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Hyunjoon was certain that this offseason would end just like any of the previous ones, everything’ll stay the same. All of them will remain in the warmth of their mother org and its people, their home.
Then they’ll encounter some tough schedules, but just like with the crown, they would bear it together, cause it’s easier if you do something challenging with your friends. They would most definitely have a rematch of the snowball fight in December, although this time in France. At the end, with smiley faces they would meet the new season as a unit - together.
Oh, how wrong he was.
So here he is, heading to see his boyfriend, who is no longer his teammate. Solely thinking about it turns his guts upside down, nauseousness starting to pile up in his stomach, threatening to become a real physical reaction of his body.
Within his mind chaos formed, creating a storm of thoughts fueled only by emotions. This damaging storm has been spinning around for days since the announcement, confusing him with what he actually feels.
Coming closer, he sees a single dark silhouette standing in front of him with hands tucked in his pockets, shivering under even the slightest influence of winter wind.
Hyunjoon nearly rushes the last few steps and experiences the same blow of wind. “Wooje” he lets the name slip from his tongue softly.
Boy turns around and takes a stride forward, stepping into the brightness produced by one of the street lights. Bright light embraces him from above, making his features luminous among the dark night.
Now, he’s akin to an angel, and this realization knocks out all of the remaining air in Hyunjoon’s lungs.
Unfortunately, light also reveals traces of tears, still wet on his puffy cheeks, and red eyes with tiredness covering them almost entirely.
Wooje, driven by strong feelings, throws his arms towards Hyunjoon and hugs him desperately, hiding his face in his neck. Hyunjoon instinctively reciprocates the hug and puts one of his hands on Wooje’s nape, a familiar body under his hands calms him a little. “Hey, are you alright? I saw the comments, they are everywhere…” He asks, concerned.
“No, not really.” Wooje’s voice is muffled by how hard he nestles his face, but his words are audible enough for Hyunjoon to hear. “Everything is wrong, it wasn't supposed to be like this.” His voice cracks somewhere in the middle, his body lets out quiet sobs. “I didn’t want it. I wanted to stay…”
Hyunjoon is a little taken aback by how quiet he is. Unnaturally quiet. “I know, I know…” He makes soothing moves on Wooje’s back in a futile attempt to comfort him, at the same time struggling to control his own feelings, he can sense tears incoming shortly. “Everything will be alright eventually.” He isn't sure if he believes in it. At least not yet. Maybe never.
Hyunjoon doesn’t know how many minutes passed by when he was embracing Wooje in the dead of night, because right now, only Wooje matters in his mind. Their mutual muffled sobs are the only sound that picks its way through silently falling snow. White snowflakes surround them, cutting off from the outside world.
Last year, when white powder snow covered the world, Hyunjoon confessed in a similar fashion, making them official. He wouldn't have guessed that he would have to do something similar again, but right now, he chooses to enjoy the moment, he pretends the circumstances are different. In this single moment, everything is okay and he would do anything to freeze this moment, to stay in it until the end of time.
At last, their shared warmth disappears. Hyunjoon gets cold, and just wishes that this situation never existed. He wishes that they would rather be in their dorms together, savoring each other's presence until they fall asleep. But they can't go back now, no matter how desperately both of them want it. Wooje’s room is already taken.
Still, this place or simply the people that stood by his side will always be his home, forever.
Once they stop crying, Hyunjoon breaks apart and now stares at Wooje fondly, hoping that his gaze conveys all the love, and care.
Wooje sniffs and wipes his nose. “Have you thought…” He can’t hold his sight on Hyunjoon, but the last pieces of strength within push him to finish his question. “... about us?”
Without hesitation Hyunjoon blurts out honestly. “Every second for the past few days.”
Wooje’s mind forms “Oh…” in response.
Now it’s the moment Hyunjoon needs to confess, say it out loud, this one last time, while he’s still able to speak. “I love you, I always have. I still do, and I always will.”
Sometimes love means you have to let go, but how can you really let go when it wasn't supposed to end like this? They were happy together and that’s how it was meant to keep going. So he clings to the thought of what they had, what could have had, and what they can have now.
In his mind, there's an idea that they might somehow, with a lot of determination and passion, try a new approach. And then, after a while, find their way back to old habits under better circumstances - someday.
“This relationship ends only if you want to.” Hot tears sting in corners of his eyes, a lump in his throat gets bigger, fear of the answer holding him back. He can already feel a wave of mixed emotions quickly approaching, he’s forced to stop and gather the right words. “Because I will wait for you no matter how long it takes.”
“I love you too. I don’t want this to end, please…” Almost immediately new tears rolled down Wooje’s cheeks, staining his pretty face with its traces. “So you want to… stay with me?”
“Yes, I still want to be your partner and I wish you to be mine.” Hyunjoon first smile tonight is full of tenderness and love, Wooje's heart isn’t ready for this at all. When he feels Hyunjoon’s hand on his cheek caressing it gently, he just closes his eyes.”I’ll always be with you, whether close or far, regardless how far, always right beside you.”
Yearning paired with longing might kill them internally, but when there's a willingness, there's also a chance it will be alright after all.
As tears fall down from his closed eyelids, Wooje takes Hyunjoon’s hand into his own and places it on his heart, opening his eyes slowly. “I’ll take you with me anywhere, because I have you right here.”
Touched, still smiling, Hyunjoon lets his tears flow. “I’ll wait for you when you’ll be back. Please, come back home soon.” He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, then slowly slips his hand out of Wooje’s grasp to cup his face, now using both hands and locking his eyes with Wooje. “But remember, call me every night, tell me how was your day, if you ate well, how was your sleep, don't keep your worries inside, share it with me. Can you promise me that?”
Wooje, clinging to Hyunjoon’s shoulders, nods faintly. “I promise, I really do.”
“And promise me you’ll visit us sometimes, you being back at dorms… maybe we could pretend that it isn’t real, it’s just a dream. Even just for a short while…”
“I would like that. I will come by, I promise.” Wooje leans in for a kiss. Long and sweet kiss, full of love, desire, and sadness. A kiss tasting like a goodbye, but both of them agreed, it’s rather a see you later.
~Think I'll miss you forever
Like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky
Later's better than never
Even if you're gone, I'm gonna drive (drive), drive~