Archive of Our Own ^beta

Gwen took a deep breath as she stepped into the university grounds, waving goodbye to her parents. 

She looked around, marvelling at the vastness of her college campus. Trees melded well with buildings, creating a tapestry of greens and greys. This contrast seemed to extend to the floor, as the ground was a mish mash of bricks, concrete, and moss. It was strangely beautiful, albeit slightly prone to slipping.

Students milled about, talking to each other as they made their way to their classes. Some students were playing music. Some seemed to be playing a game of Dungeons & Dragons. Some were straight up sleeping on the benches. Honestly, that sounded like a really good idea right now.

But she had places to go, people to meet. Kidding. About the “people to meet” part, at least.

While Gwen would love to be in awe of her campus, her mind was preoccupied with the reality that today was her first day as a sophomore at a new school, and she knew absolutely no one. Suffice to say, her nerves were through the roof.

Her parents had made the decision to move back to the Philippines, after 18 long years in Australia. Her grandmother had fallen ill, and needed family to be around her. They’ve also managed to buy a house, and set up businesses to incur income for them. Suffice to say they would be fine.

Gwen knew that her parents were doing this for her as well. She’s never been the sociable type. It’s not that she can’t make friends, it’s just she’s always been more of a quiet loner, content with her alone time. But sometimes, she did wish she could have people to hang out with. She supposes that’s what happens when you don’t go out of your way to make connections with people.

Her parents feel that being around the hospitality of her fellow Filipinos would help bring her out of her shell, and be more active. She wasn’t so sure. She was used to being on her own. She’s not sure anymore how to make connections. Still, she didn’t want to let her parents down.

Though to be honest, her anxiety was getting the better of her at the moment, seeing so many new faces walking around her, not knowing what to do or where to go. Or who to ask. She was steadying her breathing, trying not to induce a panic attack on her first day. She definitely didn’t need that.

Sighing to herself, she makes her way across the brick road, where booths have been set up by the home organizations of their courses. She was trying to look for her home organization, the Advertising Management Association. Gwen figures it’s probably best to start there and ask for some directions.

She heard her booth, before she even saw it, as a loud voice pierced through the air.

“MAGANDANG MAGANDANG MAGANDANG GOOD MORNING BLOOM UNIVERSITY. AKO SI SHEENA MAE CATACUTAN, LIVE AND ALIVE, FROM THE BEST BOOTH IN TOWN, THE ADVERTISING MANAGEMENT ASSOCIATION. EYY NAMAN TAYO DYAN AMA., EYYYYYYYY”

Many of her co-members, as well as bystanders and other booth owners laughed and “eyyy”-ed in response to the loud and bubbly girl. Maybe this was normal around here.

She approached the booth, and got a better look at the woman that had called everyone’s attention. She was wearing a tank top, and what seemed like some loose cargo pants. Her hair was tied up, and she had a pair of glasses on her face. She had really expressive eyes, and her smile was turned up to the maximum. She was bouncing in place, seemingly unable to contain herself.

She’s very pretty. Gwen thought to herself.

“HI! Hello hello. Advertising Management ka ba? Lika dito!”

Gwen was also openly staring, it seemed. She blushed at having been caught.

Let’s not be creepy on our first day Gwen she told herself

“Hi” Gwen cleared her throat “yes I’m an advertising management student. Just transferred”

“Well nice to meet you! San school ka galing?”

“Uhm well I came from Melbourne in Australia”

“Ay englishera pala toh. Ok lang don’t worry I’m fluid” the girl winked

Her co-member slapped her on the head “sira! Fluent kase hindi fluid. Sorry for my friend medyo may saltik lang talaga” the girl joked

“Maka hampas naman toh! Nagjojoke lang eh. Sorry sa kaibigan ko moody lang talaga yan”

“Tse!”

Gwen laughed softly “it’s okay. I can understand and speak Filipino just fine. I just got used to English I guess”

“Okay even better. Anyways, ako nga pala si Sheena. Etong moody kong kaibigan ay si Colet. Ate Colet mag hi ka”

“Hi bai. Welcome sa Bloom University”

“Thank you” Gwen nods “I’m Gwen”

“Nice to meet you Gwen!” Sheena beams “so how can your home org help you?”

“Uh I just need help with my classes. I’m not sure where anything is…”

“Ah sure sure! Pwede patingin ako ng schedule mo?”

Gwen hands it over, and Sheena carefully reads over it, eyes widening in surprise.

“Huy! Halos lahat ng classes natin magkasama tayo ah. Wait lang, sophomore ka na ba?”

Gwen nods

“Sakto! Classmate mo ako hehe. Halika may class tayo in 10 minutes actually, samahan na kita. Actually, samahan na kita all day para may guide ka”

Colet muttered something that Gwen didn’t hear, and Sheena nudged her hard, causing her to cough. 

“Uhm…I mean, I don’t want to trouble you” Gwen said timidly

“Hindi ok lang! Besides, I love making friends. Feeling ko magiging besties tayo. Halika sabay na tayo!”

“Okay. Thank you.”

“Ate Colet, ikaw na muna dito ah. Papunta naman na daw si Mikhs. Samahan ka nya” Sheena called out to Colet

“Oo na oo na. Ingat kayo. Nice to meet you Gwen!”

Gwen waved back and followed the ever energetic Sheena through the brick road. Sheena sort of talked most of the time they were walking, but Gwen was happy to let her do so. She liked to listen more anyways.

She learned that Sheena is a sophomore like her, who moved to Manila for college. She dorms with her Ate Colet, who is a year older than them. She’s also active in a few organizations, namely the student council, the dance organization, the film organization, and their home org. Suffice to say, Sheena was everywhere.

Speaking of, Gwen also learned that Sheena was well-known, and well-loved by everyone. All throughout the day, as Sheena accompanied Gwen to their classes, most people waved at her, having small talk with her, or just calling her from across the room. Students, professors, even utility workers and guards knew her. Even organizations she wasn't a part of seemed to know her well.

“I’m part of the organizations department on the council” Sheena explained “kami yung pinupuntahan ng mga orgs kapag may mga papa-approve silang projects, or funding. So job ko din makilala sila.”

“That sounds like a lot of work” Gwen commented

“Yeah pero masaya sya! Saka hindi naman ako mag-isa. I’m lucky to have our head Stacey, to help organize everything, plus my co-members sa department.”

Gwen nods, curious and slightly amazed at how her new friend (or acquaintance? She wasn’t sure) seemed to have a natural talent for connecting with people.

Gwen wished she could say the same thing. But she just wasn't any good at it. 

Still, Sheena made it look easy. And while they met a bunch of people, Sheena had introduced Gwen as well. It was a nice action and Gwen appreciated how Sheena made her feel included.

“So ayun pala Ate Jho, this Gwen. Gwen, si Jhoanna, or Jho, our secretary sa student council and junior writer for our school paper”

“Hi Gwen! Nice to meet you”

“Nice to meet you also”

“So Gwen here just transferred from Australia. Ate Jho diba may mga alam kang Australian slang?”

“Toh talaga! Pinapahiya mo ako sa harap ng new friend mo jusko. Gwen sorry ha mabait naman si Sheena, you’re in good hands. Yun nga lang medyo siraulo” Jhoanna joked, earning a glare from Sheena.

“Hoy!” Sheena pouted, suddenly clinging to Gwen’s arm “babaeng toh wag mo sirain image ko kay Gwenny. Bestie ko na toh eh!” 

Gwen just blushed, both at Sheena’s close proximity, and the attention that was being put on her. She’s never really had anything like this, and while the new feeling was a little anxiety-inducing, she found great comfort as well with Sheena beside her.

Just like Sheena promised, she accompanied her, even to classes that they didn’t have together. Miraculously, their classes were near each other, so Sheena was always there to drop Gwen off, and to meet her again after her class finished. Gwen tried to tell the girl it was okay, but she insisted, saying she didn’t want to leave the girl behind.

The end of her first day finally arrived, and they both walked out of the university gates, the sunset casting a nice orange glow around them.

“San ka pala nagsstay Gwen? Or malapit lang din bahay nyo dito?” Sheena asked her.

“I’m staying at a condo nearby. Just three streets from here. How about you?”

“Ah alam ko yun! Malapit lang din kami dun. Nasa kabilang street kami, pero medyo mas loob pa. It’s an apartment complex. Tara, gusto mo sabay na din tayo pauwi?”

“Sure”

Gwen had a good first day, mostly because Sheena was there. The girl had this presence about her that just felt welcoming. It’s probably why so many people were so comfortable with her. It made everything bearable, and Gwen was a little less anxious about being in a new school.

“Thanks for accompanying me today”

“Walang problema yun! Happy to help lagi” Sheen grinned

Gwen smiled

“Kung gusto mo, samahan kita ulet bukas” Sheena said

“Uhm…it’s okay you don’t have to”

“I insist! Saka nag enjoy ako makasama ka eh. So gusto sana kita samahan ulet. Kung okay lang?” Sheena gave her the doe eyes, asking for permission.

Gwen blushed, but nodded to give her consent.

“Yay! Promise di ka magsasawa. Ako na toh eh! Saya kaya akong kasama” Sheena beamed at her.

It was warm and bright, much like the fading sunset over the horizon. Gwen felt hopeful about having a new friend with Sheena. Maybe she wouldn’t be so alone.

True to her word, Sheena accompanied her the next day. And the day after that. And the day after that.

Gwen packed up her stuff, as the meeting with the finance department of her home org finally concluded.

It’s been over a semester already since Gwen moved to Bloom University. A lot has changed in that time, and she’s become more accustomed and comfortable around her new environment. 

She’s developed a routine, and decided to become more active within her home organization, upon Sheena’s suggestion. It turned out to be a good decision, as she became more accustomed to her co-members, and started to develop more friendships as well.

She met Mikha, who’s the head of Finance for AMA, and has gotten to know Colet more as well, who she learned leads the Projects team.

She also met a few of Sheena’s close friends from the student council, like Stacey, and the council president, Aiah.

Sheena also introduced her to a few of her film friends, particularly one of her closest friends, Maloi, who was the head of the creative department.

She learned that they were all in one circle, and would often hang out on weekends, or had some time to spare.

Of course, all this was possible because of Sheena, who had quickly become her daily buddy. 

After she had accompanied Gwen during her first day, the two had become inseparable. Wherever Sheena was, Gwen was nearby. And wherever Gwen was, Sheena made sure to be there as well.

The two spent all their time together–studying for exams, doing homework, catching up on readings.

The two spent so much time together that Sheena’s friends became Gwen’s friends as well. 

The change of pace is still something Gwen is getting used to, but it’s made her more comfortable around other people in a long time. Whereas before she would completely avoid interactions, she now would be able to maintain small conversations with people around her. It helped that a vast majority of the students on campus were nice and respectful, but she knows Sheena’s influence had a lot to do with it as well.

Sheena was the type to not shy away from anyone, even strangers outside of their university.

Gwen remembers one time when Sheena had taken her thrift shopping for clothes because she wanted to expose Gwen to “affordable but good finds”. Gwen watched as Sheena darted around the store, picking out clothes for both her and Gwen, all the while chatting up and sweet talking the owners and even other guests coming in.

By the end of it, Gwen had about 20 new items of clothing, at nearly half the price of what they were being sold for. And the owners encouraged them to come back.

It was refreshing really, considering Gwen has always struggled with this sort of thing. Making friends. Sheena made it seem so easy, but the girl really just did have natural charm to her.

Other than thrift shopping, Gwen and Sheena hung out a lot after school as well. It started with going out to eat, then evolved to watching movies or hanging out at the mall together. Pretty soon it developed to doing mundane tasks and chores together, to make it bearable. 

The most recent development is sleepovers. It started when Gwen invited Sheena to her place. Initiating wasn’t something Gwen was particularly known for, with Sheena deciding most of their plans, and Gwen being just happy to go along. But she wanted to be the one to do something for her friend for once, as a token of gratitude.

So Gwen invited Sheena to her place, for dinner, and to watch a movie.

“Wow ang ganda ng place mo! And ang laki” Sheena said with awe

“Thanks” Gwen said shyly, She knew it was true. Her parents had gone out of their way to ensure she was comfortable. It was a bit over the top, but she was thankful nonetheless.

They ate the dinner that Gwen prepared, with Sheena complimenting her cooking the entire time. Gwen was pretty much redder than Mikha’s hair by the end of the night. When it was too late for Sheena to walk home, Gwen offered that she just sleep over at her place.

“Sura ka ba? Nakakahiya”

“It’s okay. You’re welcome here. I can sleep on the couch”

“Huy wag! Ako nalang sa sofa”

Gwen frowned “I wouldn’t want you to have to stay here” then she paused for a moment, wondering if she would say what was on her mind. It should be fine, she thinks “how about we just sleep on the bed together?”

“Okay lang ba?” Sheena asked shyly

“Yeah of course” Gwen nodded, even though her heart was beating really fast.

They had been lying down for an hour, unable to sleep, when Sheen turned to Gwen

“Gwenny…okay lang bang i-hug ka?”

“What?” Gwen’s eyes widened

“Sorry…medyo clingy kase ako matulog…so alam ko for sure mahuhug kita bigla. Baka pwede kita ihug na now para advance na at hindi ka magulat”

“I—s-sure. Okay” Gwen managed to croak out

Sheena silently scooted closer, before putting her arms around Gwen, her head on Gwen’s shoulder.

Gwen breathed in deeply, before placing her hand on Sheena’s waist, her arm wrapped around the other girl.

“Thank you”

“Sure”

“Goodnight Gwenny”

“Goodnight”

They had fallen asleep and woken up exactly the same way. In each other’s arms.

After that, sleepovers became a constant. Colet would even joke sometimes that Sheena’s real roommate was Gwen and not her, but she said she didn’t really mind.

It was all new to Gwen too, who’s never had sleepovers growing up. She thought she’d get tired of it, especially since her alone time at home is something she values greatly. But having Sheena in her home time as well seemed to not drain her. Sometimes, it even energized her to a certain extent. She supposes that’s what happens when you’re around people you’re truly comfortable with.

Tonight would be sleepover night again, and Gwen was looking forward to it, as she finished packing up her stuff from the meeting.

“Nice work on the numbers today Gwen. Thanks for that. I’ll see you tomorrow” Mikha smiled, waving goodbye at her, as she ran up to Aiah who was waiting by the door. 

Gwen waved to both of them, before making her way to the university gates.

Sheena was already waiting at Gwen’s place, since her own meetings had ended earlier. She wanted to wait for Gwen, but the food she was making needed to be prepared in advance, so she went ahead.

As Gwen was walking to her place, the rain suddenly started to pour. She panicked, and ran to a nearby waiting shed to take shelter. She was soaked, and cursed herself when she realized she had forgotten to bring her umbrella today. Of all days, really.

Gwen rummaged through her bag, trying to find her phone, so she could call Sheena. However, as she was doing so, she felt the hair on her arms stand up, goosebumps across her skin. She felt as if she was being watched.

A quick look around and she noticed a few guys coming over her way. She panicked, sensing that she could be in danger if they made it to her. Without a second thought, she bolted, running from the waiting shed and towards her building. The rain continued to fall hard, soaking her to the bone.

She kept running and looking back ever so often, her chest constricted at the thought that she might be followed. She was scared beyond comprehension, and she ran for her life.

As she rounded the corner to where her building would be, she slipped, scraping her knees, and falling on the ground.

Tears welled up in her eyes as she groaned from the pain. She pushed herself to get up, afraid the men might still be pursuing her. She couldn’t take her chances.

But her body hurt and she struggled to get up.

“Sheena…” Gwen whispered “Shee…” she cried to herself.

“Shee–”

“GWEN!” She heard her name called.

Next thing she knew, an umbrella was placed over her, and she was being pulled up by both Sheena and Colet. They helped her to stand, and started walking her to the condo.

“Shee” Gwen cried, as they helped her into the building, up the elevators, and into unity.

“I’m here Gwenny. I’m here don’t cry” Sheena cooed, wiping at her tears, as they lay her down on the couch.

“Shee” Gwen just kept calling

“We need to change your clothes, okay? Baka magkasakit ka” Sheena said

“Shee” Gwen just cried in response

“It’s okay, I’m here bebe I’m here. Papalitan lang namin damit mo” Sheena said, as she and Colet helped her into a fresh set of clothes. They helped to dry her hair, and laid her down in bed, so she could get some rest.

“Alis na ako Shee ha. Puntahan ko si Loi tonight. I assume dito ka matututlog?” Colet asked

“Oo dito muna ako ate” Sheena replied

“Okay. Ingat kayo. Pakibalitaan ako kung kamusta sya” Colet said

“Yes ate”

That was the last thing Gwen heard before she fell asleep.

She woke up a few hours later, with Sheena wrapped around her, holding her in a protective embrace.

“Shee” Gwen whispered, but that seemed to be enough to wake Sheena up

“Gwen? Gwen! Gising ka na. Are you okay? I mean bobo naman Shee syempre hindi. Pero kamusta ka? May kailangan ka ba?”

“Shee” Gwen croaked out

“Ano yun? Ay wait mag tubig ka muna. Tubig muna bebe dali inom ka”

After gulping two glasses, Gwen cleared her throat and called out again to Sheena who was moving to go out of the room “Shee”

“Lalagay ko lang toh sa lababo”

Gwen pouted, reaching for the other girl “Shee”

Sheena just laughed softly, shaking her head, before getting back in bed and holding Gwen again “ang clingy naman pala ng bebe na yan. Parang naninibago ako ah”

Gwen blushed but said nothing. She simply basked in the comfort of being in her friend’s arms.

“Buti nalang talaga lumabas ako. Nag worry ako alam ko kase wala kang payong. Kaya nagpasama ako kay Ate Colet”

“Thank you” Gwen whispered

“Always”

“By the way...did you call me ‘bebe’?” Gwen asked confused

“Ay” Sheena blushed “sorry. Nagpanic kase ako, tapos naging protective ako nung nakita kita sa kalsada. Bebe kase tawag sakin ng mommy ko, lalo na’t when she feels protective of me”

“So you’re saying you’re my mom?” Gwen asks, half-smiling

“Ikaw ah. Pa joke joke ka na. Kung di lang ako sobrang nag-aalala sayo hinampas na kita”

Gwen chuckled softly “sorry”

Sheena smiled, shaking her head “Tinawag kitang bebe kase…I guess protective din ako sayo. Tas nung nakita ko kalagayan mo, yung takot sa mata mo, yung pagtawag mo sakin. My heart broke. Bebe kita eh, di ka pwede masaktan”

Gwen blushed. No one has ever shown her that much care before. Other than her parents at least.

“Are you okay?”

“I will be” Gwen nods

“Sige. Dito lang ako. Di ako aalis”

Gwen hums, hugging Sheena tighter.

“Shee?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you mind if…do you mind if I call you bebe too?”

Gwen blushed as she felt Sheena’s smile grow, her face pressed against Gwen’s hair.

“Ikaw ah. Gumaganyan ka na”

“Nevermind” Gwen huffed

“Joke lang eh! Ito naman di na maloko. Napaka seryoso naman ng bebe ko na yan” she pinched Gwen’s red cheeks

Gwen just groaned, embarrassed that she even asked. “Nevermind forget I asked”

“Joke lang kaseeee. Dali na. Of course you can call me bebe. Para ka namang others eh.”

“Well I wanted to ask because you might only want it to come from your mom. Or maybe your friends call you that too”

“No. Si mommy lang naman. At ikaw, if ever. Wala nang iba”

Gwen nodded “okay”

“Say it”

“What?” Gwen blushed

“Say it na daliii”

“Nooooo”

“Ay nag request ka tas di mo gagamitin? Bebe magtatampo ako”

Gwen groaned, hiding her face in Sheena’s shoulder

“Thank you for taking care of me…bebe”

Sheena squealed “ang cute cute naman neto!”

“Stop teasing me bebeee”

“Ay si nasasanay na”

“Stoooop”

Sheena giggled, before placing a kiss on Gwen’s cheek “oo na oo na. Titigil na. Cute kase eh. You’re very welcome bebe. Always”

Gwen just smiled, closing her eyes, feeling warm and secure tucked in Sheena’s arms. 

Gwen’s no stranger to time crawling for her. With how slow her days usually were, she was used to it. When Gwen was in Australia, it always felt like she had all the time in the world. Sometimes, too much time. 

It gave Gwen a lot of opportunities to think, and do things she wanted to. But after doing that most of her life, she found she quickly got tired of that too.

But life in the Philippines was different. People seemed to always be moving, always chasing after more time. It was interesting to her how little time people seemed to have. Mostly because too much time was spent in traffic. But maybe it’s also because there always seemed to be something to do.

Needless to say, time passed by quickly for Gwen, something that she wasn’t used to. It seems like just yesterday that Gwen walked into the campus, met Sheena, and got dragged around to her classes.

Now, it was finals week for her second semester. After this, she had a long break, before she’d re-enroll as a junior in college.

Time seemed to just move in leaps and bounds. Like it was pulsing with restless energy. Much like her best friend, Sheena.

Sheena and Gwen had become even more inseparable since the night that Sheena saved her in the rain. After Gwen had explained what happened the next morning, Sheena was unconsolable, wanting to go pick a fight with whoever dared to threaten Gwen. But Gwen had let it go. She was more focused on this newfound feeling, a sense of gratitude and calmness that the other girl seemed to make her feel.

And maybe somewhere deep inside, a strong admiration as well.

“Bebe? Inaantok na ako. Pahinga muna tayo” Sheena pouted, wiping at her eyes

Gwen just smiled at how adorable the other girl looked. 

They were sitting on a couch in the library, trying to study for their upcoming finals for their marketing class. 

Gwen was sitting up, leaning back into the sofa, while Sheena was on the other end, her feet propped up on Gwen’s lap.

“Our exam’s tomorrow morning bebe. We’re only halfway through all the readings”

“Naduduling na ako eh. Nagffloat na yung words parang sa Henry Potter”

“Harry Potter bebe”

“Yes si Harold Pottery” Sheena mumbles with her eyes closed.

Gwen laughs silently, watching as her best friend continues to spew nonsense, in an effort to clear the fog on her mind. It was proving ineffective.

“Okay, you’re clearly gone. Do you want to have a frozen yogurt break?”

Sheena sat up, eyes open, and smiled wide “FROYO? YES NA YES!”

“ssshh!” the librarian whispered from across the room, glaring at them

“Sorry sorry” Sheena whispered, grimacing at the angry librarian.

“You’re so silly” Gwen chuckled

“Ikaw ha. Masyadong ka nang nageenjoy na asarin ako. Papatumbahin kita bebe” Sheena narrowed her eyes at her, as they walked out of the library.

“If you do that you’d get no cuddles anymore” Gwen teased, eyebrow raised

“HUEY! Gumaganun na po sya. Mapangasar na. I’m so proud of you anak eme” Sheena said dramatically

Gwen snorted, laughing at Sheena’s display of being OA. Nearly a year of being friends and Gwen still doesn’t know where the girl gets all her energy from. She likes to joke that she has 143% energy so she has plenty on reserve. It’s a silly and ridiculous concept, but considering how Gwen still manages to recharge whenever she’s around Sheena, she’s almost inclined to believe what the girl’s saying is true.

But whether or not it’s true, Gwen has found that she’s developed a strong connection to Sheena and her state. When the girl was happy (which was about 90% of the time), Gwen would feel herself in a state of contentment too, sometimes even joy. It was hard not to be, when the girl’s laugh was so loud and infectious, and she insisted on doing silly things.

On the other hand, when Sheena was sad or in a bad mood, Gwen found herself feeling somber too. She did her best to give the other girl her space, since she didn’t want to intrude. But the loss of her presence made Gwen feel a sense of longing. It was like Sheena’s warmth and form was imprinted so deeply onto her body, that when she wasn’t around, Gwen would ache, like her body understood it was missing something.

She’s not sure if that was uncharacteristically OA of her, but it’s how she feels.

Whatever it was she was feeling, Gwen knew one thing: She needed Sheena in her life. She’s not sure she could survive a day without the other girl.

Definitely uncharacteristically OA.

Still, as Gwen watches Sheena humming happily while she eats her frozen yogurt, legs swinging as she sits on the high chair, a part of her knows it’s true. 

“Thanks bebe. Sobrang happy ko nag froyo tayo” Sheena beams

“You’re welcome” Gwen smiles

“So anong gagawin mo during the break? Babalik ba kayo sa Australia?”

“I think so” Gwen nods “it’ll only be a copy of weeks. Then I’ll be back to prepare enrolling for junior year”

“Hala mamimiss kita bebe” Sheena pouts, stretching her arms out to the other girl

Gwen chuckles, stepping towards the other girl to give her a hug “I’ll miss you too”

“Baka di ka na bumalik ah. Di ako matutuwa sinasabi ko sayo. Hahanapin kita dun”

“That won’t happen” she laughs “I don’t think I’d survive without your constant screeching in my ear”

“HUY! Grabe naman di naman ako ganun kaingay”

“Bebe I lost hearing just now”

“Tse!”

Gwen giggled, tucking her face into Sheena’s neck “just kidding”

“Magtatampo na sana ako pero ikaw nga pala nagbayad netong froyo. Humbled si self today”

“Okay?” Gwen laughed, squeezing Sheena’s cheek, causing the other girl to grin

“Bebe by the way, pupunta ka ba sa year end party?” Sheena asks after a while

“Uhm…I’m not sure. I don’t really do parties” Gwen hesitated

“But bebeeee. It’s the event we’ve both been working on this past semester. Ayaw mo ba makita ang fruitella ng iyong labor?”

“I don’t know…I’ll think about it. Maybe we can just stay indoors?” she asked

“I promised sina Ate Jho and Staku na I’d be there eh. It’s kind of tradition”

“Right…okay. It’s okay, I’ll just stay in, catch up on some sleep.”

“Sure ka ba? Ayaw mo talaga pumunta?”

“I think it’s just not for me”

“Okay” Sheena nods “okay lang bebe. Pahinga ka nalang tas bawi tayo ng lakad sa weekend!”

Gwen nods lightly, smiling timidly. She forgets sometimes that she isn’t Sheena’s only friend. That most of the school loves Sheena, adores her. There’s probably loads of people that want a piece of the girl’s time. And Sheena probably wants to spend time with other people too. Gwen shouldn’t get in the way of that. After all, she was just one friend. They had only met this year. She shouldn’t get much of a say. After all, Sheena has a whole life and a whole set of friends beyond her.

Maybe she was taking too much of the other girl’s time? Maybe she was being too clingy.

Finals passed and the entire school was gearing up for the year end party hosted by AMA. The year end part was something people looked forward to, as it was a multi-org collaboration event. More importantly, an organization is elected to lead the party each year. This year, it was AMA. And that was important because Sheena was there, and people loved her.

Everyone was on their way to the venue, ready for a night of partying and letting loose. But Gwen? She was at home, in her jammies, looking for something to watch on TV.

She did her best to reassure Sheena that she would be okay, and that the other girl should have fun, but she doesn’t know if the other girl could see the longing in her eyes. Still, Gwen held her tongue from pleading with Sheena to stay with her instead. She would not get in the way of the girl’s happiness.

So that’s how Gwen found herself watching TV at home. Or at least trying to. The truth is, she’s been mindlessly scrolling for something to watch for the last 20 minutes. Her gaze keeps shifting to her phone, wondering if she should send Sheena a message.

I shouldn’t. She’s probably enjoying herself.

Gwen sighs, deciding to open up Instagram instead. Almost automatically, she clicks on Sheena’s story, without even thinking about it that much. 

Gwen watches as Sheena smiles with a bunch of her friends from different orgs, all taking photos with her. The girl looked gorgeous, in her black dress, her hair let down. She was beaming and looked happy. Gwen couldn’t help but smile at seeing Sheena so happy. It warmed her heart, despite her dampened mood.

She went through a few stories from their orgmates and friends as well, seeing Sheena in some of the clips. One story from Stacey made her stop though, as it was a video of a guy, his name was Dustin if Gwen remembers correctly, offering Sheena some flowers. The girl was smiling, accepting them gratefully. Seemingly joyful at the act. Everyone around them was hooting and cheering.

Gwen bit her lip, exhaling harshly at the sight. She felt like she couldn’t breathe, her vision dimming, and her head suddenly hurting, as she took in the video on her phone. Her eyes suddenly felt hot, like a searing pain was burning itself behind her eyelids. Her breaths were coming in short bursts, as if she was trying to catch it. And her chest felt painfully constricted.

No matter what Gwen did, she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the video, mindlessly repeating, her condition only worsening each time. She was at a point where the room felt like it was spinning, and she didn’t feel in control of her actions. Finally, she snaps, throwing her phone across the room and leaning back to close her eyes, her head continuously thumping.

The image wouldn't leave her mind, and it took all of her strength not to claw her eyes out. Her skin felt like it was on fire, and her side ached even more than it usually does. Gwen held her head with one hand, her hand clutching at her chest, as if trying to squeeze on her heart. She was panting, like she was running out of air.

What’s happening to me? It’s just a video. What’s–

Gwen isn’t sure what this ugly feeling was. Like something was tearing at her insides, leaving marks along the inner walls of her body, threading particularly close to her heart. Everything hurt, even though all she had been doing was sitting alone all night.

Eventually, she had exhausted herself from the mental and physical pain her body was undergoing, and she passed out on the couch.

An hour later, she began to come to, her eyes slowly opening as she regained consciousness. She felt tired, sweat on her forehead and the back of her neck. She felt like she had just been beat up and left to heal.

“Shee…” Gwen closed her eyes, finding herself whispering out of habit.

“Shee….” she repeated, only to still be met with silence.

“Bebe…” she said, nothing but the rattling of the wind filled her ears. Gwen sighed, knowing it was a lost cause.

She tried one more time. “Bebe—-”

“Bebe? Bebe! Bebe ano nangyari?” Gwen suddenly felt herself being shaken, the familiar scent of lavender filling her senses. Her eyes snapped open, and right before her was her best friend, looking at her with concern.

“Bebe” Sheena says “anong nangyari? Bakit parang may sakit ka? Halika dito dali” Sheena says, pulling on Gwen to bring her to her room.

But Gwen didn’t budge, simply staring blankly at Sheena.

“Bebe? Halika na dali”

“Why are you here?”

“Ha?”

“Why are you here? Isn’t the party still ongoing?”

“Nag-alala kase ako sayo bebe”

“Why? I’m fine. You should go back. People might be looking for you Sheena” Gwen said, crossing her arms and looking away.

“Bebe. Bebe tumingin ka sakin”

“Just lock the door on the way out, Shee. I’m going to sleep. Take care”

“Bebe” Sheena grabbed Gwen’s face and faced it towards her, before straddling the taller girl on the couch.

Gwen’s eyes widened in panic “w-what are you doing Shee?”

“It’s bebe. You’re supposed to call me bebe. Bakit ka galit sakin?” Sheena’s eyes teared up, as she looked Gwen in the eyes.

“I—”

“Minessage mo daw si Staku, you know that? Sobrang jumbled up nung words pero yung nakalagay ‘bakit may ibang kasama si bebe? :(’”

Gwen gulped, not knowing she did such a thing. It must have happened while she was spiralling earlier, when she lost her focus.

“I’m sorry I didn’t–”

“Tapos tinawagan kita pero hindi ka sumasagot so nagalala ako. Kaya hinatid ako ni Ate Jho at Staku dito kase hindi na talaga ako mapakali. Hindi ko maisip kung ano kaya nangyari sayo. Tapos pag pasok ko dito makikita kita na parang ang hina hina mo, tas biglang cold ka? Tas biglang hindi bebe tawag mo sakin?” Sheena was crying at this point “bebe ba’t ka galit sakin?”

“I—I don’t know”

“I think you do”

“I don’t know Sheena” Gwen replied, clearly stressed out

“Stop calling me that. Wag mo ako i-shut out. Bakit ka galit sakin?” Sheena pressed on

“I DON’T KNOW!” Gwen screamed out, hiding her face in her hands “I don’t know” her shoulders began shaking as she began sobbing.

Sheena simply pulled her hands away from her face, and held Gwen close, tucking the girl’s face in her neck, as she cried.

Gwen held onto Sheena tightly, unsure why she was sobbing, but unable to stop herself from doing so. Despite how hard she was crying though, her body was responding immediately to the close contact with Sheena. The girl's soft skin was drawing her in, her scent intoxicating her. The way the girl was massing her scalp was steadying Gwen’s breath, reducing her sobs to hiccups, until her breathing slowly evened out.

After a few moments, Gwen finally spoke again.

“I’m sorry for shouting at you” Gwen whispered

“It’s okay”

“No” Gwen shook her head, pulling back to look into Sheena’s eyes “no bebe it’s not okay”

“Bakit mo ginawa?”

“I—I don’t know”

Sheena smiled lightly, holding Gwen’s face between her hands, as she wiped at the girl’s tears. “I think you do. I think deep down you know why, and nahihirapan ka lang sabihin”

“I–I don’t know where to start”

“Then simulan mo by telling me how you felt na nasa party ako tonight habang ikaw andito ka”

Gwen gulped, nervously rubbing circles on Sheena’s waist.

“I–I was sad”, she admitted, “because I missed you, and I wanted you to be here. But I felt bad because you deserved to do whatever you want to do, and I’m not anyone special for you to choose to hang out with me over your friends”

Sheena nodded “well tama ka na deserve ko naman pillin ano gusto ko gawin sa buhay ko. Pero bebe never ever say na you’re not special. You’re very special, and willing akong iwan ang party na yun kung sinabi mo na gusto mo ako makasama”

Gwen blushed but frowned “but you’re supposed to enjoy yourself and not think about me”

“Choice ko yun bebe. Choice ko kung gusto kita iprioritize over some party. Choice ko kung uuwi ako ng maaga from the party para makasama ka. Ang hinihiling ko lang, sasabihin mo sakin yung totoo”

Gwen nods “I’m sorry”

“It’s okay. What else?”

“Hmm?”

“Ano pa gusto mo sabihin? Bakit yung message mo kay Staku parang lasing na lasing ka? Never kita nakita mag type ng ganun. Tas pag dating ko parang ang hina hina mo. Anong nangyari?”

Gwen hesitated, before sighing “I had a…I had a panic attack. I saw the story where that Dustin guy was giving you flowers, and the room just started spinning, and it was like I couldn’t breathe. I lost any sense of what was happening, and I was in a lot of pain. It just felt like I was losing it. Eventually I passed out from the stress.”

Sheena looked at her intently, still caressing her cheeks “sa tingin mo, bakit ganun ang naging reaksyon mo bebe?”

“I don’t know” Gwen sighed “I really don’t know”

“Uncomfortable ka ba pag may iba akong friends?”

“No. That’s never been uncomfortable for me”

“Anong mararamdaman mo kapag si Dustin ang makakasama ko araw araw, tas kami yung magluluto together, magcucuddle. Pag sya lang yung tatawagin ko ng bebe? Ano mararamdaman mo?”

Gwen’s breath hitches, and the room suddenly feels like it’s closing in again. She can feel her lips tremble, as her eyes begin to feel hot, her vision dimming.

“Bebe…bebe…sshhh, calm down. Andito lang ako” Sheena says, rubbing her cheeks and kissing her forehead

Gwen closed her eyes to try and control her emotions, before opening them again.

“Well?” Sheena asked

“I…”

“If he took me out on dates? If tinawag nya akong girlfriend nya? Matutuwa ka ba for me?”

“I–”

“Be honest with me”

“I…no” 

“No what?” 

“No…I wouldn’t be happy…it would break my heart” Gwen sighed “because…because—”

“Yes?”

Gwen gulped as the dots finally connected in her head. She had no basis for this feeling, seeing as she’s never experienced it before. But once she had her emotions in check, and she thought hard, she figured there was really only one possible explanation for all this.

“Because it shouldn’t be him, it should be me” Gwen finishes “because I like you and I want to be with you, and it hurts to think of you being with him, or anyone else. Because I want to be your bebe, and I want you to be my bebe, no one else.”

Sheena stares at her silently, as if searching her eyes for any hint of dishonesty. She must not have found any, because not long after, a smile finally breaks out of her face, one that’s soft, but full of mischief.

“So what you’re saying bebe is…crush mo ako? May gusto ka sakin? Tama?” Sheena teased

“Bebe….” Gwen whined, feeling utterly embarrassed, her face redding by the second. She tried to look down or hide her face, but Sheena held her head in place, forcing their eyes to be on each other.

“Ops ops ops. Bawal magtago bebe. Panindigan mo tong kilig ko” she teased further

“I–yes” Gwen said, her face incredibly red at this point “I have a crush on you. Yes, I like you. A lot bebe. I like you a lot”

Sheena’s smile grew widened, until she was looking at the full beaming smile of her best friend, her eyes sparkling.

“Ang cute mo” Sheena said

“What?” Gwen asked confused

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH” Sheena suddenly squealed out loud, practically screaming at Gwen’s face.

“Bebe…my ears…” Gwen winced

“Sorry sorry. Kinikilig kase ako eh ano ba” Sheena giggled

“Bebe?”

“Crush din kita, hindi ba halata? Unang araw palang crush na crush na kita. And overtime I’ve just fallen for you more and more. Walang pwedeng iba bebe, gusto ko ikaw lang. Gusto ko ikaw lang palagi” Sheena said smiling

Gwen gasped in awe, her heart beating fast, and her eyes feeling hot again. But it didn’t feel like her world was crashing anymore. Instead, it just felt incredibly warm. Her vision couldn’t have been more clear, as she stared at Sheena’s glowing face.

“Really?”

“Oo”

“Can–can you say it again?”

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH” Sheena burst out laughing, her fingers squeezing Gwen’s cheeks aggressively “ang cute cute mo nakakainis ka”

“Bebe” Gwen whined

“Oo na eto na. Ang baby ko na yan eh. Sabi ko crush kita. Gusto kita. Ikaw lang, walang iba. Ikaw lang palagi” Sheena said smiling

Gwen bit her lip, stopping the full blown grin that was trying to break out of her face. She’s not sure she’s ever felt this much joy before. She feels like she’s going to explode.

She’s never felt anything like this. It was like something she had barely been able to identify, suddenly rose to the surface, and now it was all she could think about. It filled her mind, her heart, her spirit. It filled every part of her, revitalizing her with energy. Gwen feels like she could leap across skyscrapers if she tried. It was exhilarating.

Sheena just giggled, watching the flurry of emotions happening on Gwen’s face. She’s never seen the girl more expressive than in this very moment. Like a damn had been let loose. She shakes her head, before finally standing up from Gwen’s lap.

“W-where are you going?” Gwen pouts

“Bebe sobrang clingy mo. Kung alam lang talaga ng ibang tao kung gaano kang ka-soft” Sheena laughed “hindi ka pa kumakain eh. Halika, luto tayo ng quick dinner” she says, reaching out her hand

Gwen takes it, standing up, and letting herself be led to the kitchen.

Sheena begins to cook, and Gwen simply watches her from where she’s sitting. The girl is dancing to herself, singing a song under her breath, as she cooks up hotdogs and instant noodles.

Gwen smiles softly, as she watches the other girl move. Now that she was keenly aware of her feelings, it was hard not to be entranced by her. The dancer that she is, Sheena moved with a lightness to her, as if she was simply floating around. As if she was able to hear her own music, her own melodies. It was beautiful.

Gwen stood up, and went to hug Sheena from behind. The girl giggled at the action.

“Chansing ka ah”

“Do you want me to stop?” Gwen asked, her face tucked into Sheena’s neck.

“No, diyan ka lang”

Gwen hummed, basking in the scent of her best friend.

“Bebe…does this mean we’re dating?” Gwen asks after a few moments

“I don’t know. Does it?” Sheena looked over her shoulder with a raised brow

Gwen simply stared at her intensely, her eyes boring deep into Sheena’s own, before asking “May I take you out on a date bebe?”

Sheena simply faced forward, focusing on the food again, a blush coloring cheeks “of course”

Gwen smiled, nuzzling her face again into Sheena’s neck. She purred like a cat, sighing deeply.

“Anong ginagawa mo bebe?” Sheena laughed at how adorable her best friend was.

“I’m recharging” Gwen muttered, drawing out a giggle from her friend.

And it was true. From the moment Gwen met Sheena, she had become her go-to when she wanted to recharge. No matter how talkative, energetic, or OA Sheena got, it never drained Gwen. If anything, she was revitalized by the way her best friend walks through life, always excited, always bright. 

For someone that’s struggled so long with making connections, Sheena didn't just break down Gwen’s walls. She removed every single brick, and built a bigger space, one that could hold more people and experiences in her heart. One that could hold more love.

It’s almost funny that it took Gwen this long to figure it out, but it really should have been obvious. Sheena was Gwen’s safe space, her safe place, in a world that brings anxiety and chaos. With Sheena, Gwen has the courage to let people in, let experiences in. And to let herself be seen.

She knew to herself that this was only the beginning. She knew this would just develop into something more. It sounds cliche but a part of her is already planning for forever. But for now, she was content to just be in the moment.

“Bebe okay na pagkain. Kain na tayo?”

“Wait. Just a few more minutes” Gwen whispered, and Sheena turned in her arms, to face her so they could hug each other closer, their cheeks pressed together.

“Sige bebe. Dito muna tayo”

Ngiti'y 'di mapigilan

Sa sayang naramdaman

Makita ka'y tila

Batang pinagbigyan

Ayaw umalis sa sandali

Dito muna tayo

Dito muna tayo