Work Text:
Patient: PARK JI MIN (박 지민)
Age of Patient: 84 YEARS OLD
Time of death: 03:41AM
Cause of death: HEART ATTACK
His hand is gripping as tight as it can onto the white bed sheets and his chest is constricting as he sees the man above him, pressing onto it. Jimin is too old and his heart is still too tired from the past. He can’t keep going anymore. It’s time to see him again. It’s time to take his place on the sky as the little star that Taehyung made him out to be.
The last thing he ever remembers is a pair of brown eyes, looking adoringly into his and a soft touch on his cheeks.
The last thing he sees is darkness.
“I’ll take care of you,” is the only thing Jimin recalls Taehyung telling him. His mind doesn’t rewind to the moments where they held hands so innocently or when they shared loving looks thinking they only held a sense of utmost friendship; Jimin doesn’t think of those moments at all. He can only think of Taehyung, with his too-straight hair sprawled on the bed as he lies on his side, facing him with a small and secretive smile and rubbing his cheek so tenderly with the pad of his thumb. And he can only think of how mellow his words sounded as he called his name and promised his love, not so directly but with the responsibility of protecting him. That’s how Jimin remembers Taehyung.
It hasn’t been a long while since the news reached him. Just two weeks and three days, fourteen hours and seven minutes on the clock, on his heart, on his walls. The moment he heard his phone ring, the screen lighting up with his best friend’s name and a picture of Taehyung when he wasn’t looking, Jimin’s heart had picked up its pace and started hammering against his chest. At that moment, he had only been ready to hear his deep voice whining about dumb things—the floor being too cold, the couch being too hot, the house being too big and the town being so far away from him—but he hadn’t been prepared for his eardrum to pick up the sound of a tired out, male voice that wasn’t Taehyung’s.
“He’s in his way to the hospital. I’m sorry man, I wasn’t looking,” followed by a sob full of fear and regret, the unknown man breaking Jimin’s quick heart.
Those words were all it took for Jimin to end up where he is now, all by himself on the cemetery on a dark and chilly evening. He’s sitting on the cold stone next to his friends encapsulated body, and Jimin asks himself with tears drying on his face, if he will ever forget Taehyung’s warmth. He’s torn between letting out a barking laugh or another series of pained cries: how could he ever not remember Taehyung and the way his hands held his, perfectly fitting on his chubby ones and rubbing calming circles on his knuckles? It’s impossible to wipe away the memories of Taehyung’s sun kissed skin, stardust eyes and moonlit smile—a juxtaposition of galaxies and constellations and planets that are not meant to be together, colliding all together on the beauty that was Taehyung. And his mind will forever hold preciously onto the way Taehyung would look at him. Friendship—surely something more—mixed with adoration and forevermore feelings that washed over Jimin and kept him warm on the coldest days, frozen on his spot on the hottest days, comfortably numb on the perfect days.
Kim Taehyung is not someone Park Jimin could ever erase from his heart. He had traced his finger up and down the palm of his hands one too many times and there will forever be traces of Taehyung in Jimin’s body, heart and soul. Jimin’s eyes will forever reflect Taehyung’s—loving, comprehensive, full of wise thoughts masked by infantile remarks and tastes, soft around the edges and profound in the center; chocolate drops to sweeten the bitterness of someone’s day. Jimin will have to look at his own eyes from now on in front of a mirror a pretend that Taehyung never went away in the first place.
The stars glimmer above him. There are a few brighter than other’s but Jimin knows which one Taehyung is. He’s the round one, shining its own light onto the dark night sky. Taehyung is the moon and the sun, watching over him at all times, like he promised him.
Patient: KIM TAE HYUNG (김 태형)
Age of Patient: 22 YEARS OLD
Time of death: 4:33PM
Cause of death: INTERNAL BLEEDING
“What do you mean you’re going away?” A soft pout forms on Jimin’s plump lips. Taehyung smiles so brightly—a mixture of stars and reflections are found in the corners of his eyes as his grin widens—that Jimin finds himself to be awestruck at how beautiful his best friend is. The simple gesture makes him feel like the whole world had been reduced down to the size of an average man and put in front of him for it to be admired with the utmost adoration.
Tentative steps are taken and Taehyung is merely inches away from Jimin. It’s not uncomfortable and it doesn’t make Jimin recoil and blush and get nervous. The closeness makes the two of them feel secure, warm and not lonely; they know they have each other within an arm’s distance. “I won’t be gone for too long, silly. Just a few months and you’ll see me again, hopefully with a full internship at a law firm.”
It’s not selfishness what takes over Jimin. Probably, according to Taehyung’s secret thoughts of the little star shining brightly in front of him, it’s the feeling of being left behind by the only person he has. Probably, from the small hole forming in the middle of Jimin’s heart, it’s the desperation of not being able to have Taehyung close to him like he is right now. What if something happens to either of them, who is going to protect him? Who is going to protect Taehyung if he’s gone to another galaxy, with bigger asteroid that disguise themselves as shooting stars? The bitterness is too strong and not even the sweetness of Taehyung’s stare can tone it down, because it’s settled on the tip of his tongue and it’s painfully traveling to the very end of it, to take over the capacity of his taste buds and stay there until Taehyung comes back.
But he’s not even gone, yet.
“Why do you have to leave, though?” Jimin realizes that egoistical thoughts are also in the way when he has to refrain himself from continuing with the question of who will take care of me?
He’s afraid, that much Taehyung knows. Jimin is so fragile and soft, and he deserves the entire universe—a universe that, for now, he’s not able to afford but soon he will be—and he doesn’t want to leave him at all. But his little star deserves a universe to live in, another constellations to surround him and remind Jimin that they will never be as bright as he is, more planets to make him see that Taehyung outdid himself for him—Park Jimin—and that he would do it all over again if it meant that the world will get to see the preciousness of his little star’s happiness over, and over, and over, and over again until they get tired of it but seeing Jimin with a frown would stir worry between the masses.
Taehyung just wants Jimin to get what he deserves. And he needs to make a lot of sacrifices for it. The first one being to stay away from him for a while, and then come back bearing the power to boost his smile a thousand times.
Two steps forward and Taehyung is holding the world in his arms. Two steps forward and Jimin is wrapping tightly his hands around the curves of the world. Two steps forward and two worlds collide, fists clinging tightly to the clothing draped over their figures and sobs muffled by shaking shoulders.
“I promise you, Jimin. I’ll come back so soon.” Taehyung whispers sweetly. The bitterness slowly dissipates from Jimin’s mouth as it gives way for the hopeful taste of cinnamon dust to fall over his tongue. It feels numb but a little bit better than before. The sting is still there and it still makes his eyes water, but it’s a sweet pain that he’ll accept. “I’ll be back in the blink of an eye, baby. You don’t even have to worry about me.”
They hug each other tightly, arms clasped around each other and fearing of letting go. Jimin thinks Taehyung might fade away, so he clings closer and pressed tighter and fights harder the urge to kiss his neck and just conforms with knowing that his body is warm and protected by Taehyung, Taehyung, Taehyung; the only person he’ll ever need with him. The only person he has had for the past seven years.
Although the thought of being more than two steps away from Jimin makes Taehyung fret to the point of biting his own lip to hold back tears and spilling words he means but doesn’t want Jimin to hear, and that the thought only makes him want to inch closer, closer, closer to Jimin; he knows the time would come some day.
Jimin cannot takes his eyes off Taehyung—his smile is so beautiful and he looks so tired, so sleepy and ready to be embraced—and his absorbed by the sight of the closeness that they had found themselves in for the past five years since they’ve known each other. It nearly makes him want to cry because every moment is so beautiful and meaningful that it squeezes his heart in slow motion and it doesn’t hurt, but it makes him feel empty when he realizes that, one day, they might not have this. That, one day, maybe Taehyung will find someone else, someone who means something greater to him than Jimin does, and he’ll slip away and leave Jimin as a faded memory in sepia tones and faded, corrupted edges. Jimin feels scared that one day, when they’re old and their eyesight worsens and their hips hurt from standing too long—sitting too long—living too long and their lives become fragile things trapped by four walls and limited by a barely big enough area to make them feel free, their minds will be too tired to bother to remember each other.
Unaware, Jimin takes in a deep breath and every scent in the bed gets mixed with the oxygen. He can smell Taehyung—pine trees, mint shampoo and sun dried clothes with a hint of detergent—he can smell his own train of thoughts getting abruptly stopped on its tracks by the tender look on Taehyung’s eyes, he can smell how warm the room is and how the last rays of sunshine seep through the curtain, illuminating Taehyung’s face and giving his eyes a certain glint that they already have and increase it. As he exhales, he can feel everything. He can feel Taehyung’s presence next—in front—of him and the light that the radiates from the inside out, he can feel a heavy but comforting hand resting on his waist and slightly rubbing it and producing butterflies on the pit of his stomach, he can feel his heart pushing him to do something with Taehyung and he can feel his brain chastising the organ for being so reckless and thoughtless.
He can feel his own hand moving by its own doing to Taehyung’s cheek and letting his thumb rub it softly, adoringly, lovingly.
The small, tired smile that his friend had moments ago returns and it looks so sincere and his face is so bright and the sun is not there anymore but it left the powerful glimmer in Taehyung’s eyes and he looks even more beautiful as his hand shifts from Jimin’s waist to hold his chubby hand closer to his cheek and wraps his fingers around it gently. Every action is so innocent and pure, so white-minded that Jimin cannot help the almost unnoticeable blush that covers his cheeks. They haven’t exchanged a single word for the past three hours that they have spent on Jimin’s bend doing absolutely nothing, just staring and studying each other’s face and noticing every little change that happens. They don’t really need to. Taehyung is tired and so is Jimin, they don’t have reasons to be. Maybe it’s the tiredness of their hearts exposing itself; the tiredness of hiding deeper feelings, of holding back bigger words of affection; the tiredness of not being really together as something more than best friends. What a stupid title for two people that love each other so much.
And it hits Jimin as Taehyung presses a soft kiss to the palm of his hand, almost like he was on autopilot because his eyes widen before doing it again and smiling an even softer smile so then he could press a kiss to Jimin’s nose and leave him astonished at what just happened, staring at him with bashful eyes and still giving him a little smile.
Even when Jimin becomes an old man, with gray hair and deadly issues in his organism, he’ll never bother to remember Taehyung because he’ll never even think of forgetting him.
On his eighteenth birthday Jimin reminds Taehyung that he’ll be older than him for quite some months before Taehyung throws in that he’d be equally as old as him soon, too. It’s when he’s blowing the candles with Taehyung standing next to him and holding his hands, completely oblivious to the explosive cheers crashing against the walls and only focusing on the birthday boy, that he hears a soft mumble of “let’s grow old together, Jiminie,” accompanied by a soft squeeze on his hand before fingers are threading together with his and pulling him close for a warm hug.
Everything with Taehyung is warm. Everything is filled with comfort and something else that Jimin can’t quite identify yet, but he likes it because whenever Taehyung’s hands clasp behind his back and refuses to let him go, and his chin falls on Taehyung’s shoulder, he feels whole. Only then, when Taehyung hide his face in the crook of his neck and chuckles out “happy birthday, Jimin,” does he feel full and accomplished, like every other occurrence in his life has lost its meaning and the only moments that matter are the ones he spent with Taehyung.
They’ve known each other for three years, and Jimin can already recognize that their bond is stronger that they both had intended it to be.
His favorite constellation is Taehyung. He’s Taehyung’s little star.
Galaxies fascinate Jimin because they’re bigger than big. They are full of unknown things and surprises and they’re beautiful because of the glimmering stars that compliment their darkness and the planets that fill their emptiness and the asteroids that keep everything in company, reading to descend if the stars ask them to. But astronomy had never been his forte. Numbers and calculations get lost in his mind as soon as he starts doodling pretty constellations and naming them easily from the top of his head, the bottom of his heart, the tip of his tongue.
He really likes the Big Dipper. There’s nothing special that he knows about it (because he never bothers with the stories behind the names and the reasons why they exist), he just thinks it’s weird and pretty. It looks like a pot of great resistance, which holds many secrets and protects the other stars that aren’t ready to show themselves. Jimin wants to find someone who’ll be his Big Dipper and protect him like he was a little star, fascinated by the outer space but too scared to face it.
“That’s the Big Dipper!” A voice says, in front of him.
Jimin looks up and he sees constellations. Constellations, constellations—more constellations—and he’s drawn into this new galaxy that he found. The universe is great but not enough to withhold the beauty of this unknown series of stars, all put together to create him.
“I’m Taehyung, Kim Taehyung.”