Work Text:
Khun stares down with barely hidden disdain at the damnable sheets of paper with his name scrawled on them.
Friend List. How utterly ridiculous.
Why is he going along with this again? He doesn’t even like the Seppuku Swordsman and so far Shibisu is only mildly better, if not simply obnoxious in other ways. Besides the obvious answer of forming alliances. It costs him nothing to sign it really, and it might even generate some good will for him to take advantage of down the line.
It’s not like it’s a legally binding contract or anything. It doesn’t matter. Not really. It’s just some harebrained assignment. There’s nothing stopping Khun from betraying them tomorrow, or the day after, or whenever it finally becomes convenient regardless of what this piece of paper says. Signing it doesn’t actually magically make people friends.
Khun’s eyes linger on the name above his. 25th Bam.
“But now… I have friends. Thanks.”
Bam believes it though and Khun doesn’t know why that makes it matter to him. It’s only a flimsy piece of paper. But what if Shibisu and Hatz hurt Bam? Would Bam still smile like that afterwards?
Bam is something of a novelty to Khun. He’s ignorant of all the horrors Khun has grown up with as facts of life. He didn’t even know what the sky was for god’s sake. Khun doesn’t get him at all. And that’s what makes Bam the most interesting out of anyone here.
And he unreservedly calls Khun a friend. Khun even believes him when he says it too.
Ah, damnit, Khun thinks. He just knows that someday he’s going to look back on this moment and go, “Ah, yes, and this is when you fucked up.”
Shibisu eagerly snatches back his paper, Hatz collecting his own at a more sedate pace.
“Sweet! That's two spots down and two friends acquired!” Shibisu says cheerily.
Khun stops himself from snapping at him that just because Bam apparently likes collecting friends like Pokemon doesn’t mean Khun is friends with them. Because Bam smiles at the proclamation.
“Right!” Bam says brightly, practically beaming.
It’s the happiest Khun has seen him.
“We should celebrate!” Shibisu says, like two names on a sheet with ten spaces is some grand achievement.
Though, considering what Khun has heard him say of their abysmal luck so far, maybe it is.
“Celebrate?” Bam asks curiously.
“Yeah, you know, like a party,” Shibusu says.
Based on the blank look on Bam’s face he doesn’t know, but all he says is, “I’ve never been to a party.”
Goddamnit, Khun thinks as he sighs. Khun wishes he didn’t know himself so well.
They have a party.
Somehow Shibisu manages to get nearly everyone to attend except for the administrators and the two princesses. Khun even spots Laure napping in the corner.
Rachel doesn’t come either. Bam doesn’t mention it, so neither does Khun.
Khun doesn’t know where alcohol came from.
Bam, ever curious, tries it, makes a face, and immediately starts coughing as Khun laughs at him. Bam gives the alcohol a betrayed look.
“Mr. Khun, why would people drink this?” He asks, voice choked and strangled like the alcohol is still in his throat.
Khun just laughs again and hands his cup of apple juice to Bam. Bam wrinkles his nose at this new substance, far more suspicious now as he takes a tentative sip. He brightens and takes another.
“What’s this?” Bam asks curiously.
“Apple juice,” Khun answers as he pours another cup for himself.
Khun has his own issues with alcohol and most of them have nothing to do with the taste and everything to do with his father.
Bam mouths the word to himself and takes another sip, watching curiously as chaos descends around them.
“Most people drink alcohol for the effects anyway, rather than the taste,” Khun divulges.
Bam looks away from Shibisu trying to start a duet with Hatz to focus on Khun. “Effects?”
Khun nods absently, tapping his fingers against his thigh. “After consuming enough of it alcohol can lower inhibitions and reduce stress and give you a bit of a buzz.”
Bam furrows his brows like he doesn’t quite understand the appeal. To be fair, Khun probably isn’t doing a good job of selling it.
“Consuming too much of it can be dangerous though,” Khun adds, if only because he doesn’t want Bam trying it later without understanding the potential risks.
Bam gives a concerned look towards the partygoers. Khun waves his hand.
“It’s fine. It’ll take a lot more than this for that to happen.”
Reassured Bam turns back to his apple juice. Where Khun stares exasperated at the idiots making fools of themselves, Bam watches it all with a little smile.
Bam, Khun notices, likes people. Maybe it’s not even that so much as he just likes being around other people. Likes watching them and existing in their general space. Not being alone. Like a plant soaking up light.
Considering what Khun knows about Bam’s past this makes sense. Khun will just have to make sure it stays this way.
“It’s a shame Rak isn’t here,” Bam comments.
Khun makes a face. “I don’t want to know what the crocodile is like when he’s drunk.”
Bam laughs.
It’s as the night is winding down, almost everyone having fallen asleep in various places on the floor, that it happens.
Bam is laughing at something Khun is saying, Khun doesn’t even remember what, when something seems to catch his attention and he turns to look, letting out a little, “Oh,” of surprise.
Khun turns to look as well.
He regrets it almost immediately, pulling a face. Serena and Shibisu are sucking face in the corner. The party’s pretty much over at this point anyway so Khun stands and tugs Bam along by his hand.
“Come on, we don’t need to watch this,” Khun says with an eye roll.
Bam follows obediently. “Mr. Khun? What were they doing?”
Khun comes to a stop, giving Bam an incredulous look.
Is he serious?
Bam’s puzzled face is the same one he wore while he was trying to figure out why people would drink alcohol.
He’s serious.
“You mean kissing?” Khun clarifies, still in vague disbelief.
He knows Bam was literally raised under a rock but- seriously?
“Is that what it’s called?” Bam asks, tilting his head. It’s very cute. Khun wants to die.
Khun quickly pushes away the thought that this means someone is probably going to need to have The Sex Talk with Bam at some point; and that that someone will probably have to be him.
Instead Khun falls back on the familiar habit of explaining something. “Kissing is when two people’s lips meet,” he cites and tries not to think too hard about what he’s saying.
This might be the most embarrassing thing he’s ever experienced. Maybe he should just never leave his room again after this. That sounds like a reasonable plan.
Then Khun realizes they’re not actually alone, even if everyone is either unconscious or likely too drunk to remember any of this in the morning, and starts tugging Bam along by his hand again.
“Oh,” Bam says, considering this as he’s pulled along. “Is it bad?”
“No?” Khun says, a little confused on how Bam might have arrived at that question.
“Then why are we leaving?”
Ah. “Normally that kind of stuff is done in private. But- you know how I said alcohol lowers inhibitions?” Bam nods. “And since they normally wouldn’t-“ Make-out but Khun isn’t sure if that would open a whole new can of questions. “-kiss while, say, in the cafeteria, it’s polite to give them privacy.”
Or because Khun really didn’t want or need to see them sucking face but same result right?
“Oh,” Bam says, turning this over in his head. “Okay.” And for a moment Khun thinks that will be the end of it. “Why do people kiss then?”
This conversation cannot end soon enough, Khun despairs as he turns a corner.
“Normally two people kiss when they like each other. It’s- a way to express affection.” Or when they want to have sex but Khun is studiously ignoring that part for now.
Bam’s expression lightens at that. “Does that mean I can kiss you?”
Khun chokes, tripping, and Bam grabs his arm to steady him as they come to a stop. His hands are warm even through Khun’s shirt.
Maybe Khun was a little too sparing on the details.
“Mr. Khun?” Bam sounds concerned now.
Khun coughs, struggling to find his voice again. “I meant a special kind of like, Bam.”
Bam’s brows are furrowed again. He looks cute when he’s confused.
“You’re special to me,” Bam says, like he’s pointing out something that should be obvious.
Oh my god, Khun thinks.
His heart is pounding in his chest even though he’s well aware Bam doesn’t mean it like that. It’s still a more blatant statement of affection than Khun has ever received in his life. It’s a lot.
“That’s…” Khun feels speechless. “Okay, but you wouldn’t want to kiss just anyone right?”
“What do you mean?”
“Like… do you want to kiss Rachel or Shibisu?” Khun throws out the names of two people (besides him and Rak) that he knows Bam likes. And if Bam realizes he wants to kiss one of them that’s at least progress of sorts right?
Khun ignores the twisting in his stomach at the thought. Something selfish and cold that makes him feel more like a Khun than his name ever could.
Bam considers this new angle, visibly turning it over in his head. “I guess I wouldn’t mind kissing them,” he says at last, thoughtful. “But I don’t really want to either?”
The last bit comes out almost like a question but Khun almost heaves a sigh of relief. That’s- okay, he can work with that.
“Right,” Khun says. “So you should only kiss someone you really want to,” he stresses.
“Okay,” Bam agrees easily, bobbing his head. “Can I kiss you then?”
-And back to square one. What did Khun just say?
“Bam,” Khun starts, exasperated.
Bam tightens his grip on Khun’s arm as if to keep him there and shakes his head. “I want to kiss you,” he insists.
It’s not the same thing, Khun wants to protest except he has no idea where to start conveying the difference between attraction and curiosity. And Bam has a stubborn look on his face that means he’s going to keep pressing.
“Let’s just get to our rooms okay?” Khun throws out as a last resort. “It’s late right?”
Some of the fire in Bam’s eyes fades and he slowly releases Khun’s arm. “Okay,” he says, sounding unhappy.
Khun pushes down his first three impulses to fix it. Instead they walk the rest of the way back to their rooms in silence, Bam lost in his own head. They stop in front of Bam’s room.
Khun has no idea how to fix this.
“Well, goodnight,” Khun finally says, with the weight of knowing he might have somehow irreversibly broken something he didn’t even know was there.
He turns to head to his room when Bam catches his wrist, “Wait-“ Bam blurts out and then doesn’t seem to know how to continue.
“Yes, Bam?” Khun asks, turning to face him again.
Bam is staring—almost glaring—at the floor before he lifts his head to look at Khun with that straightforward honesty he wields like a bludgeon.
“Do you not want to kiss me?” He asks.
Khun’s jaw drops. “I- what?”
Some of Bam’s courage seems to leave as he says, “Well. It’s just that it’s okay if you don’t like me like that but if not I still want to kiss you so- can I?” The last two words almost sound like plea.
Khun is a great liar, but he’s always known himself too well.
“Okay,” Khun says barely above a whisper.
Bam’s eyes widen. “Really?”
“Just once though, okay?” Khun compromises to himself.
Just once to let Bam satisfy his curiosity. Just once so Khun doesn’t damage this new, amazing friendship between them. Just once because Khun is horribly weak when it comes to Bam.
Bam doesn’t seem put off at all, nodding eagerly as he shuffles closer to Khun. He smells like Khun’s shampoo and conditioner from when he borrowed it earlier, since he didn’t have his own. His lashes flutter nervously as moves his face closer to Khun’s. Khun tilts his head a bit so their noses don’t bump and- Bam pauses.
Bam is staring at him with wide eyes like he can’t believe this is happening and doesn’t understand- Khun closes his eyes when he can’t bear to look at Bam’s anymore. Afraid to catch the moment Bam decides to pull away. Decides this isn’t what he wants after all. It was a mistake, sorry Mr. Khun-
Instead he feels Bam’s breath across his lips and brushing his cheek like a caress. One of Bam’s hands comes up to rest on Khun’s shoulder. Bam inches forward even closer, until Khun can feel his chest expanding with every breath. It’s far too warm in this little bubble of theirs.
And then Bam closes the minuscule distance between their lips. Bam’s lips are warm, a bit chapped, kind of dry, but malleable and soft against Khun’s own. Khun makes a sound like he’s been shot—short and high—and Bam presses his lips harder against his.
Khun is going to die.
Bam pulls away achingly slowly, like he’s reluctant, like he doesn’t want to, and there’s a soft pop as their lips part. Oh god. Khun opens his eyes and realizes his hands are clutching the front of Bam’s shirt.
Bam still has his hand on Khun’s shoulder but the other one has moved to hover in front of Bam’s lips. Like he wants to chase or keep the sensation of Khun’s against them. Khun swallows thickly and is reminded that he has to breathe.
Bam’s eyes are bright like miniature suns. His cheeks painted with the faintest flush. He’s breathing hard despite not having done anything strenuous. Bam drops his hand from his lips even as he twists his fingers into the fabric of Khun’s shirt with the other one. Khun is going to have to iron out the wrinkles he leaves later.
“That was-“ Bam starts with exaltation in his breathy voice.
Khun doesn’t learn what this was because he leans in and kisses Bam again. Bam makes a cute noise of surprise and presses back.
It’s not any less shattering than the first one. Khun feels like he could shudder apart in Bam’s arms except then he wouldn’t be able to keep kissing Bam. And that would be the greatest travesty. Khun only pulls away when it feels like his feelings are going to overflow and drown Bam along with him, gasping for breath.
Bam lets him. For a moment. “You look pretty,” he blurts out, seemingly without thought. Visibly distracted by something else.
Khun’s mouth drops open.
-And then Bam’s pulling Khun back in with a hand on his head, clutching at his hair. Khun would normally knife anyone that dared to touch his hair.
Instead he lets Bam kiss him again and swallows the pleased noise Bam makes against his mouth when their lips meet again. Khun answers back with a wounded sound that has nothing to with pain.
He wonders how many times Bam is going to break him apart and put him back together.
Bam hums soothingly, the hand he’d left on Khun’s shoulder moving to cradle the side of his neck, Bam’s thumb stroking rhythmically just under his jaw. Khun is helpless but to tilt his head just that bit more so he can kiss Bam deeper.
Khun loses track of how many times they kiss. Enough so that his lips feel bruised and raw as Bam’s thumb moves over his bottom lip with glittering eyes watching intently. Khun closes his eyes against the sight, feeling flayed open and far too supplicant.
“Khun,” Bam says, sounding pleased, and he wonders when the ‘Mr.’ got dropped.
They should probably talk about this.
Bam presses one last sweet kiss to Khun’s lips. A finishing blow if there ever was one.
“Goodnight,” he says cheerfully before finally entering his room, the door closing with a soft click.
Khun stares at the empty hallway, head becoming slightly clearer now that he’s not being constantly overwhelmed with the tower shattering revelation of what it feels like to kiss Bam. He should- change probably. Go to his room.
He tries to be annoyed but mostly he’s just filled with feelings. This is the worst.
Ah, damnit, Khun thinks again as he collapses onto his bed.
This is, without a doubt, Shibisu and Serena’s fault, Khun decides.
Bam acts perfectly normal the next day, which Khun thinks is highly unfair considering it feels like he’s just experienced a fundamental altering of the universe as he knows it.
Still, Khun tries because before anything else Bam is his friend, his first friend, and that matters more than a few (dozen) kisses exchanged in a hallway.
So Khun watches as Bam gets concerned over everyone’s hangovers while Khun subtly torments Shibisu and Serena in revenge. He still answers all of Bam’s questions. Recommends a new food for Bam to try for breakfast because Bam has no idea where to start. Sits at his side close enough for their elbows to brush and Khun to get a mini heart attack every time. Let’s Bam add a troublesome Jahad Princess to their table.
It’s normal. It’s fine. It’s good.
Khun can move past this. If Bam wants to pretend nothing happened Khun is fully capable of doing so.
And then before they head off to their separate classes Bam pulls Khun aside. Khun raises an eyebrow as Bam glances around them and then nods to himself.
“Bam?” Khun prods.
Bam steps forward, hands cupping Khun’s cheeks and kisses him. It’s brief. Just a short peck. Bam smiles warmly.
“Good luck in class today, Khun.”
Khun is miles ahead of everyone in that class. He doesn’t need luck.
“You too,” Khun returns, purely on reflex as his brain short circuits.
And then Bam happily parts ways from him.
… What just happened?
So, everything is normal but now, whenever they’re alone, Bam will kiss him.
Khun is finding it hard to mind too much.
Today they’re hanging out in Khun’s room, Khun complaining about how easy his lightbearer classes were as Bam listens with a small smile as if Khun is terribly endearing and the occasional laugh at his dramatics, and then just- gets up and kisses Khun in the middle of his sentence.
Well, Khun can’t very well let that stand can he? He pushes Bam away—between the two of them, despite Bam being a genius in shinsu, Khun is still the physically stronger one—and narrows his eyes at Bam playfully.
“Were you even listening to me?” Khun asks semi-seriously.
Bam chuckles nervously. “I, um, was definitely listening to your voice…?”
He’s giving what Khun has mentally dubbed as Bam’s Get Out Of Jail Free Smile. The same one he uses to smooth over tumultuous situations. Khun snorts, rolling his eyes—Bam’s lucky he’s cute—and shoves Bam down onto the bed to kiss him instead.
Bam seems very okay with this turn, making pleased little noises against Khun’s mouth and gasping when Khun licks Bam’s lips. Khun presses his advantage by slipping his tongue into Bam’s mouth. Bam makes a startled noise at the new sensation and Khun pulls away to check on him.
“Bam-“
“Do that again,” Bam interrupts.
He’s not blushing—it’s actually annoyingly hard to make Bam flustered enough to blush—but he’s panting and wide eyed and for a moment Khun just stares at him. His hands are gripping Khun’s arms like he’s trying to hold him in place.
This is really happening, Khun thinks.
And then Bam licks his lips, as if he’s trying to taste some remnant of Khun’s mouth.
Khun is helpless to do anything but kiss him again.
Bam takes to this new facet of kissing eagerly as they take turns exploring each other’s mouths. The wet noise Khun hears when their slick mouths finally part makes him flush. Bam stares up at him with something approaching awe.
Khun kisses him again just so he stops looking at him like that and only stops when his lungs start to burn. Bam’s lips seem pinker now than they did before and shiny with spit. It should probably be gross. It’s not.
It’s not and Khun wants to kiss him again so he does.
Bam makes a pleased noise and their lips are so much slicker than before. If before kissing felt soft then now it’s a wet glide and both make Khun’s stomach roll.
Khun pulls away with gasp and feels, not for the first time, that this is dangerous.
Bam reaches up to cradle his cheek, brushing his hair behind his ear as he does. Khun leans back down to press a quick peck to his lips and Bam tries to chase his lips as he pulls back.
Khun laughs at Bam’s frown. Bam’s expression shifts to something more stubborn and resolute, eyes burning with determination as he threads his hand through Khun’s hair and pulls him back down.
Khun lets him.
Khun makes a game of it. Seeing how much he can tease Bam before Bam decides meal time is over and drags Khun off to kiss him in private. It doesn’t take much.
Licking salt from his fingers, slowly dragging a spoon from his mouth, licking his lips and watching as Bam squirms in his chair, nearly vibrating as he watches Khun intently. Khun is pretty sure the only reason he doesn’t drag Khun off sooner is because he actually wants Khun to eat.
And it’s this, this subtle consideration towards Khun’s well being, that makes him go warm inside.
“You’re mean,” Bam says with a pout.
It’s not very convincing when he’s spent the last five minutes determinedly layering kisses over Khun’s mouth.
Khun laughs. “Am I?” He teases, running a hand through Bam’s hair, which still smells of Khun’s hair products.
Khun should probably buy Bam his own but it’s been a low priority. It has absolutely nothing to do with the smug feeling he gets whenever he thinks about how Bam smells like him.
“Yes,” Bam insists even as he holds Khun tighter. He’s cute like this.
“How so?” Khun asks, keeping a straight face he tries not to laugh.
“You know how!” Bam complains as he leans back to look at Khun better, brows furrowed and frowning but not looking terribly unhappy despite that.
Khun licks his lips. “Do I?”
“You’re doing it right now!” Bam points out, sounding comically wronged, and Khun kisses the tip of his nose.
Khun gives a little shrug as he avoids Bam’s next kiss. “Sounds like a you problem.” A smirk tugs on his lips.
“Khun!”
With a laugh Khun finally lets Bam kiss him again and gets lost in the simple joy of being together.
And then, suddenly, it stops being fun.
“Eh, but I’d definitely go on a date with you,” Endorsi says brightly. Light enough it could be played off as a joke to anyone listening in—like Khun is.
Khun still feels his stomach drop even as Bam gently refuses with some excuse or another. It’s not like it could go anywhere even if they did date with Endorsi being a Princess of Jahad.
It’s still a sharp reminder that for all the kissing him and Bam have traded they still haven’t actually talked about it. They’re not together. Bam isn’t really his. There’s nothing stopping Bam from kissing someone else.
Hadn’t Bam said before that he wouldn’t mind kissing other people too?
“Ah, Khun!” He hears Bam call as he catches sight of him.
Khun quickly schools his expression into indifference as Bam approaches. “Were you talking with Endorsi?” Khun asks like he doesn’t already know.
“Oh, yeah,” Bam says, like he’s just remembered.
“Didn’t she ask you something?” Khun asks with deceptive casualness.
“Oh, she just wanted to hang out,” Bam says easily as he moves closer to Khun.
Khun steps back and Bam- pauses. He looks almost confused. Maybe worried.
“Khun?” He calls tentatively, taking another step forward, a hand reaching for Khun.
Khun steps back, swallows, and pastes on a smile. “I have to go do something. Will you be okay for a while?”
“Yes…?” Bam looks lost.
Khun’s smile feels stiff on his face. “Good.”
He turns to leave and is delayed by a hand on his sleeve. “I’ll see you later right?” Bam asks worriedly.
“Of course,” Khun says smoothly. It’s not even a lie.
Bam stares at him a moment longer, face unreadable, and then lets go of Khun. “Okay,” he accepts.
Khun goes.
Nothing really changes, but him and Bam don’t kiss anymore.
Bam seems bewildered by the change at first. He stares at Khun like he’s silently asking what’s wrong too often. And then slowly, with every excuse and avoidance, Bam’s face gets steadily more blank, until he doesn’t seem surprised at all. And then Bam will smile and wish Khun goodbye and it feels like the worst thing Khun has ever done.
It should be a good thing. That Bam is getting the message that they can’t continue. And yet if Khun has to see that carefully measured smile that doesn’t reach Bam’s eyes one more time he thinks he’ll shatter. He isn’t sure how he hasn’t already.
Khun grits his teeth.
He just- misses Bam. Misses his best friend. The distance between them weighing on him.
But someday Bam is going to get tired of experimenting with Khun and find someone he actually wants to kiss. What they had was never going to last forever. At least this way Khun can control the damage done to himself. Can say it’s his choice.
At least this way there’s still a chance for them to stay friends.
Besides, Bam is busy worrying about Rachel right now, now that she can’t walk. And he has Endorsi to entertain him if he needs it.
… Yeah, none of this is making Khun feel better.
“Is everything okay?”
Khun looks away from his lighthouse to meet Shibisu’s gaze. He forces a smirk.
“Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?”
Shibisu scratches his cheek, watching Khun carefully. “I don’t know. I guess I might have imagined it but… are things alright with you and Bam?”
Khun doesn’t react. Or at least he doesn’t mean to, but Shibisu frowns and leans closer. He looks worried now.
“Hey… Khun-“
Khun is jerked back by his arm and Shibisu startles at the abrupt motion, stepping back. Khun turns with a scowl that falls the moment he realizes it’s Bam clinging to his arm. But Bam isn’t looking at him, instead staring at the floor.
“Bam?” Khun asks, concerned now.
Has something happened? To Rachel or…?
Finally Bam looks up and plasters that empty smile on his face. “Sorry Shibisu. Can I borrow Khun?”
“Uhh…” Shibisu eyes Bam for a moment. “Sure?” He sounds decidedly unsure, but also like the last thing he wants is to get between whatever’s happening right now.
“Thank you,” Bam says, sounding grateful, but also without a single change in his expression, and starts tugging Khun away.
When Khun looks back Shibisu just gives him a sympathetic look and mouths ‘good luck’.
“Bam?” Khun calls, definitely worried now, as Bam tugs him along.
“Is everything alright?” Khun continues to prod. “Are you okay?”
Bam stops so abruptly Khun crashes into him. They’ve stopped in alcove with barely any foot traffic. Khun knows because they’ve made-out here for hours before without anyone passing through.
“Bam-“ Khun tries again as Bam turns and then stops.
Bam’s eyes look wild. The expression painting his face desperate and underlined with hurt.
Bam shoves him against the wall and kisses him. It’s nothing like how they normally kiss. It’s rough and forceful, less of a question and more of a demand. Khun’s lips already feel bruised.
“Bam-“ Khun gasps out in his brief reprieve as Bam pulls back to catch a breath, before Bam kisses him hard again with barely any warning.
“Stop-“ Khun manages to squeeze out, unsure Bam even understands him through the clash of their mouths.
He must though because he retreats and doesn’t immediately dive back in. Instead Bam buries his head into Khun's shoulder, his hands gripping Khun tight enough to bruise. Khun pants as he tries to catch his breath.
“Bam?” Khun tries again, slowly wrapping his arms around him.
“I’m sorry,” Bam chokes out. He sounds like he’s going to cry.
“Sorry? For what?” Khun is honestly baffled unless he was referring to the kiss just then.
And even that wasn’t bad so much as it was Not Typical Bam Behavior, which had only made Khun more worried.
“Don’t leave,” Bam pleads.
Khun stares over Bam’s head, wide-eyed. “I’m not. I wouldn’t. Didn’t I say I wanted to climb the tower with you?”
“But you are!” Bam protests loudly into his shoulder, somehow clinging harder. “You won’t kiss me, you stopped spending time with me after class, and you don’t walk to the cafeteria with me anymore, or recommend food, or complain about your classes, or smile at me the same way you used to-“ Bam rambles.
Khun stares ahead blankly as he listens. He… hadn’t thought Bam paid enough attention to him to notice all that.
“-and even when we do hang out you sit farther away, and you stopped teasing me, and I never know what you're thinking anymore and I just-“ Bam takes a shaky breath and Khun sucks in air as he’s reminded that he needs to breathe too. “Don’t leave,” Bam repeats weakly, his earlier fire burning out.
Khun’s eyes burn as he blinks. “I… don’t want to leave,” he says around the knot in his throat, and it’s nothing but the unaltered truth.
“Then why are you?” Bam asks, sounding terribly fragile.
Khun hadn’t thought he was.
“I thought…” It’s hard to remember what Khun was thinking. It seems so flimsy now. “I thought I was holding you back. I thought… if you wanted to kiss someone else I didn’t want to get in the way of that.”
“Like who?” Bam asks, sounding utterly bewildered.
“Like Endorsi? Or Rachel?” Khun offers weakly.
Bam huffs into his shoulder. Like he thinks Khun is being silly. “I don’t want to kiss Endorsi or Rachel. The only one I want to kiss is you,” he says bluntly.
And if that isn’t a brutal blow to Khun’s heart.
“Oh,” Khun says.
“And you’re not allowed to kiss anyone else either!” Bam adds stubbornly.
Khun can’t help but laugh at the ridiculous statement as he tightens his hold around Bam, wondering if this was how Bam felt when Khun suggested Bam might want to kiss other people.
“Don’t worry, I only want to kiss you,” Khun murmurs into his hair, pressing a kiss to his head as if to finalize it.
“Good,” Bam says as he rubs his cheek against Khun.
Khun eventually manages to convince Bam to let him go long enough to relocate to their rooms by promising they’ll spend the night together.
Bam kisses him again once they finally settle on Khun’s bed, side by side. It’s less forceful than before but still desperate. Khun tries to soothe it, meeting every kiss sweetly and letting Bam have his fill. Eventually the kisses slow to small pecks as Bam wraps himself around Khun like a particularly clingy octopus.
Khun will need a crowbar to get him off at this rate. He smiles at thought.
It’s almost perfect.
“Can we date?” Khun blurts out into the silence.
Bam braces himself to squint down at him in confusion. “Are we not?”
“Are we?” Khun asks in surprise.
He’d thought- well, clearly he’d been wrong.
“Why did you think we weren’t?” Bam asks curiously, cocking his head.
“Because we only kissed? That kind of thing normally needs to be said aloud Bam,” Khun says exasperatedly.
“Oh,” Bam says. “Well, I’m dating you.”
“Thank you,” Khun deadpans. “For clearing that up. And if you didn’t even know what kissing was, why would I assume you knew what dating is?”
“Rachel taught me about how people get married,” Bam says matter-of-factly. “That involves dating.”
“She taught you about marriage but not kissing?” Khun asks and can’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.
Bam just hums, kissing Khun’s throat to feel the vibration of his laugh. Khun’s laugh cuts out, replacing it with a gasp as Bam spreads more kisses around his throat. Finally he pulls away to peck Khun’s lips, smiling down at him.
“What?” Khun asks, squinting suspiciously. That’s Bam’s sappy smile, which is not to be trusted.
Bam just nods as if confirming something to himself. “You’re really pretty.”
Khun sputters and Bam laughs at him.
“I love you,” Bam says, eyes bright, lips red, and a sweet smile on his face.
It feels like it’s been ages since Khun has seen Bam’s real smile. He’s felt punches hit him with less force.
“I love you too,” Khun mumbles around his embarrassment, feeling oddly shy, which is a word that until now had never applied to him, and is rewarded with Bam’s beaming face before he’s kissed again. And again and again.
“Stay?” Bam entreats between kisses.
“Yeah,” Khun agrees and then again, “yeah.”
As long as Bam wants him, Khun will stay, he swears it.