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Superman had essentially bullied him into coming.
Team bonding , he had explained, it’s important that you’re there too Batman.
Batman, of course, protested. The friendly gathering planed at the watchtower had no relevance to any of their cases and getting closer to his colleagues would just be a nuisance. It would in no way strengthen his ability to fight well beside them.
You don’t even have to interact with anyone. Just be there , Clark pleaded. Look Batman, you’re a mystery to everyone, and we respect your privacy, but quite frankly you intimidate most of the team. You can work with anyone, but think about how they feel. Please .
He walked away after that, leaving Batman to contemplate his words.
And Clark was right. Batman could see it in the way conversation slowed when he walked into a room, or how someone would seek help from anyone else.
They trusted him. That much he knew.
They trusted him with their lives, but not their feelings. They weren’t comfortable enough with him to ask for his advice on an issue in their personal lives. They wouldn’t bother him with trivial facts they found cool.
And oftentimes he was glad for it. He didn’t have time to deal with it, he didn’t want to have to deal with it.
But they had all proven he could trust them, and he would admit that them knowing his identity would make things easier for him.
That all led him to this point in time.
He was sat in the watchtower, mentally designing a new gadget and improvements to his current ones. Then Hal called out to him.
“What about you Batman?” He asked, hesitation hidden behind his smile, clearly having thought Batman was paying attention.
He wasn’t. So instead of replying he leveled the man with a mild glare.
“You know… Fuck, Marry, Kill?” He prompted.
“Yeah, choices are between Pedro Pascal, Henry Cavill, and Brucie Wayne,” Barry added.
His fist clenched beneath the table as he leveled the two with an unimpressed glare.
This was a childish waste of time, exactly why he didn’t want to come. Not to mention- why was he one of the options??
“Kill Henry, Marry Pedro, and Fuck Bruce,” Dinah says instantly, saving Batman and taking a sip of her drink.
“Wait, but don’t you and Oliver know Bruce?” Barry asked, looking between the couple.
Oliver shrugged, looking unfazed, “He’s on her list.”
“Isn’t that weird for you though?” Hal questioned.
“He’s on mine too,” Oliver answered, unashamed.
“Kill Bruce Wayne,” Batman stated loudly, causing everyone to look at him in shock, both because he answered and because he said to kill Bruce Wayne . Batman however was only wishing that he would, in fact, drop dead in the moment so he wouldn’t have to sit through the rest of this conversation.
“No, the only correct answer is to marry Bruce Wayne,” Hal announced, emboldened by the large gulp he took of his drink. “One, he’s like super rich, two, then you could sleep with him all the time, cause you're married. I mean, Bruce Wayne .”
There were nods of agreement around the table, people speaking up to comment on mostly point number two. The general all around consensus was they agreed .
And Batman thought, not for the first time, that maybe he’d overdone it with Brucie Wayne. Maybe he’d been a little too exaggerative the few times he’d met the League. Maybe, just maybe, he shouldn’t jokingly flirt(especially when they didn’t know it was a joke) with people he knew as Batman.
But it kept people from connecting his two identities. It kept him and his family safe. It worked exactly as he’d planned it to.
And this was the result.
His colleagues, his teammates, superheroes, earths greatest defenders, all gathered ‘round listing reasons they would like to marry and/or fuck him.
They were all admittedly a little tipsy, some more than a little, but their in-depth explanations meant most of them had definitely thought about this before.
“Have any of you other than Oliver met Bruce Wayne?” Clark asked seriously.
And Batman, he remembered the times he’d met Clark out of suit. He remembered how he allowed himself to shamelessly flirt with the man he totally did not feel romantic attraction towards.
Clark wore a firm expression as he glanced around the table and Bruce started internally panicking. He was going to hear Clark's view of him, and from the mans expression, it wasn’t good. His heartbeat sped up but Superman wasn’t focused on him. He was glad that none of the supers were focused on him.
“None of his pictures do him justice,” he stated, “He is the most beautiful man you will ever see.”
If Batman had been drinking something at that moment he would have choked. Thankfully for him, he was sat like a statue, glaring at his colleagues.
“Oooooooo does supes have a crush?” Hal teased, causing the man in question to blush slightly.
“Coming from the man who wants to marry him so he can sleep with him whenever he wants?” Clark shot back.
“Hey!”
“I was actually interpreting that as Hal being a gold digger. He put the money first in his reasonings,” Barry added, laughing at the man’s indignant squak.
“I just meant the money is an added bonus!”
“Bruce Wayne is a good man and you would use him for his money?” Clark asked.
“Damn he’s getting defensive,” Arthur whispered, leaning closer to Batman so he could hear.
He could definitely hear. He was all too aware of everything being said right now.
“Thousand dollars to stab one of them,” Batman offered.
“And ruin the entertainment?”
“Well, technically, we’re all using him for his money,” Hal declares, “He sponsors the Justice League.”
Barry busted out laughing as Clark’s expression morphed into thoughtful confusion.
“Oh my god,” Barry wheezed, “Bruce Wayne’s our sugar daddy.”
Hal erupted in laughter, joined quickly by their teammates and Arthur sat up frowning slightly.
“Oh my god he is.”
Batman was now wound up so tightly, his fists clenched, fingertips digging into his palms through his gloves.
He wanted to simultaneously scream, join their laughter at the absurdity of the statement(although it was true), and set off a smoke bomb, disappear, and never be seen again.
This was his life now, and fuck it, they were all gonna find out eventually. He trusted them now, so why wait?
Like flicking a switch, sitting there in full Batman gear, he turned into Brucie Wayne.
The league wasn’t paying attention to him. Not until, one at a time, they noticed a happy laughter flowing from the usually silent, dark mass at one end of the table and then fell silent, staring at him.
His laughter dimmed but the bright, happy go-lucky smile stayed pinned on his face. His cowl still covering his face, shrouded in darkness, his smile unnerved them. He had the entire Justice League frozen in fear.
“Oh come on,” he practically purred, “Say it again Barry. It was funny . But to think,” he paused, shrugging flippantly before lifting a hand to the edge of his cowl and pulling it back, “I really am your sugar daddy.”