Work Text:
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 03:44 --
TG: ok you need to listen up because something unreal is about to happen
TG: im about to lay something down for you thats so outrageous itll make your heart go pitter patter into overdrive
TG: youll be swooning all over the place going oh dave thats so grand and swell and totally not lame at all that youre giving me a case of the vapors
TG: just in a more… you type of way
TG: or at least thats what i hope??
TG: who the hell knows how this is actually going to turn out cause it sure as hell aint me
TG: lalonde and harley seems to know something is up though
TG: anyways
TG: are you ready for this
TG: cause im going to bust it out soon
TG: maybe you should sit down for this cause its gonna get pretty fucking crazy soon
TG: dont want you to stumble and hit your head when i reveal the big surprise
TG: send you straight into a coma and your dad will cry at your bedside as he clutches at your limp hand and maybe hell curse the strider household name for rendering his precious heir a vegetable
TG: im sorry mr egbert i told your son to sit down before we started its not my fault if he cant listen to directions
TG: poor poor jonathan sophia egbert
TG: never was able to listen to directions
TG: and now look at where it got you
TG: but youre my best bro and i cant let you stay all comatose like that
TG: that shit is just not acceptable
TG: so ill go on this horrible and terrible mind wretching soul searching journey to find a cure to get you out of that coma because
TG: shit
TG: i cant let you stay like that
TG: i just cant
TG: and ill come back from my journey all ruggedly attractive with my burly arms from fighting off these bears with sharks for arms
TG: totally different from my scrawny arms of today
TG: and dad egbert will weep when he sees me
TG: and ill plant a big one right on your face cause the seer of light that lives in the dark told me it was the only way to get you to see
TG: and when i went to visit the witch of space out in the furthest ring for a second opinion cause lets face it
TG: that seer of light has some pretty questionable motives if you catch my drift
TG: she told me the exact same thing
TG: just kiss him you doofus
TG: why do you have to make everything so difficult
TG: and then a couple of emoticons after that
TG: but i dont know
TG: it just is
TG: its difficult
EB: it doesn’t have to be, you know?
-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 03:51 --
EB: dave woah? you logged off pretty quickly there.
EB: are you still on and just avoiding me or am i just being a dork talking to myself?
EB: waiiit, i just got a pester from rose.
EB: okay, dave. i know that you are still on.
EB: she just sent me a couple of texts asking what i did because you started messaging her like crazy?
EB: dave, just talk to me.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 03:53 --
TG: sup
EB: was there a meaning to those messages that you just sent me?
EB: cause all i got from them was that you put me in a coma. :(
EB: rude, dave, rude.
TG: nothing else
TG: really john
EB: waiiiit… i am currently utilizing my reading comprehension skills that the public education has honed into a fine tuned machine.
TG: youre skimming
EB: uh, yeah. pretty much.
EB: uh! excuse me? what’s this about my middle name being sophia, mister david beatrice strider?
EB: wait
EB: woah, what’s this about something so outrageous that it’ll make my heart go pitter patter?
TG: okay
TG: i have no flipping clue what youre doing at the moment
TG: how the fuck are you reading these messages
TG: how the hell are you skimming those messages
TG: how is this making any sense at all
TG: are you selectively reading my messages egbert
TG: is that what youre doing
EB: ssssh, i don’t question the weird things you do.
EB: and we all know there’s a lot of them.
EB: /ENGAGE SASSY Z-SNAP ;)
TG: omfg
TG: why are you such a dork
TG: its like when the big man in the sky was making you
TG: he decided that it would be all chill and cool to infuse you with all the dorkiness that is available in the world
TG: but there wasnt enough dorkiness so he grabbed a handful of gobber and threw some of that in too
TG: mixed it all around and decided that shitty taste in movies was a good idea too because those big blue eyes and ridiculous overbite werent enough either
EB: hey!
TG: its a party mix of sinfully sweet nerdiness
TG: and i just cant get enough
TG: got me coming back with withdrawal symptoms
TG: gotta get hooked up with an iv filled with your gooberness
EB: haha, the egbertian charms must be hard to resist huh?
EB: it’s okay, dave.
EB: it’s okay to feel a bit stupefied and maybe even a bit titillated!
TG: god
TG: titillated
EB: too far?
TG: do you really have no idea
TG: jesus john
TG: do you even know what you do to me
EB: uh… wait
EB: what?????
TG: shit
TG: john you dont know what you got me feeling
TG: egbert that smile of yours sends me reeling
TG: i get flustered when you smile my way
TG: like you know about these feelings i cant convey
TG: you got my heart wrapped around your fucking finger
TG: a love that jumpstarts me like a defibrillator
TG: great big fucking deal cause this is all so unreal
TG: deal is that im defenseless looking for an appeal
TG: will you listen cause this aint some game
TG: you got eyes that put all the stars to shame
TG: go straight to my heart a free get out of jail card
TG: out in the open is this love that i have barred
TG: with this confession i hope you will consider
TG: me your admirer
TG: fuck
TG: wow that sucks so fucking bad
TG: just a big pile of steaming shit right there in our otherwise pristine pesterlog
TG: like a horse just flicked up its tail
TG: and said yo man look out down below gonna drop a big one on you guys hope you dont mind
TG: what am i even thinking
TG: what am i even SAYING??
TG: this isnt the way it was supposed to go
TG: im just gonna
-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 04:02 --
EB: dave, wait!
EB: you’re not supposed to leave after a love confession!
EB: god you lord of douche-butts! i hope you’re paying attention cause i am only going to do this once.
EB: jeez.
EB: argh.
EB: this is harder than expected. wow.
EB: i need to get my thinking cap on.
EB: okay, okay. now i am ready to BUST SOME RHYMES!
EB: dave you’re so much dorkier than you think you are.
EB: strider confessing your love leaves my mouth ajar.
EB: i get my heart tied up thinking about you too,
EB: like what if you were the cheese to my fondue.
EB: you make my kokoro go doki doki,
EB: too much of a good thing makes stuff pokey????
EB: man, what the fuck am i saying?
EB: just
EB: yes.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 04:10 --
TG: oh
TG: ok then
TG: but john
TG: cheese fondue
TG: kokoro go doki doki
TG: stuff pokey
TG: really john
TG: really
EB: haha, man, it’s okay. my brilliance is kind of intimidating, i know.
TG: yes you have me swooning over here
TG: daintily dabbing at my forehead with a silk handkerchief
TG: oh mr egbert how did you ever get those mad skills
TG: i could never rhyme doki with pokey
EB: it’s okay dave, we all have our strengths and weaknesses.
EB: and uh! before i forget…
EB: merry christmas dave!
EB: <3
TG: merry christmas to you too johnny boy
TG: and uh
TG: <3
-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 04:13 --