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Gone... The word rang in Frey's mind like the echo of her footsteps in this vast, empty hall. She stood before the circular dias on which a giant, regal serpentine silhouette should have perched, her throat constricting, eyes burning. She could almost hear the dragon's voice... almost feel the air stir as if she were rustling her great feathered wings.
Snowflakes began to flutter down from the bright, white void of cloudy sky above, passing through the great skylight opening and settling on the Dragon Alter before the princess.
The first day of winter and already the weather conspired to whitewash this place... She wished the snow would cover her up, too.
Weeks had passed already... Weeks, damn it all! It still hurt just as much as the day she'd said goodbye... right here in this very spot.
Tears formed, stinging her eyes and then pooling in her lower lids until they spilled over and down her cheeks. Frey drew a shaky breath as her lip trembled, her chest tightening.
"Hey." A deep voice suddenly startled her out of her somber thoughts. Frey hurried to turn her face and wipe away the tears, hoping whoever had intruded on her private contemplations wouldn't notice. If she were seen crying it would make it all the harder to stop or pull herself up out of her sorrows long enough to pretend to be the happy person she had been before.
"Ah, um, sorry little lady, I didn't mean to interrupt." The voice, which she now recognized to be Bado's, added awkwardly. Too late, then. Her cheeks burned with embarrassment, she glanced somewhat resentfully at the big man, who was scratching abashedly at the back of his neck and looking sheepish at her.
"Do you need something?" She asked quietly.
"I, uh... came to see if you wanted to go do some treasure hunting today?" He ventured, all but squirming nervously. She bent an eyebrow at him, curiosity stirring her from her melancholy for a heartbeat. It was uncharacteristic for the big man to be anything but wily, mischievous, and troublesome. What had gotten into him? The wind stirred her clothing and scattered snowflakes around the great empty hall and Frey abruptly lost interest in the Blacksmith's peculiar mood and sank back into the ache in her heart where Venti should have been.
"Sorry, Bado... I'm not really feeling up to it." She sighed, returning her troubled gaze to the dias, which had a thin layer of sparkling snow on it, now.
"Okay, fair enough." The tall dwarf allowed, "But what about lunch, then? I'll make you something nice and warm. You gotta be freezing standing around in the snow like this, after all."
She shook her head slowly, neither giving a reply nor looking in his direction. He waited a breath or two, then sighed and stepped closer.
"Listen, Frey. I know you been comin' here every day and starin' at that empty place. You need to keep your head above water, okay? You need to let other people-" here he tapped his chest and looked intently at her- "help you. So come on. We're going to my place."
"I just want to be alone." She said, a touch of irritation in her voice.
"I know." He replied, resting a hand on her shoulder. The touch made her twitch. She nearly flinched away from him but he squeezed her arm and raised his other hand to her chin, tugging her face upward until she locked eyes with him. A little jolt passed through her as Frey looked into the blue-gray eyes of the man before her.
Ordinarily the steely, metallic glint in his eyes described schemery and an infuriatingly carefree attitude, but now the lines around the man's eyes made him looked weathered, worried even... Something inside Frey stirred to life again, just barely. The surprise of seeing this man of all people so concerned about her was more than her silent sadness could withstand without pause.
"But..." Bado said slowly, insistently, "What you need right now is the opposite." She hesitated, staring up into his eyes and waiting for the punchline or sales pitch or whatever his real agenda was. "Please, Frey." She blinked again rapidly, swallowing around the sudden return of the tightness in her throat.
She'd tried so hard to hide her feelings from the others. Everyone was hurting after Venti... left. Who was she to burden them with her tears on top of all their own? And how would she ever stop once she let them flow? She wrestled down the surge of emotion and nodded. A measure of tension melted out of the big man's shoulders and he smiled gently.
"Good girl. Come with me." He turned to go, looking back at her over his shoulder to make sure she followed. Frey paced after the huge dwarf, curiosity and the strangeness of the blacksmith's behavior driving her out of her numbness and sorrow for the moment at least. It was a relief to feel something other than pain again. She couldn't say she felt good but befuddlement was a solid measure less uncomfortable than her usual baseline these days.
The walk to the residential district wasn't a long one. The snow on the paving stones still lacked the density to completely obscure them. Frey absently wondered when this first snow would stop and how much it would coat the town with.
"Seems like winter came earlier than usual, doesn't it?" Bado said offhand, looking up at the gray sky.
"Yeah." Frey agreed half-heartedly. Winter suited her mood at present. It seemed appropriate to her that bleakness and cold should surround outside her as much as it had pervaded her thoughts within.
"Here we are." Bado chimed as they rounded the corner and arrived in front of the heavy wooden door of the 'Meanderer' Smithy. He grasped the iron handle and pushed it open, stepping aside to usher Frey inside. She padded in past him and eyed the big man curiously as he flipped the 'open' sign over to read 'closed' and let the door shut behind him.
"That's bad for business." She said tonelessly, some distant part of her knew she was being rude, but it was awfully hard to be sensitive and courteous when misery ruled her. Bado only chuckled.
"Probably. But I don't think one afternoon will sink the ship, eh?"
"Depends how hard the ship is listing." She returned.
"Well, as long as your wit is still sharp enough to cut I probably don't have to worry too much, eh?" He smirked at her.
"I'm surprised to hear you're worried at all." She said, staring mildly at him. He snorted derisively.
"And what makes you think I wouldn't worry, huh?"
"I didn't think anything really troubled you." She replied.
"Heh." He huffed a half-bitter laugh. "Well, you never have known much about me." She blinked.
"Sorry..." Frey mumbled, "I'm not good company right now."
"It's all right missy. We're not here for me, after all." He replied, smiling warmly at her.
"Why are we here?" She asked after a beat. He huffed another short little breath and turned to walk back to where the forge was already glowing orange at the far wall of his workshop. Her eyes followed him first, then she crossed the room after him. He reached down and picked up a black, cast-iron kettle and raised it for her to see.
"So I can make you lunch, Frey. I did already mention that." She sat down at the work table and watched him wordlessly as he assembled ingredients into the kettle, humming quietly as he worked. He chopped vegetables and measured spices and herbs into the mixture, practiced hands patient yet efficient. Frey's eyebrows crept upward.
"I didn't know you could cook." She said, almost suspiciously but heard a little coil of teasing in her own voice. It surprised her, but seemed to delight her host. He laughed aloud, a big booming laugh that couldn't help but tug at the corner of Frey's own mouth with a symbiotic smile.
"Who do you think taught Kiel, huh? Forte?" He countered, grinning at her. She blushed, winced, and then gave a bare, dry little laugh to her own surprise.
"Well, when you put it that way... I guess it does make sense." She allowed. He smiled at her again, then went back to chopping carrots and onions. She stared at him and the smile slid slowly off her face, replaced by a thoughtful expression.
"You've been with them a long time, haven't you?" She asked carefully after a pause. He didn't glance up this time.
"Yep. 'Bout ten years now. No... twelve I guess." He said, frowning as his eyes climbed up to their corners as he thought back, then shook his head. "Time flies." He sighed. Frey waited for more but the dwarf was busying himself covering the kettle and shoving it into the fiery mouth of the forge, his broad back to her as she puzzled over questions she'd never yet bothered to wonder about him.
He wiped off his hands on a dishtowel and returned to the worktable where she sat. To her very plain surprise, the tall, bearded man threw a leg over the bench seat and sat right beside her, facing her with his whole body and those worried blue-gray eyes like a storm over the ocean. Frey blinked at him rapidly, lost for words. It was just as well, as he drew a deep breath and gave her a few of his own.
"I know it hurts, Frey. Ventuswill was an old friend to me too, ya know." The corners of his eyes tightened as he said this, the discomfort in his own expression plain. Frey turned away from him, bitter suddenly at this direct attack on her defenses.
"I thought you brought me here to take my mind off it." She grumbled. He shook his head.
"Far from it." He said, pulling a pitcher of water and a couple of mugs across the table to him. He poured one for her and one for himself. "This is the first time you've lost someone since your memory went out, isn't it?"
She glared at him and he smiled sadly at her.
"You can't run from grief, little one. It'll find you one way or another." His voice was so gentle, deep and sonorous and warm. Anger bubbled up in her belly. What gave him the right to be so perceptive; to intrude on her sorrow so blatantly with his kindness?
"What do you know about how I feel?" She growled, eyes already burning. She used the anger to keep the tears back but they stung like venom just below the surface. Bado looked down and nodded in a knowing little gesture, then he looked back up into her eyes again, his more weary than ever, now.
"Weren't you just wondering how I came to be the one looking after Forte and Kiel?" He asked quietly. Her eyes widened. A sad smile flickered across his face, replaced by pain a moment later. "Their dad was my best friend. Something like a father and a brother all rolled into one. Tristan was always looking out for me especially when I didn't have the good sense to look out for myself. And Lily... She didn't just bring those two into this world. She brought me back from a place darker than than you could probably imagine, little lady."
Frey stared at the man, wide eyed and speechless. Wasn't this the big oaf who was always playing pranks and conning people into buying ridiculous and useless wares from his store? Wasn't this the man who told her stupid puns and produced an endless list of terrible get-rich ideas day after day? Where had this version of him come from, all of a sudden? Bado rested a big hand on her shoulder and squeezed, looking resolutely into her eyes.
"I know what it's like to lose people, Frey. More than you realize. That's why I have to look out for you now." He said gently. Frey felt her defenses begin to crumble. Her throat constricted again, trembling. "I know this is all unsolicited advice, but you need to feel what you feel. Don't bury it or hide it." Tears welled in her eyes again. She gasped quietly and choked out her next words:
"Does it ever stop hurting?" He smiled sadly again.
"Not for me, at least." His deep voice was slight, hushed. Frey would never have believed until this moment that she'd ever see so much truth and pain in this man's eyes. "But I don't think I'd really want it to, ya know?" He added thoughtfully, a half-confused smirk balanced against his furrowed eyebrows.
"What?" She asked, her own expression crumpling into confused discomfort.
"It still hurts every single time I look at those two." He continued, "I've been their guardian this last decade, sure, but I ain't their father. I see him in their eyes every day and every day I remember how it felt when he died. But I don't want that to fade. I don't want to forget him or what he and Lily meant to me. So, I guess you could say I've made friends with that pain. It proves to me every time I feel it that he was real, no matter how long it's been since I last saw his face." He squeezed her shoulder again and pierced her with that earnest gaze. "You don't want to forget her, do you, Frey?"
All the pain she'd been holding in spilled out of her and down her cheeks as hot tears as Frey broke down, utterly undone before the dwarven blacksmith. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed uncontrollably, shoulders shaking violently and voice splintered into shrill gasps.
Strong, warm hands gathered her up and pulled her against the big man's chest, stroking her back and murmuring gently as he enfolded her into his embrace.
"That's it." He hummed softly in her ear, resting one whiskery cheek against her hair and squeezing those great arms around her as she wept into his shirt. "Let yourself feel, Frey. You gotta go through it. Everything's gonna be alright." Her fingers curled into a tight grip on his clothing as she trembled and cried, a storm of emotions raging inside her like as a tempest of confused sensation.
She hated him for seeing right through her, anger and vulnerability making her want to beat her fists against his chest, but instead she just clung to him and sobbed. The release of all that pressure, all that tension holding everything inside was such a relief she couldn't have stopped for anything, just now. And he was so warm, so gentle as he gave her the first comfort, the first real balm to her spirits since that day...
With a spasm of startled realization she wondered who, if anyone at all had been there to give him such comfort when his best friend had died years ago. No, if anything he would have been holding Forte and Kiel like this, wouldn't he? Looking out for them like he was looking out for her, now...
Frey breathed in deep and wrapped her arms around Bado's barrel chest and squeezed, fiercely returning his embrace with one of her own. She felt him still as a flicker of surprised tension went through him briefly before he recovered and squeezed her again, more firmly this time, his face tucked into he space between her ear and shoulder as she buried hers in his collar.
Whatever this man had been in her mind up to now... He'd never be without her gratitude from this day forward. Frey squeezed him as if she had to hold him to the Earth herself, lest he fall upward into the sky if she let go. Perhaps she was only making up what she wanted to see from him, but something about the way he hugged her now felt like it was as much for him as for her, despite what he'd said earlier.
Tears still rolled down her cheeks and Frey still shook with sobs for a long while. Many times she pulled away enough to blow her nose into a handkerchief or wipe her eyes on with her wrists, but every time she thought she'd spent them all more tears would gush from her eyes and he welcomed her back into his arms each time, offering more soothing murmurs and more comfort by his big, warm hands on her back or stroking over her hair. It was difficult to tell how much time elapsed while she let herself unravel in the protective circle of his embrace, but eventually her tears finally ebbed and she looked up at him with puffy red eyes and sighed, relieved of a considerable burden for the moment.
"Thanks..." She whispered. "I had no idea how much I needed that." He smiled gently and nodded with a small chuckle.
"Yeah, I figured." He said, then added: "I'm proud of you for letting me help you get though this, ya know. You're a strong one, Frey. You'll be alright. I know it." She stared at him, suddenly seeing something she hadn't noticed before in those blue-grey eyes. She blushed, blinking hurriedly and looking away. She chewed her lip, suddenly embarrassed again.
"Well... I think you're right about me needing to be with others for the time being. So... maybe you and me could spend some time together tomorrow, too? Maybe take a walk? He grinned at her, eyes betraying a twinkle of affection.
"Sure thing, little lady." He replied, then stood up to check on the chicken soup simmering in the forge. She drank the glass of water he'd poured for her at his repeated insistences that it would help prevent her head from pounding after a fit like that while he retrieved the food and served it. They ate together in a comfortable silence for a time before Frey smirked at him and spoke.
"This is really good, Bado. Why haven't I heard you coming up with money-making schemes involved with cooking?" He scoffed playfully.
"The market's already cornered on that front, given we have a master chef just up the street. I mean, who's gonna wanna buy forged food when they have De Sainte Coquille cuisine to hand at a moment's notice?"
"If they can keep it from vanishing down his own gullet before they have the chance to eat it, you mean." She countered, pointing her spoon at him. He laughed lightly.
"Fair point."
The pair exchanged casual chit chat as they finished their meal. She helped him wash the dishes and then stood glancing from her newfound companion to the door and back.
"I should probably go. I still have chores to do today." Her tone was soft, apologetic. "Thank you so much for everything today, Bado. I do feel better." He nodded, smiling warmly at her.
"Any time, little lady. Can I walk you back home?" She returned the smile.
"Sure."
The pair walked side by side, making a comical picture of their sharply contrasting heights as they bantered back and forth about his latest idea for making easy money and her upcoming endeavor to grow an abundant crop of gold veggies in honor of Venti's memory. She explained an aspiration to get Porcoline to teach her to make gold juice and he volunteered to toast to the dragon with the stuff alongside her when it was ready.
They parted ways at the castle entrance, the big dwarf smiling fondly at her and shrugging.
"Tomorrow then? When d'you wanna do that walk?"
"Soon as you're free, I suppose." She said smiling back.
"Sure. I'll come to the castle, then." He replied, never breaking their gaze. "Well... take care until then, Frey." He backed up a pace and pulled a hand out of his pocket to give a little goodbye wave. She laughed, shook her head and lunged forward, winding her arms around his middle and squeezing the big man. His breath came out in a surprised 'whoof' and he chuckled before returning the hug. They parted, exchanged smiles once more and went their separate ways, he tromping off through the now six inches of snow and her turning to enter the Great Dragon Hall.
Inside the snow falling into the hall from the open skylight had made a thick, brilliantly white cushion of snow over the dias. Frey stood staring at that empty space again, blinking and breathing puffs of vapor in the frozen air.
A small smile pulled at her mouth. Yes, it still hurt. But now it wasn't just hurt, thanks to some unsolicited advice from someone who was suddenly more important to her than she ever would have guessed.