Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

1/2/20xx

I haven't had time to write lately. Winnie was home for winter break, I was trying to be more present. It was one of those things we talked about last summer to retain our relationship. Be more present. Be more aware. Be willing to communicate – eventually.

Relationship. That's the word we used. We had both silently agreed that “friendship” wasn't… the wrong word, just not the best one to describe what we let happen between us. I can't tell if what we have is more or less than friendship. I can't tell what Winnie is thinking.

In a way, he’s breaking his own rules. Be willing to communicate – eventually. Maybe his time to talk hasn't come yet. Eventually isn't forever. Eventually, waiting will get old, and I’ll wrack his brain endlessly until eventually he decides to tell me. Or maybe I’ll tell him what I want from him. Hopefully that prompts him to tell me how he feels as well.

“Are you going to eat that?”

Winnie was looking at the last piece of shitty pizza that I had ordered us for dinner. It was from the same place we used to order in high school after coming home trashed from bad parties we left early; on board game nights where his parents invited me over and we stayed up way later than everyone else; on nights where we finished helping each other with homework and had nothing better to do than sit and talk. It was Winnie’s favorite. I can't help it being mine as well.

“No, go ahead.”

I was actually planning on eating it. But he was still hungry. I’d live without it.

“You sure? We can split it y’know.”

He grinned, and his eyes squinted a bit. His eyes are the kind of icy, clean blue that are always described as something to get lost in, but they're actually pretty terrifying in person. They balance out his face though. All of his features are so soft and warm, but his eyes are so piercing and intense. A sudden chill, but more in the way the inside of a refrigerator feels when you've been tanning too long.

Anyways.

We split the slice. He giggled when I agreed. His grin spread wider when he giggled. I could see his dimples. What the hell am I talking about? It doesn't matter. We talked. Had actual conversations about school, work, friends, hobbies. I’m proud of us.

Chapter Text

1/3/20xx

It was Christmas morning. It wasn’t super exciting; our few gifts were set around the tiny fake tree I put up in my tiny little apartment. I wasn’t planning on it, but Winnie called me weeks before asking if he could stay at my place over the holidays. I asked why he wouldn't spend it with his family. He said he’d rather be here, at home, with me. So I set up the tree, dusted, set up a place on the couch for me to sleep, cleaned my room so he could stay there.

When he first came over he assumed he was sleeping on the couch. I said I wouldn't let him do that. He laughed and kept lying there. I picked him up and threw him into my bed (not like that but i mean. anyways). He got kinda mad at me, said I couldn't give up my room for him. I said it was my apartment and I was paying the bills, so I got to decide where everyone slept. He sighed and thanked me with a tired, dimpled smile.

Winnie was awake before me on Christmas. The smell of coffee wafted 15 feet from the sad excuse for a kitchen in my apartment.

“Morning, sleepyhead!”

He’s way too enthusiastic.

“Merry… mor…ning…”

I don't think I was awake yet.

Winnie smiled. He does that a lot. He held out a mug of coffee for me, putting way too much confidence in my ability to hold it correctly.

“I didn't know what you wanted in it. Uhm… you drink coffee right? I mean I figured you did, it was in your cupboard so… I mean unless you have someone else who… um…”

He stopped himself. I didn't say anything about that last part. It was too early for any of that.

“I drink coffee, yeah.”

“Oh! Yeah of course, great. You can uh… Here I’ll get out of your way so you can make it how you like.”

I made my coffee. Winnie sat at the window, staring out at the snow.

“I didn't really plan anything for breakfast… or dinner… or at all so… any requests?”

“Oh yeah that's fine! Um… I don't wanna make you have to spend any more money on me or anything so… whatever you would've normally made, I guess.”

I checked the fridge. Leftovers, beer. It's terrible. My food choices are awful.

“We could have your leftover birthday cake for breakfast…?”

Winnie laughed. An open, unapologetic laugh. It was loud and kind of obnoxious, but it was pretty. Just like everything about him is.

After our breakfast of kings, we opened our small handful of presents. Some from friends, some from family, a few from each other. I had given Winnie his birthday present a few days before – a cute little stationary set for the desk in his dorm. He likes to pretend he's more organized than he is by getting pretty supplies. Whatever makes him happy, I guess.

For Christmas, I got him something a little more personal. We were big fans of friendship bracelets as kids, but we always lost them for whatever reason. I got us necklaces this time instead.

“Oh...”

Winnie giggled.

“Oh my god…”

He stared down at the pair of lockets in his hand. The soft smile left from his laugh stretched farther across his face the longer he examined them.

“So… Do you like them?”

“Of course I like them! I… I really love them. We…” he looked up from his hands to sheepishly meet my eyes, “Haven’t had these in a while.”

His smile reappeared before he could let the regret we had promised to push aside take over. He looked back down at them, his mouth twisting a little so he wouldn't start grinning like an idiot. He looked stupid trying to contain it, but I was glad he liked them.

“Open them.”

He clicked one of them open, and laying his eyes on them made every once of excitement he was trying to contain boil over into the tears that were welling up in his eyes.

Inside of the locket were little copies made of the picture of us together after we had won our first hockey tournament back in elementary school. He put his on, then jumped up to put mine on me. Then he hugged me, really tight, I could barely breathe.

“Ouf… don't you think that's a little excessive?”

Winnie shrugged as his muffled sobs turned into chuckles then back into sobs again.

But I hugged him back just as tight, and we stayed like that for a long time. Winnie had nestled his face into my shoulder, his now silent tears pooling in the crook of my neck. He shifted his head and let the rest absorb into my shirt.

It was one of those nostalgic moments that really shouldn't seem nostalgic because they really shouldn't have ever left you. I almost felt like I was back at that game, the two of us walking hand in hand from the locker rooms to our families. We got our hugs and cheers of congrats from our parents and were preparing to leave. But Winnie turned back last minute and ran to give me a hug just like that one on Christmas morning. And I hugged him back the same way.

“You really had to one-up me huh?”

“It was only fair.”

I smirked at him. He shot me back an equally shit-eating grin and rolled his eyes at me. We had unwrapped from our suffocating embrace a while ago, but he still had a hand intertwined with mine.

Winnie handed me a neatly wrapped box. I know now that there were three Goldilocks-esque bear figurines inside.

“I thought they were cute and… you might like them… I don't know, they reminded me of you.”

They’re pretty cute. They're on my nightstand as I'm typing this. They're a nice reminder of our running bear/elk thing. It started with those stupid plushies we had as kids. We still have them. They're great. We’re great. He’s great.