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Published:
2024-11-25
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1,184
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1/1
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No Identity to Call My Own

Summary:

Once upon a time, I was called Cozette.

I was also a Wattanist, and had to look after the Uni-Tree.

It sounded simple, but it was anything but.

Notes:

I 100% completed Brothership recently and couldn't get this character out of my head so I wrote this, enjoy!

Work Text:

Once upon a time, I was called Cozette.

I was also a Wattanist, and had to look after the Uni-Tree.

It sounded simple, but it was anything but.

The pressure weighed down on me every day, but I kept at it.

I had to, after all. It was my duty.

I mentored a young girl, Connie.

Her smile was what got me through the day sometimes.

Because it was a burden, having this duty.

But I smiled along with her and powered through it, not wanting to be perceived wrongly.

A Wattanist had to keep to her job, after all.

Connie would talk to me to pass the time; she would tell me about her interests, what she liked, random little things that made her her.

She asked me about my own interests.

My answers were short, sometimes lies. Connie still liked hearing about it.

What else was I supposed to say? I was only supposed to do my duty.

I didn't need any extracurriculars or silly little dreamsthat would distract me or hold me back.

I had a job to do.

But I couldn't do that to Connie.

She deserved better than having to toss aside everything that made her unique.

One day, I said to her, "Connie. Don't let anyone make you change anything about yourself. You are wonderful, and I'll support you, no matter what choices you make."

It was out of the blue, but she happily accepted it, along with all my other advice.

I wish I could be like her.

So free, so happy...

I can't be like that.

And it was suffocating.

Why did I have to do this by myself? Was everyone else really so selfish that they couldn't pitch in to look over the Uni-Tree?

...No, Cozette. Stop with those thoughts.

She should be ashamed.

I should be ashamed.

What if one day, something happened and I wouldn't be able to fulfill my duty any longer?

The thought sounded so freeing, so...

Wrong.

But also fantastic.

Yet that meant that Connie would be stuck in my place.

I can't force her to do that on her own, not when she still has so much to learn.

So it was wrong to think that way.

Anything that wasn't part of my duty was wrong.

The life I lived was just that. A duty.

Others looked up to me. I couldn't let them down.

What if I decided to change? What if I got shunned?

If I even changed something as important as my name, what would happen?

I couldn't risk it.

Not when everyone depended on me.

I wish nobody had to.

I wish I could be someone else.

It was but a dream, a fool's errand that deserved mockery.

...

...

...

People told folk tales of demons. Those that would make claim after claim to suck you in, only to rip it from you and make your life a living nightmare.

I wish I took them more seriously.

It began- and ended with an egg.

I thought it was cute- then he spoke to me.

He told me that he understood my struggles.

He told me that I deserved better.

He was right.

I couldn't take hiding every single part of who I wanted to be.

I couldn't take having to uphold this duty, a crushing burden in my heart that wouldn't go away.

I couldn't take feeling so alone.

He said he could help me. Give me everything I wanted.

I was a fool. I never deserved being a Wattanist.

I accepted his offer.

I-

...

...

...

...

...

I hate you, Reclusa, you demon.

You twisted my greatest wish into a big fat pretzel, using me for your sick, twisted desires.

And I should've stopped myself.

I was aware of everything I was doing.

I destroyed the Uni-Tree; I broke apart Concordia. I didn't have to protect the Uni-Tree anymore.

I could never remember the names of my minions; Ecks, Ten, Shun... their names ring so true now. I couldn't tell anymore my real name, so I couldn't remember anyone else's name for the life of me.

Zokket was a good name.

One of the names I had considered for if I somehow managed to accomplish one of my dreams.

I can never use it now.

I was too weak to escape the demon's madness.

Mario & Luigi, bless their souls.

If I hadn't been so weak, they wouldn't have been dragged here to fix the mess I created.

But they reconnected the islands and freed me from my curse.

The demon was freed as well; reborn again to destroy another world; trap everyone in their own twisted dream to make them forget about everything- including taking care of themselves, left to rot away.

When Connie figured out what I had done, I prepared for what I might have to do.

But she wasn't mad, so I changed my plans.

I had to destroy the demon.

Yet again, I was a fool.

I was too weak, and Mario & Luigi saved me once more, somehow killing the demon for good, before having to leave Concordia.

Once everything stopped feeling like it was going to collapse around me at every moment, the catharsis and relief kicked in.

That demon wouldn't be able to hurt anyone ever again.

But he still won. He claimed one last victim.

Me.

Surrounded by so many people, the loneliness was unbearable.

How many knew that it was all my fault?

The reformed Extension Trio tried to talk to me once. I said I'd get back to them.

Even just looking at them was an awful, horrific reminder of what I had done.

I couldn't talk to anyone without fearing that they may connect the dots and come to certain conclusions. I wouldn't blame them.

And if I had any hope of trying to be my true self before, now I couldn't possibly even consider it.

What if I went off the deep end again? What if someone else took advantage of me?

Everyone has a bit of Glohm inside them, some more than others.

I clearly couldn't handle the pressure of it all, that's why I was so easy to coerce.

Whether I was Cozette or Zokket, puppet strings guided me along a predetermined path, whether I liked it or not.

Suffering. Suffocating.

Concordia is safe, but nothing's changed.

I'm right back where I always am.

Empty.

A hollow shell of a person.

I couldn't do anything about it.

One day, Connie sensed my sadness, despite trying my hardest to hide and bury it just as always.

She said to me, "A long time ago, I got some really good advice. Don't let anyone make you change anything about yourself! You're wonderful, and I'll support you, no matter what choices you wanna make!"

Probably not the exact words, but she meant it all the same.

I thanked her.

That night, I wanted to throw up.

A week later, I couldn't take it anymore.

No more.

When I saw Connie again...

I asked her if she could keep an important secret.

At last, an identity to call my own.