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Really he thought he'd kept a Judgement in favor for heaven for himself. It is now in his dying moments that he rethinks his beliefs on himself being a good person. Surely God would've given him a better end, if he was a good person and deserved to see the pearly gates of heaven.
Whatever will his lover think once he finds him in the morning? Maybe this is divine intervention for the sinful relationship he's upkept. Anyone would tell you that the relationship between two men should not exist. Andrew can't help but sob once he realized that he too has condemned the person he loves most besides his dear mother to the fiery pits of hell.
He will have to make up for it. Beg his God for forgiveness. To spare Aesop and have himself banished to the pits of hell for all of eternity.
It does confuse the Grave Keeper however. Is God not supposed to be all-loving? Why is it that he does not deserve to enter Paradise for doing the same thing? 'No. No this is not the time to question my belief', is what Andrew tells himself.
However he can't help but feel envious for everyone that has entered Paradise.
In comparison to them Andrew had a much harder time trying to be a good Person. He was born filthy. A monster. A sinner. There is not much you can do about that initial Sin. His pale almost white skin with blood red eyes. His appearance was that of something demonic and filthy. He was disgusting. It did not help that he seemed to be more sensitive to the sun something that is held dear by every human. His big nose and rather slender and extremely tall body completed his demonic look.
There has, besides his lover and his mother, not been a single person describing him to be handsom in any way shape or form.
His mother, bless her heart, has always done her absolute best raising him to be a respectable man of society. Society had different plans however. He and his mother were ostracized, banished to the far outskirts of the Village. Away from everyone else. They would not care if any harm came to them. They would not help even if it meant they would die.
They often came at Andrew with pitchforks and torches, screaming at him, cursing him blaming him. He was the black sheep. He was the scapegoat for everything that went wrong. It was all blamed on him, his existence.
His dear mother shielded him from them every time. But really? How cruel and heartless of them to go at a child that is crying and sobbing in their mother's arms.
His mother became sick so it was his responsibility to bring in money for the house and for food. An almost impossible task. He would do odd jobs and be paid pennies.
"You can be lucky you're being paid at all" is what they would say. They were far kinder to his mother, yet it was him who had to get money now not her. Eventually he settled on being the Grave Keeper of the Lutz Cemeteray behind the Lutz Church.
His only company besides his mother were corpses. It was doomed from the start. But maybe he will be rewarded for his job, for giving the dead their final rest.
Eventually his mother passed. It was him who prepared her grave and it would have to be him to arrange a funeral. It was small and it cost him almost everything he had. No one attended her funeral. Not even the priest seemed interested.
It's cruel. They are cruel.
Andrew believes his mother is a saint for still looking after him after causing her so much hardship. Anyone less than a Saint would have abandoned him the moment he was born. She had to be a saint. And surely she received a spot in paradise.
He was involved with the Church. He had spent all his free time there attoning for his sins. Attending masses every chance he gets. Will his efforts get awarded? Will he be judged fairly?
No there was no way.
There is no spot for a sinful monster in heaven.
His day to day life was boring. He'd attend church and the get back to his little home. On the way there he would be insulted. Get stuff thrown at his back and get chased. He would spend the day at home until nightfall to do his job as a Grave Keeper.
There were times that people have waited for him to attend to his job. They would attack him with knifes and other weapons. Leave him on the ground hurt and sore. And Andrew would get up again and tend to his duties. He could not abandon his duties lest they throw him out of the village. Afterall no one wanted to be the Grave Keeper of the Lutz cemetery.
His thoughts returned to his lover. It was by chance that they had met. The town near their small village often holds a small market where people from the nearby villages can sell their crops. It was Andrew's duty to carry the heavy items there.
He didn't want to of course yet he hardly had a choice.
It was at that market that they met and got to chatting. Intrest turned into infatuation and soon they met up regularly in the town.
Aesop was a Mortician. He hardly talks as well as Andrew. They often spend their time in silence doing their own activities instead of talking. It is comfortable. They do not mind the silence. Aesop has often complained of Andrew's many scars. It was not what Andrew expected. He expected Aesop to react with disgust and hatred and while Aesop did react with those emotions it was not directed at him. It was directed at the people of the Village.
"How dare they ruin a body that was crafted in God's image. I thought it was blasphemous to do so"
Aesop does not believe in God. He knows the village does however which is why he came to make that statement.
He seemed to become even more angry when Andrew mentioned the dogs.
The dogs in the village were aggressive and well, he's often been a target of their attacks.
It was their owners who have taught the dogs to attack him whenever they see him.
"Muts are they. They do not deserve to live as well as their owners. If I could do as I wanted I would get rid of them momentarily"
Of course Andrew talked Aesop out of these horrid thoughts, lest he be denied heaven for having them at all.
However Andrew can't help but feel comforted by his lover's words. The fact that he would go so far for him moves him greatly.
Ah all moments he has shared with Aesop were quite incredible. He remembers when they had first kissed. It was a terribly anxious experience for Andrew at first. A relationship between two men should not be and yet he still dared to hold one and now he wants to kiss said man? It is unheard of.
Aesop's words of reassurance were comforting however and thus they did manage to have their first kiss. Nothing but a peck but it still meant everything to the Grave Keeper.
As their Relationship grew older their kisses became more and more... adventurous.
He liked their intimate moments. They were very precious to him even of it wasn't meant to be. A few hugs and a few kisses and a spectacular night is completed.
He could go on and on abut his lover afterall he is the most important person but this was hardly the time and place to do so.
Afterall he was actively dying out here.
He remembers the sins of himself and his lover.
He has to do something about them.
He put his hands together and with a weak voice he uttered those words that have been engraved in his brain by his dear mother.
"Vater unser im Himmel"
Breathing became increasingly difficult.
"Geheiligt werde dein Name, dein Reich komme, dein Wille geschehe"
He remembers being ostracized for uttering foreign words instead of those the church knew. He will not be embarrassed for his mother's words anymore.
"Wie im Himmel, so auf Erden. Unser tägliches Brot gebe uns heute"
His sides sting he can't help but heave.
"Und vergeb uns unsere Schuld. Wir auch wir vergeben unseren Schuldigern"
He was thinking of all the sinful things he has done in his life besides being born sinful. He can count them on his fingers...
"Und führe uns nicht in Versuchung sondern erlöse uns von dem Bösen"
God has ignored all his pleas so far. Will he acknowledge them now?
"Denn dein ist das Reich und die Kraft und die Herrlichkeit in Ewigkeit"
This is getting tiring.
"Amen"
The first prayer left his lips yet once again he got ready for the next. It hurt. It was difficult to keep his hands up for prayer. He's hurting. Can he continue before he passes out from exhaustion?
"Ich glaube an Gott, den Vater, den Allmächtigen, den Schöpfer des Himmels und der Erde"
Right, God is omnipotent if he wanted to acknowledge his pleas he would've done so already. Or is it that he doesn't want to interfere? Again he stopped himself. Not the time.
"Und an Jesus Christus, seinen eingeborenen Sohn, unseren Herrn, empfangen von dem Heiligen Geist, geboren von der Jungfrau Maria"
His abdomen hurts so bad he whinces. He heaves, he whines. It hurts so much.
"Gelitten unter Pontius Pilatus"
He has too suffered because of people. Andrew wonders if his suffering can be comparable to that of Christ.
No absolutely not. That thought itself should be considered blasphemy. He will also have to repent for that. Hopefully that thought alone doesn't deny him a spot in Paradise.
"Gekreuzigt, gestorben und begraben. Hinabgestiegen in das Reich der Todes. Am dritten Tage auferstanden von den Toten."
Does rebirth exist? His whole life he effortlessly believed in it but now he's starting to doubt it exists. He wishes he could hit himself for the thoughts he's been having but he's already struggling to keep his hands up for prayer.
"Aufgestiegen in den Himmel. Er sitzt zur rechten Gottes, des allmächtigen Vaters.
Von dort wird er kommen zu richten die Lebenden und die Toten"
What are the chances that Christ has already come to right his wrongs? How would he know he did so? Why is believing so hard at this moment. He truly wishes he could stop.
"Ich glaube an den Heiligen Geist, der heiligen christlichen Kirche, Gemeinschaft der Heiligen, Vergebung der Sünden"
He's not sure if he believes in the forgiveness of sins.
"Auferstehung der Toten und das ewige Leben,
Amen"
His arms fell to his chest. He could not keep them up any longer hut he had to. He still has to beg God to forgive Aesop's sins. Hopefully it won't be in vain.
"God I beg thee, please forgive Aesop his sins. It was I who led him into temptation and pulled him into this sinful lifestyle. He has done nothing wrong."
Tears were rolling down his face. The reality of his situation is setting in.
"Please God! I beg you pleas do not take him to Hell he does not deserve it! I will take on his sins and attone for them in hell, I beg you to reserve him a spot in Paradise!"
He was shouting with a broken and breathless voice. The air was leaking out his lungs too easily. It was making everything a lot harder than it already was.
"If it means I'll have to give mine up I will do it. Please do not bring him to Hell! God can you hear me?"
He became angry. Chocking on his own tears he uttered his next few sentences.
"Whatever have I done wrong to deserve this fate, God? Have I been so bad to be mercilessly killed by my own kin? I don't understand what it is that I have done wrong! If it is for my appearance I apologize. But is it not your son that has told us you have created us in your image? Does this mean I am not of you? Does this mean my spot was to be in Hell all along? Was my birth doomed all along?"
He was sobbing now. The adrenalin is fading now and the pain keeps catching up to him. Breathing hurts so badly he can hardly keep himself together.
Will someone find him before he truly passes or will he just cease to be in these tiring moments?
He knew it.
He was doomed to die all alone, by himself.
He'll have no one to be by his side to give him some kind of comfort in his dying moments.
He can feel his consciousness fading in and out. In his dying moments he curses. He curses out the village he grew up in.
"May the village be wronged as much as I have been"