai would be worried and ask her questions; Himeno would ask her what she had done on her day off playfully, disguising her concern; Aki would look at her with disappointment.

She stopped at the front door, hesitating. She could leave, take a bus, skip town, and never return. That wouldn’t solve her problems, though. No, it definitely wouldn’t. She opened the door and stepped into the building. She went to her desk and sat down. She had come early; she always did. It meant she didn’t have to make her way through a crowd trying to get to her desk.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Kobeni perked up again. She remembered this. Makima was walking towards her. Makima knew. Of course, she knew; she had mentioned she could smell Her on her. She internally cursed her luck. At least Makima didn’t know that she knew.

“Good morning, Miss Higashiyama.” The red-haired woman had an enigmatic smile on her face. “You weren’t here yesterday.”

She gulped. “I-I k-know. I w-w-was sick y-y-yesterday.” It was a lie, and with the way Makima’s smile curled up more, she knew Makima was aware.

“Hmm, well, I’m glad you’re better,” Makima replied. “I want you to come to my office later, when you’re done here, of course.”

Kobeni nodded.

‘Ask her to speak to the Future Devil,’ She commanded.

She really didn’t want to, but she knew She would nag her until she did. Kobeni internally sighed. She really didn’t want to do this. She wished she could just curl back up in her bed, ignoring the rest of the world. She watched Makima walk away. She took another deep breath.

‘Just breathe,’ she told herself. ‘Stay calm.’

She got up and followed Makima. Kobeni knew she was surprised with the way Makima seemed to stop for a moment. A few people glanced at her, but seemed to ignore her. That was good, she didn’t like being the center of attention.

Makima held the door open for her, and she walked in. The door closed behind her.

“I’m surprised you immediately followed me.” Makima walked to her seat, sitting down in front of her.

“I h-h-hadn’t started w-w-working yet.” Makima gestured for Kobeni to sit down. She did, keeping her eyes on her knees. Sweat slowly dripped down her face.

“Has anything happened recently?”

“No, o-other than g-g-getting sick.” A lie.

“I see, thank you for your time, Miss Higashiyama,” Makima said, slowly getting up.

“W-wait!” Makima stopped in her tracks.

“C-can I s-speak to t-the Future D-Devil?” Kobeni asked nervously, her eyes darting around the room. She felt like prey, and Makima was the predator toying with her.

Makima cocked her head. “I could arrange that, but why?”

Shit. “I uhhh. Ummmm…” Makima’s smile seemed to widen.

“I’m waiting, Miss Higashiyama.”

“I was attacked by a Devil yesterday,” she blurted out. “A-and it said s-s-something about t-t-the Future D-Devil…”

Makima leaned forward. “Is that so? I imagine that Devil made you sick? Which Devil was that, exactly?”

“I-I-I don’t k-know…” Her hands dug into her knees.

“I see, well, I’ll arrange for you to speak to the Future Devil.”

She almost let out a sigh of relief. It worked! “T-t-thank you, Miss M-Makima!” Makima dipped her head.

Kobeni shuffled her feet nervously. She was waiting for Makima at the door to the basement. She was pretty sure it was a basement. Although, it was more like a prison cell for Devils. Although it was in the basement, so she would call it a basement. It just made sense, plus, it felt better than calling it a prison.

Makima walked over, a tall man with a scar over his eye following after her. She had to crane her neck to look up at him.

“This is Kouki,” Makima introduced. “He’ll take you to the Future Devil’s cell.” He tilted his head, his eyes assessing her.

She nodded. Makima whispered something to him, then walked off. He opened the door to the basement. She followed after him. Kouki closed the door behind them. She slowly followed after Kouki. The lights were dim, and she heard scuttling. She avoided looking into the cells. She didn’t want to see it. Kouki didn’t seem bothered and kept his eyes forward. Kobeni kept her eyes low to the ground.

“You sure you don’t want to turn back?” Kouki asked, turning to her. He had a curious, but unimpressed look on his face. She already knew what he was thinking—that she was an idiot for doing this. But currently, this was her only lead.

“I-I-I’m c-certain.”

He opened the door. She walked in. The door closed behind her with a thud. She was completely alone with the Future Devil. Well, not completely alone, she still had Her. The room was pitch black, and she made out an eye.

And then it stood out into the light. It was grotesque, with a lower body that resembled a tree. It was old, with so many wrinkles. Oh, and it had an eye in the middle of its chest. She wasn’t sure if that was the worst part or not. She forced herself to look up and gulped. It had a large mouth, smiling, and she wanted to run out of the room, information be damned.

“The future is best! The future is best!” The Future Devil yelled out. “Shout it too! The future is best!”

“T-t-the future i-is b-b-best!” Why was she even doing what it wanted?

Her raspy voice pierced her mind. ‘There is a rat. Kill it. It has Control’s presence.’

“E-e-excuse me.” She looked around, it was too dark to really see anything. It was times like this she wished she had a better sense of smell. She walked forward, following Her instructions, until she stabbed her knife down, hitting the rat. She brought it up to her face, and with a disgusted look, she peeled the rat off her knife. Damn it, she would have to clean her knife again.

She turned around. The Devil laughed at her. She wanted to cry.

“Put your head into my stomach!” She grimaced. “I can’t see your future if you don’t!”

She wasn’t an idiot. Devils always wanted something. There was always a cost, always. “W-what’s the c-c-cost?” she asked warily.

“None, I don’t know your future yet!” The Future Devil was still smiling at her.

She took a deep breath, and put her head into its stomach. She felt something constrict around her neck, and she hastily pulled back, taking deep breaths.

“Hahaha! Hehehe!” It was laughing at her. Again.

She took a step back. She didn’t need the information, she could figure it out herself. She didn’t want to be here for one more second. The room was constricting, and darkness was swallowing up all the light. She should have never come here.

“You’re doomed! Haha, haha!” It had opened its eyes and was staring down at her. It knew, and it was celebrating.

There wasn’t enough air in here.

She opened the door and slammed it shut, breathing heavily.

Chapter Text

August 1999.

Kobeni very slowly walked, panting heavily. She felt the wetness of the blood coating her hands. The coppery smell was overwhelming. Blood was dripping onto the floor. Was it from her? She couldn’t tell. Or maybe she didn’t want to know. 

She stretched out her claws. They were so long, so sharp in this form. Deadly. She took another step and squished something under her foot. She looked down. It was a body. There were multiple bodies littering the floor, proof of her work. People were so fragile, so easy to break. She could still hear the snapping of bones in her ears.

She felt oddly calm. Dead bodies, parts were strewn over the floor. She took another step and a skull cracked under her foot, pieces shattering onto the floor. Kobeni didn’t feel a shred of guilt, and a part of her wondered if she should. No, she decided, it was their own fault for coming here. Although, maybe she shouldn’t have done it so viciously, as now the floor would be forever stained. But that didn’t matter, she could move her siblings out. She doubted that they would want to stay here. 

“Come out,” she called. “I won’t hurt you.” She could hear soft footsteps, and turned towards the sound. She recognized them. The skull encompassing her head dissipated, along with the armor around her shoulders and black into blood that washed down her hair, soaking into it and her shirt. She really needed to get better clothes. “Please come out, I won’t hurt you.” She hoped her voice was more familiar now. It was harder to hear her when her head was a skull.

A head peeked out from behind the closet door. “Kobeni?” 

There were a million other things she could have done, ones that would have been better, but she didn’t know what to say. “Hi Ichika.” She waved, lowering her voice.

“We thought you were dead.” 

Kobeni winced. “I know, I’m sorry, I didn’t know what else to do.” Coming home would have been easy, too easy, but she couldn't bring herself to, not when danger seemed to follow her no matter where she hid. And she didn’t want to explain it to her six, no seven-year-old sister right now. Or ever, actually.

Ichika looked around, gulping as she took in the blood. “This was…the thing was you?” Her sister had always been smart, and Kobeni knew she had seen her killing. And with blood on her, it wasn’t hard to connect the dots. 

She nodded, “Yes.” Lying wouldn’t do her any good here. She shuffled her feet, preparing to be yelled at, anger, anything. She would take it, this was her fault, after all.

“What happened to you?” She flinched. She expected anger, not worry. How did she even respond to that question? She wouldn’t, she couldn’t tell her the truth. She sucked in a shaky breath. How did you even tell someone you practically died, especially when that person was standing right in front of you?

“That doesn’t matter, is everyone else okay?” She needed to know, needed to know that she hadn’t failed at her one duty she actually took seriously. 

“Mom and Dad are dead,” Ichika replied dully. “Yoshiki went out with Kana and Ayuri. They went to get groceries.” 

Kobeni took a deep breath, trying to stop her legs from shaking. Everybody else had been here, what if they were injured!? Or worse…. In the back of her mind, she noted that her parents were dead, but it was overpowered by anxiety.

She suddenly felt arms wrap around her back. She tentatively hugged her little sister back. 

“I missed you,” Ichika murmured, her tears rubbing into Kobeni’s shirt. 

“I missed you too.” The two stayed there for a few minutes. “You’re going to get blood on you.” 

“It’s fine,” she replied, squeezing Kobeni tighter.

How long had it been since she hugged one of her siblings? Too long. Too. Long. She almost burst out crying. She missed them, missed watching them and seeing them smile.

Loop 2. 1997

As Kobeni walked away from the cell, Kouki came into view. She gave him a half-hearted wave and the two began to walk together. He kept on glancing at her, and she kept looking away. His gaze was piercing, as if he saw exactly what had happened. It unnerved her.

“So, did you get what you wanted?” Kouki finally asked, causing her to take a deep breath. She hadn’t.

She shook her head, and he sighed, not surprised. “Of course.” 

Well, that had been pointless. She didn’t get any information, other than being told she was doomed. Which was just…wonderful news. She rubbed her temples. Kobeni opened the door, leaving the hallway of cells and dim lighting. Makima was waiting for her with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes and a glint in her eyes. She swore she saw a hint of anger. It was probably because of the rat she killed. 

“Did you find what you were looking for?” Makima asked, tilting her head, as if trying to look innocent. It made her want to hurl, and her hand twitched.

“... No.” 

“How unfortunate,” she replied, a sharpness to her tone that put Kobeni even more on edge. Kouki didn’t seem to notice it. Makima waved her hand, a dismissive gesture, and Kobeni took the opportunity to skitter away. She didn’t trust that woman at all, and she had a feeling Makima knew.

She sat at her desk, and buried her face in her hands. That hadn’t worked, at all. And Makima was more suspicious of her. It had been a failure. How much did this change? Did it matter? She sighed, rubbing her cheek. No, probably everything would stay the same, she decided, or more like she hoped. 

She spent the rest of the day hiding at her desk, getting lost in the paperwork and other ideas she threw to the wall. Well, mostly, every time she heard footsteps she would perk up. It was a habit born from paranoia, she knew that. 

When the day ended, she hurried out, not wanting one of her coworkers to spot her and ask her where she had been the previous day. She made it to the door, turned around, and locked eyes with Himeno. Kobeni opened the door and bolted out. Although, she doubted she would be able to avoid all her coworkers tomorrow. 

On the train, she kept on digging her nails into her hands, and by the time she got back to her apartment her palms had marks. She sighed, something she had been doing a lot recently. Kobeni walked tog her very small bedroom, and collapsed onto her bed.

“I’m screwed,” she groaned.

Chapter Text

Kobeni spent the next few days hiding at her desk, avoiding the gazes of her co-workers. When it was time to leave, she bolted out of the office building before any of them could ask her any questions. Unfortunately, she couldn’t avoid them forever, and she was sent on a patrol with Himeno. 

“So, how have you been doing?” Himeno asked cheerfully, walking with Kobeni a few inches behind her. She had a smile on her face, like she usually did. “You weren’t here on Monday.” 

Kobeni grimaced. “I w-was…sick.” It was a lie, and by the way Himeno was rolling her eye and snorting, she could tell that she didn’t believe it. 

“You’ve been avoiding everyone for the past few days,” Himeno pointed out, bringing a cigarette to her lips and lighting it up. Smoke hazed out from it and Kobeni moved farther away. “Any reason why other than being sick?” 

She did it because she would be questioned, and it was playing out right before her eyes. “I h-h-haven’t. I’ve just b-been… busy.” 

Himeno stared at her deadpanned, seeing right through her lie. Kobeni clenched her fists. She really didn’t want to talk about this. She opened her mouth, then closed it and averted her gaze. Nothing she said would get Himeno to stop.

Himeno threw her arm around Kobeni’s shoulders, and she tensed and-

Next thing she knew, Himeno was clutching her nose, a foot in front of her, a burnt cigarette next to her. Kobeni froze, staring at Himeno wide-eyed. She hadn’t meant to do that. Usually she reigned herself in, stopped herself from attacking people who touched her. Blood was on her knuckles. She hadn’t meant to hit that hard.

“You sure have a hell of a punch,” Himeno said, wiping her bloody nose on her hand. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Kobeni yelped, moving her hands frantically, mortified. 

“It’s fine.” Himeno wiped the blood on her pants. “I just didn’t expect for you to punch me. I shouldn’t have touched you so suddenly.” 

“I’m sorry!” It was probably annoying, but Kobeni couldn’t help but apologize again. She should have been better, she was usually better.

“You know, I’m always here if you need someone to talk to,” Himeno began, taking out another cigarette. 

“C-Can we just continue the patrol?” Kobeni interrupted, not meeting her partner’s eye. 

Himeno sighed, “Alright, we can continue. Just remember what I said, okay?” 

Kobeni nodded, already beginning to walk again, ignoring the pit in her stomach. Himeno stomped on the old cigarette, then threw it into a trashcan they passed by. Kobeni dug her hands into her pants. Himeno kept on throwing her worried glances, which made her stomach churn. When the patrol ended, she bolted away, not wanting to feel Himeno’s gaze on her any longer. 

At her desk, she began to write, filling in paperwork. Her brain mostly turned off, and she easily wrote things down, the words going onto the paper without much thought. It was mind-numbing, and easy to do. Well, easy as it could be when she focused on everyone’s footsteps. It kept her from being kept unaware, but she rather not had memorized that Himeno’s footsteps were so light they barely made a sound, or Aki’s footsteps that were measured and heavy.

So, when she looked up, she wasn’t surprised to see Arai coming up to her. She waved, giving him a small smile that she hoped would keep him from asking too many questions. He stopped at her desk, giving her a concerned glance that she was getting tired of seeing. His eyebrows were furrowed as he seemed to think.

“Are you alright?” he asked, peering down at her as if trying to decipher what exactly was wrong. “You weren’t here Monday, and I haven’t seen you around much.” 

“I w-was sick,” she lied, averting her gaze. “A-and I’ve b-been busy these p-past few days.” 

Arai nodded, seeming to take her words at face value. Good, she didn’t want to be questioned again. “That sucks.” 

She hummed in response, “I-I still g-got work to d-do, so…” 

Arai blinked. “Right, sorry, I’ll leave you to it.”  

He walked off and Kobeni sighed, rubbing her face again. She didn’t like people asking her about her personal life, and she really didn’t want dead…dead people being concerned about her. Because that was the truth, they were dead, they had been dead for years and she had moved on. 

She looked back down at the papers scattered on her desk, picked up a pen, and got back to work. 

She massaged her wrists. The Hotel had been much better this time around, she had been better about not panicking as much! Himeno had even commented on it, saying that “she was doing better”. It wasn’t much, but she was still proud of it. Any improvement was better than none at all.

Kobeni was at her desk. Papers were scattered on it and she had a few loose pens. She had been here for the better part of the day, listening to people coming and going. It was later than she normally stayed, the sun had set. Almost everyone had left already, and the building was mostly silent, excluding the quiet humming of the lights. 

She froze, still hunched over her desk. She had heard it, but she had hoped it wouldn’t be getting louder, because it meant Makima was coming this way. She looked up to see her boss walking to her, a smile on her face. She was really starting to dislike that smile.

“Kobeni, I see you’re working late.” Makima tilted her head, her eyes watching her. 

Kobeni nodded, “Y-yeah, t-thought I might a-as well g-get some w-w-work done…” she trailed off, shifting uncomfortably under Makima’s piercing gaze.

“Good work. I read the report, you did well.” 

Kobeni jolted at the praise and lifted her head to meet Makima’s gaze. Her eyes were sharp, predatory, as if inviting Kobeni to give in. They disgusted her. 

“T-t-thank you, M-Miss Makima.” The praise left a bitter taste in her mouth, and a rolling sensation in her stomach. No, she didn’t like that smile, and didn’t like being the center of this woman’s attention.

Makima put her hand on her shoulder, and Kobeni tensed. Every fiber of her being was telling her to run, to slap Makima’s hand away and book it out of here. She didn’t though, because that was her boss, and she needed this job. Probably. Did she, though, if everything seemed to repeat itself over and over again?

Makima’s smile seemed to curl upwards, and she leaned in. Kobeni froze.

“You’re an exceptional worker, Kobeni, keep doing what you’re doing.” Kobeni could feel Makima warm breath, and it made her dig her nails into her pants. 

Makima stepped back, still smiling at her, and for a moment, Kobeni felt a surge of anger that quickly melted into one of anxiety. She did not like Makima, and she especially didn’t like how close she had gotten. 

Makima walked off, presumably leaving the building. Kobeni watched her go until she disappeared from view. After a few minutes, Kobeni got up, packed up her stuff, and fled.