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Ja'marr stared at Joe, his eyes wide as the slightly older man held a note up, the note. Ja'marr had wrote it, confessing to Joe that he'd loved him since the first time they met in lsu. He wrote it and then decided not to put it in with Joes Christmas present, because it would save him the embarrassment he's feeling right now. Joe's going to tell him it's sweet, nice, but he doesn't feel the same way, and then they're going to slowly drift apart and end up never speaking unless absolutely necessary.
"So...i uh...this was with my present, yknow the...one you gave me" Joe clears his throat and looks away, his knuckles nearly turning white from his grip on the piece of paper, Ja'marrs nearly certain he wants to rip it up, instead he nods.
"Yeah...you uh...did you read it?" Its a dumb question, of course Joe read it, who doesnt read a note that someone put in a gift for them?
Joe nods "yeah..." its silent, neither looking at the other one, Ja'marr finally breaks the silence.
"It was a joke" he quickly says, why does he say it? He doesnt know, maybe to save their friendship, save the closest relationship hed ever had with someone.
Joe looks at him, finally "a joke?" He asks, Ja'marr nods "yeah, a joke, y'know uh...i seen someone else do it with their friend and thought it'd be funny" it feels painful to lie to Joe, especially about something like this.
Joe nods a little and chuckles "ah, okay, yeah" he says, he looks down at the note "cause i was a little freaked out by it, yknow."
And wow, that hurt more than expected, but Ja'marr chuckles and nods "yeah, i mean, could you even imagine us being together" he laughs, it feels fake but apparently it convinces Joe, who nods and laughs with him.
"Yeah, man, it'd be crazy" he glances at the paper then back to Ja'marr "like, me and you?" He scoffs a little and shakes his head. That just felt like a knife straight to Ja'marrs chest.
"Yeah, yeah, crazy" he nods and agrees, then looks at his watch "watch I'm meant to be at the airport soon" he says, he's visiting his family for Christmas, thankfully he managed to get time off for it.
Joe nods "yeah, probably should go soon" he says "but thanks for the gift man" he pats Ja'marrs shoulder and smiles at him. The younger man nods "yeah, see you at practice, yeah?" He asks as they walk to the door. Joe nods "yeah, see you at practice."
Ja'marr couldnt stop thinking about it, the entire time he's with his family and old friends he cant stop thinking about Joe. How much it hurt when Joe laughed at the idea of them being together, how much it hurt to see the relief on Joes face when he said it was a joke.
So that's how he ends up in front of Joes door the night he lands back, he knocks and rings the doorbell and waits patiently for the older to answer the door.
"Ja'marr?" Is the first thing out of his mouth "What're you doing here? Thought you were still with your family." Ja'marr pauses, he watches Joe for a moment before blurting out "it wasnt a joke."
Joe raises an eyebrow "uh...what wasnt a joke?" He asks, leaning against the doorframe. "The note, the one with your gift where I said I love you, that I've loved you since college, it wasnt a joke, I do, I meant it."
Silence. Just the two men staring at each other.
"I can go-" "-I didn't give you your present yet" Joe stops him, a hand flying out to grab his arm, a flash of panic across his face.
Ja'marr looks at him "...you got me something?" Joe nods "yeah, I um...come in?" It sounds like a question but Ja'marr feels like he doesnt have a choice, so he follows Joe in.
"Just uh, wait there" Joe says once they stop in his sitting room, then the older disappears upstairs. Ja'marr feels like hes going to die, not from Joe but just from everything thats happened, how is Joe not yelling at him? How did he just tell Ja'marr he needs to give him his gift after he confessed his feelings like that?
"Hey" Joes voice brings him out of his thoughts and he looks up, he does a quick scan, Joes not holding anything.
"Hey" Ja'marr says back. Its quiet, the two staring at each other again. He can see a flicker of panic and fear in Joes eyes.
"Do you want me to-" "-I love you too"
Ja'marr freezes.
They stare at each other again.
"...what?" Ja'marr asks, thinking he heard wrong, he must have heard wrong. Joe sighs and his hands fidget by his sides "I said...I love you too" he says it slower, less panicked, but theres still a slight shake to his voice.
"...are you fucking with me?" Ja'marr asks, his eyebrows furrowed "cause if you are I swear to God I'lI-" "-I'm not...I love you"
Three times, hes said it three times now.
"You love me" Ja'marr repeats, Joe nods "i love you" four times.
They keep staring at each other, Joe goes to open his mouth but before anything can come out Ja'marr quickly closes the gap between them, his hands coming up to grab Joes face and his lips smashing against Joes.
Its tense at first, neither really moving their lips. Ja'marrs eyes are closed and Joes are wide. After a moment Joe relaxes a little and closes his eyes, his right hand coming up to cup Ja'marrs neck, their lips slowly and hesitantly move against each other.
When they eventually pull apart for air their foreheads press together.
"Fuck" Ja'marr mutters, then starts laughing. Joes eyes open and his eyebrows furrow "whats so funny?" He asks.
Ja'marr shrugs "just..if I hadn't have told you it was a joke I wouldn't have been panicking the entire time I was back home," Joe snorts "yknow I was panicking too, I thought you meant it at first and then you said it was a joke and I...Ive loved you since college too."
They look into each others eyes "I love you" Ja'marr says softly, rubbing Joes cheek "I love you too" Joe says, pulling Ja'marr back in for a kiss.
-fin.