Actions

Work Header

NOOO NOKOTAN, DON'T BOMB ARKANSAS

Summary:

The Useless Lesbians tag is here because all of them are in this canon (as in all canon). That's all.

Work Text:

"Well Koshitan, guess what I did~~??" Nokotan skipped to Koshitan. 

 

"What? Lemme guess, rob Nara for some deer crackers?" 

 

"Nope that was last month!" 

 

"Oh yeah... Cook crack with Bashame... Again?" 

 

"No, we grew weed!" 

 

"Oh. That makes- WAIT ISN'T WEED ILLEGAL?!" 

 

"You suggested it first! Notsu!" 

 

"Assault Nekoyama?" 

 

"Nuh uh." 

 

"Cough on people?" 

 

"Nope." 

 

"Scream spurs on the roof again?! STOP DOING THAT SHIKANOKO!!" 

 

"I didn't! OWOWOW!!" She cried as her antlers were pulled. 

 

"Okay, then what?" 

 

"OH MY GOD, SIS!!" Anko cried, running into the club room. 

 

"What?" Koshitan said, dropping Nokotan. 

 

"Well uh..." She showed her a video on a tablet. 

 

"Breaking News: The State of Arkansas in the United States of America has been several bombed. It is officially wiped off the face of the earth. What's this? Eye witnesses say that the word "Koshitan" has been carved in the area the state once was. What a stupid name... Anyways, more on this at 6:00. Next up: Are homosexuals kidnapping your children? Find out after commercial break." 

 

And Koshi screamed, and her jaw was on the floor. 

 

"WHAT?! WHAT?! N- NOKOTAN?! WHAT DID YOU-!! AHH!!!" 

 

"I thought you'd think it was sentimental..." 

 

"NO! IT'S ILLEGAL!" 

 

"SO WAS STARTING A WEED FARM! SO WAS ROBBING PEOPLE! YOU DID THE SECOND ONE!" 

 

"AHH!! OKAY! NO ONE THAT ISN'T IN THIS ROOM IS EVER GOING TO REALIZE WHO DID THIS." 

 

"Oh, sorry Sis, I already told Bashame." 

 

"GYAHH!!" Koshi pulled Anko and closed the door, she locked it too. "YOU'RE NOT COMING IN, BASHAME-SAN!!" 

 

"Hey! She has a right to know! She's More Than Human, Less Than Deer!" Nokotan cried and rolled around, before grabbing a deer cracker and suckling it. 

 

"AND YOU'RE A CRIMINAL!! NNNN... ANKO. Execute Nokotan. Immediately. Let's put an end to this." 

 

"But sis, you're name is carved in the space. You won't have anyone to pin it on." 

 

"Sh- shit... WAAHA!!" She sobbed. 

 

"It's only a matter of time until the police figure out it's your name, Koshi-Senpai." Bashame said, climbing through the window. "Hi Ankoshi." Another nickname she created. 

 

"Noko- YOU LITTLE!" 

 

"Put Koshi, you did say in your dream" -Koshi talks in her sleep, Anko and Nokotan watch- "that you wanted to remove Arkansas and put your name there instead." 

 

"I WAS SLEEPING!!" 

 

"No, you say that multiple times while awake too. It's your name and idea." 

 

"BUT NOKO DID IT!!" 

 

"ONLY BECAUSE ANKO SAID SHE WANTED ME TO! SHE WANTED TO DO IT BUT DIDN'T WANT TO GET CAUGHT, SHE GAVE ME CRACKERS!" 

 

"Shut up!! I'll kill you-" 

 

"EEK!" Noko ran away while Anko tackled her. 

 

"AND TO BE FAIR, BASHAME... Isn't involved... Huh." Koshi sighed. 

 

"Maybe we can fly over there and put someone else's name... Someone like..." 


"HAHAH!! THAT'S MS. KOSHI'S NAME!!! WE GOT SOME DIRT! DIRTY DIRTY DIRT!" Nekoyamada spun and spun on joy. 

 

"Hmm... It is a little strange. Just a coin-" 

 

"SHUT UP KINU!! YOU IDIOT, IT'S NOT!! SHE DID THIS!!! OPEN YOUR EYES!!" 

 

"E- eek!!! YESYESYESISHOULDKILLMYSELFIMSORRYFORBEINGSTUPIDNEKOYAMADA!! WAAAHHAAA!!" 

 

"Oh... I- I'm sorry..." Neko closed her mouth. 

 

"Hmm... Maybe we should flip a coin to see if it's a coincidence or not?" 

 

"Oh yeah! Yes, Chiharu!! Let's do that!" 

 

"3... 2... Flip." And it landed on it's side. 

 

"WHAT?! HUH?! THIS IS IDIOTIC!" 

 

"One more time. Flip. Flip. Flip." 

 

"GYAAHH!!! IT WON'T BE NORMAL!! DON'T MAKE THREATEN YOU, COIN!!" Nekoyamada jumped up and down. 

 

"Uh oh... I heard in *mumbles* mythology a coin on it's side is bad luck! It's all my fault!!" Kinu cried and Chiharu just pet her hair. 

 

"It's okay, Ki-Chan." 

 

"I wanna go home..." The two walked off. 

 

"Hey!! I'm coming with you!!" She ran after the two, shouting. 


"Very good idea Bashame! Blaming it on America's local orange man, Tonald Drump, is smart! Let's do that!" 

 

The four traveled to America, snuck into the orange person's house, hacked his phone and tweeted I did it. They even wrote it on his walls. And painted it on his shirts. They went back to Japan and watched as he was arrested, he was found guilty and sentenced to a mental hospital in space. 

 

"Ahhh~~ Another normal adventure gang. Now we can relax... No one will know..." Koshi stretched and smiled. 

 

"We probably should've carved his name in the space though. Hey, did we ever get rid of your name there, Sis?" 

 

"I don't know... Did we?" 

 

"Yup! Me and Bashame put a deer cracker carving there instead!" 

 

"Mhm! Here's a picture! Now no one will ever remember your name was there!" She smiled and showed everyone a video of the carving. 

 

"DELETE THAT!! NO EVIDENCE!!" Koshi took the phone and deleted it. Bashame frowned. 

 

"Ah, another deerish adventure, nroh. Is this canon?" Noko asked, turning to everyone else. 

 

""Yup."" Anko and Bashame said. 

 

"Huh?!" Koshi cried as she turned to the 4th wall. "Please... Don't be..." 

 

THE END 

NOTSU!