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The first day of school is rarely enjoyable, especially when it involves stepping into a new environment. Penny had changed schools numerous times throughout her life, but this particular transition felt unique. She was set to attend Saint Cassian High School, located in the quaint town of Uranium. This town was familiar to her; she had grown up on a community farm just outside its borders. Now, with her new foster parents residing there, she found herself returning to a place that felt oddly uncomfortable. It stirred up memories of her parents and the farm, bringing back thoughts she wished she could leave behind.
The first day of school had arrived, and Penny felt a mix of dread and hope. While she wasn't particularly excited about it, she saw it as a chance for a new beginning—a place where her past and the weight of her reputation could be left behind. At her previous school, she had endured relentless teasing and bullying from her peers. "Dyke" "Freak" "Weirdo" "Fag" These were words that echoed in her mind, familiar and painful. She couldn't entirely fault those who hurled them; she recognized her own quirks. With various mental health challenges that required medication, an unsettling knowledge of both animal and human behavior, and a naturally reserved demeanor, she had earned the title of the creepiest girl in town. Being a lesbian only added fuel to the fire, as many in her community were less than accepting. Penny hoped that this new environment would be different, but deep down, she feared that the small-town gossip would catch up with her once again.
~
Penny sat quietly in the principal's office chair, taking in her surroundings. The room was sparsely decorated, featuring only a few bookshelves, the principal's desk and chair, and a cupboard behind him. The walls were adorned with posters aimed at students, including anti-bullying messages, cheerful cat images with motivational quotes, and advertisements for various school clubs. Before she could head to her first class, Penny needed to meet with the principal, who would outline the school's operations and what she could expect—standard information she had encountered at every school before. As he spoke, Penny nodded along, her mind wandering as she recalled similar orientations. Once the principal finished his speech, she heard the sound of a door creaking open behind her. "Ah, Miss Rosenberg. Please come in," the principal said, his face lighting up with a friendly smile. "I'd like you to meet Miss Lamb," he gestured toward Penny. "Miss Lamb, this is Ocean O’Connell Rosenberg. She'll be showing you around the school."
Penny's gaze fell on the girl who had just entered the room. She stood beside Penny's chair, appearing quite petite. Her flowing ginger hair framed her face, held back by a delicate diadem. Speaking of her face, it had a youthful, almost cherubic quality that was undeniably charming. Her round cheeks were tinged with a soft blush that deepened as Penny continued to stare. Realizing she had been caught in her observation, Penny felt a rush of embarrassment. "It's lovely to meet you," the girl finally spoke, extending her hand toward Penny. "Nice to meet you too," Penny replied, shaking her hand briefly before letting go. "Best of luck on your first day, Miss Lamb. You’re both free to go," the principal announced, prompting both Penny and the girl to rise simultaneously. The principal extended his hand to Penny, who accepted it and shook it firmly. Afterward, she followed the red-haired girl out of the room.
The two girls strolled through the school’s hallways, which felt quite cramped compared to what she was accustomed to. The lockers and storage units made it challenging for several students to walk side by side. Fortunately, the school wasn’t too large, and few students were enrolled. As they walked, the red-haired girl began to describe the purpose of each classroom. "That room over there is Mr. Smith's," she said, gesturing to the classroom on her right. "He provides extra help to kids who need it and oversees those in detention after school." Penny peered through the door's small window and spotted a middle-aged man seated at a table with four other students. "And that room is where we practice choir," the girl continued, glancing to her left. "I’m the group leader, but sadly, we’re a bit short on members." Penny caught the girl’s gaze lingering on her for a moment. Was she hinting for her to join? After all, she did enjoy singing and was quite talented at it. "Anyway," the girl said, resuming her walk, "that’s your English classroom over there. We’ll have our first lesson together." They entered the classroom, where the rest of their classmates were already seated.
"Ah, Miss Rosenberg. I see you've wrapped up showing the new student around," the teacher remarked, drawing the attention of the entire class toward the two girls. "Would you like to introduce yourself?" Penny quietly shook her head, feeling uneasy about speaking in front of so many people. "Alright then. You can take the seat next to Ocean," the teacher instructed her. "I'm sitting right there in the front," Ocean said, gesturing to the front row. They made their way to the seats and settled in. "Now, let's get back to the lesson, shall we?"
Since Penny had joined the school in a rush, she hadn’t yet received her textbooks. As she rummaged through her schoolbag, she momentarily forgot about that detail. After a bit of searching, she pulled out her notebook and pencil case. Just then, she felt a gentle tap on her shoulder from her right. Turning, she saw the girl beside her. "I noticed you don’t have your textbooks yet," Ocean whispered. "You can use mine; I’ve already taken all the notes I need for today. Plus, I’ve memorized all the textbooks," Penny watched as Ocean slid her textbook over. "Oh, thank you!" Penny replied, taken aback by the kind offer and the fact that this girl had memorized all the school’s textbooks.
~
Dear journal,
Let’s clarify right away: this isn’t a diary. It’s merely a notebook for jotting down her thoughts.
Her psychiatrist had insisted—no, insisted is too gentle; he demanded she start documenting her feelings. She was instructed to write whatever came to mind about her emotional state. He wouldn’t be reading it, but when someone asks her to do something, Penny complies, even if she doesn’t pour her heart into it.
Let’s talk about school. It’s okay, I suppose. I’m not facing severe bullying, mostly because I’m practically invisible. If you asked anyone about Penny Lamb, they’d likely draw a blank.
That’s me, the girl who blends into the background. Well, except for my one true friend, Ricky Potts. He’s mute, which limits his social circle. Fortunately, I know sign language thanks to my little brother’s occasional nonverbal phases, so we can communicate. Ricky has a lovely personality, though he can be a bit too imaginative at times. Then there’s Ocean O’Connell Rosenberg. She seems to know everyone at school and sits next to me in English class. Honestly, I like Ocean; she’s been genuinely nice to me. Ricky warns me to steer clear of her, calling her a mega bitch, but I haven’t seen that side of her. Ocean O’Connell Rosenberg, the most beautiful girl in town, at least from my perspective. Others view her as the most accomplished, which isn’t far from the truth—she’s destined for greatness.
Ricky claims he doesn’t like her, but I always feel a warm glow when I’m around her. It can be overwhelming at times, almost like I’m coming down with something. It’s strange; I crave her company, yet it leaves me feeling feverish. What makes her stand out? She’s the brightest student in our school and even serves as student president. That doesn’t intimidate me. Is it her appearance? Some might feel daunted by looks, but she’s not intimidating at all. In fact, she’s quite adorable. She’s petite, a full head shorter than I am. Her stunning ginger hair is pulled back with a sleek black headband. Her face is soft and round, with plump cheeks that always seem to have a delicate blush. Her lips are beautiful, full, and appear so invitingly soft. Just the thought of kissing those lips feels like a dream. Wait, why did she write that?
Penny paused, setting her pen down as she processed the words she had just penned. The way she described the adorable girl made her heart race. Oh no, she realized she had developed a crush. Ocean was straight; this couldn’t be happening. If she let this crush linger, it would only lead to heartbreak.
~
Penny recalled the words she had said before: Just forget those feelings. But how had she found herself in this predicament? Here she was, sitting in the room of the girl she had promised to leave alone. It hadn’t been her intention to come here, but she couldn’t shake off Ocean’s request for help with schoolwork. Having joined late in the year, Penny had fallen behind. After class, Ocean approached her.
"Hey Penny! I noticed you missed a lot at the start of the year. I thought I could help you catch up!" Penny remembered how sincere Ocean sounded. How could she refuse? She simply couldn’t, so she agreed.
"Awesome! Let’s meet at my place after school. I have all my notes there,"
And that’s how she ended up here, perched on Ocean O’Connell Rosenberg’s bed while Ocean was downstairs preparing snacks for them. "You can’t focus on an empty stomach," she had said. Penny glanced around the room. It was quite simple, adorned only with a few medals and posters. However, she couldn’t help but notice the collection of vintage records and cassettes. The furniture, though old, was well-maintained, a stark contrast to her own second-hand pieces that showed signs of wear. Ocean’s room, despite its age, felt more inviting. As she waited for Ocean to return, her phone buzzed with a message from Ricky.
Ricky: Are you free to chill later today? My folks are out at the vet, so we can make all the noise we want! :D
Penny: I wish I could, but I’m at Ocean’s today.
Ricky: Wait, you’re at the devil’s place? :O
Penny: She’s not the devil; she’s actually really nice.
Ricky: Hmm, I see.
Ricky: No worries! We’ll hang out tomorrow! You have to spill all the tea about your time with the devil >:)
As Penny heard footsteps approaching from upstairs, she quickly shut her phone. Her gaze shifted to the door just as Ocean entered the room, a hint of apology in her voice. "Sorry for the delay! I wasn't sure what to bring since I didn't know your preferences," Ocean explained, making her way to the desk where she unloaded a stack of schoolbooks and notebooks. Afterward, she grabbed a stool from the corner and positioned it next to Penny's chair.
"You can sit here!" Ocean gestured to the stool beside her. Penny rose from the bed and took a seat, immediately noticing the stool's slight wobble. "Now, where were we?"
"We were working on catching me up with history," Penny replied.
"Alright, let’s dive in—" Ocean began to enthusiastically recount the history lessons Penny had missed. Yet, Penny found it hard to concentrate on anything but the girl beside her, who looked adorable as she spoke passionately about her interests. The truth was, Penny wasn't particularly invested in catching up on schoolwork; the school didn't even expect her to. But Ocean was determined to help her, and for some reason, Penny couldn't bring herself to say no to her. "Do you get it so far? This was definitely the toughest part, or so all the other students said. I found it pretty easy," Ocean concluded her explanation. Penny, having been lost in her thoughts about how cute Ocean was, quickly replied, "Yeah, I understand it now."
"Great!" Ocean beamed, her smile lighting up the room.
Penny gazed at the girl and felt a wave of realization wash over her: she was undeniably in love. Every word and action from her made Penny's heart race with excitement. All she craved was to be near her, to engage in conversation with her. This was a feeling she had never experienced with anyone else, and as she watched the girl beside her, Penny understood that this emotion was here to stay.
As the girl munched on some snacks she had brought earlier, she animatedly recounted all the history lessons Penny had missed. Her eyes sparkled with enthusiasm, and her hands danced in the air as she illustrated the tales of ancient civilizations and heroic figures. Penny leaned on her hand, captivated, her face lighting up with the biggest smile she had ever worn.
The way the girl’s hair caught the light, cascading in soft waves, made Penny’s heart flutter. She noticed the little things—the way the girl tucked a loose strand behind her ear, the way her nose crinkled when she laughed, and the way her eyes sparkled with mischief as she shared a particularly funny anecdote. It was as if the world around them faded away, leaving only the two of them in a bubble of shared joy and connection.
“Did you know that Cleopatra wasn’t actually Egyptian?” the girl exclaimed, her eyes wide with excitement. “She was Greek! Isn’t that wild?” Penny nodded, her heart swelling with admiration for the girl’s passion. She loved how she could make even the most mundane facts come alive with her enthusiasm.
As the conversation flowed effortlessly, Penny felt a warmth spreading through her chest, a sense of belonging that she had never known before. She wanted to reach out, to take the girl’s hand and hold it tightly, to let her know just how much she meant to her. But the thought of crossing that line made her heart race even faster, a mix of fear and exhilaration coursing through her veins.
“Penny, are you even listening?” the girl teased, a playful smirk on her face. Penny could only reply with a smile.
~
Dear diary,
I’ve decided to officially call this my diary. I’ve been using it that way anyway. Initially, I doubted it would help me sort through my emotions, but surprisingly, it does. (I’d never admit that to anyone, though.)
Lately, I’ve felt trapped. I told myself to steer clear of Ocean because my feelings could jeopardize our friendship. I want something more with her, but I know that’s impossible. Ocean is as straight as they come. Honestly, she might even be homophobic, especially considering how she treats Noel, the only openly gay guy in town. Yet, she keeps inviting me to hang out, and how could I possibly refuse? I adore her, and she actually wants to be friends with me—something only one other person, Ricky, has ever wanted. I can’t bear the thought of losing her. Avoiding her would ruin any chance of friendship, but holding onto these feelings could lead to losing her too. I need to confess. I have to tell her eventually. But confessing means risking everything. There’s no way she’d want to be friends with a lesbian who has a crush on her, and I doubt she feels the same way.
This whole situation is tearing me apart inside. Penny stared at her notebook, lost in thought. She weighed all her options, trying to find the one that would yield the best outcome for both her and Ocean. She didn’t mind facing bullying for being a lesbian, but she couldn’t bear the thought of Ocean becoming a target if her feelings were exposed. Alright, I’ll tell her. After class, during our hangout, I’ll finally say it. I have to. It’s the only way to move forward.
~
The moment had finally come. Today was the day she would reveal her feelings for Ocean O’Connell Rosenberg. The two girls had chosen to spend their time in the school library, where Ocean could focus on her project while Penny tackled her homework. Although their conversations typically revolved around school assignments, Penny cherished these quiet moments together. Just the two of them in a mostly deserted library felt absolutely perfect. Penny stood outside the library, waiting. She had arrived earlier than Ocean, which was a rare occurrence since Ocean was usually the one who showed up at least 15 minutes ahead of schedule. Penny, on the other hand, often found herself running late, much to Ocean's annoyance. "Better late than never," she would tease.
With the school day over, the building was nearly empty, with only a few teachers and students lingering in the halls. The tranquillity was refreshing. "I'm here! Sorry for the delay!" Penny turned to see Ocean rushing in, slightly out of breath. "You’re still ten minutes early, so it’s not really late," Penny replied with a playful grin. "It is for me! Even you managed to beat me here!" "Oh, so now I’m the one who’s always late?" Penny quipped, noticing Ocean mumbling something under her breath that didn’t quite make sense. "I didn’t mean it that way," Ocean finally clarified.
"I know, let's head inside now," Penny said as she opened the library door, allowing Ocean to step in first. Once Ocean was through, Penny followed her in. The two girls chose a table tucked away in a cozy corner, surrounded by towering bookshelves that cast a soft, dim light over the space. It was the ideal spot for them, as both enjoyed the tranquillity of quiet, shadowy places. After settling into their chairs, they unpacked their school supplies and spread them out on the large table. Ocean immediately flipped open her textbooks to dive into her school project. The contrast between her organized setup and Penny's chaotic arrangement was striking. Ocean meticulously arranged her materials, ensuring everything was in its designated spot, and Penny knew better than to touch anything. The one time she did, Ocean had been furious. In contrast, Penny's area was a whirlwind of papers and supplies. Initially, Ocean offered to tidy up for her, believing it was too messy for Penny to concentrate. But Penny didn’t mind; to her, it was a beautifully chaotic system. Everything had its place, even if it didn’t appear that way.
While Ocean focused intently on her school project, Penny pondered her plans for the day. Today was the day she would finally confess her feelings to Ocean. She glanced at the girl beside her, deeply engrossed in her work. But how could she possibly express her emotions? She hadn’t really figured that part out yet.
“Hey, Ocean,” Penny called out. Ocean turned her head, responding with a curious, “Hm?”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course! Go ahead!” Ocean replied, her expression bright yet tinged with a hint of concern. Penny felt a knot tighten in her stomach. Now that the moment had arrived, she was frozen with fear. What would she say? How would Ocean react? Was this truly the right choice?
“How would you feel if I told you I’m in love with someone?” Penny ventured.
“Oh, you are?” Ocean replied after a brief pause. Penny nodded, her heart racing. “Okay,” Ocean said, taking a moment to think. She always had that look when she was deep in thought. “I’m not usually into romance, but I might be able to help!”
“Is it someone I know?” she asked later. Penny’s heart began to race even faster. Should she reveal her feelings now or hold off?
“Um, yes, it actually is. You know them quite well,” she admitted.
“Is it Ricky? You two seem pretty close, so that wouldn’t surprise me,” Ocean guessed.
“No!” Penny exclaimed, a bit louder than intended. She quickly glanced around to see if anyone else had overheard. Thankfully, the other students were far enough away that their conversation remained private. “It’s not Ricky,” she clarified.
“Oh, then who is it?” Ocean pressed. “It’s—” Penny hesitated, locking eyes with Ocean, who had shifted to face her directly. She knew she had to say it; she couldn’t keep it bottled up any longer.
“It’s you, Ocean. I like you more than just as a friend. I’ve—”
“developed feelings for you,” she finished, her heart pounding in her chest.
The stillness that followed Penny's words was suffocating. She glanced at Ocean, whose bewildered expression left her uncertain about whether her message had truly landed. After what seemed like an age, Penny noticed a shift in Ocean's face. She let go of the pencil she had been gripping tightly throughout their discussion, as if the realization had finally dawned on her. "Oh," Ocean exclaimed, her voice laced with disbelief.
"Um,"
“I… I didn’t know,” Ocean said slowly, her brow furrowing as she processed the revelation. “I mean, I’ve always thought you were amazing, but I never considered…” She trailed off, her voice trailing into silence as she searched for the right words. Penny’s heart sank slightly, the weight of uncertainty pressing down on her. “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t feel the same way,” she rushed to add, her voice trembling. “I just thought it was important to be honest with you.
"I'm sorry Penny, but I'm not gay" Ocean added.
~
Dear diary,
It seems like the universe is against my happiness. I finally opened up to Ocean, and now I wish I had kept it to myself. When she said she wasn't interested, the atmosphere turned so awkward. I knew deep down that her response was the only logical one—after all, I was aware she wasn't into girls—but it feels like I've jeopardized our friendship. That's the last thing I want. What if she spills the beans to the school? I doubt she would; she’s not one for gossip, but the risk is still there. I’m not ready to come out to everyone yet. I don’t want to be labeled as "the Lesbian girl," nor do I want to be mocked for having a crush on the most accomplished girl around.
After our hangout, I rushed over to Ricky's place and shared everything with him. He’s always so supportive, instantly lifting my spirits. Even though he teased me a bit about my crush, he understands how tough this situation is. And it really is tough. I feel like I’ve messed things up with the most beautiful and successful girl in town. I’m grateful to have Ricky in my corner; he’s been through his own struggles and doesn’t care about being seen with me, the odd one out. Now, I dread going to school on Monday. The thought of facing her terrifies me, and I worry about the possibility of others finding out and bullying me even more. I was mostly flying under the radar before, but now it feels like I’ve given them a reason to target me.
I just want this overwhelming feeling to fade away.
~
Penny jolted awake to the sound of her alarm clock. It was already Monday, and the thought of school filled her with dread. She sat up on her bed and silenced the persistent beeping. The events of Friday loomed over her, and she couldn’t shake the anxiety of how her classmates would react if they found out. Thankfully, she had spent most of her weekend with Ricky, who had a way of lifting her spirits and helping her forget, at least for a little while. She shared many classes with Ocean, which added to her apprehension.
After shaking off the remnants of sleep, Penny began her morning routine. She slipped into her school uniform, a second-hand outfit that looked quite worn since she had joined the school later in the year. While it wasn’t tattered, it certainly contributed to her already quirky demeanour. She was reminded of her right leg, which didn’t move as freely as the others due to a condition she was born with, giving her a doll-like gait. Once she finished getting ready, Penny packed her bag and set off for school. Fortunately, she lived just a ten-minute walk away. However, as soon as she stepped outside, the rain began to pour. Of course it was going to rain today of all days. Penny had only grabbed a warm coat, leaving her without a raincoat or umbrella to shield her from the downpour.
Penny walked into school completely drenched. As she made her way through the corridors, water dripping from her clothes, she noticed that most of her classmates were in the same soggy boat. Only a few students remained dry, likely the ones who came from affluent families and were dropped off by car. Penny made her way to her locker at the end of the hall, catching snippets of gossip floating around her, but thankfully, none of it seemed to be about her. That was a relief; perhaps they hadn’t heard the news yet. As she approached her locker, she suddenly felt a tap on her right shoulder. Startled, she turned to see Ocean standing there, equally soaked and looking more drenched than Penny herself.
"Penny, can we talk?" Ocean asked, and Penny's heart sank. She felt like she had already messed things up with her, and she dreaded what more could be said. "Uh, okay. What’s up?" Ocean glanced around, clearly wanting to avoid prying eyes. "Can we talk in private?" she insisted. Before Penny could respond, Ocean grabbed her hand and pulled her toward a nearby classroom. Penny recognized it as the room where Ocean held her choir practices. She had signed up to join but hadn’t made it to any sessions yet. Once inside, Ocean shut the door behind them.
The room was dimly lit, the only light filtering in through the small windows that lined part of the walls. The air was thick with the scent of dampness and old sheet music. Penny felt a mix of anxiety and curiosity as she stood there, water pooling around her shoes.
Ocean leaned against the door, her expression serious. "I know this is a weird place to talk, but I didn’t want anyone to overhear us." Penny nodded, her heart racing. "Okay, what’s going on?" Penny noticed Ocean's evident nervousness. The chill of the walk to school had left Ocean's cheeks and nose flushed, and she was anxiously toying with her hands while her gaze was fixed on the ground. The air between them felt thick with unspoken words, and Penny could sense the weight of Ocean's thoughts pressing down on her.
After a moment of contemplation, Ocean finally broke the silence, her voice barely above a whisper. "I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and there's something important I need to share with you." Penny stayed quiet, unsure of what to anticipate from her friend. Her heart raced, a mix of concern and curiosity swirling within her.
Ocean took a deep breath, her fingers fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. "You helped me uncover something about myself that I had been afraid to confront. You showed me that I don’t need to fear it anymore." She paused, locking eyes with Penny, her gaze intense yet vulnerable. The moment felt suspended in time, as if the world around them had faded away, leaving only the two of them in this fragile space.
"I love you, Penny."
~
Dear diary,
I have to admit, I was mistaken. Wonderful things can indeed come my way. I never thought Ocean would actually ask me out—especially not after I made things awkward by confessing my feelings. I’m completely smitten with her. The way her laughter dances in the air, the way her eyes light up when she talks about her passions—it all makes my heart race. When I shared the news with Ricky, he was a bit doubtful at first, suggesting it might be a prank. But deep down, we both know Ocean isn’t one for jokes, especially not about something like this. The moment she asked me out, I felt like the world around me faded away. It was just the two of us, and I could hardly believe my ears. I remember stammering out a response, trying to play it cool, but inside, I was a whirlwind of emotions. I can still picture her smile, that radiant smile that makes everything feel right in the world. She’s invited me on a date next week, and I can hardly contain my excitement!
For the first time ever, I feel genuinely hopeful about what lies ahead.