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“I think I like her, Kacchan.”
The word uttered is supposed to sound small. But it feels like it is louder than the explosions that his own two hands can ever produce.
“Kacchan?”
Shut up.
Shut up.
“Hm?” Katsuki hums as he brings his glass of beer closer to his lips. “What, nerd?”
Izuku seems to pout at him. His slightly chapped lips poking out, or something, Katsuki is trying his best to not focus on Izuku too much.
“I said…” Izuku peeks at the other side of the table, where round cheeks sit. Fucking hell. “I think I like Uraraka-san, Kacchan.”
He did not have to say her name like that.
Frowning a little bit, Katsuki tries his best to not say anything without thinking. Tries his best to not show how it feels like his fucking heart is exploding all over again. Why does it hurt this much?
“Why don’t you go talk to her then?” Words feeling like broken glass scraping across his tongue. He turns to Izuku, who sports a stupid blushing face. “I’m sure nothing can go wrong.”
“Are you kidding me? I’m…”
Katsuki does not bother to listen to the rest.
His heart feels like it is being stepped on, and crushed with no mercy underneath the sole of Izuku’s shoes. The worst part is?
The worst fucking part is that Izuku is and will continue to be oblivious about it. The guy is just chasing his dream, living his life.
They’re outside now. He doesn’t really remember what happened after all of that.
Katsuki feels like laughing, really. It’s like despite his best effort to keep being involved in Izuku’s life, he does not know the person Izuku is anymore. Yet, despite that, his heart and whole being chose Izuku as someone who will keep his heart.
“So…” Izuku nervously picks at the iron-might case.
Izuku… who is still the kindest person Katsuki fell for. The only one he has his eyes and heart for. The kind boy who forgave him and his actions. Katsuki scoffs a little bit, lifting his hand to scruff at Izuku’s hair but stopping. He then lifts his hand, hand awkwardly hanging in the air. “Just go. Good luck.”
Izuku’s eyes sparkles at his confirmation. Seriously, why does it feel like Izuku is just waiting for his permission?
“Okay!” Izuku turns around and walks away. “Thank you, Kacchan!” Izuku says before walking. Not ever looking back.
As Katsuki watches Izuku’s back getting further and further away, he thinks to himself that maybe he should have said something different to prevent him from going further away from his grasp. But the longer he stands on his two feet, looking at where Izuku once was. He thinks that… all he wants is Izuku’s happiness.
Even if it is not him beside Izuku.
He turns around and kicks the ground.
“Fucking hell.”
Maybe God just never forgave him the way Izuku did.
This is his karma, he supposes.
⧫⧫⧫
“Kacchan!”
Katsuki sucks in a deep breath. Squinting his eyes, he looks around to see where he is. The window exudes orange light, maybe from the sunset. After blinking a few times, he pushes himself to sit back.
He is in his office.
Still in his uniform as he was just taking a break before actually going home.
Looking up, he sees Izuku standing over him, in front of his desk.
Still in his suit.
“Are you okay? I called but you didn’t answer…” Izuku cups his cheek, rough thumb softly caressing the bottom of his eye. Katsuki sighs and leans into the touch. “Did you have a nightmare? You were grunting a lot.”
Opening his eyes, Katsuki pulls Izuku over the desk. Despite Izuku’s little protest, Katsuki holds Izuku close – desperate to keep him as close to his person as possible.
“Was it that bad?” Izuku’s fingers seem to have found their way to comb through Katsuki’s blonde spikes. In all honesty, Katsuki does not remember what the hell he dreamed of. But, he knows that, his heart ached badly.
“Izuku,” Katsuki whispers. Scrunching his eyebrow tightly, trying to process whatever it is that he is feeling. Confused on the sudden waves of sadness and disappointment that he is feeling minutes after he had woken up. “Stay…”
“Huh?”
“Please stay,” his voice comes out pained.
“Kacchan?”
“Stay…” Katsuki tries his best to get Izuku closer to him, holding Izuku tightly but careful enough to never hurt the man.
For a moment, Izuku is quiet. The only sound that reaches Katsuki’s ears is the AC blaring in the distance – but even that is almost drowned by Katsuki's rapid heartbeat dominating his senses.
“Okay.” Izuku finally speaks. Although in an awkward position, he wraps both his arms around Katsuki’s head. “I won’t go anywhere. I’m here.”
Katsuki’s eyes widens for a bit before closing. Sighing his whole being to Izuku.
They stay like that for a while, before Katsuki pulls away remembering the awkward position Izuku is in. Before Izuku could say anything, Katsuki gets up and pulls the both of them to the couch in his office. Placing Izuku on his lap before wrapping his arms around the man again.
“Kacchan… do you want to talk about it?” Izuku softly asks, leaning onto Katsuki and hugging him back.
Katsuki stays quiet for a while.
Does he want to talk about it?
He does.
But where does he even start?
He buries his face onto Izuku’s chest. “A year ago, when I asked you to join the agency. Why did you refuse?”
Izuku hums, seeming to think about it before answering, “Well, I love being a hero. Beside you, above all. But, I am already a teacher above all.”
Katsuki scrunches his eyebrows. Not sure if he actually likes what he is hearing.
“I love fighting beside you. But I want to see future heroes grow too… And I can only dedicate my life to one of them.”
Yeah.
Katsuki does not like what he is hearing.
“But I’ll be here.” Izuku hums, relaxing in Katsuki’s hold. “Just call me and I will always be here.”
Somehow… somehow, just that is not enough anymore for Katsuki. All his life, his own focus has been to become the number one hero. During his pursuit of his dream, he disregarded a lot of things. And during his pursuit of his dream, he learned that he wanted to achieve it with someone. A lot of people don't hold the same meaning that Midoriya Izuku’s life has in his life.
And although above everything he wants Izuku to be happy.
Katsuki wants to be happy beside, and with Izuku too.
“I like you.” He suddenly drops. He can feel Izuku jump a little at that. And yeah, this is a shit ass timing – and not to mention he is ridiculously emotional right now. Although he did just drop it, words cannot describe the immense feeling that he holds for Izuku. “I like you, Izuku.”
He knows Izuku had broken up with round cheeks. Just a few months ago Izuku told him first, and Katsuki had accompanied the oddly calm Izuku. What is going on now, is probably too fast. But damn time and the Gods. Despite feeling absolutely scared of the outcome, Katsuki does not want to let go of Izuku like last time.
Katsuki doesn’t realise that tears are flowing from his eyes until Izuku pulls back and wipes his tears away with his scarred hand. Not missing more than a beat, Katsuki grasps Izuku’s hand and presses his cheek onto Izuku’s palm.
His whole being is within Izuku’s grasp anyway. To shape and mold however he wants.
Katsuki closes his eyes, afraid of witnessing what would be in Izuku’s face.
Will it be disgust?
Will it be pity?
Or will it just be plain confusion?
He doesn’t know and he is unsure whether or not he wants to know.
“Kacchan,” calls Izuku. “Look at me.”
Katsuki shakes his head. Lips sealed tight as he is afraid that he will spew one more word to Izuku.
“Please?”
Katsuki shakes his head again. Amidst darkness, he hears Izuku sigh.
Then, Katsuki feels chapped lips pressing against his lips. He opens his eyes.
The event happened within just a few seconds. But it feels like eternity being pushed within Katsuki. He closes his eyes again, wishing for this to never be over. Hoping that what he is experiencing now is not a dream. Despite his wishes, Izuku pulls back, and in the process, pulls Katsuki with him a little.
Before Katsuki can look anywhere else, Izuku cups his face with both his hands. Forcing Katsuki to face the teacher. “I like you too.”
He doesn’t think it’s possible. But Katsuki's eyes widen even more, before his eyebrows rise, and scrunches. Tears yet again streams down his face.
There is just something about Izuku – something about his being that strips away Katsuki’s walls and makes him feel vulnerable. But unlike the old days, Katsuki isn’t afraid of vulnerability in front of Izuku now.
“I realised that,” Izuku continues. “The thing I want the most in life, is Kacchan.”
Has God taken pity on Katsuki?
To be graced by this…
If this is a dream. Then Katsuki wishes to never wake up.
“I’m sorry it took me this long,” Izuku’s voice breaks as he finishes.
“You idiot. It took me a while too.”
“If you’ll still have me…”
“Like hell I wouldn’t.”
The two spend the rest of the day in the office, within each other’s embrace, thinking of what could be of their future. As Katsuki looks at Izuku, smiling comfortably around him. Katsuki cannot help but be selfish when it comes to Izuku this once.
To love is the greatest curse that has ever befallen Katsuki.