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A lot can happen in twenty years. You debut in a five member group, the group quickly becomes big, you meet new people, you break records as a group and you fall in love with one of your members. The last part wasn’t intentional though. It began as fanservice that their CEO had forced on them. They knew that girls would go crazy over two men being touchy with each other on national television.
At first, it was awkward. Yunho never thought of another man like that before and Jaejoong didn’t want to be that physically close to someone that he barely knew. It led to several arguments behind the scenes between the both of them, but they never showed how they truly felt on camera to appease their fans. For all the fans knew, they were in love.
After about three and a half years, they actually began to fall in love. It was an unusual feeling for them. Yunho asked out Jaejoong while they were sitting in the dorm room together— Changmin, and Junsu were nowhere to be found. It was deliberately planned out by Yunho. He waited while the other two went out and he asked Jaejoong to spend time with him. At this point, their fights had become nonexistent and they had grown closer together. They shared a bottle of soju and two packs of ramen together. It was lackluster, but it’s all that Yunho could afford at the time. Jaejoong enjoyed the gesture and of course said yes to being Yunho’s boyfriend.
They had to keep it a secret and they had to work around each other’s schedules. It was hard, but they managed. They made years of memories together while also having their downs.
It all changed when Jaejoong announced to Yunho that he was suing their company for their mistreatment, but it wasn’t something Yunho wanted to hear. His heart sank at the news. He didn’t like the idea. What about them? What about the group? What about everything they worked for? Yunho stayed quiet. He couldn’t talk.
Throughout the lawsuit, Yunho and Jaejoong’s relationship became strained. Yunho started yelling at Jaejoong like before and would say hurtful things. Jaejoong would yell back but never said anything mean back. He just wanted the best for Yunho, but he could tell the stress of the
company and keeping the group together was getting the best of him. Finally, Jaejoong decided to end the relationship right before the lawsuit ended. He was teary eyed and broken. Yunho was angry and closed off. Everyone noticed their difference in attitude towards each other, but nothing could be said to save it.
————
A lot also happens over the course of fifteen years. During that time, Yunho continued as a duo with Changmin. Jaejoong went on to debut with Junsu. Both groups had their moments of success, but it wasn’t the same. Everyone was still hurting deep down.
For fourteen years, Yunho would occasionally lay awake at night thinking about the things he said to Jaejoong. He’d think about their time together. He remembered the time he wanted to congratulate Jaejoong on his debut with Junsu, but he could never press send. Instead he put his phone down and he curled up in a fetal position and fought back tears.
Many nights, for them both, they would try to reconnect, but neither was brave enough to say anything. Jaejoong thought Yunho hated him and vice versa. Even in other parts of the world, neither left the other’s mind. It wasn’t enough and both were convinced the other had moved on.
In the fifteenth year since the lawsuit, and the twentieth year since debut, Yunho gained the courage to finally contact Jaejoong. He was unaware that Jaejoong had changed numbers so he had to track down someone that knew his phone number. It took a few months, but Yunho finally had the older’s number and it was time to reach out to his ex— which still felt wrong to say.
Which leads to now, months before the JX concert in November and the TVXQ concert in December.
Yunho strolled down the bustling streets of Seoul, actively looking for Jaejoong. They had agreed to meet up at one of the local street markets. It was in plain sight, but Yunho remembered how much Jaejoong hated quiet cafes. He assumed it had to do with the fact it kept Jaejoong stuck in his own mind, so it was something Yunho deliberately avoided for the sake of Jaejoong. Even now, he’d still do anything for the older male.
A familiar figure hurriedly appeared in front of him and Yunho’s breath got stuck in his throat. He could not believe that Jaejoong was actually in front of him and the thought to ditch at the last minute crossed his mind, but he couldn’t.
“Hey.” Yunho spoke.
“Hello.” Jaejoong replied with a smile. His smile came across as stiff and fake. It pained Yunho to hear him react that way. Why agree to meet up then? Yunho ignored the gesture and looked Jaejoong up and down before speaking. He had grown out of his childish features and barely looked like the man he had fallen in love with so many years. He was still youthful, but you could tell the life left his eyes years ago. The younger knew he was part of what caused it.
“It’s been a while.” The silence finally broke and Yunho watched as Jaejoong fiddled with the stuff on the merchant’s tables. It seemed the other wasn’t that interested in talking- in reminiscing on the past.
“Yeah it has.” Jaejoong said, snarkily. The tone was almost pay back for how Yunho spoke to him fifteen years ago. It still hurt.
“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for how I treated you during the last part of our relationship. I was… young and dumb.” The younger said, stopping mid sentence to suck in air and exhale slowly. The air around them thickened.
“It was no excuse to be such a dick towards me. I sacrificed myself- my fucking well-being for us— for the group. I did it all and what did I get back from you?” The older snapped, turning his attention towards Yunho and placed his pointer finger on the younger’s chest. He poked at it as he spoke. “Mind you, I loved you more than I did anyone else in that… that.. group. YOU pushed me away when all I wanted was for us and the group to be together. Junsu was my rock when that was supposed to be your damn job.”
Yunho stared at Jaejoong in shock, listening to everything the other said. It was all true, but he didn’t expect the other to snap like he did. He guessed that’s what happens when you let things simmer for fifteen years.
“If I could build a time machine and go back to 2009, I would. I would change everything and tell myself that I’m wrong, but I can’t. I can’t because that’s not how things work. I made a mistake and I’ve changed. All I wanted to do was see you again. I would’ve done it sooner, but I thought you hated me.” Yunho spoke, trying to keep his emotions at bay but he saw a change in Jaejoong’s face.
Tears pricked at Jaejoong’s eyes and he fell forward onto Yunho’s chest. Sobs start racking his body and he balls his hand into a fist and hits the other’s chest repeatedly. He was angry and hurt. ‘Why? Why? Why?’ was all he could muster as he cried, staining Yunho’s sweater with tears. This wasn’t how he expected to reunite with his ex, but all their memories came flooding back when he saw him and he couldn’t hold himself back any longer.
Without speaking, Yunho wraps his arms around Jaejoong into a hug. For a moment, the world around them was quiet and nothing could tear them apart. The world stood still and both had nothing else to say at this point.
“I’ll always love you, jjoongie.” Yunho whispered so that only Jaejoong could hear him.
Eventually, the two pulled apart and Jaejoong wiped his tears and laughed. “I’m sorry.”
Yunho chuckles back and pats the other on the shoulder. “It’s okay.”
“Part of me hated you.” Jaejoong said as he continued to wipe the tears from his eyes. “I did break contact for a reason though. It was time for us to move on.” Everything he said was truthful and it felt nice to finally say it. He had wanted to say this all years ago.
“We’ve both moved on.” Yunho replied. He subconsciously reached his hand out and grabbed Jaejoong’s hand into his own. It was a small gesture to keep the other calm and to show that things are different now.
Silence blanketed the both of them once again. Still holding hands, the two of them began walking elsewhere— away from the busy streets. With a silent agreement, they arrived at a much quieter part of town and they sat down on the curb together. Jaejoong rested his head on Yunho’s shoulder and sighed.
They stayed like that for what ended up being for hours. It was cold, but they were close enough to keep each other warm. As they sat there, they talked about the years they were together. One memory of when they first kissed. It was an accidental one that happened during a photoshoot. They recalled being disgusted at first and their members hooting in the background. This was before they began to date. It was now a fond memory for them.
They continued talking about the members, everything post split, what they achieved and what their love lives were like post breaking up. Neither one had dated again, but Jaejoong admitted to having flings. He probably shouldn’t have, but it slipped through. Yunho didn’t mind.
Soon, the sun had set and the darkness began to set in. The two got up from the curb and said their goodbyes. They parted ways and perhaps they had finally healed themselves.