Work Text:
She didnt know.
No one knew.
She knew she was stuck in a body that wasnt hers, that was feminine and torturous.
every month she felt red, she felt waves washing over her of anger and sadness, ever month she could feel the pain becoming worse and worse with each friend she gained and lost, with each friend she held onto for dear life.
each friend she strayed away from suicide.
each friend she tried to help.
From thoughts of slitting and thoughts of poison.
each time she felt as if she was the moon and everyone was the sun.
all she ever did was feel happy for them if thwy were happy.
if it werent for them, she wouldnt be as stable as she thought she was.
she always wrote, whether it was an apology or if it was a try at understanding.
she always cared.
she cared to the point she was miserable.
she promised her life for someone elses, she said if they killed themselves she would too.
she knew she couldnt, she was too scared.
her family lied to her, about who she was, who she felt, what she needed, about her body.
they said she was mature enough to understand she will only ever be a girl, that she cant be who she wants to be.
she knew she shared her being with other people, other people who were nice, who were comforting, who would never ever do such things to her.
she will never know how to fix anything.
she tried to cover herself up, to be the man she knew she wanted to be.
she would never be a man, she would always be a small teenage girl.
just sitting there.
trying to help.
she tried to fix herself
but just couldn't.
all of her friends left her, she was left with two boys and girl for who she felt she could trust.
she didnt want to be a she.
she came out to them before, her innerdialogue is she though.
she can't get over the fact she will always be a girl, no matter what she does.
so she dropped her wings, dropped her blindfold, fixed her hair, messed with her body for some time before she found comfort in it, for the first time in a while.
even though youre hurt, and everyone is gone, just know at least one person has stayed with you no matter what.
even if it had to change for the better, heart always cared, cared for everyone its been with that helped heart. it will always care.
🌟