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“Hey, Bobby. Got a minute?”
“Sure.”
Eddie walked into his office, shutting the door behind him. He was tense. His shoulder’s didn’t relax an inch, even as he took a seat on the other side of the desk. He immediately crossed one leg— then uncrossed it. Bobby waited patiently.
He wondered if this was The Conversation. The one he’d been anticipating for a while now.
“I’m moving to El Paso.”
His eyebrows shot up.
“That’s— unexpected.”
Eddie’s shoulders dropped. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I mean, Chris has been there for—”
Eddie looked pained.
“—a while. And… he’s happy. I want to be there for him, so I have to be there for him. I mean, that’s just all there is to it.”
Bobby slowly nodded.
“I know it’s not a decision you would make lightly.”
“No. It’s— it’s been really hard. But you’re a father. You get it.”
Eddie begged him to get it.
“I do,” Bobby said and Eddie took his first real breath since walking in.
“I’m sure your friends who aren’t technically fathers would also—”
“— I already told him,” said Eddie. Then he winced. “Well. He found out.”
Bobby winced, internally. He didn’t want to make him feel any worse. Going too easy on himself had never been Eddie’s problem.
“I didn’t want to tell him right away because I thought he might be— Uh, I don’t know. But,” Eddie smiled, “He’s been amazing.”
“Really? In what way?”
“Oh, Bobby— you should’ve seen him with the realtor.”
All his earlier tension evaporated. His eyes were bright, like he was about to laugh.
“He had all these great questions for the realtor— I mean, stuff I never would’ve remembered to ask about. And then he came back— with a clipboard— and had all these options, organized, with pros and cons. He even found virtual walkthroughs. I don’t even need a realtor, now.”
“Buck’s a good guy to have in your corner. So, what’s the timeline here?”
The smile faded.
“I’m not sure. December?”
“I’d like you to be sure, Eddie.”
“I know,” he rubbed his face. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to let you know that, well. This is happening.”
“I appreciate the heads up,” Bobby said, sincerely. “I’m not saying we need to set a date right now. But keep me updated.”
“Yes. Of course.”
“It won’t be the same without you. You’re part of the family.”
Eddie smiled, but it was nothing like before. It was tight around the edges, eyes a little glassy.
“I feel the same but I have to—” he cut himself off, sitting up a little straighter, “I want to do what’s best for Chris.”
“That’s admirable,” Bobby said. He tapped his desk. “Just know everyone’s gonna miss you around here. Maybe some, more than most.”
“Yeah,” Eddie said, not meeting his eyes. “That’s what I— well, I guess, that’s what I was worried about.” He dragged his gaze back to Bobby. “But Buck is being so… supportive. He trusts me, you know? He trusts I’m making the right decision. And we’ll FaceTime. We’ll call. Nothing’s gonna change between us, and with how great he’s been, it’s actually made me feel a lot better about the whole thing.”
“That’s good to hear,” Bobby said.
Buck paced.
“He’s making a huge mistake. I don’t get how he doesn’t see that! Chris was happy here. What’s best for Chris is being here, with Eddie, in California. His parents are awful— and they don’t have Chris’ best interests in mind. How could they? They don’t want Eddie around him. They came here and took him— without even talking to Eddie first. Chris barely started talking to him again— and why do you think it’s taken so long? It’s them. Who knows what they’ve been telling him. And now, what? Eddie’s gonna let them make all the decision? Then they’re all gonna hold hands and say grace at the dinner table every night? No offense to religion.”
Bobby shook his head. “No offense taken.”
“It’s just— crazy.” Buck stopped pacing, hands on his hips. “Eddie’s being crazy.”
“Buck,” Bobby said carefully. “Could you try to see where he’s coming from here?”
Buck threw his hands in the air.
“I know exactly where he’s coming from. It doesn’t matter what I want, I have to do this, it’s my duty, I shouldn’t have run away from Shannon in the first place.”
“Buck.”
All at once, the fight drained out of him.
“I know.” Buck said, quietly. “I’d never actually say that to him. But I can’t stop thinking it. Why do you think I’m in here ranting to you?”
Bobby looked at him, flatly. “I’d like to think it had something to do with my helpful advice.”
“Uh— right. Yeah. So, what should I do?”
Bobby took a deep breath.
“I think you should be honest with Eddie.”
Buck squinted.
“Is this… reverse psychology?”
“No,” Bobby said. “It’s not.”
“Okay but that’s exactly what you’d say if it was—”
“I’m serious. And I think you might be looking for a reason to keep up the charade.”
“Well, he’s my best friend. I’m supposed to have his back. It’s not like he asked for my opinion— If I hadn’t snooped, who knows if he would’ve told me at all. I’d rather be apart of the process than have him push me away. Besides… my opinion might be slightly… bias.”
“It’s a complicated situation,” Bobby relented.
“Yeah,” Buck said to the wall.
“If you confided in Eddie, and he believed you were making a mistake, would you want him to tell you?”
Buck thought really hard.
“No.” He said. “No, definitely not. No way.”
“Now, hang on—”
“I’d want him to lie to make me feel better. Thanks for the advice, Bobby.”
Eddie sat, arms crossed. Bobby put down his papers.
“Is this about your going-away party? Because I told Chim to take it easy, but he already rented the karaoke—”
“It’s not about that,” Eddie cut him off. “I was just wondering if Buck has said, uh, anything lately about—”
Bobby leaned forward. Finally, The Conversation.
“— Tommy?”
“Tommy?” Bobby said, as if he hadn’t heard him right. Eddie glanced away.
“He’s been thinking about him again. I know you’ve noticed it, too.” He gestured to the napkin with cookie crumbs, on the corner of his desk.
Bobby crumpled it up and threw it away.
“I’ve noticed he’s had something weighing on his mind,” Bobby rephrased.
“Exactly,” Eddie said, disgusted. “I can’t believe he’s still obsessing over him.”
“Maybe it’s not about Tommy.”
Something shifted in Eddie’s expression.
“You mean… someone else?”
“That’s not what I mean,” Bobby said, emphatically. “Trust me, you’d know more about all that then I would. I just meant, he hasn’t brought up Tommy in a while, so we don’t know what the baking’s about. Here’s an idea: Go ask him.”
“We don’t talk about Tommy.”
“Why’s that?”
“I don’t know. We just don’t. But maybe if you talked to him…”
Bobby gave him a look, like he was being ridiculous.
Eddie shifted in his chair.
“I’m just concerned. And you would be too, if you saw the macarons in the fridge. So if you could just check in— make sure he’s not texting him—”
“Maybe he should text him.”
Eddie was downright offended.
“Tommy is the last thing he needs right now— or ever. Did you hear how he broke up with Buck— or, sorry, Evan. He made it seem like he was doing them both a favor by leaving. When obviously, Tommy is just an idiot who can’t even realize a good thing when it’s right in front of him. And Buck deserves someone who knows how lucky they are to have him.”
“Maybe Tommy had to leave, in order to realize how special their relationship is.”
“Buck deserves better than someone who’s gonna string him along like that,” Eddie said, passionately. “And the problem isn’t just their breakup. Tommy got him Lakers tickets. He hates basketball. Tommy should’ve given him tickets to the Becoming LA exhibit that Buck’s been talking about, or a cooking class they could take together, or something personal, like a keychain with an inside joke. Which reminds me, Tommy never got his jokes. He was always too serious. And Tommy played classical music around the house, but Buck loves top 40s garbage, especially when he’s cooking. And he showed up late and he didn’t do costumes and he never let Buck drive. You can’t seriously want him to be with someone like that.”
There were a lot of things Bobby wanted to say. Instead, he took a breath, giving himself time for a thoughtful response.
“I agree with you. Buck should be with the person who knows all those things about him.”
Eddie nodded, brow still uncomfortably furrowed.
Bobby couldn’t resist. He raised his eyebrows.
“But. Maybe one day, Tommy will be that person. I’m a big believer in second chances. So, if Buck needs closure, I don’t see the harm in going for a cup of coffee—”
“Forget I ever said anything,” Eddie said, standing up. “You definitely shouldn’t talk to him.”
“Are you going to talk to him?” Bobby asked, when Eddie was halfway out the door.
“No. He’ll be fine,” Eddie said without turning around.
Buck rubbed his forehead, like he had a headache.
“Eddie asked me about Tommy. Tommy.” He repeated, with extra emphasis.
Bobby tapped his pen against the desk. His office was a safe space. No matter how much he wished he had a secret microphone, so he could simply slide Buck the transcripts of old conversations.
“What about him?”
“He asked if I was going to see him again.”
“Are you?”
Buck snapped his attention to him. “What? No! Why do people think that?”
Bobby eyed the lemon loaf, wrapped in cellophane, sitting between them like a time bomb.
Buck scoffed.
“What’s so bad about baking? I know it started after Tommy, but it doesn’t mean anything except I purchased a truck ton of flour and I need to use it.”
“Maybe so. But can I ask… have you told Eddie what you really think about his upcoming move?”
“I told him… that in-unit washer and dryer is a non-negotiable.”
Bobby looked from the loaf, to Buck, as if to say, well there you have it.
“Not everything is about Eddie.”
“I didn’t say it was.”
Despite his best efforts, it was too late to diffuse. Buck stood up.
“I know what I told you last week, but I was upset. I wasn’t thinking straight. Eddie can make his own decisions, and if there’s anything I can do to help him, I’m happy to do it. Even if it means never telling him how I feel.”
“Don’t you think he should know all his options before he makes such a big decision?”
“There are some options he’d never consider,” Buck said, like he’d already made his peace with it. “It’s not his fault. It’s just how it is. I’ll get over it.” Buck cleared his throat and continued, “I don’t want him to leave feeling— angry, or uncomfortable. I can’t— I just can’t risk losing him.”
Bobby didn’t think they were talking about Texas anymore.
“What if you never get over it?”
Buck got a look of pure determination. “I have to. I’ll have no other choice. So maybe… maybe this is all for the best.”
Bobby leaned back in his chair. “Stage five: Acceptance.”
Buck smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “See. I’m over it, already.”
Hen sat with her legs crossed, hands around one knee.
“See, I’m torn. The thing is, I’m pretty sure Karen wants to me to take the job. It has really good hours. Last month, she was upset about my chaotic schedule, and I think she’d like it if I had more of a nine to five. And I’d still be using my skills to help people. Just— Hollywood people. That counts.”
“We’d miss you a lot,” Bobby said. “Have you been feeling unsatisfied with the job?”
“It’s not that,” she explained. “You know this place is my home. It’s just Eddie’s move got me thinking, about what’s best for my family. And the producers called, and they made quite the offer.”
“It’s not selfish to take your own wants into consideration. What’s best for your family is you living a life that makes you happy. So you can be the best version of yourself when you go home to them.”
She titled her head, with a soft smile.
“You might be right about that. Still… that Hollywood paycheck is hard to walk away from.”
“True,” Bobby nodded, once, before going for the kill. “And you could save gas money if you got a ride with Gerrard—”
Hen promptly stood up.
“See ya Monday, Cap.”
“Enjoy your weekend,” Bobby said with the hint of a smile.
“So, when do they start building?” Eddie asked.
“Any day now,” said Bobby. “We got lunch with the architect yesterday, to go over the final details, but Athena went to the bathroom. Uncovered a drug ring. You know, just another Tuesday for her.”
“Sounds like it,” Eddie grinned.
“Buck mentioned you finally found a place.”
His brow wrinkled.
“Buck thinks it’s perfect.”
“But…?”
Eddie sighed.
“I just can’t picture my life there. You know how it is. Property is a big decision. I’m trying to avoid buyers remorse. So I’m gonna keep looking.” He chuckled, “Maybe I need to buy land and do it myself, like you guys.”
Eddie acted casual, with a light tone. Bobby wanted to shake him.
Instead, he leaned forward, hands folded on his desk.
“Houses can be bought or built or renovated. None of it matters as much as finding the person you want to build a home with.”
Eddie drew into himself.
“You’re saying I should settle—”
“No. I’m not.”
“—just on a house. And then when I’m there, I’ll meet someone. She’ll make it a home.”
Bobby chewed on that, for a moment. He tapped the desk.
“You know, the upside to designing your own place? You don’t have to make your life fit someone else’s idea of how it should be. Once you figure out what you want— just you, not your parents, not your realtor, not even Buck— you should never settle for anything less.”
Eddie swallowed.
“Thanks Bobby.”
“Anytime.”
“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Chim said, hurrying into Bobby’s office as best he could with Jee wrapped around one leg. He detached her, with some tickles that had her squealing with giggles. He bent down and held her hands.
“Daddy will be right back, okay? Uncle Bobby will watch you for a minute. And you’ll be on your best behavior, right?”
“Right!” Jee said, and jumped.
“Alright,” Chim held out a hand and she high-fived with a giggle.
Bobby cleared his throat.
Chim looked up, wide-eyed. “Oh right! Bobby, I have to take this call, can you—”
“No problem,” Bobby waved him off, good-naturedly. “Do you want to use my office?”
“No, I’ll just step outside. I really appreciate—”
His phone rang and he gave it a little wave, before taking the call and ducking out of the room.
Then there was two.
Jee was adorable, in a pink checked dress, but as soon as Chim was gone her smile disappeared, too. She stared up at Bobby with wide eyes.
He racked his brain, trying to think of something to keep her occupied. He didn’t have candy. He didn’t have coloring books, but there had to be a receipt around here she could scribble on—
“My mom has a baby in her tummy.”
“I’ve heard. Are you excited to be a big sister?”
“Yes,” she said, matter-of-factly. “Mommy and Daddy said I get a toy after the baby gets here. I’m gonna get a horse.”
“Well, that does sound exciting.”
“Do you have any toys?”
“I’m afraid not.”
“Can I drive the big car?”
“Let’s wait for your dad to get back,” Bobby said, with a smile.
“Where do babies come from?”
Bobby’s smile dropped.
Chim hung up the phone and walked back into the station, following the sounds of his daughter’s laughter. They weren’t in the office— they were in a truck. Jee was in the driver’s seat, pretending to steer, while Bobby moved the wheel accordingly.
Chim secretly snapped a picture, until the flash gave him away.
“Daddy!” She squealed. “Excuse me. Stop the car, please!” Bobby pantomimed parking.
Chim grinned. “I turn my back for two seconds, and you put her to work?”
“What can I say? She’s a natural. And she’s got a better attitude than some of the applicants I saw yesterday.”
“You hear that, baby? You got the job,” Chim said, swooping her from the truck.
“Yay!”
Eddie’s going away party was in full swing. Chim transformed the place. Streamers, balloons, and not one, not two, but three disco balls. Costumes were encouraged. The theme was Eras of Eddie, because Chim wanted to embarrass him one last time. Naturally, over the half the party wore fake mustaches.
Bobby found Eddie and wished him well. He hugged Bobby goodbye anyway. It was an emotional night. Bobby patted his back. He figured Buck would be glued to his side, but he didn’t see him anywhere.
He snuck out, hoping to get dinner started before Athena got home. It was already dark as he made his way across the parking lot. The December air was icy enough that he stuck his hands in his pockets.
He was a few steps from his car when he saw him.
Buck, sitting on the sidewalk. The light above the backdoor stretched just enough to reach his back.
Bobby walked over, and Buck looked up— startled. He’d gone for a very specific Eddie look, in the light pink suit he wore for Chim’s bachelor party.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah,” he said, quickly.
Bobby glanced around.
“Do you need a ride?”
“No. I’m Eddie’s ride. He shipped the last of his stuff yesterday, so he’s spending the night at my place.”
“So what are you doing out here? Without a jacket,” Bobby added, pointedly.
Buck huffed, like a laugh.
“I just needed some air.”
Bobby found his keys in his pocket and squeezed.
“It’s going to be hard. But every day will get a little easier.”
“I don’t want it to get easier.” Buck told the pavement. “Isn’t that stupid?”
“It’s not stupid. And I know— I know— you’re not asking for advice here. But I really think you owe it to Eddie to be honest with him. In our line of work, we learn to anticipate the worst case scenarios. Anything can happen— a plane crash, a tsunami. Sometimes we need a reminder that anything can happen means that good things can happen, too.”
Buck looked at him, warily. “It’s a little too late to convince him to stay. He already signed the paperwork.”
“I’m not talking about Texas.”
Buck stood. “Then I don’t know what you’re talking about. And you don’t either.”
He stormed off.
It stung. Of course it did. And maybe he shouldn’t have said anything so blunt, or anything at all. It just killed him to see Buck so unhappy, when the solution seemed obvious. But relationships were complicated, Bobby could understand that much, at least. If Buck didn’t want to risk it, that was his choice to make. Bobby would be there for him either way.
He was pretty sure Eddie returned his feelings, but no one ever accused Eddie of being too self-aware. If it wasn’t meant to be, it wasn’t meant to be. Bobby could only hope somewhere along the way, they’d find themselves at the right time and place.
The first shift without Eddie. Buck ended up in Bobby’s office, but not because he wanted to be.
“I’m not going to yell at you, Buck,” Bobby said, jaw tensed. Buck sat like a coiled spring.
“I’m going to send you home—”
“Bobby, come on. I didn’t ignore you on purpose. I didn’t hear you!”
“It doesn’t matter why it happened. You could’ve gotten seriously hurt—”
Buck rolled his eyes. Bobby glared, and switched to an argument that might get through his thick skull.
“— or you could’ve seriously hurt someone else. Take the day. Heck, take the weekend. And when you come back, make sure you’re in the right headspace to do your job.”
“My headspace is fine. I’m just tired—”
“This isn’t a conversation—”
“—I dropped Eddie off at like 6 am and we barely slept last night and my couch is so uncomfortable—”
Buck cut himself off.
Bobby didn’t notice anything unusual or suspicious about what he said.
What tipped him off was the look on his face afterwards. Like he was caught. Bobby ran through the sentence again, and drew a conclusion.
“Did the two of you…”
“No,” Buck blurted. “Well. He told me— well. He said a lot of things. And we kinda— but afterwards, I told him we would never work out. It was just a, you know. Casual, rebound type of thing. Uncomplicated. I didn’t want to make his move any harder than it needed to be.”
His last, single thread of sanity snapped.
“What are you— nuts?”
Buck blinked.
“What?” Buck asked, face scrunched.
“uncomplicated? You and Eddie have been complicated since the first day you met. You found something special— and you built a whole life around it. You know it. Apparently, he knows it, too. People search their whole lives looking for something like that. And now you’re sitting here, telling me you’re just let him walk away thinking you don’t feel the same? I’ve watched you strive for improvement through the years, but if you’ve become a man who won’t take a risk for love, then somewhere between all the upgrades, you’ve lost the quality that matters the most.”
Once the shock wore off, Buck jumped to feet and paced.
“You’re right. You’re right! I have to tell him. Before he gets on the plane. But his flight leaves in— shit. I’ll never make it.”
Buck stopped pacing. There was a light in his eyes. One Bobby was happy to see.
“If I borrowed a firetruck, I could probably—”
“Call him,” Bobby said.
“Oh— Right!” Buck pulled out his phone and dialed.
Bobby hastily stood and ducked out of his office. He doubted Buck even noticed, he was laser focused as Eddie answered the phone.
“Hi,” Buck started. “I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean any of it. I think I’m in love with— wait. Should we FaceTime?”
You would think re-hiring Eddie (again) would be easy, but Bobby was pretty sure the required paperwork had doubled since last time. He diligently filled out every sheet.
Buck and Eddie sat in front of his desk. Buck couldn’t stop smiling. Eddie managed to play it cooler.
“I know you’ve already filled out way too many forms. So, if you could give me the change of address form—”
Eddie’s poker face faltered. He glanced at Buck, with a smile like a fool in love. Bobby was so happy for them, but his air of professionalism remained perfectly in-tact.
“— I’d be happy to fill it out myself,” Eddie finished.
Bobby glanced between them.
“Does this mean you moved in together?”
After two weeks of dating, he held himself back from commenting.
Eddie opened his mouth but Buck spoke first.
“Yep. We’re gonna need the papers for a change in martial status, too.”
Bobby looked, briefly, horrified. Until Buck burst into laughter.
“I’m joking.”
“Breathe, Bobby,” Eddie reminded, with dry, amusement.
“Yeah, don’t worry. You’ll be invited to the wedding.”
Eddie turned to Buck, eyebrows raised. “Handing out invitations already?”
“Uh— no. I didn’t mean— not that I wouldn’t— one day—”
Eddie slid his hand up his shoulders, giving him a quick squeeze.
“Relax. If you pass out in here, that’s gonna be even more paperwork.”
Buck laughed.
“You should probably wait at least six months before you talk about weddings,” said Bobby.
“Aw, Bobby, what do you know?” Buck waved him off.