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Cat's voice kept repeating in Kara's head since Alex and Kelly's wedding.
'Ker-rah, you need to stop making excuses, and you need to decide what your course will be. Now, there is important work to be done, and I hope you'll join me. But more than that, I hope that you will choose to become your full self, because that would really be something to see. And it would be interesting because this is boring.'
Boring.
Her life had been torn to pieces a few times over, with destruction and missing on half the happenings of her own life because she was busy saving the world… the universe, and Cat Grant categorized it as boring.
Kara laughed to herself. She didn't know the half of it. And yet, her reluctant mentor also had some encouraging words.
'I believe in you, I always have.'
She had offered an Editor-In-Chief position.
One position she wasn't entirely sure she deserved, but as Alex said, 'That was her dream job.' Not one she expected to get, so soon. It was one she expected for when her superheroing had dwindled, and she was well into her human midlife. When her birth-date would say she was in her late forties, and she had to pretend she followed some strict regimen to look as good as she did, because the yellow sun wouldn't really let her age that much.
Her own words, also bounced in her head.
'I give speeches inspiring people to live their best lives. But she's right. I am too afraid to live my own.'
'My entire life, I've hid behind these glasses. It's gotten in the way of every job I've ever had, everything I've ever wanted to do, every relationship.'
'I think hiding who I am is the reason I couldn't pass the courage Gauntlet. I created Supergirl that night because the thought of saving my sister as myself was too terrifying.'
At that precise moment, she did thought that. but in the days since her sister's wedding, she could ponder long and wide over it. That may have been the totem's argument. But the totem didn't know about her safety. All the times people knowing her identity, put them in danger.
The totem didn't live Jeremiah having to surrender himself to work for the D.E.O to protect her. The totem didn't know about the D.E.O recruiting her sister out of college, because she was an alien. The totem didn't know about Max Lord trying to date her sister just to try and uncover Supergirl's identity. Or Rick Malverne keeping Alex hostage, so Supergirl would do his bidding. Or Haley finding out her identity, and use it to manipulate her sister and herself.
The totem didn't understand Lex Luthor capturing her niece in exchange for more power.
Or Agent Liberty kidnapping Lena to force her to reveal her identity.
That didn't happen in this reality, but it did happened to her. And she caved, of course she did. But it was dangerous. Too dangerous.
Lena's words constantly swam in her mind too, 'You've had your entire life, people telling you who you're supposed to be and that if you didn't hide your true self then the people would get hurt. I mean, it's tough to move beyond those type of core wounds.'
"It wasn't until Lillian told me the truth that I realized I haven't been living my own life. And finally, now I am. And it feels amazing." She had said, as they walked together, one next to the other.
"I don't even know what that would feel like for me. Connecting with someone as my whole self. To not be afraid to just be who I am.." Kara confessed.
"It sounds like it could be empowering," Lena encouraged her.
It wasn't until days later, that she realized she'd lied to her best friend.
They were both sitting in her couch, watching The Great British Baking Show. Kara didn't even remember which season they were on.
"Are you even paying attention to the TV?" Lena asked, like reading her mind.
"No, not really," Kara sincerely admitted. "I was thinking about what we talked at the wedding. About living my own life."
Lena turned to look at her instead of the TV, "You took off your glasses."
"I did. But I don't think that's the correct move for me," Kara confessed.
"Then, what is it?"
Kara sighed, "I'll accept the Editor-In-Chief job."
"You seem awfully conflicted for someone accepting her dream job," Lena frowned.
"I just need to convince Cat Grant to accept my conditions."
"Ah," Lena let out. "I see." She looked at her with a smile. "If anyone can convince her of anything, is you."
Kara was mesmerized by her. She thought about how much their life has changed, since they met. How miserable she was when Lena wasn't in her life. How unhappy she was when she had to run away from her, a lie in her lips. And how much better it was now that she knew the truth and was a willing participant of her life as a superhero.
She didn't realized she had done it, get so close to Lena she'd just had to lean in a few inches to touch her lips to hers.
"I lied at the wedding, too." Kara whispered.
"Lied about what?" Lena asked, in an equally low mumble.
"That I didn't know how it felt connecting with someone as my whole self," Kara explained. "I do know. I've always done it with you, even without the obvious. But especially in the last year." Kara paused. "And I think… I think you are more than my best friend."
Lena didn't move, she kept looking into Kara's eyes looking for something, and it seemingly she found it. "And what are you going to do about it?" She muttered.
"I'm going to kiss you, if that's okay with you," Kara said, finally closing the distance between their lips.
Kara could fly, and yet nothing had ever felt like kissing Lena.
"I got it," Lena announced, entering the loft.
Kara was nervous. She had managed to convince Cat Grant of it, but of course, her mentor and boss, couldn't let the dramatics go, and didn't let Kara even look at the cover of the magazine before sending it to print.
"You do look very good," her girlfriend said.
She was still over the moon about calling Lena her girlfriend, but not even that could squelch her nervousness. The kiss Lena gave her as a greeting did, though.
"Ready?" Lena asked.
"As ready as I can be."
Lena flipped the magazine in front of her, showing the cover to Kara. A picture of herself in her SuperSuit looked back at her.
'Supergirl is out, Superwoman is in.'
"She could have gone with a less cliched headline," Kara commented in a whisper.
"It's not that bad," Lena said, throwing her hands around Kara's neck, keeping her close. "But if I'm completely honest, you know Kara has always been my hero."
