Chapter Text
I don't remember you. But I remembered the words of the apothecary, last night.
He'd said that drawing was a way to make someone live forever. I doubt any of us needed, or hell, even wanted, that fate. I also didn't know if it was even necessary because forgetting you was the last thing on Earth I thought would happen. But I don't know what the hell I could've done to prepare better.
I drew this because I had this nagging feeling it might be our last night together. Emil, Weiss, and... you. I still wasn't able to piece together what I felt for you at that time though, because I was a fucking idiot. Still can't stop kicking myself over it. I really wish I'd been able to, because fuck, I can't believe you're fucking gone now, and I can't turn back the fucking clock.
The painting in my hand is shit. Never had time nor patience for art. But looking at it reminds me of the frustration I felt. Weiss being... Weiss, Emil encouraging me... and you. I think I remember the way you made my heart feel, too, but I can't remember what you did.
That night let us forget about all the other shit plaguing us for just a moment. For a moment, thanks to you, I felt like I was really human. That's not something I can just forget no matter how badly you want me to forget you.
Yeah, I guess I'm "human" now. Can't hear Tyrann's voice anymore, and I've finally been able to take off those bandages. It's freeing, but I can't help but feel that my world got a little... smaller. Still. There's someone I need to thank for this. Was it you? Dumbass.
If you thought it'd help, it didn't. Getting rid of the darkness inside me just dug a bigger hole. I know that I forgot you. I don't even know your name. I just have this dumb fucking painting and it's killing me trying to remember you. The only reason I know you're real is right here, and I'm scared shitless that I'll lose it too.
One day I'll figure out how to get you back. I need to. The pain is unbearable and it's only the first night of many.
Mark my words... I'm going to fucking find you if it's the last thing I do. Then I'm going to ████ ██████ and ██████ until you ███████ for doing this shit to me.
Seriously... What the hell is wrong with you for loving someone like me?