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“Don’t miss me too much, Ma~kun~” Ritsu teased, twirling a finger through Mao’s hair. For some reason, the sun-averse man decided to occupy the lovely spring evening by towering over Mao from behind as the former student council president worked at one of the Seisoukan Apartment Library tables.
Mao barely acknowledged Ritsu, continuing to organize his papers. “You’re going abroad for a couple weeks on a tour with Knights, right?”
“Mhmm~ The Sweet Beats Joyful Journey campaign was pretty successful, so I’m sure this trip will be too. Such a shame that I won’t be able to pack you in with my other luggage…”
“Those two weeks will be gone too soon.”
“Ma~kun!?” Ritsu draped himself over his childhood best friend. “One of these days you’re gonna admit that you loooove having me around…”
“…In your dreams.”
It was the fourth day since Ritsu left Japan with the rest of Knights. Unsurprisingly, the dorm room was much more peaceful when Sena and Itsuki weren’t living there at the same time, which saved a lot of the headache from his and Kiryu daily lives. Peace was nice… Quiet was nice…
That’s what Mao silently repeated to himself as he lay wide awake in bed, staring at the ceiling. I’m not falling asleep, am I? With a resigned sigh, he sat up to observe Itsuki, who was sewing with the aid of his small bedside lamp, and Kiryu, whose large chest slowly heaved in peaceful slumber.
“Is something the matter?” Itsuki prompted, snapping Mao out of his thoughts. The artist’s gaze stayed fixed on needle and thread that waltzed gracefully between his fingers and the fabric.
“O-Oh, sorry. It’s nothing, Itsuki-senpai.”
“Is the light disturbing you?”
“Nah, I’m used to you having it on. And a small light like that won’t keep me awake.”
Itsuki paused his sewing to make direct eye contact with Mao. “Lost in your thoughts?”
“Hah… something like that. It’s… too quiet.”
“And here I was, worrying that the noise would keep you awake,” Itsuki deadpanned. “How do you normally get yourself to fall asleep?”
Mao put a hand to his chin. “I don’t really think about it. Half the time, I’m just working until I pass out at my desk. The only times I fall asleep in bed is when I manage to make it there before falling asleep.”
“That is hardly a healthy work ethic!”
“Do you not always do the same?” Mademoiselle piped up.
Itsuki gasped before covering his mouth and glancing over to Kiryu. “Mademoiselle, please do not startle me so suddenly at this hour! Besides, are you not supposed to be resting?”
Mademoiselle lightly giggled. “You know that as long you are awake, Shu-kun, I can also be awake. Anyway, Mao-chan… Is your trouble falling asleep caused by Ritsu-chan being gone?”
“What!?” Mao whisper yelled. “Where did that come from!? Why would he have anything to do with any of this!? He wasn’t even on my mind!”
Itsuki scoffed. “And yet you are crossing your arms and pouting as a petulant child would.”
“No need to be so hard on him,” Mademoiselle chided. “It is only natural for someone to miss their partner, even when they’re only separated for a short time.”
Mao choked. “W-We’re not…!”
“It’s okay, Mao-chan. Shu-kun also had a hard time in Paris when he didn’t call Mika-chan at least once a day ♪”
“Mademoiselle!?” Itsuki indignantly whispered, the color of his face matching that of his hair.
“That’s not…!” Mao sighed. “I’m fine not hearing from him since he’s usually excessively bothering me anyway. If he wasn’t latching onto me in person, he’d either send texts of something he saw or call me to see how I was doing. Though he’s been blowing up my phone less since ES was founded… and even less now that he’s abroad…”
“Perhaps it would be a good idea to call him before sleeping,” Mademoiselle kindly suggested. “Even if it doesn’t work, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to try.”
“No.”
“Watch your tone,” Itsuki warned, eyes narrowed.
“Just ignore Shu-kun,” Mademoiselle amended. “Humor me, please?”
“I don’t…” Mao turned on his phone and opened his contacts list. “…” A shaky finger hovered over Ritsu’s name, and his other hand gripped his phone so tightly that his knuckles whitened. “Wait, I have another idea.”
Itsuki raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment.
A soft piano melody started playing from Mao’s phone, its owner grinning triumphantly. “How’s that? I can just pretend it’s him singing to me unprompted, like with everything else he does.”
Mademoiselle giggled, shaking her head. “Very well, then.”
Itsuki also shook his head at Mao’s solution to his predicament. “I fail to understand why you are being so resistant to the idea of making a phone call.”
“Well…” Mao reasoned, “If the call ended up not helping me, then it would’ve been for nothing, and I know Ritsu would be reeeally annoying about it. And like I said, I don’t want to talk with him more than I have to.” What was there even to miss about such a quiet, soothing, sometimes husky—
Itsuki still eyed his roommate skeptically but slowly nodded. “Good night, then.”
Mao bid Itsuki and Mademoiselle a good night, resting his phone next to his head as Ritsu’s calming singing voice continued to flow from it into his heart.
…
It ended up being the best sleep Mao had all week.
“…Is everything alright, Mao-kun?”
“Huh?” Mao glanced over from the bookshelf that held a lot of the Manga Club’s latest hits to see Nagisa putting back a book onto a shelf marked for BIBLION’s recommendations. It seemed like they were going to be the only two idols in the Seisoukan Apartment Library that evening. “Um, yes? Did I look, um, unfine…?”
Nagisa chuckled mysteriously. “…You appear very skittish… And you have been standing at that bookshelf for much too long without picking anything out.”
Embarrassed, Mao snatched a random manga without looking and showed it to Nagisa. “Actually, I just decided on one right before you spoke to me.”
Sharp magma-red eyes impassively scanned the title. “…‘The Secret Affair Between Me and My Brother’?”
“H-HUH!?” Mao flipped around the manga, and sure enough… “Who put this in here!?”
“…Most likely Amagi Rinne. Regardless, there is little point in lying to me. Not only are you obvious, but digging yourself deeper in a lie can also lead to even more embarrassment.”
Mao’s shoulders slumped in defeat, and he slid the manga back in the shelf for someone else to take care of. “I guess you’re right…” He jolted as a buzz came from his phone, and in record speed he unlocked it. “Ah, it’s from Subaru…” The Trickstar member tried to ignore the inexplicable and disrespectful stab of disappointment that followed his unit members planning a fun evening.
“…Are you waiting for a specific person to call?”
“Yes— No…?”
Nagisa tilted his head, eyes wide like a child’s.
Mao groaned in frustration. “I mean, it’s only been one week since he’s been gone! So, obviously I’m fine. But I wouldn’t want to miss a call when he tries to pester me in his free time because then he’ll bother and guilt trip me about it later!”
The omnipotent god nodded slowly like Itsuki did, clearly not understanding. “…Are you talking about Ritsu-kun?”
“H-How did you know!?”
“…Ritsu-kun told me about his trip the day before he left, and you two are usually joined at the hip. Naturally, this is the most probable conclusion.”
“Ack… I guess there’s no point hiding— Ah…!” Mao checked his texts as his phone buzzed again. “It’s Ritsu… There he goes again being annoying…” He rolled his eyes as he told Ritsu again that no, they wouldn’t elope when… if they decided to married… which they would not. Ever. Obviously.
“…You’re smiling.”
After answering the unwanted text, Mao finally processed Nagisa’s words and felt his face heat up. “I am!?”
Nagisa curtly nodded. “…It reminds me of Jun answering his phone when Hiyori-kun calls him. There is a brief flash of annoyance, and then a smile appears when they start conversing…” He chuckled fondly. “…Although, the annoyed expression usually makes its way back onto Jun’s face after approximately two seconds… Like Jun, you also care, do you not?”
“Well…” Mao ignored the ensuing buzzes from his phone. “He’s my childhood best friend, so I guess I got used to having to care about him, you know? Maybe it’s more like Stockholm Syndrome.”
“…I happen to be inexperienced in romantic relationships. I thought I understood that the dynamic you two have is normal?”
“ROMANTIC!?” Mao dropped his phone in shock, but thankfully Nagisa’s superhuman reflexes allowed him to narrowly save it. “A-Ah, thanks, Nagisa-senpai. But, um, I think you have the wrong idea about us.”
“…Oh, did I?” Somehow, Nagisa’s stare made the question feel like a challenge.
A bead of sweat formed on Mao’s forehead. “I-I mean…”
“…Even after the formation of La Mort, Ritsu and I have hung out on a few occasions. He has mentioned you many times…” One of Nagisa’s eyes glinted knowingly, as if there was anything to know. “…I remember how the two of you acted during our trip to America as well. You two were always together.”
“That was mostly because Ritsu was clinging onto me the entire time; he was even waiting for me the moment I left my hotel room!”
Nagisa smiled. “…Having that dedication in a partner is quite incredible. Treasure that while you have that time together.”
“…I’ll keep that in mind.” It’s not like he’s going to leave me anytime soon… right? The thought hadn’t exactly ever crossed Mao’s mind. He’d gotten so used to— no, comfortable, that he never really thought that far ahead. Mao simply assumed Ritsu would be a constant in his life, not really wondering about what it would look like otherwise. How would life look like without Ricchan…?
“…Is everything alright?” Despite Nagisa’s generally unexpressive face, the worry in his eyes was crystal clear. “…I sometimes have difficulty discerning social boundaries.”
“No, no. You didn’t do anything bad.” Mao dismissively waved the godly man off. “It’s just a lot to think about. I never really put that much thought into our relationship.” Only when I have trouble sleeping…
“…I see. If you ever need to sort your thoughts out, you are free to talk to me.”
“Thanks, Nagisa-senpai ♪”
“Yume is done. Break time ♪” Ignoring the splutters of the cameraman, Hanamura daintily strolled over to a nearby seat and gracefully lowered himself onto it. “It is now Forehead Guy’s turn. Yume has his own photoshoot.”
Mao apologetically smiled at the disoriented worker. “Maybe it’s best if we all just take a break for now.” It was mostly for the staff member’s sake, but honestly, there was only so long Mao could sit still in the Simple Studio’s hot seat, enduring the continuous camera flashes.
Hanamura giggled. “Yume’s senior knows best…♪”
“Right…” Mao awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. It was one of his first times doing a photo shoot with Esupuri, not having really talked to the new recruits of NEW DI since their debut in 4piece. And he didn’t have any familiar faces to help ease the tension either. The last time he did a photoshoot with NEW DI…
“Forehead Guy? Yume wants to know why you are smiling so stupidly.” Hanamura asked the question with all the innocence of a child, no malice in his expression or voice.
“Stop calling me that… Um, I was just thinking about the last photoshoot that I had with NEW DIMENSION. It’s an up-and-coming agency that friends like Knights, Switch, and Dou— ah, MaM work at, so the rest of the larger agencies sometimes collaborate with them for promotion. Aoba-senpai has a lot of connections with influential representatives like Tenshouin-senpai, Saegusa, and Hasumi-senpai, which helps a lot with getting other agencies on board with projects.”
“Yume… does not understand.”
Mao smiled wistfully. “Sorry, I guess I got a bit off topic. That always did happen with him too…”
“Him?” The young idol sipped on the boba he got from who-knows-where, an expectant shine in his curious eyes.
“Ritsu.” Saying the name out loud somehow felt different with it being ten days since Ritsu left… Only a few days left until he returned to ES… to him.
“…?”
“He’s from Knights. I think you would know about him. One of the Big Three of ES?”
“Knights… Oh. Yume remembers. Yume and Esu competed against them in 4piece.”
“Mhm. Ritsu’s a part of Suou and Tsukinaga-senpai’s unit. We’ve gotten paired together for a few photoshoots between Trickstar and Knights too. Ritsu’s really smart… but he’s also really lazy.” Mao chuckled fondly. “Whenever we’ve been shooting for too long, he clings onto me and tells me to cuddle him so he can replenish his energy. Though pushing him onto the floor seems to work just fine too.”
“Kind of like Yume and Esu…” Hanamura pensively stared into space. “Esu always screams at Yume for trying to cuddle together. Yume just wants to take care of Esu…”
“Why do you keep doing it if Sagiri doesn’t want you to?”
Hanamura sighed. “Yume doesn’t know how else to show that he loves Esu. Yume loves Esu. It’s as simple as that. Yume doesn’t think Esu understands how he would feel if Yume wasn’t around. Ever since Yume— Esu lost his father… Is it not the same for Forehead Guy?”
“You really need to come up with a different name… Well, honestly, at this point, I’m pretty sure it’s just a bit that the both of us play out. Kinda like how Subaru and Makoto are their own comedy duo. Ritsu is my childhood friend, so he clings onto me, and every time, I’ve gotta act like I don’t care.”
“…Does Forehead Guy need to, though?”
“Huh?”
Hanamura’s cute face was unexpectedly intimidating when serious, just like during 4piece when he growled at anyone getting close to Esu. “Why not accept his feelings?”
Mao shakily laughed. “W-What do you mean?” It’s not like I could reciprocate them in the first place. “He’s not being serious. Like I said, it’s just—”
“Yume and Esu have a similar dynamic, even if it is not the same type of love. Yume can confidently say that all his actions are genuine. Yume loves Esu. Yume thought he already said that. Everything Yume does is genuine.”
“That’s… a simple way of looking things.”
“Forehead Guy should know this. He is much older than Fuyume. Does he not understand his own childhood best friend?”
Mao marveled at the boy before him. Hanamura was hardly old enough to be a first-year student at Yumenosaki, but… “You might have a point.”
“Of course Yume does. Now excuse Yume; he has something to take care of.” Hanamura pulled out his phone and started posing for the camera. “…♪”
Left to his own thoughts, Mao leaned back in his seat, resting his eyes. Does Ritsu really feel that way about me? I guess I could always ask him, but… no, that would be too awkward, wouldn’t it? “Hey childhood best friend, were you serious about being in love with me this entire time, and I was just obliviously brushing you off like a shoujo protagonist?” Even if Ritsu did actually feel that way, where would that leave Mao? How would he even respond? An adult, and he still ran from his feelings, huh…
“Gah!” Mao tripped over his own feet, stumbling forward and rolling onto the Dance Room’s hard, tiled floor.
“Isara,” Hokuto scolded. “If Subaru managed to actually make it on time, you would have crashed right into him. Not to mention that the set of our upcoming MV is going to be in a crowded space. I would rather not make the staff’s job harder by crashing into a display shelf. Focus more on coordinating your movements properly. Do you understand?”
“I-I think he gets it.” Makoto nervously laughed, taking a seat on the floor next to where Mao laid out on the floor. “Are you okay, Isara-kun?”
“…Yeah.” The defeated idol grunted painfully as he sat up.
Hokuto’s eyes softened. “I didn’t mean to sound too harsh. Sorry.”
Mao shook his head. “No, it’s okay. I get what you mean. I should be the one apologizing instead… I dunno, I’m just kinda out of it.”
“Do you need to rest a bit?” Hokuto strolled over to the dance studio mirror and fetched a couple of water bottles. “You might be a bit dehydrated.”
Mao absently nodded, savoring the sensation of the cool water washing away some of the fuzz in his brain. “Much better.”
“…Sooo,” Makoto started. “…Ritsu-kun?”
“HUH!? WHO TOLD YOU!?”
Makoto fell backward, and the impact of the fall sent his glasses flying. “W-What do you mean!? Why are you yelling!?”
Mao immediately regretted his outburst, crawling over to Makoto’s glasses and ignoring Hokuto’s suspicious stare. “O-Oh, um, sorry. Here are your glasses… So, what did you mean by ‘Ritsu’?”
The blond warily eyed his fellow unit mate. “I was about to joke that it must be nice to have him not around for so long, but, um, I didn’t expect that reaction.”
“Oh. H-Haha, yeah! You’re right! It’s nice to not have him clinging onto me so much…” Mao could tell from the skeptical expressions on Hokuto and Makoto’s faces that he wasn’t exactly giving the best fake smile.
As always, the leader of Trickstar was the most straightforward of the four. “You miss him.”
The statement struck an uncomfortable chord within Mao, one that had been played by most of the people around him in the past week. What was the point in denying it? “…Yep.” The admission was a huge weight off Mao’s chest, only for the suffocating dread to be replaced with a breathless, melancholic longing.
Makoto’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. “Wow, and it’s only been just over a week?”
“Twelve days.” Not that Mao was actively counting.
Hokuto arched an eyebrow. “That was a quick response… Well, there’s no need to worry. Sakuma is scheduled to come back in two days, is he not?”
Makoto nodded. “He told CRAFTMONSTER that he’d be back in exactly two weeks. I’m not sure if he meant by morning or night though.” Something must’ve shown on Mao’s face, as the gamer quickly added, “I-I’m sure he misses you just as much, though! Ritsu-kun doodles your face sometimes in the corners of the pages that he paints or draws on.”
“Hm…” Hokuto frowned. “I suppose what Isara is feeling is similar to the pains of a long-distance relationship.”
“We’re not…!” The words caught in Mao’s throat. “I’m not… He’s not… He doesn’t… I…” He didn’t know what he was still trying to deny anymore. That they weren’t in a relationship? That they didn’t have feelings for each other? That, somehow, ever since Mao felt like he’d been unlocking some truth hidden away in his heart, the distance that was always between him and Ritsu somehow felt even longer?
Hokuto and Makoto crowded their unit member from both sides and hugged him. Even though Hokuto wasn’t the best at expressing his affection, even though Makoto always liked to stick to numbers more than feelings… what they always gave each other in tough times was irreplaceably, comfortingly warm. The trio stayed like that in silence for a few minutes until they could hear a loud commotion from outside.
Makoto giggled. “Guess Akehoshi-kun finally made it. He’s gonna be mad that he missed a group hug ♪”
Hokuto scoffed. “From the sounds of it, there’s already something else that’s grabbed his attention even more. Let’s go see what it is.” He stood up, pulling his unitmates to their feet with him. “Isara.”
“Hm?”
The actor smiled comfortingly. “Come to the theatre rehearsal that Dramatica is running tonight. That should aid in taking your mind off the whole ordeal.”
Makoto jumped in front of his leader. “And we can have a gaming night too! And we can invite Harukawa-kun, Sazanami-kun, and, and—”
“…Thanks, guys.” Mao smiled hopefully. “And I can ask Subaru for a round of basketball tomorrow.” As Makoto and Hokuto ran out to join Subaru, Mao was reminded that as long as he had his friends, everything would turn out alright. For the moment, he would just try not to let his feelings tear him apart.
“…The hell!?” Koga stopped playing his guitar.
“Huh?” Mao braced himself. “Did I hit the strings in the wrong order and not notice?”
Band BB had gathered that day in the Band Rehearsal Studio for another circle meeting. The twins said they were busy planning for a rehearsal, leaving Mao, Koga, and Sakuma alone to practice. Sakuma insisted on watching Koga and Mao practice guitar so he could judge… which entailed him just chuckling evilly in the corner every once in a while.
“That sound…” Koga’s wide eyes flitted between the guitar and its player. “Do that again.”
Mao nervously glanced to Sakuma, who only appeared similarly surprised. “O-Okay…” He tried to strum the notes in the same way as before. “Is that it?”
Sakuma shared a meaningful look with Koga before speaking up. “Isara-kun, did you have anything in mind when practicing? A specific song? A specific feeling?”
Mao slowly shook his head. “Honestly, I was just trying random things to see what sounded good.” He did space out thinking about what to do when Ritsu arrived back in ES the next day, something he tried not to get excited about when Ritsu started listing all the things he wanted to do with Mao when he returned to Japan, though Mao hoped that wasn’t relevant enough to mention.
The vampiric man hummed thoughtfully. “It reminds me of ‘Ikanaide’ somehow…”
Koga’s ears perked up. “I think I recognize the name o’ that song. It ain’t by anyone in ES, right? Kinda depressing from what I remember…”
“Correct. It’s a melancholic song about not wanting to say goodbye. It is not that the song Isara-kun played was in the same melody, but rather, it captured a similar essence. If he was not paying attention to what he was playing, perhaps it came from the heart instead.”
Sakuma-senpai has always been more observant than I liked…
“Even if Isara-kun isn’t aware of it himself, I believe this can only be about my dear Ritsu.” Sakuma smirked. “And judging by his avoidant gaze, I can only assume I’m correct.”
Koga rolled his eyes. “Really, Dekosuke? Ritchii? Y’all are already glued together every day, an’ ya can’t handle bein’ apart fer a couple weeks!?”
“Wanko, I recall something similar happening to you—”
“Shut the hell up!” The wolfish guitarist hid his face in his hands, his red ears still more visible than he would’ve liked.
“Back to Isara-kun…” Sakuma’s blood-red eyes practically glowed. “Do you understand why your heart sings this tune?”
“My heart…?” Mao tightened his grip around his guitar, and he thought back to the past two weeks. “I miss him, I guess. He’s my childhood friend, and I got so used to him being around, that I didn’t think about what it’d be like without him gone. I didn’t think I would start to notice that he wasn’t bothering me, trying to cling onto me, trying to… confess to me. He’s an annoying childhood friend, but he’s mine.”
Koga whistled lowly.
“Is that all?”
Mao searched Sakuma’s eyes for the answer the demonic leader was asking for. “…You’re asking me if I… have feelings for him?”
Sakuma smiled. “Play your guitar again. Focus on your feelings.”
“Jus’ know that if it gets too sappy, I’m endin’ that shit immediately,” Koga joked.
Mao closed his eyes, letting himself forget the two other musicians in the room. Just me and my guitar. He brushed his fingers across the strings to orient himself and started slowly strumming. Ever since we were kids, he’s always been by my side, whether I wanted him or not. There’ve been times when he pulled back so I wouldn’t “get dragged down” with him…
A sudden brief harshness accentuated the soft melody.
But when he tried that… I couldn’t let him go. I couldn’t have him leave me alone. Especially not when he did it because of how much he cared about me. And when he did it because he saw how I was treating myself. When he’s with me… he always tells me that he loves me… And I want to believe him… A part of me does believe him…
Mao’s hands shook a bit, causing a melancholic shift in the song.
What would happen if I asked him? Seriously asked him? Would he realize I took his feelings seriously? Would he realize that I wasn’t taking him seriously all these years? Would he regret making me think that he loved me? Would I regret loving…!?
“It seems you’ve arrived at your answer.” Sakuma’s voice cut through the strums of Mao’s guitar.
Mao opened his eyes only to see a blurred outline of his senior. Blinking the tears out of his eyes, he saw a sad smile on Sakuma’s face, and he gasped when he saw Koga’s glistened eyes. “I…” He swallowed thickly. “I guess I do…”
“I wasn’t joking about what I said at Operetta, Isara-kun.”
“Huh?”
Sakuma picked up a flute. “Shall we resume playing? I suppose you would rather not sit in this somber mood for too long. We wouldn’t want it to be obvious to anyone passing in the hallway after our meeting ends.”
Mao was half-convinced that a good portion of ES knew about his strife at this point, but he was more than willing to preserve what little dignity he had left. “Right. Let’s keep playing. You good to go, Koga?”
“W-What the hell do ya mean by that!? ‘C-Course I am! Ain’t nothin’ like that can phase the one and only Oogami Koga!”
“Mm…?” Mao stirred awake as he vaguely processed someone prodding at his back. Who is that…? He distinctly remembered staying up so that he could catch Ritsu’s return flight, but then… Ah, he fell asleep, didn’t he?
“Ma~kun~ Wakey-wakey~”
“AH!” Mao’s grogginess immediately cleared as he shot upright in bed, painfully knocking heads with the person above him. “OW!”
“OW, MA~KUN! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?”
Mao forgot the throbbing pain in his forehead and leaned over to see the person that fell off his bed. “Ricchan, why didn’t you tell me you were back!?”
Ritsu’s eyes widened. “You just called me… Wait, didn’t I tell you that I’d be back today?”
“What time is it!?” Mao looked around the dorm and realized that none of his roommates were there. “Everyone’s gone…”
“Yeah, Ma~kun. Secchan grabbed the other two to help him carry his luggage. But if you ask me, I think Kurocchi is gonna end up doing most of the lifting anyway… Anywho, I didn’t know you’d be sleeping away the moment I arrived back in Japan.” Ritsu dramatically sprawled out across the floor, the back of his hand to his forehead. “And here I thought we could play out one of those romantic reunion movie scenes.”
“…We could still do that, if you want?”
“Ma~kun.” Ritsu sat up, an unreadable expression on his face. “You’ve… been acting differently. I noticed it from our texts and calls too. Not that I wouldn’t love to be indulged, but it really pisses me off when you’re being all secretive like this, y’know? What’s really going on?”
“S-Sorry…” Just ask him. Just get it over with. “Hey, Ritsu…”
“…?”
Mao sucked in a shaky breath. “When you’re constantly flirting with me… are you being serious about it?”
The expression on Ritsu’s face stayed blank. “…Do you want me to be?”
“T-That didn’t answer the question!”
Ritsu crookedly grinned, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “Ma~kun~ I know I’m bad at being serious about things, but I really do care about you. It’s true. I do exaggerate a looot. I say a lot of things that I’m not serious about. I thought that’d be obvious.”
Mao fought down the tears that started to prick his eyes. “Right… Of course.”
“Ma~kun. Don’t get any ideas yet. I’m not finished.” Ritsu’s pale face made even the faint pink on his cheeks stand out. “I’m not… opposed to advancing our relationship in that kind of way. Honestly, I’m okay where we are now too. All I need is Ma~kun by my side, and I’ll be fine. I don’t need anything more than that, so don’t force yourself.” Ritsu shot an annoyed glare at his childhood friend. “I don’t even know where all of this is coming from. Just because you’re an adult doesn’t mean you have to start thinking, y’know? I like them stupid, I’ll have you know ♪”
“You really don’t care if we stay friends.”
“Noope~”
“…” Mao stared at the lazy boy in disbelief. Really now, Ricchan… You’re smart enough to know that I can tell when you’re lying so obviously, aren’t you? So, why do you bother lying to me so casually, especially about something like this!?
“You good, Ma~kun?”
“I’m not forcing myself.”
The vampiric boy tilted his head.
“Ricchan, I…” Just say the words. Two words. That’s all it takes. I like… I love… “I… care. I care about you too.” Dammit. Why won’t the words come out!? I already know that I…! The tears started to well back up in Mao’s eyes, boiling with anger.
Ritsu smiled sadly. “Thanks, Ma~kun.”
Mao leapt onto the floor and pulled his childhood friend into a comforting embrace. The tears he was holding back slowly rolled down his face into Ritsu’s shoulders, and he hiccupped. “T-That’s not what I’m trying to say! D-Do you know what I’m trying to… Ricchan…?” His voice grew cracked as he whispered his plea. Can you hear me…?
Ritsu pulled his head back and cupped Mao’s cheek. “Yeah.”
That look in his eyes… He… He still doesn’t believe me…
“Hm…” Ritsu laughed softly, yet somehow it sounded so, so wrong. Painful. Disbelieving. Regretful. “Guess my insecurities aren’t ready to let go of me yet, huh~? It isn’t your fault, Ma~kun.”
“Isn’t it though!?” The words… Why can’t I…!? “I-I can say it!”
“Remember when I said not to force yourself?” Ritsu tried pulling away from the hug, but Mao’s grip kept him firmly in place. “You can let go of me…”
“I… I’m sorry… Please believe me…”
“Hey, Ma~kun.”
“Huh?”
“I’m not going away anytime soon. Well, I hope so, at least, but you never know. OW! I thought you didn’t want to hurt me, Ma~kun; at least let me have my fun~” Ritsu’s teasing smile softened into one of tender fondness. “I promise I’ll stay by your side until you can say those words to me. So, don’t worry about it too much for now, okay? Don’t worry about me.”
“…Okay. Everything will be okay.” Mao rested his head on Ritsu’s shoulders again. “Even if I can’t say it, I’ll show you. Over and over again until you have no choice but to believe me.”
“…I’ll be counting on you, Ma~kun ♪”
“Just you wait, Ricchan. Ever since were kids, you’ve always showed me how much you loved me… And now, it’s my turn.”