Chapter Text
Russ blamed his interest on having spent so much of the summer playing big brother; it was still his first reaction to try and keep an eye on the younger members of the team. Not that Grady Armstrong was more than a year younger. But sitting in the locker room, silent and staring at his phone, he looked as young as the rookies. It was odd, most of the time he was so self-contained, but on rare occasions, it all seemed to come crashing down. Only until someone noticed though; then a perfect cold veneer was back in place.
Off the ice, Russ couldn’t get a read on him. Armstrong kept himself back from the team, rarely going out for more than one drink, sticking to the edges of gatherings. Always present, but never engaging. Russ had been on the team for most of the last season and he still barely knew anything about the guy that was not general knowledge. It made him itch with the need to fix things.
Coach had been rumbling about making him an alternate, so he might as well own it. What else was camp for?
Armstrong looked up warily when Russ sat next to him, letting his phone flop between his legs.
“Something specific bothering you or just doom scrolling?” Russ gestured at the phone.
Guiltily Armstrong flipped the phone face up again, glancing down. “Just-” he waved his hand “-things. Changes.”
Russ peered at the screen since he wasn’t hiding it. Instagram. A post from Dante Baltierra of both him and Gabriel Martin at what was probably the Dekes pre-season party. Dante and his captain and boyfriend Gabe Martin. The first men out in the league. Yeah, that was a change alright. Not a bad one though. Not for Russ. Unless...
“You know Baltierra well?” They were the same age, both Americans, Russ tried to remember if they had been in the draft or played together at all. He kind of wished he knew Baltierra better. Martin was older and Russ hadn’t been called up to the senior Team Canada yet, but he had played opposite Martin enough.
Armstrong grunted, “Yeah, sort of. We were at development camp together. Was there when...anyway. Just not sure if I should reach out or something.”
There were plenty of reasons to do so. Armstrong wasn’t acting uncomfortable with the concept, maybe just uncertain and the look on his face when he glanced at his phone again was- longing? Russ knew that feeling. Russ knew that feeling. It dovetailed nicely with the guilt that he should tell his parents-especially his mom-that they really needed to stop trying to set him up with women. He really wasn’t being a good role model for honesty to his sisters. Or the younger members of the team, Maybe he could start small? How did one go about confirming a teammate was queer without outing himself in case he was wrong?
Russ had been traded shortly after the news about Martin broke-unrelated, but he wasn’t eager to prompt another move. He didn’t have illusions about what would happen if it was him. His game was solid, but more than a few coaches and fans were less than circumspect about how they barely tolerated the black players. Superstars could come out, but Russ needed to present a more conventional front. For now. Maybe it would get better in a couple years as people got used to the idea.
But the uncertainty eating Armstrong couldn’t wait. It looked like it was about to burst out-and it might not turn out well when it did. Better to bleed it off a little. “Thinking about giving him-them-your support? That’s a nice thing to do.” He prayed Armstrong would take the bait.
“Uh, yeah, something like that. Tough being the first.”
“I’m sure there will be more,” There had been a couple at lower levels from what Russ could tell. No one else in the majors yet. “It’s hard to live constantly hiding. Would probably be a relief not to.” Like he wasn’t battling that question himself. But he’d spent so long with that side locked down, it wasn’t like he’d had to do a lot of sneaking around.
Armstrong met his gaze then. The questions in his eyes mirroring the one knocking around Russ’s skull. “Yeah, I’m sure it must.”
Heaving a breath, Russ decided to take the leap. “Still worries me though. Don’t think I would make that full leap. Too many things might go wrong.”
The tension twisted Armstrong’s spine even straighter, the frown lines on his forehead pinched. Then his body sagged, something giving up-or letting go.
“Yes. I mean, what if my contract doesn’t get extended, or they send me back down?”
Russ snorted. That wasn’t going to happen. Armstrong was too good and would only get better.
But the stream of worry continued. “There was all that noise with Nashville after Martin got outed and made captain. What if I end up being just too much trouble for the team to keep around?”
“You led the team in points and had the second most goals last season. You’ll be fine.” Russ on the other hand had spent a bit too much time in the box every time some big new think piece came out on what it meant to have gay players in the league. He needed to avoid that this year.
Armstrong didn’t look convinced. “Have you told anyone? About you I mean?” He tossed his phone back and forth between his hands.
Russ forcefully shifted his attention away from the movement. He winced at himself, but figured he might as well own up to it. First steps, right? “Not even my family.”
Armstrong frowned, looking up judgmentally. Russ supposed it was rather incongruous to be trying to play the mentor in this. “I didn’t realize it about myself until late. Everything was always just hockey. And then, well, it still needed to be just hockey. I want to tell them soon though.”
It was met with a jerky nod of acknowledgement. “My sister knows. Would have been stupid to try and keep it from her with everything.”
Right. The gay hockey playing sister who was the only family he had after his parents died as a teen. Probably easier to know who your parents would react about one gay kid already. Russ figured the only way out of the minefield was through. “Did you get a chance to tell your parents, before...?”
A slow nod. “When I was 14. Jess was already dating Amanda. They were more worried about me going into the men’s league, but supportive.” His voice got small. “I think they would have been glad to see this progress.”
“Maybe even proud if you were part of the progress?” Russ hazarded a push. Not that Armstrong should come out to please them or even make a point, not if he didn’t want to, but Russ thought he might be looking for someone to convince him.
Armstrong waved his phone around, a lighter expression on his face and shoulders. “Not like this though. Baller never did anything by halves.”
Russ chuckled with him, glad they made it out of the danger zone. “Yes, I think we can leave big dramatic gestures to him and M artin. Can you imagine dating a teammate? Feels like courting a disaster.”
“Right. What if one of you got traded and you had to play against each other?”
“Maybe just being out enough that you don’t have to worry if someone recognizes you on a date?”
“Exactly.”
They settled into the satisfied silence, the locker room no longer feeling quite so oppressive to Russ. Some of the strain had left Armstrong’s shoulders, and to Russ’s surprise it was him the broke the silence.
“Thanks. For this.” Armstrong gestured between them. “It’s nice to talk to someone who gets it.”
Russ hadn’t realized he needed to talk about it either. “Anytime. Seriously.” He paused, considering his words. “Do you think you’ll do it soon?” He gestured, trying to encompass the magnitude of what he was asking, but Armstrong still looked at him confused. Russ dropped his voice even though they were alone in the room. “Come out?”
Armstrong flinched, deliberately forcing his body to relax again. “Probably not right away. My contract’s up this year. Don’t want to screw that up.”
Russ was in full agreement there, the imp of mischief he tried to keep down prompted him. “Maybe we’ll win it all.” They both knew that was a reach when they didn’t even make playoffs last season. “You can come out on the ice. Do Baltierra one better.”
“I thought we said no big gestures?” Armstrong was laughing though, so Russ’s ploy had worked.
“But you could definitely write your own contract after that.”
“Maybe just the team this year.”
That was smart. All Armstrong, nicely controlled, on and off the ice. “Once the season gets going. How about you?”
Russ winced. “But whatever I can do to help, I’m just glad there’s someone else to talk to in all this.” The uphill battle that was trying to get any momentum on the Firebirds, the unrealistic expectations of the GM and coaches, the risk from the league and fans if they came out. Maybe Armstrong wasn’t the most outgoing or talkative, but they understood each other. Could make it easier on each other.