Chapter Text
Chapter 1: Prologue
Rin was alone for most of his life. The other kids always bullied him because he had a weird hair color, because of his eyes or anything else that stuck out about him. They were always calling him a demon, demon child or hurling other insults at him. He didn't mind them at first because his brother and father reassured him that all the other kids were wrong and he was sure that he didn't need anyone besides them. But it still hurt. He thought things would change in middle school and that he maybe could make some friends this time. But nothing changed. He was still alone and everyone kept treating him like an outcast and like he was a demon. His father's and brother's reassurance just wasn't enough anymore. He started thinking that maybe there really was something wrong with him after all why should so many other kids hate on him without a reason. He felt like he was walking along an empty shore, always alone and separated from others by an entire ocean. And always feeling cold from the endless rain pouring down on him as he walked.
He started to grow distant from his family as well. Technically Yukio started acting distant towards him first. He seemed more absent and busy than usual and he went out with Shirou way more often than he used to. When Rin asked both of them what was wrong or why he couldn't come along they made up some obvious lies like Yukio saying he is only busy with his studies and that their Dad takes Yukio to the library so he can study harder. Rin still didn't understand why he couldn't come along but after some time he just stopped asking and insisting. He knew the answers he would get after all. All this secrecy and lying only worsened his self esteem. Even though his brother and father kept on insisting that everything was all right he just felt like they too were starting to avoid him because he was a demon.
After an especially bad fight with some bullies, whose initial victim Rin saved, he got to talk with his father again, alone, while he was getting bandaged by him.
"Maybe they are right, maybe I really am a demon. I mean there is no way a regular child could beat up 5 other kids his age right?" Although he was saying it smiling intending it to be a joke Shirou caught on to his serious undertone and while cleaning a cut on his son's knee he answered:" Why would you think that? Are the kids still bothering you with their demon talk? You know a real demon would never stand up to 5 bullies to save a little kid. If anything those bastards are the real demons. I'm proud of you for saving that child, you know that right?"
"I know, I know. I was just making a joke. After all, they got me pretty bad too." Shirou nodded while bandaging him. "Still you shouldn't say things like that about yourself. And remember you can talk to me about everything. Don't think I didn't notice you distancing yourself from me. I don't care what you think or do i will always be proud for you remember that alright?”
Rin just sighed and nodded in agreement. Even though he really appreciated his father's warm words he couldn't help but still feel a little cold. It didn't really make sense since it was summer and the weather was warm. He also still couldn't shake the thought that maybe he really was a demon. Sure he was nice and liked helping people but he also really enjoyed beating up those bullies. He felt like he enjoyed it a bit too much. He also kind of liked the way his body was hurting. It kind of felt grounding, the pain reassuring him he was a human and still alive. Sometimes he would get hurt intentionally to feel the pain and remember that he could still feel things. Though it was never quite enough to silence the growing doubts in his head, thinking he wasn't human and that no one truly cared about him.
There were times when it got better though, for example when he was cooking with his dad. He loved testing new recipes and learning new ones from his dad. He would sometimes spend hours in the kitchen to master a new dish and it was probably his favorite thing to do. The kitchen was like his own little world, where he had control. There was nobody telling him how he was doing everything wrong and that he didn't know what he was doing, like in school. School time was when he was doing the worst. Not only because of the constant bullying and harassment but also because he just was bad at schoolwork. He had trouble concentrating on what the teachers were saying in class and studying never seemed to help him. He discovered that when school and his doubts about his own humanity and everything in general got too much for him, cutting himself helped. He would steal a razor from Shirou, hide in one of the monasteries bathrooms and make little cuts on his inner thighs. He didn't cut deep or did many cuts in general, cutting just enough to make it hurt so he knew that he could still feel, so he could feel anything at all. After he was finished he would disinfect the cuts and bandage them up and then throw away the razor. Because of this he started wearing long pants more often and when Yukio or his father would ask he would simply say that long pants are the new fashion trend and that they simply didn´t understand his fashion choices. Though Shirou thought something other than fashion was going on with Rin, since he was only 12 years old and never cared about fashion before. But he didn´t press the issue since he trusted Rin with telling him if there was something serious going on.
As time went by Rin started to spend even more time cooking than he already did, since that was the only thing left that brought him enjoyment. He also loved spending time with his family but with them growing distant and his growing doubts and crumbling self-esteem he just couldn´t face them anymore. He just felt awful and was constantly reminded how even his family thought he was a demon. Of course he knew that they didn't truly feel that way but the doubts just got unbearable. So he started avoiding them more and more and isolating even further. Shirou noticed this change and tried addressing it multiple times but Rin just refused to talk to him so he got an idea. Since Rin was cooking so much food and needed some human contact he proposed to Rin that he could start selling it.That way he could get feedback for his food while earning a little extra money. Rin thought his father was joking at first but when he noticed that he wasn't laughing he understood that he was indeed serious.
“Where would I even sell the food? What should I sell? What am I gonna do if the people don't like it? I don't think I could do something like that. Besides, I´m not good with people.”
Rin didn't even want to think about all the horror scenarios that could happen. He just didn't want to deal with it.
“Well we could help you build a small food stand and you could start with selling small things that are easy to make like rice balls. We just don't have enough people in the monastery anymore to eat all the food you make. You should also have more confidence in yourself, your cooking is amazing, you even cook better than me now. And don't you think this would be a good way to learn how to interact with people better? The stand will be near the monastery so if anything really does happen you can just get me or one of the priests. Did that answer all of your questions?” Shirou grinned at Rin. He knew he would try to talk himself out of it so he thought about solutions for everything. Rin sighed and rolled his eyes at his father.
“Fine, I guess trying it couldn´t hurt. But if something happens I´m gonna make you responsible old man, after all you are the one who came up with this.”
“All right, if something goes wrong, like you expected I´m gonna owe you.”
Although he still had his doubts he couldn't deny that his father made some good points.
With some help and lots of encouragement from Shirou and the other monks to boost Rin's confidence he opened up the food stand. Everyone who ate his food immediately fell in love with it and the support and encouraging words from his customers were a great help for his self-doubts. School still sucked but the food stand helped him more than he imagined. Even his grades started improving a little which also boosted his confidence.
One of his customers in particular stuck out to Rin. He looked like he was about the same age as him and he was always carrying a Violin on his back. He also seemed to be wearing the same outfit everyday, which consisted of shorts, which were a bright greenish-blue. He was sure the color had its own name but he couldn't remember what it was called. He also always wore a deep black hoodie that seemed like it was too big for him and he always had the hood up making it impossible to clearly see his face. The only thing Rin could make out under that hood were his eyes. They were special and didn't seem normal just like his own. He never really understood what people meant when they said his eyes seemed to be glowing or that they seemed deep. But now he understood. This boy's eyes were purple, a really bright shape of purple and they kind of seemed to be glowing just slightly. Rin thought it was probably just a reflection of some sunlight but he was still amazed by it. He came by every day at the exact same time, in the early afternoon. He would always buy 2 plain rice balls and would make sure to alway tell Rin how amazing he thought they were. Rin couldn´t understand how he was so blown away by them since they were nothing more than slightly seasoned rice but he still accepted the praise. He just sounded so genuine and Rin could see the enjoyment in his eyes when he ate them. After some time Rin started to look forward to his visits. After buying the rice balls the boy would sit down beside Rin and just talk to him. It wasn't anything interesting; they were both just talking about how their days went and complaining about various different things. Rin enjoyed talking to him and for the first time in his life he felt like he found a friend. A real friend. Eventually the small talk turned into lengthy discussions and conversations about school, their interests and anything that came to their mind really. The boy also started to stick around longer and would sometimes stay for hours after finishing his rice balls. But with their deepening Relationship the fear of losing his new and very first friend also came over Rin. He thought that he would eventually realize that Rin was nothing special and would stop coming to his food stand. But he wanted to enjoy this as much as he could while he still could. During one of their standard talks about school Rin realized something odd. “By the way, what's your name? I don´t think you ever told me.” Rin had not realized it until now. It had been weeks since he met him but he never told Rin his name. After a second of silence, which seemed like an hour to Rin, the boy suddenly erupted in laughter. It was almost maniacal but also very contagious and without realizing Rin also started laughing. He didn't know why he started laughing since nothing funny had happened but still he couldn't stop. After a few minutes they both calmed down and while holding his stomach the boy finally answered Rin´s question “ I didn't even realize that I never introduced myself. I just enjoyed talking to you so much that I forgot to tell you. My name is Makoto.”
“Don´t you have a surname.” Rin asked curiously. “I have but I don't really use it. I live on my own and don't really know anyone from my family so it just feels wrong to use that name. I don't have a real connection to it.” His voice was mostly calm and Rin thought he could make out a smile underneath his hood but he could see a little pain in his eyes. “What about you? I know your first name is Rin but what's your surname?” He was avoiding looking directly at Rin, probably because he didn't want him to see how pained he looked now that he stopped smiling. “ It´s Okumura… and I also don't have any family besides my brother Yukio. Our dad apparently found us abandoned under a bridge 12 years ago and decided to take us in. He and the other monks in the monastery are the only family I need.”
“I can't believe someone would abandon two babies especially in winter! How could anyone be so heartless and leave two defenseless babies to die?!” It was the first time Rin saw Makoto this angry or angry in general. He was sometimes annoyed by school but he still always had a playful undertone in his voice. But this was different. He was genuinely angered that someone had abandoned him and Yukio and seeing his friend being angered on behalf of him made Rin really happy. His friend really cared about him and didn't just pretend to like him. Suddenly Makoto's phone started ringing. He looked annoyed and refused to answer it, letting it continue to ring.
“I have a concert today. I should already be at the venue which is probably why my teacher is calling me. I got so caught up talking to you that I forgot about it.” Makoto explained, his being mostly calm again. However there were still hints of anger in his eyes.
“You give concerts that's sooo cool! Do you have a band? Or do you play alone? If you have a band can I pleaseee join?”
“I don't have something as cool as my own band unfortunately. I´m just gonna play a few pieces of classical music on my Violin.” Makoto explained with a sigh. His phone started ringing again. “I should probably go now before it becomes too late. That reminds me I can play something for you too sometime. Only if you want to of course.”
“That would be awesome! I don't even know what a Violin sounds like but I bet it's gonna be good!” Rin could barely contain his excitement. He wanted to hear his friends' music right now if he could.
“All right then I´ll think of a few good songs to play for you tomorrow. Bye bye and until tomorrow!”
"Bye! Good luck with your concert!” And with that Makoto got up and slowly started walking away. Rin was eager to share all the new information he just obtained about his friend with Yukio and his father. Shirou couldn't help but smile at Rin´s excitement. He doubted that he would get any sleep tonight. “Looks like you found yourself a really good friend! Do you think he would mind if everyone else also came to listen? I have to admit I also got a bit curious about him.”
“ I think It´ll be fine… But don´t say anything embarrassing to him, you old man!”
“I won't, I promise!” They continued talking like this for quite a while with Rin scolding his father about being embarrassing and Shirou calling Rin a brat but neither of them actually meant the things they were saying. It was the first time in months that they all sat like this at the dinner table, laughing and teasing each other. The next day Rin waited excitedly at his food stand. He could barely sleep because of the excitement. He was practically bouncing in his little chair behind the stand. However when Makoto didn't show up at his usual time Rin got worried. With each minute that his friend didn't show up his worry only got bigger. After an hour Rin was sick with worry. Had he said something wrong yesterday without realizing it? Had something happened to his friend? He didn't know how to deal with the situation. After another 15 Minutes Shirou went to Rins side. “ Everything all right kid? WHeres your friend?”
“ I don't know! He never was this late. I probably did something to make him mad and now he hates me…” Just as Shirou wanted to say something comforting they saw a police officer approaching them. He greeted them then turned towards Rin and asked” Are you Okumura Rin?” Rin only nodded in agreement, too scared to speak. “Your friend called us after he caught a group of other kids scheming to rob you. The kids beat him up in a side alley a few blocks from here. We weren't sure if the other kids would still attempt to rob you after being caught by him so I came to check if everything was all right.” Rin wasn't sure if he was hearing right. His friend had defended him from bullies? He had protected Rin even though he knew he was probably gonna get beaten up? He actually got beaten up because of him. Many different emotions bloomed inside of him all at once but the strongest was worry.
"H-How is he? Is he all right?” Rin asked, pretending that his voice didn't start breaking midway through the question.
“He's being transported to a hospital. One of those little punks apparently had a knife. His life is not in immediate danger but he is still pretty roughed up.”
“Which hospital is he being taken to? Rin, do you want to visit him?” Rin nodded. At some point tears started streaming down his face. They had a knife. They could have killed him. He was completely lost in his thoughts not paying any attention to the conversation between his father and the police officer.
“I can take you to him if you want to.” The police officer offered them. Rin was caught in a downward spiral, blaming himself for everything. His friend got hurt because of him. Because he was a demon. He didn't deserve to have such a good friend, he should be the one in the hospital right now. The next time Rin paid attention to his surroundings they were already in the hospital and his father asked him if he was alright. Rin nodded, “Of course I'm alright, I'm not the one lying in a hospital.” “Well you were crying the entire ride here and didn't say anything so i wanted to make sure. I also want you to know that this isn't your fault.”
“But the other kids hurt him because of me. If I wasn't a demon child none of this would have happened.” Rin started crying again without noticing. “How many times do I have to tell you that you are not a demon. This only happened because those kids are assholes. They are the only ones at fault here alright?” Just as he said that a nurse approached them. “Are you here to visit the boy Makoto? You may visit him now. Follow me, I´ll show you the way.”
Shirou and Rin followed the nurse in silence. The first thing Rin noticed in the room was that his friend's face wasn't covered by his hood anymore. This was the first time Rin could actually see his friend's face and it looked awful, covered in bruises and small cuts. There was an IV with a clear liquid attached to his arm. The only noise in the room was the beeping of the heart monitors and his friends laboured breathing. “Looks like he's asleep. We shouldn't disturb him.”
“Can we wait here a little bit? In case he wakes up?”
“Alright but we are not going to sleep here ok? We can visit again tomorrow. I'm sure he's gonna be awake by then.” Rin nodded. He didn't want to leave his friends' side but he knew his father was right. Besides, he wanted to surprise him with his favorite rice balls when he woke up. They waited in the room for about an hour before finally leaving.
After a sleepless night and a school day that seemed to be dragging on for an eternity Rin practically ran home to prepare for the visit. He hanged into his regular clothes, made the rice balls and then waited for Shirou and Yukio to come home from one of their library visits. As it turns out this was a rather long visit with them arriving home in the late afternoon. "Finally! What took you both so long?!” Rin scolded both of them. Shirou responded with an awkward laugh “There were some… unexpected delays on the way to the library. SOrry about that.” Rin just sighed in annoyment. His friend was lying in a hospital because of him and now he's late to his visit because of the weird secrets of his father and brother. Rin wasn't dumb. He was by no means good in school but he wasn't dumb he knew when his family was lying to him, especially when it was such an obvious lie. The lie being obvious just infuriated him even more. Why were they hiding something from him? Why are they lying about in such an obvious way? Did they really think he wouldn't notice it? Or did they just not care anymore? WHatever it was, he simply did not have the energy left to confront them. They would just deny everything either way. Besides, today was supposed to be about Makoto and not him and his problems so quickly shoved those thoughts aside. Shirou and Yukio quickly ate something after which the three of them left for the hospital. The train ride to the hospital was a quiet one, with Shirou occasionally asking Rin how his day went, what he did and how he's dealing with the situation, however Rin was so nervous that he didn't really pay attention to what his father was saying. When they finally arrived at the right station and walked to the Hospital, Rin led the way to his friend's Room. However when they finally got to his door Rin paused. All the fears and doubts suddenly flooded him again. What if he doesn´want to see him? What if he is angry at Rin and doesn't want to be friends anymore? Endless nightmare scenarios paralyzed him until he heard his fathers voice. “What's wrong Kid?” He asked. “What if he's angry at me and doesn't want to be my friend anymore?”
“Don't be stupid! Do you think he would have put himself in such a dangerous situation if he didn't want to be your friend anymore? I'm sure he's glad to see you.” Rin took a deep breath and, with the help of his fathers encouragement, slowly opened the door. Makoto was still lying in his bed. There was a fresh IV attached to him and it looked like he was awake and reading a book. At the sound of the door he turned his head, assuming it was a nurse checking in on him again, however his face instantly brightened at the sight of his friend.
“Rin! I'm glad that you're okay! I was so worried that those assholes hurt you too.”
“I'm only ok thanks to you… and I´m sorry you got hurt because of me.” Makoto looked a bit confused. “I'm not hurt because of you. I´m hurt because those kids were assholes. I chose to confront them knowing that they would probably beat me up. After all that´s what friends do for each other right?” Rin Instantly brightened after hearing his friend say that. ALl of his doubts were instantly dispelled. Even the urge to cut himself, which he didn't even realize had risen up, went away. “Look, I brought you your favorite rice balls.” Makoto pointed at a little table in the corner of the room. “Thanks, can you put them there? I'll eat them later.”
“So kid do you mind telling me what exactly happened to you?” Shirou finally spoke. Makoto hesitated a bit. He didn't want Rin to feel any more guilt. But he also thought that they deserved to know so after sighing he started explaining “I was on my to Rin as usual. While passing a little side alley I overheard a group of 4 kids planning to rob RIn. They said that he didn't deserve the money and that they needed to teach him a lesson since he's a demon child. After hearing that I made a sneaky photo of them, in case anything happened and confronted them. I told them that they have no right to treat Rin so badly and that they act more like demons than him. Well they really didn't like hearing that so they quickly cornered me. One of them stole my Violin and used it to beat me while another one tackled me to the ground. After that things started to get a little blurry for me. I don't know exactly who did what but someone was kicking while I was on the ground. The one who stole the violin eventually stopped beating me with it, I guess it was too broken to do any more damage. That's when I felt someone stabbing my shoulder with a knife. It wasn't deep but it still hurt a lot. I think I fainted after he removed the knife again because the next thing I remember is waking up in a small puddle of blood. I immediately called an ambulance and the police and well you know the rest.”
“...I see and did you notice anything unusual about them. Like were they stronger than they should be or something like that.”
“Now that you mention it, the one who held me down was probably twice as strong as me even though he was as big as me. They also made some weird sounds while attacking. It almost sounded like they were snarling and growling like wild animals.” He obviously shuddered recalling the experience. “Well it was a good thing that I took that photo. The police will hopefully find them quickly thanks to it.”
“Yeah that was pretty smart of you. I hope those brats will be brought to justice.”
“Well it's no use lingering on the past now. What happened cannot be changed so let's look at the present. I have a few broken bones in the fingers of both my hands so I won't be able to play anything for you for a while Rin. Sorry to disappoint. But I had someone bring over a DVD with some recordings of my old performances that you can watch if you want to. YOu can pick out the songs You like the most and I can play them to you once my fingers are healed.” “ You don't have to apologize, you dummy. I should apologize to you. And thanks for the DVD!” Rin was beaming. Even though his friend was injured like that he still thought about his promise to Rin.
He never doubted his friend again after this. They grew really close, Makoto practically being considered family by Rin. With his help he overcame his doubts and self esteem issues and he even stopped cutting himself or getting hurt on purpose. His life had finally gotten better. But like all things in the world this state of happiness also eventually found its end.