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He's standing in the middle of a battlefield.
That was the only thought that kept repeating itself in his mind.
Battles. Battles. Pain. Blood. It was everywhere.
Cries of Marines and Pirates alike echoing in his mind as he tried to focus, the sounds muffling up into groans of pain drowning out any possibility of making a rational thought in this mess of sparks and sword clashes.
There were so many people, too many to see all at once. So many people. So many lost lives. So many broken families. So much destruction.
He hated it. He hated it all.
The whole world was crowded there, watching him fight, hoping for someone else to win. Wishing for him to die.
He can't listen. He can't listen to the voices in his head. He can't allow it.
Footsteps.
There were so many footsteps.
Some his, some others, and some he couldn't even tell.
Running, charging, jumping, spinning in the air like the ground was toxic to the skin and would burn them if they moved a little too close.
It was too loud. Everything was so loud. The faces across the battlefield were melting into broken sobbing faces, all running down like blood from a wound and heading in the same direction.
It wasn't him.
It wasn't him.
It was worse.
A rush of barely human-like creatures were all marching to the same place, the same spot that was barely visible through all the cries and screams.
He wanted it to end. He wished he could just make it all disappear.
They were all going to the same place. They were all heading towards the same person. With their guns and swords and weapons of hatred drawn out. They were all marching towards him. Seeing him as nothing more than the purest form of evil that god has given to this world.
Demons. They were all demons. He hated them all.
The demons were all running around, yelling and screaming for something to happen. For someone to die.
He couldn't even tell what they were chanting, his ears were ringing to a point he wished he could tear them off.
But his eyes couldn't deceive him.
He had to stop them.
He had to. He had to. He had to.
It's a bad idea but he had to.
The weight of his sore legs pressing down into the ground was the first pain he felt, before it was joined by the sharp throbbing of his arms that helplessly swung in the air.
But his pain didn't matter right now.
He had to get there. He had to stop them. He can't let this happen again.
The clanking of his foot against the floor felt louder than any of the screams of agony and pain flowing through his body, too tired to continue but his brain not allowing him to.
This wasn't about him. He had to get there. He had to.
His lungs burned from the running and his head ached in yearning for water, but he still wasn't willing to give up as he pushed his way through the burning bodies that were all trying to hurt him.
The soldiers and pirates alike were in a sea of commotion and fighting, blood taking over every corner of his eyes until he had no choice but to shut them.
He just wanted it all to disappear. He hated it all.
But he didn't give up. He couldn't give up. It was all his fault. He endured the pain, he walked through that hell, until he finally came into view of the person the whole world saw as a sin to exist.
His eyes widened with fear as they lay upon the man in front of him, seeing his broken expression.
He'd never seen him cry before.
Without letting himself think twice, he reached out a hand, almost to try and grab at the air between them despite his legs locking him in place. It felt like his body was growing paralyzed as he watched that hurt expression stare at him.
Plead with him. Accuse him. Get betrayed by him.
He wanted to scream, to talk, to breathe, but nothing came out of his tight throat.
Only the man in front of him spoke as Ace's eyes rolled into the back of his head,
"Luffy..."
The voices around him rang.
"Luffy!" "Luffy!" Luffy!"
He wanted to shut his ears, scream, cry, do anything, but he could only stand there, paralyzed, as he listened to the whole world call him a traitor.
Just like his brother.
"Luffy..."
No, no, no.
"Luffy..."
Stop, stop! Please stop. Please, Ace...
"Luffy!"
Zoro practically screamed, his panicked expression turning to one of relief when his partner finally stirred awake after yelling in his face for what felt like an eternity.
Luffy's eyes shot open, a cold sweat drenching his body as he stared at the man on top of him with wide eyes.
It almost didn't feel real. Like Zoro wasn't real. Like he was still stuck back in the war.
Without mumbling a single word, he reached up to the green-haired man's face and cupped his cheek. It took him a few moments to properly react, wanting to make sure he was real as Zoro stared at him in concern.
After he managed to convince himself, his eyes started to water.
Zoro let out a deep sigh, slowly getting off his partner and turning to sit up properly. "Luf, are you okay?"
Luffy shook his head. He wasn't okay. Nothing was okay. But he didn't speak up. Instead, he closed his eyes and shifted himself up to lean his head against Zoro's shoulder, before letting out a small sniffle when he felt his partner's arms wrap around him.
He felt safe in Zoro's embrace. It was so warm, so prominent.
Just like the hug Ace gave him, before...
Luffy buried his head in Zoro's shoulder.
The constant shift in the man's mood was clearly bothering Zoro, and he was getting more and more worried by the day.
Ever since the crew reunited at Sabaody, he's noticed that something about his partner was a bit off.
Of course, his appearance changed, that was something Zoro noticed immediately- if he'd thought Luffy looked like a supermodel before, now he could be a damn Greek god. He couldn't deny that the scar he'd gotten on his chest made his muscles stand out more, and he'd definitely gotten to appreciate Luffy's training over the two years in more ways than one.
But, there was something else about him.
Something almost worrying, he would say. Luffy had gotten a lot more clingy, even after the initial rush of happiness from reuniting in which they were inseparable; always at each other's side and being overly affectionate in any chance they get. But even after things went back to normal, he still didn't stop.
There were random times in which he would seek out Zoro for a hug or a few positive words, sometimes even just to stand next to him and find comfort in his presence. Of course, he would never complain about too much affection, but seeing just how down his partner seemed when he wasn't around worried him.
It didn't help that he seemed to be having nightmares as of lately, which he refused to tell him about. That made it even worse. Seeing Luffy suffer like this and be unable to help him or know why.
They never keep secrets from each other. He knew something was wrong.
And, here it is right in front of him; Luffy crying into his shoulder, refusing to acknowledge the situation, and only clinging onto him as tight as he could.
Zoro sighed. He had to fix this.
He slowly moved to hold Luffy closer, before gently patting his head to get his attention. They had a lot of little gestures like that, as if sending a message to the other without spoken words.
It was their little thing, something that they would never forget even at the toughest of times.
The ravenet's head slowly rose up to look at Zoro, his face red with tears still staining his cheeks. He looked so... hurt.
Zoro felt a pang of sadness knowing he couldn't prevent this.
"Luff?" He checked again.
This time, he got a response.
"Yeah...?" He mumbled in a broken tone, looking at Zoro with helpless eyes that made him die a little.
He took a breath. "Can you tell me what's wrong?"
Luffy stared up at his partner. A small glimpse of hope was caught in his numb eyes. "I'm... it's,"
"No, it's not fine," Zoro shook his head, cutting his partner off before he could finish. He made sure to continue in a softer tone, before putting one of his hands over Luffy's cheek. "I know it's not fine. You look horrible. I hate seeing you like this. Please, just tell me what's going on. You can trust me."
Luffy hesitated, not wanting to answer too quickly. Although, that only seemed to make his situation worse, as his brain worked through the memories to try and find a way to explain them. His voice got quieter as he painfully mumbled "I, Zoro, I'm-" but he stopped.
This was bad, and Zoro knew he didn't have a lot of options for what he could do next. So he did the only thing he knew that worked on Luffy.
He gave him that look.
That look that he gives him every time they say 'I love you'.
Those eyes that he looked at him with the first time they ever met, back when he was held prisoner by the Marines.
That look that they swore over the two years they've been separated to never forget.
That look that said 'You can trust me'.
And Luffy broke down.
"I... I'm..." He stuttered, as tears started pouring down from his eyes. It was all taking a toll on him that he wasn't ready for, his body unable to handle all the stress. He sobbed as he turned to wrap his arms around his partner's body, stretching them out as much as he could as if hanging on for dear life. Zoro let out a huff of breath at how tight it was, but he only returned the hug.
Finally, Luffy muttered in a barely coherent voice "It... it's Ace."
The moment Zoro heard him mutter that name, his expression immediately changed, knowing how heavy this subject was. He gently squeezed his partner against him.
He of all people knew just how much Luffy loved and looked up to Ace, getting to hear all kinds of stories and adventures about the brothers when they were still kids. It made him smile a little each time he listened to those rambles, hearing just how important his brother was to Luffy and how happy he was with him.
But he'd read the news while on Mihawk's island. It was all over the papers, even in a place as unknown as the island he stayed on.
He saw Luffy's face when it happened.
And he felt like the most useless piece of garbage for letting Luffy go through all of that alone without being there to protect him.
Zoro shook his head. He shouldn't be focusing on that now. He needed to make sure Luffy was alright, he was far more important than him. He looked down at his partner, before putting a hand on his arm and giving it an optimistic squeeze. It was no secret he was an idiot when it came to comforting, but he had to do it.
He had to. For Luffy.
"I know, Luff. I know it's hard, but there isn't much we can do about it. I know you miss Ace, but no one could have done anything to stop it. The best thing you can do now is move on, you know he would want you to do that."
Luffy sniffled, his grip around his partner only tightening as he cried into his shoulder. "B-but," He stuttered, "But I could have. I could've done something. I-I was there, a-and I-" His voice could barely be heard at that point.
"I was too weak to stop it."
Hearing that pained Zoro the most. Weak? He almost wanted to scoff. Luffy was one of the strongest people he knew, and just hearing how badly he thought of himself made him want to cry. And to think if Zoro himself was just a little stronger, he would've defeated the Pacifista all that time ago and stopped this all from happening.
But Luffy only continued.
"I... if I was stronger. If, if I wasn't this weak, Ace would still be alive.," His voice was barely above a whisper as he sobbed, and he was looking away from Zoro. Almost like he was too ashamed to face him. "B-both my brothers would. It's all my fault. They probably hate me by now."
His voice cracked with the final line, his body starting to shake violently as he clung onto Zoro like it would be the last time he ever gets to hold him.
That seemed to break him.
"Luff," Zoro called, trying to get his attention away from the unwanted thoughts. He gently grabbed his partner's shoulders, before staring right into his eyes and giving him a look.
Luffy glanced up at his face, taking a few moments to wipe his tears before giving a small nod.
"Close your eyes, with me."
Even without understanding why, Luffy immediately agreed.
Maybe he did because he trusted Zoro. Maybe he did because he loved Zoro. Maybe he did because a part of him longed for that touch, that attention, that sense of safety, and that love he missed so dearly.
Zoro gently squeezed his shoulders, before moving just a bit so he could lean his forehead against Luffy's.
As if on cue, they both closed their eyes at the same time.
"Breathe."
A silence sunk upon them as the two men filled their lungs with air, the only sound echoing in the room being their synchronized heartbeats as they exhaled.
They let it stay like that for a couple of moments before Luffy opened his eyes. He sniffled, before shuffling closer again.
His arms wrapped around his partner's broad shoulders as he snuggled against him, not quite being happy yet definitely feeling a lot more comforted. After a few moments, he found his voice to speak up again.
"...But I know it was my fault. I should've been there for him. Like he always was for me."
Zoro gently wrapped his arms around the other man, not responding yet as he focused on shifting to a more comfortable position. He lay back down on their bed, keeping Luffy in his hold, gently cuddling him to make sure he felt just how much he loved him. He knew exactly how to make him melt, and by the way his expression softened, it worked.
He pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead.
"Luf," He repeated, knowing they both had very sentimental values to those little nicknames. The names that only they called each other. "Do you remember what you asked me when I told you about Kuina?"
Luffy looked up again, his gaze catching Zoro's as the question rang in the air.
Of course he remembers. How could he not? It was one of the hardest conversations they'd ever had. It was rare to get to experience Zoro getting vulnerable, and that was one of the only times he'd ever seen him cry.
And, what a conversation it was. Luffy wasn't sure what to expect when Zoro asked him if they could talk, but nothing could have prepared him to hear the story of his former best friend and the promise he made. The reason for his dream to become the world's greatest in the first place. The loss and grief he'd experienced back then, all alone, with no one to be there to help him. The only thing he had were his swords and a dream.
But, now he also has Luffy.
Focusing back on the question, he slowly shook his head.
Zoro sighed softly. He brought his hand up to tangle up in Luffy's hair as he spoke, a gesture that he knew the man loved, only proved more by the way he nuzzled into the touch silently.
"Do you remember when I told you that I used to worry about you and the crew the first few weeks I was with you, because I was scared that something similar would happen to you?"
Luffy nodded, which he could agree with. Even after Zoro officially joined the crew, he was surprised at just how affection-starved he was compared to the reserved way he appeared when they first met. He could tell that despite doing his best not to seem needy he constantly checked up on him and needed reassurances he was safe, always being anxious that something would happen.
It ruined him to hear just how bad of a scar what happened with Kuina left on him.
"I do," He mumbled softly in the end.
Zoro nodded. His grip on his partner became a bit tighter.
"When I told you that the first time, you... you asked me how I handled everything. Her death, moving on, and not forgetting her." He paused for a moment to sigh before finishing with "And you asked me to promise you something."
Luffy looked up at Zoro again, a certain spark passing between them as their eyes caught. Luffy now knew what he was talking about. He could see it in his eyes.
He continued, "You asked me to promise you not to blame myself. And to remember it wasn't my fault." Luffy's grip tightened around his shoulders, "And I told you that I can't help it, because... because it really felt like I killed her."
Luffy moved his head closer, picking up where his partner left off. He couldn't help but think that he looked beautiful when their faces were so close together.
"And do you remember what you told me to do, when that happens I mean? When it feels like everything is helpless. When I keep blaming myself. When I can't seem to manage to move on."
A small, sad smile spread on Luffy's face. It was ironic, how he tried to comfort Zoro back then but he can't even do it for himself. He would use the chance to really call himself a failure, but something was stopping him. There was always something stopping him from hating himself when he was here, when he was with Zoro. When he was with the person he loved the most.
"You told me one thing. To remember you loved me. And if I can't focus on that, then just.." Matching his half-smile, Zoro finally finished, his tone growing a bittersweet kind of soft.
"Breathe."