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Yann loves his home.
He loves Lac Léman right in front of his door, one step, two steps, three steps, water around his feet. He loves the people who smile at him when he comes back from Germany, the people who pat him on his back who know him since he can remember and probably even before that, and the people who walk around in his jersey, looking even prouder than he feels. Yann even loves some of the tourists he sees every year again and again, who somehow found their way into their little town, admiring Lac Léman, the mountains and the pretty houses. They're usually there in the summer, so he has the lake all for himself in the winter break.
He spends the early morning sitting on a pile of blankets on a hard bench and watches his breath become visible. He calms down with every intake of breath he takes, feeling more and more ready to face the buzzing stress of Christmas and the sharp stress of playing in the Bundesliga.
"Hello?" he hears and Yann knows that voice, that particular accent. He sighs and closes his eyes. He wants to take another breath first, before he deals with the person standing behind and especially before dealing with the why.
"Hello," he says and it sounds a bit cold, but maybe it's only the wind around them, the frosty breath and the cold water. He doesn't ask what Roman is doing here or how he knows that he's here. Roman with his charms and easy smiles probably just asked around until they showed him this place.
"We need to talk," he says and Yann nods and both of them look at each other.
Time to figure out the why.
~~
The first time they really talked to each other was when they lost in the round of 16 in the World Cup. When the team decided to go to a bar after the loss, Yann didn't go and Roman didn't go either. He was annoyed more than anything else because he needed rest and sleep, but Roman just sat before the mini-bar and it didn't look like he'd join the others soon.
"I am searching for beer," he said, as if it wasn't obvious, but Yann just decided to shrug and sank down next to him.
"This brand of beer is really shit," is all Roman said, but he grabbed two bottles of it anyway and handed one to Yann. He smiled a smile that was way too charming for someone who just got kicked out of the World Cup. Yann settled on his bed, the beer cold in his hand and Roman's smile still plastered on his face, too warm, so Yann focused on the cold beer in his hand. He didn't expect Roman to sit right next to him, but he didn't say anything. It didn't feel wrong or right to feel Roman's body heat next to him, but it made Yann relax a little and the grip around his beer loosened a bit.
"Tell me something about you," he said and he didn't know why Roman even answered, but he did and they talked about their home, their families, the pressure to do right, to keep a clean sheet and help their teams to win.
It didn't feel right or wrong to talk with Roman, but it was easy and comfortable and maybe Yann pressed his body into Roman's a bit closer than necessary.
They became more comfortable around each other after that night. Maybe it was their talk or maybe it was just Roman's smile that charmed Yann. It was strange sometimes, though, training with Roman and knowing that he'd prefer to be the first goalkeeper, something Yann usually didn't even think about.
Yann liked to think about their evenings that they spent in different restaurants and different towns, driving around in the night and Yann singing loudly to the music in his car, never ashamed even though he wasn't always hitting the notes right, but Roman just smiled and that smile made him feel secure, and welcome and so sang louder.
Yann never was one to run away, he's a goalkeeper after all and when the ball comes surging forward and hits him in the face, he isn't running away either, but after the kiss the only thing he felt was panic and he ran.
It was one of their international breaks, and both he and Roman were exhausted after the hard training. Since that World Cup they always shared a room, without questions and unfortunately also without answers. Yann had tried to ignore the lingering touches and how easy and comfortable everything seemed with Roman, even if it shouldn't be, but he thought about Roman too often. Sometimes, when he was at training or driving around in Mönchengladbach, he saw something that reminded him Roman, saw something and knew Roman would point at it and laugh.
"Are you alright?" Roman asked, and he looked beautiful, even with worry evident on his face and his brows furrowed together.
"Yeah," Yann only said because what else should he say? I am sorry that I sometimes get lost in your eyes and forget that we are only friends and shouldn't be more than that, even if it feels like it everytime I talk to you? Surely not.
"You don't look well, though. What's up with you?" Roman's eyebrows were still furrowed, but his eyes were gentle and soft, so so soft, Yann didn't think anymore, only took one step, two steps, three steps, until he was right in front of Roman. He breathed for a second and then surged forward and kissed him directly on his mouth.
Yann didn't feel fireworks or butterflies or anything like that. It just felt easy and comfortable and right in a way that it only did with Roman.
They slept together that night. Not sleeping together, not fucking, only laying in Yann's bed, pressed together and breathing in the same rhythm. Roman fell asleep after some time, but Yann found that he wasn't able to.
When the next morning came, he left the room without talking about it ever again.
~~
Yann loves Roman.
He knew that for a rather long time, but it feels like realizing it all over again when Roman sits besides him in the cold, shifting and staring at Lac Léman. He is beautiful like that.
"You could have said something after that night, you know?" Roman starts, but Yann only shrugs. He isn't stupid, he knows that they could have talked like the reasonable adults they are supposed to be. They are teammates and friends and they trust each other, but talking to Roman about his feelings isn't as easy as everything else was. Yann knows that their situation would probably be too difficult for a relationship, they would break apart and their trust would shatter and it wouldn't work with them as teammates on the National Team anymore, even less with being friends.
"You know this wouldn't work," Yann says because Roman is still staring at Lac Léman and he desperately wishes he would look at him, only to see his eyes again. It has been a long time since he last saw them, properly.
"Maybe you worry too much," Roman says, "and that is not exactly like you are, Yann."
"So you just want to try it? Risk everything without even thinking about it? That's not like you are either, Roman."
"Maybe you bring out that side in me," Roman says, "And I did think about it, by the way. I still think it would be worth it."
Yann can't say that he is surprised Roman thinks like that, and something in him really, really appreciates the fact that he does. That Roman would be ready to risk so much makes him feel like laying in the sun rather than sitting in the cold like he is right now.
"You really just want to ignore the kiss and your feelings and my feelings, too?" Roman's voice isn't gentle anymore, nor is it angry. It just sounds a little bit cold like their hellos. Yann doesn't answer because of course he doesn't want that, but he also doesn't want anything else. He stares at Lac Léman too, now, because looking at Roman now might break everything. He sees from the corner of his eyes how Roman shifts and stands up, slowly.
And Roman standing up, letting this go and turning his back on him hits him like a punch in his gut.
"Wait," he croaks out, "Wait, please, Roman."
Yann doesn't think when he reaches out and almost drags Roman back on the cold bench, again. He looks at him, looks finally at his eyes properly. He doesn't think either when he kisses Roman. He feels Roman smile against his lips and he is sure that when both of their eyes would be open, he could see Roman's eyes sparkling.
He still doesn't think that this is a good idea, but he realizes he can't live without trying it, either, and Roman lips feel way too good on his to just stop now.