Work Text:
POV: Chuuya
I wake up to see the face of the bastard looking at me from above, ‘Was he watching me sleep,” I think to myself ‘It sounds like something he’d do’ I kick him. He falls to the floor.
“Aw Chibi! That hurt you brut, anyway Mori wants us to meet him in his office in an hour.” He stands, in a stupid fashion. “So get up, sleepy head!” He walks off into one of my bathrooms, the one that I can no longer go in because it has his stench. I go get ready in one of my better bathrooms and make breakfast for me and the dead-eyed mackerel.
I am making Tamago Kake Gohan. I take leftover rice and two eggs from the fridge, crack the eggs into the two bowls of rice. I top mine with jalapeno peppers, pickled ginger, and extra egg yolk.
The simpleton Dazai, however, somehow got canned crab and salt and put it on his. It looks disgusting, it needs to be stopped. However, last time I tried to stop him from doing that he licked my face. I liked it, but it is too early to think about that, so I just watch as he commits crimes against humanity. We finished eating, and I had to drag the bandaged ASS by the bandages to get him to Mori's office.
Mori looks at Dazai, then Dazai looks back with a frown, Mori raises his eyebrows, Dazai shakes his head, Mori nods his head. Dazai sighs, “Fine, if we must.”
I look at them confused, what the hell are they talking about, how can that annoying idiot talk to the boss with just his expression. “Ahh, is the sub-intellectual Chibi not able to understand the intelligent conversation of us more sophisticated individuals?” Dazai says to me in his annoyingly cute tone of voice.
I yell back, “SHUT UP YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS A SLUB-INTE-WHATEVER! I HOPE YOU DIE!”
“I too wish I will die, sadly that has not come to flourishion yet. However, if you wish to insult me, please try to use proper grammar, though I know that it must be hard for you with your small brain to match your small size.” Dazai replies with his c̶u̶t̶e̶ k̶i̶s̶s̶a̶b̶l̶e̶ stupid small smile.
Mori interrupts us. “Okay children, calm down. Dazai and I were discussing that I have a new job for you. There have been disruptions in a supply line that we have, it is your job to stop it. I trust the both of you to make good decisions, so I will send you to UA highschool, and let you decide how to execute it from there. I expect this to be done in one week, but you will stay there for one year to gather blackmail on the heroes for Elise. The UA entrance exam is tomorrow.”
‘WHAT THE FUCK, WHY DO WA HAVE TO BE HEROS? WERE FUCKING MAFIA MEMBERS!’ I think to myself. “Ok sir” I say.
The mackerel looks at me with a smile and says “Come on dog, you need to start studying so you don't flunk the test!”
“NO, I WILL NOT FLUNK THE TEST, YOU BANDAGED MACKEREL!” I say as I follow him out of the room, but it is very hard because he is walking very fast.