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Previously - He rolled onto his side and got up, crawling back into his window then freezing like a deer in the headlights, one leg still out when he saw Derek sitting on his bed. Derek met his gaze, his eyes utterly miserable and so guilty you could practically see the judge's gavel coming down, "I'm sorry. I am so sorry." Stiles jerked his shoulder, "You can't help how you feel and my feelings aren't your responsibility. I won't bother-" "Don't!" It was rough and filled with painful pleading, "Oh God don't say it." Derek got up, his heart twisting in his chest when Stiles flinched from his approach. He still advanced and pulled Stiles the rest of the way in, "I didn't mean it. I swear to God Stiles I didn't mean it. I was scared because you could have been hurt and angry because I put you in danger by keeping myself back from you. You could have been killed because I let my past with Paige keep me from trusting you and it terrified me. I lashed out and I didn't mean it. You're not Kate. You are nothing like Kate and I'm so damned ashamed I made the comparison and not because my mother ripped me a new orifice."
(My take on this)
And for a moment, Stiles just looked at him. This beautiful man with anguish and heartbreak stamped onto him like a brand and sighed. Because maybe he loved him more than words could ever fully express, maybe he could have forgiven him immediately if not for the fact all it ever seem to do is blow up in Stiles face. Stiles was just so unbelievably tired of paying for someone elses mistake. If it's not Kate then it's Paige, if it's not Paige then it's his own family. He called it from the beginning when he told Derek to shake the Middle Child Syndrome just to be real with him, and yet time after time, Stiles is always the one who ends up hurt. "It's always gonna end up like this in the end though...why do I have to pay for the world's mistakes Derek? No matter what I do, i just keep hitting roadblocks and this relationship goes both ways so why is it we always end up here? What did i do that was so horrible that you can't even trust me with the basic truth about yourself?" And again Stiles just needed to take a moment to breathe because his heart felt like it was shattering like glass but in slow motion to really deal the maximum amount of damage. Derek looked so raw in that moment that Stiles just wanted to dropped the whole thing and move on. He knew he couldn't though, otherwise he'd only end up broken hearted all over again the next time Derek is once again emotionally compromised. " I saved your family from burning to death and the first thing you accuse me of was being like a psychotic pedophile, that the words could even pass your lips..." And again he had to breathe the the overwhelming feeling of soul-deep sadness. Derek, honest to goodness whined a sound so pitiful, that it took what could possibly be the strength of mountains to hold back and not hug him. He moved over to his desk just to get some breathing room. Once he sat, he motioned for Derek to take the bed and just stared. What Derek needed was professional help, but hpw do you even go about getting a therapist for a broody Sourwolf? Not the point dammit! So after just breathing for a bit he chose to continue with, "I love you and like i told Peter, I'll always love you Sourwolf. But we are made of our memories, and as long as you don't get help for yours, we're just gonna end up back here with nothing but the pieces of a broken relationship falling around us." Derek looked like he really did hit him with his bat upside the head and crushed his spirit all at once. "I think we need to take a break for a while....i don't wanna leave you but you need help and apparently it can't come from me. I can't help you if all its gonna do is destroy me in the end." God, it was so hard even saying that but he needed to take care of his mental health too. How do you recover from the love of your life saying the shit that Derek said? Yes, he was scared and confused and it was definitely a trauma response, but on some level he really meant those words as well. At that, Derek seemed to try and attempt the breathing exercises Stiles showed him once upon a time ago. This conversation was months in the making, he hates that he always knew they would have to have it. "Give me a few days to just process okay? This isn't an end, but we're both too emotional to figure this out and I just really need you to not be here right now. It's too fresh and I don't wanna say anything I can't take back." Aaaand yup, now Derek looked as though Stiles really did burn his family to the ground. They'd figure it out but not today, just not today. As the sun set on an emotionally taxing day, Stiles just sat in the room with the man he loved and just breathed.