Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

That night, Red’s first night in her new dorm room, her first night in her new life, she slept like a freaking rock. Nothing disturbed her for hours, and she woke well past breakfast time to sunlight streaming through her windows.

It was the best sleep she’d ever had. She should’ve known it wouldn’t last.

***

The thing is, changing the past didn’t change Red’s past. At least- not the one she remembered. But everything else was different, the other side of a coin that Red had barely even recognized she was flipping. She’d known that playing with the past was risky, but she hadn’t realized what she’d be giving up.

When Red wakes up the morning after returning, she's met with a stranger in the mirror. Not entirely, of course. She still looks like herself. Still sounds like herself. Still has her signature crimson locks. But…there are changes. 

Her skin is smooth where there used to be scars and callouses. Her arms and legs are missing some of the muscles that comes from a life spent sneaking out and climbing walls. Her hair is cut shorter, kept wavier. 

Red throws her closet open and is met with a variety of whites and pinks scattered amongst the red and black. There's a distinct lack of leather. Her dresser has framed pictures of her and Chloe and her and her mom and even some of people she doesn't recognize. 

In one of them, the queen is smiling, her arms draped lovingly over Red’s shoulders. They both seem so carefree and happy. Red can barely stand to look at it as she knocks the frame onto its face.

It hits her then, all at once, what she’s really truly done. What all she has changed. 

My whole life, she thinks. Her heart beats wildly in her chest, her lungs twisting and caving in until Red feels like she can barely even breathe in the stifling air of a room filled with a life that isn’t hers. 

By the time Chloe comes knocking, she’s already shaken off her first breakdown of the day and is quickly on her way to a second. Because her phone is ringing. And the word ‘Mom’ is displayed on its screen.

“Hey, Red? Sorry, I can hear your phone ringing. I can wait a minute if you need to answer it!” Chloe’s voice comes through the door only faintly, Red’s ears feeling oddly stuffed. The noise of the phone seems to fold in on itself, warped and echoey and ringing in her head long after its gone to voicemail.

“Red?” Chloe tries again. She has no idea how long the princess has been waiting.

Snap out of it, Red. Pull yourself together!

Red takes two huge gulps of air and steels herself. With only slightly shaking fingers, she types out a quick ‘sorry, busy’ to her mom the person calling, and then she runs her hands through her hair, blinks several times, and makes her way to the door.

It’s fine, she thinks. It will take some getting used to, this new life of hers. But this is what she wanted…right? 

Red makes it through her first day of school in a daze, barely registering the people who try to talk to her as she stares uncomprehendingly at the answer she’d gotten to her text. It was two simple sentences. Nothing more than a ‘that’s okay! have a great day at school!’ followed by three red heart emojis. 

Her mom? Telling her to have a great day? Red keeps pulling her phone out to double, triple, quadruple-check that she hadn’t just imagined it.

The message never changes.

***

Red learned quickly that she was still the odd one out in a way. Wonderland had a different history now, one free of any boarded-up rabbit holes, but it was still a wild foreign land full of the type of magic that people here in Auradon seemed naturally against. 

Red was still the only one from her kingdom at the school; she was part of some new foreign exchange program that Principal Uma set up. She was not the one getting all the stares, though. No, that would go to the Isle kids, the VKs who were attending the school now that the Isle had been opened. 

No one here saw Red as a VK. She was different, sure, but she wasn’t someone to be scared of. After all, Red was a princess. She was foreign royalty. She was the daughter of the Queen of Hearts, the eccentric but kind ruler of Wonderland. 

None of these kids had ever heard the words “off with your head.”  

Red jerks back from the touch before she even registers it. She tenses, prepared for a pain that never comes.

“Oh, sorry!” someone says. Red blinks and realizes it’s just some student, some girl wearing a pretty red sundress, smiling apologetically at Red from a couple of feet away.

“What?” she says dumbly. Her heart is beating just a bit too fast.

“I don’t think you heard me call your name, so I was just going to give you a tap. You must’ve been really lost in your thoughts!”

Red just stares, confused and wary.

“Um, sorry, you’re Red, right? We had last period together. Algebra two? I was hoping you’d let me take a picture of your notes. I had to go to the bathroom for a few minutes.”

Right. Notes. Class. Students. Red shakes herself and reaches to pull her notebook from her backpack, handing it over without another word. The girl’s fingernails match her dress, tapping against her phone screen as she snaps a couple of pictures.

Red stares at them and feels the ghost of similar nails against the soft skin of her cheeks, digging into the sides of her face as a kind of warning, a reprimand. A reminder. 

“Thanks so much!” the random girl chirps, and she’s off with a swirl of blonde hair. 

Red stays in the hallway for several more minutes and reminds herself to breathe. 

***

By the end of her first week of school, Red was exhausted. Things were different in Auradon, something she was sure would be true even if they hadn’t changed the past, but it was practically giving her whiplash to go from Wonderland to…boarding school.

Even when they were at Merlin Academy, they’d spent most of their time running around and getting into magical trouble. Between Bridget’s cupcake incident, sneaking around at the Black Lagoon, almost getting caught trying to steal the cookbook…well, it wasn’t exactly a normal school experience. 

Auradon Prep was a whole different world, though. Red wasn’t used to having to spend all day going to classes like this, and she certainly wasn’t accustomed to spending so much time around other people. Students in her classes didn’t fear her. They had no problem talking to her before the bell rung, asking her questions, looking to share notes or borrow a pencil or gossip about the cute boy two desks over. People asked to sit with her at lunch. People wanted to be her friend. 

It was jarring. Red felt overwhelmed after just one day and then she had to do it all over again the next. And the next. And the next. 

Without even so much as a proper tea break!

Red had been castle-schooled her whole life. She was used to being told what to do and where to go and when to be somewhere. The routine of school was comforting in that way, but being on her own for the first time was as nervewracking as it was freeing. Red had always wanted to get out from under her mother’s controlling thumb, but she found herself floundering a little when left to her own devices. 

There were so many choices. Everyday. And it didn’t help that Red didn’t really know what most of them were. One of the first things she’d had to do, on day one, was pick an elective for her schedule. She hadn’t even heard of half of the classes offered. Computer science? Cinematography? She ended up picking ‘art’ since at least that one was a word she recognized. 

Then, she’d had to pick an extracurricular. Auradon Prep was apparently really big on student organizations and athletic programs. Red wasn’t much of a sports girl, but the idea of picking a club to join was oddly daunting. Red still wasn’t sure exactly who she wanted to be yet.  

The food here was weird, too. Nothing seemed to taste quite right, and some of it didn’t sit all that well in Red’s stomach. People here preferred coffee over tea, and for some reason, they seemed to like it cold. The use of technology was a steep learning curve, and the level of homework was astonishing. 

The biggest change, though, was the lack of magic. Something even Merlin Academy had. Red knows that Queen Mal has been working to change the laws and opinions surrounding the use of magic, but even under Principal Uma’s rule, it’s still not allowed on campus. 

Magic was ubiquitous in Wonderland. Everyone had it to some extent. There were creatures who wouldn’t survive without it. Red had grown up with it all around her. Her mother had given Red her first deck of cards on her fifth birthday. She hadn’t been without them since.

It was weird, to suddenly be somewhere where not only was magic not used, but it was looked down upon. Some of the VKs clearly had magic, but even they wouldn’t be able to relate, not when the barrier had blocked them of feeling it for most of their lives. 

No, in this- Red was alone. Her fingers flipped a single card around her hands, over and over like a nervous tick, and Red hated herself, just a little, when she realized she’d been fidgeting with the queen of hearts. Was it wrong to miss it? Was it possible to feel homesick for a home that no longer existed? 

Red was happy here. Really, she was. She was grateful and excited. Despite all the differences, Auradon was everything she’d hoped for. A fresh start, a place to find her own path. 

So why didn’t it feel like enough?

***

Chloe quickly became Red’s life raft in the turbulent sea that was Auradon Prep. Chloe was her constant, her shoulder to lean on and her friend to confide in. They’d only grown closer since their time in the past. 

Chloe was the only person Red could talk to when she felt unmoored. Chloe understood. She knew what they went through to get to where they were. She knew that they were the heroes of the story, that they had saved the day.

It’s just-

“They’ll never know,” Red whispers. 

“Hm?” Chloe turns her head slightly, blue curls falling over one eye from where she lay upside down on the bed. A computer is propped on her stomach. 

“They’ll never know,” Red says again, stronger. She sits herself up, curling her legs underneath her. “Auradon. Wonderland. They’ll never know what we did for them.”

Chloe hums thoughtfully. “Yeah. It’s weird, isn’t it? I mean, our moms never stopped being friends. Mine called yours my Aunt Bridget the other day. How strange is that?”

Red didn’t know that. She feels a frown tug at her lips. In this world, she’d apparently always known Chloe. They’d grown up as friends. 

“Do you ever…I don’t know. Feel like you’re missing something? Our whole lives were rewritten, and we’re the only people who know.”

Her stomach is tied in knots around a feeling she can’t quite explain or label. She doesn’t understand why she feels this way. 

Chloe sets her computer aside and pushes herself up to face Red properly, an uncharacteristically serious look on her face. “Hey. I get it. It is really odd to think my own memories are wrong. My mom is- she’s different. Having Bridget stay her friend…it changed things about her, about our family, about me. But at least we’ve got each other.”

“Right,” Red says softly. Chloe ducks her head a little to catch Red’s eye. One hand reaches out to grasp Red’s, her thumb running soothingly over her knuckles. The point of contact burns, a foreign touch that she has to will herself not to flinch away from. This is Chloe, after all.

“I mean it,” her friend says. “If you ever want to talk about it, I’m here for you.”

Red knows the other girl is being sincere, and she’s kind of the only option to begin with, but if she can’t even label her feelings, she definitely can’t explain them to someone else. So she just nods and thanks her friend and tells her she’ll let her know if the need arises. 

Even as the conversation drops, Chloe doesn’t let go of her hold on Red’s hand.

***

Red continued to dodge her mother’s calls. She was always too busy to talk. In truth, she just couldn’t handle the idea of it just yet. She barely even knew herself, now. She wasn’t quite ready to get to know her new mom.

The queen, however, had no reason to suspect anything was amiss, and she loved clearly cared for this version of Red. Red showed up at her door after class one day and found a bright pink package waiting for her, the card signed in her mother’s handwriting.

“Oh, wow, these are delicious!” Chloe mumbles around a mouthful of cupcake. “Your mom sure hasn’t lost her touch.”

No, she hadn’t. The cupcakes are topped with swirls of blue or red because of course Bridget her mom would make them for both Red and Red’s best friend. She was thoughtful like that.

Apparently.

“Here,” Chloe says. She hops up on her knees, the two of them perched atop Red’s bed like usual, surrounded by the contents of the queen’s care package and Red’s school stuff. Chloe’s eyes are bright as she holds out her hand, a chunk of cupcake nearly toppling to the comforter.

“I’ve got my own, you know.”

“I know. But you should try one of the blue ones too!” Chloe stays smiling, and Red can’t help the way she softens at the sight. Chloe’s smile is infectious; it’s warm in a way Red isn’t too familiar with but finds herself drawn to like a moth to a flame. She leans forward, lips just barely brushing Chloe’s fingers as she takes the sweet morsel in her mouth. 

“It’s good,” she manages, nearly inaudible around her mouthful. It’s a different flavor than her own, something fruitier and almost sickeningly sweet.

“It’s my favorite flavor,” Chloe says, her cheeks pink with a light blush. Right. Because in this life, the Queen of Hearts would know Cinderella’s daughter’s favorite cupcake flavor.

Red has to try twice to swallow the sudden lump in her throat, the cupcake suddenly tasting like ash. To keep her hands busy, she starts organizing the mess around them, and Chloe copies her automatically. 

“Oh!” the princess exclaims. She jerks up in a way that has Red flinching on instinct, nearly tumbling off the bed as she startles at the quick movement.

“Sorry,” Chloe says sheepishly. She doesn’t seem to notice how Red freezes, how her heart is still caught in her throat. “But look! Your mom left you a note.”

The blue princess holds out her hand where a glittering pink envelope with Red’s name on it sits. It doesn’t look remotely like something her mother would make. But it does look like something Bridget would. 

Red clears her throat awkwardly and wills her hands not to tremble as she reaches out and grabs the envelope, tearing into it and flipping the card open. The tension that had settled in her shoulders only tightens when she reads the words that have been inked out in delicate handwriting.

“What’s it say?” Chloe asks, as nosy as any princess. Red can’t bring herself to answer. She’s not sure she’s capable of words right now.

“Red?” Chloe questions. She scooches closer, bumping shoulders with the redhead and then leaning into her side casually so she can read the card herself. Red feels lightheaded and oddly stricken, too acutely aware of Chloe’s body pressed against her own, each point of contact shooting strange signals all across her skin. 

“Oh, that’s so sweet! Man, your mom is even cheesier than mine.” Chloe’s voice is light and teasing, as if she doesn’t realize Red is two seconds from a full breakdown. There’s a buzzing in her limbs that urges her to movemovemove but she feels frozen in place at the same time. 

‘I love you, Red,’ the card reads. More than once, even, because it’s also signed: ‘ Much love, Mom.’ 

It’s stupid. It’s so stupid. But Red manages to mumble some sort of excuse and rushes to the bathroom before Chloe can see the tears welling up in her eyes. She’s shaking, her breaths coming too quick and too shallow so that she ends up having to press her hands to the counter in order to stay upright as the room tilts and white spots cloud the edges of her vision. 

She knows Chloe must be worried, so she turns the sink on to make it seem like she’s washing her hands. They’re stained slightly with red frosting when she looks down and for some reason, she can’t help thinking it almost looks like blood. 

“Red? You okay?” Chloe calls.

It takes a few tries, but Red manages a semi-convincing “Yeah, I’m fine” as she wrangles her breathing pattern into something more steady. She hates feeling like this, but the card- it had caught her off guard. 

Her mother has never told her she loves her before. 

***

As the days slipped past, and Red adjusted to life in Auradon, her time spent in the past started to feel more and more like a dream. Like something she imagined, something not real. She wondered if she’d start to lose the memories she had. If she’d start to lose the person she used to be. 

No one here in Auradon ever met the old her. And she knew, deep down, that no one back home would know her either. 

“Was it real?” she finds herself asking. “Did it really happen?”

Chloe smiles softly, slipping one hand into Red’s and giving it a squeeze. “It was real,” she assures. “We did it.”

We did it, Red will remind herself. Late at night, staring at the ceiling, her heart beating too fast and her breath coming too short as she’s yanked once more from a nightmare that feels more like a memory. 

This is what you wanted. 

***

Red and Chloe didn’t have exactly the same schedule, but they did have lunch period together, and they always met up after the school day was over. Red had chosen a spot in the courtyard that gave her a good view of the surrounding area, relaxing after a day of classes and having to talk to her fellow students. 

“Red, hey!” Chloe bounces over with her usual enthusiasm. Her hair is tied back and there’s a sword hanging from her hip, so she must be coming from Swords and Shields practice. 

“Hey,” Red replies more calmly. Chloe flops onto the bench beside her, sprawling out so that their legs end up pressed together from knee to hip. 

The other princess doesn’t seem to notice as she complains lightheartedly about practice being particularly hard. Red, on the other hand, can’t think of anything else. Her senses hone in on the point of contact, a little too aware, and it makes her feel itchy and overheated. 

“Anyway,” Chloe finishes up. “How was your day?”

As she’s saying it, she moves to grab her sword, swinging it off her hip to lay more comfortably across her lap. Red doesn’t know if it’s because she is already on edge, but before she can even process it, she finds herself leaping away, tumbling off the bench and spinning to face Chloe from a few feet away.

“Wha-” 

Chloe blinks, confused by the sudden motion, and Red stands there staring wide-eyed, her chest heaving as she comes back to herself. She can barely hear her friend over the sudden rush in her ears. She stays frozen for several seconds, enough that Chloe gets that little scrunch between her brows that happens when she’s worried.

“Red? You okay?”

Red nods on autopilot, but her mind is somewhere else. For just a moment, she’s in a different courtyard, her mother’s voice hard and echoing as a loyal soldier holds the tip of a sword to his own princess’s neck.

It was just a warning, of course. Her mother wouldn’t really go through with it. But Red never forgot the way the metal had sat, cold and sharp as it pressed against her skin.

The sun glints off the blade in Chloe’s lap, and Red feels sick to her stomach. 

“I’m fine,” she finally says. “You just startled me.” 

She’s not sure who she’s trying harder to convince: Chloe…or herself.

***

Red knew she worried Chloe, sometimes. She could see the other girl eyeing her, her bottom lip caught between her teeth. Red worried herself sometimes. 

She’d lost weight since arriving at Auradon. Well- she honestly wasn't sure what she weighed prior, if perhaps it was different in this body than in her past one, but she could see that she's grown smaller, thinner, that her clothes didn't fit quite as well. 

The circles under her eyes were practically permanent, her sleep plagued by nightmares and memories alike. The more time passed, the more Red started to forget the details about her past. Was this part of the magic? Were they slowly acclimating to the new present? 

Would Red forget there was ever anything different?

She spent a lot of time on her computer, writing down everything she remembered. She felt like she was going crazy. And not just Wonderlandian crazy. 

There were days when everything just felt wrong, but Red couldn't quite remember what was right. She stood in front of the mirror one day and pressed her nails down on the smooth, pale skin where she knew there used to be a scar.   Her eyes drifted to the razor on her sink and she contemplated…for a second…what it might take to bring them back. She used to wear her scars proudly, never afraid of what they meant about her life or her relationship with her mother. 

She wondered if it would hurt to redo them. She wondered if it would feel at all the same. 

The moment passed, and Red scolded herself for her dumb thoughts, but the feeling lingered in the back of her mind even as she sat with Chloe in the bluenette’s dorm room. 

Unlike Red, Chloe had a roommate. She shared her dorm with another young royal, and Red wondered for a moment why it was that she got a suite all to herself. Did her mother ask for it specifically? Did no one else want to room with her? Was it just an odd number? 

“Red? You okay?” Chloe’s voice breaks through her thoughts, and Red turns to acknowledge her friend with a slight hum.

“Hm? Oh, yeah, I’m good. Just thinking.”

“About what?”

Red looks around quickly, scrambling for an answer. “About…what I want to eat for dinner.”

“Oh! You know, I’ve been meaning to go to this cute place in town. Why don’t we take a car over there tonight? Since it’s the weekend.”

Take a car? Red frowns, squinting at her friend. “Into town? We’re not allowed off campus, though, are we?”

Chloe blinks at her, then laughs suddenly, startling Red. “Of course we’re allowed off campus! We have to get permission from the principal, and be properly chaperoned, but students take trips into town all the time to shop and eat and stuff.”

“Oh.” Red hadn’t known that. She just assumed that they were sorta…trapped here. 

Like back home. 

“So? Do you want to try it tonight?” Chloe prompts. 

“Yeah, sure. Sounds fun.”

It does sound fun, but Red is wracked with nerves for some unknown reason as she buckles her seatbelt and feels the car start to drive off. Chloe is nearly vibrating in excitement beside her, already perusing the menu on her phone during the drive. 

Red looks out the window and wonders if she can blame her queasiness on the car. Nevermind that her mother’s driving is ten times worse than their steady chaperone. 

“Red? You okay?” 

Red wonders if Chloe will get tired of asking her that, eventually. If Chloe will get tired of her. 

“I’m fine. Just enjoying the view. I haven’t gotten to see much of Auradon.”

“Oh- that’s right! We should take a field trip more often. I can show you around!”

“Sure,” Red replies. She lets Chloe ramble on about all the fun places she plans on showing Red, and she can’t help the smile that crosses her face as her friend waves her hands through the air and squeals in delight when she remembers something particularly interesting. 

She feels a bit better, after that. Being around Chloe tends to make her worries seem distant, and sure enough, their chaperone is nothing but kind when they arrive in town, telling them to enjoy their evening. No one gets in trouble. They aren’t doing anything wrong. 

Red lets herself relax, just a little, and enjoy having dinner with her friend. 

“I know! The Enchanted Lake! It’s right near school; we barely even have to leave campus. That should definitely be our first destination.”

“Have you mentioned that one before? It sounds familiar.”

“Apparently, that’s where King Ben and Queen Mal fell in love,” Chloe says, winking across the table. 

Ah, right. It still weirds Red out, just a little, that Auradon is ruled by a couple not much older than she is. One of whom is a villain kid. 

“We can pack a picnic and go there for lunch,” Chloe continues. 

“And tea,” Red can’t help but add. Seriously, what do these Auradon kids have against a proper tea break?

“And tea.” Chloe giggles and knocks lightly against the cup full of the stuff in question that’s sitting by Red’s plate. “How about next weekend? I have Swords and Shields practice most afternoons this week.”

“Sure, sounds good.” Red usually just goes along with whatever Chloe wants anyway. Planning outings and hanging with friends is still a new experience for her. 

“Great!” Chloe says. Her smile softens and a tiny blush appears on her cheeks as she continues. “It’s a date.”

***

Time passed strangely for Red. The days felt at times too long and at times way too short. But she knew she couldn’t drag out avoiding her mother for much longer. She’d taken to calling Red every morning, and her voicemails were getting increasingly concerned. 

It made Red anxious as anything, listening to her mother ask if she was feeling alright. The longer she put off picking up, the worse the nerves grew. Ignoring her mother wasn’t an option back home. Red would be in so much trouble. 

“That’s not true,” she tries to remind herself. “She’s not like that anymore.”

Except…Red doesn’t really know that for sure. She doesn’t know anything about this version of her mother. What if she just tricked everyone into thinking she’s nice? What if she’s still exactly as Red remembers her?

That last question is the one that sits heavy on her chest, that ties knots in her stomach, that wakes her up in the middle of the night. Because Red’s still not sure, after all this time, what answer she’s truly hoping for.

Late at night, when everyone in school is asleep save one, Red whispered her worries into the dark.

“Did we do the right thing?” she wonders. She can’t ask Chloe this question; Chloe wouldn’t understand. There are some things that Red just doesn’t know how to explain. 

Like the way the smell of roses makes her gag. Or why she nearly had a breakdown in art class when she spilled red paint all over the floor. Or how she can pinpoint the distinct sound of someone shuffling a deck of cards from across a noisy room.

She doesn’t know how to tell her she still gets nightmares. That she still hasn’t talked to her mom. That she’s terrified of going back to Wonderland and not recognizing the place she calls home.

There are times, especially late at night, where Red wants nothing more than to take Chloe up on her offer to ‘talk about it.’ But she’s scared of what the other girl might think. Will she think Red’s being ungrateful? That she’s being ridiculous? 

Red thinks she is. She knows she is. How ridiculous is she, to be missing something she hated in the first place? Something that is better now. Something she wanted to change. How ungrateful is she, that she can’t even appreciate the new life she’s been given? 

How awful must I be, to want something like that to ever be real?

The thing is- they’d saved Chloe’s mother’s life. They’d saved all of Auradon. So why does it feel like, in saving one mother, they’d somehow killed Red’s?

Why is she mourning someone who, for all intents and purposes, never existed? The Queen of Hearts…she wasn’t who Bridget wanted to become, Red’s sure of it. And yet, sometimes, she wonders if she would want this . Would want to have her whole life erased. 

Surely, the answer is yes. Surely, things are better this way. Better for everyone, Red included. 

Red shouldn’t miss her. She hated her mother. She spent her whole life trying to find ways to escape her or avoid her. She longed to get away. She wished for better days. 

But she looks at the pictures, she reads the articles, she listens to the voicemails. And she doesn’t recognize her mother in any of them. This woman is a stranger, one that Red aches to understand but is terrified of getting close to. 

***

You could lose your mother entirely, Maddox had said.

Red hadn’t realized that, even if they won, that’s exactly what would happen.

Chapter Text

Red had these moments, sometimes, when everything just got to be a little too much. 

The first time was the morning she woke up and realized how much had changed. The second time was shortly after a teacher asked her to stay behind after class. The third was late one night when she woke up sobbing to the ghost of bruises on her wrists.

The fourth, it seems, is after bumping into the principal in the hallway and sending her coffee mug shattering against the floor. 

Red barely even registers the apologies falling from her mouth. Her hands are frantic as she drops to her knees and attempts to scoop up the shards. Something like tears stings at her eyes, but all she can think is-

I’ll show you what punishment is!

“Hey, whoa, chill out there.” The voice seems to come from underwater. Or maybe it’s Red who’s underwater, choking and drowning and unable to breathe. There’s no air in her lungs, no room for it when such sudden fear seems to sweep in and fill her up. 

She’s not even sure where it came from. Just a moment ago she’d been fine. 

But-

Red doesn’t know how long it takes, but eventually, she realizes there’s someone tapping gently against her knees. She’s seated somewhere--somewhere that very much isn’t the hallway she was just in--and there’s a voice telling her to count something. 

She’s not quite sure who it is or what they’re asking, but numbers she can do. She’s always been good at numbers. She starts taking count of the taps, her focus narrowing in on the gentle sensation, and eventually, she sucks in a true breath and blinks teary eyes up at the person in front of her.

It’s Uma. Principal Uma. But for a second, with her teal braids and her dark eyes, Red almost thinks it’s Uliana. She hadn’t realized before how similar the two looked.

“You with me?” the principal--and holy shit she’s the principal --asks.

Red nods, cheeks flushing with embarrassment as the moment catches up to her. God, did she really just break down like that? In front of the principal?

“Sorry,” she mumbles. Uma’s hands are resting on her knees, and the point of contact burns under Red’s jeans. It feels weird, heavy and warm and oddly comforting and oddly scary. No one’s really touched her like that except Chloe. In a way that’s meant to help her, not hurt.

“You don’t have to apologize,” Uma says. She leans back, taking her hands away, and looks Red over with calculating eyes. There’s something… knowing in her gaze. Red feels oddly stripped open under the weight of it.

“You doing alright?” Uma asks. Her tone is softer than her appearance belies.

“I’m fine,” Red answers automatically. She winces almost immediately. Even she wouldn’t believe that. 

Sure enough, Uma just cocks an eyebrow. “You sure? Most people who are fine aren’t having panic attacks in the school hallway.”

It’s blunt enough to hurt but not cut, and Red cringes but doesn’t feel reprimanded the way she thought she would. “I, um, that wasn-”

“It was.”

Uma says it so definitively, so assuredly. Like she knows what it feels like. Like she’s seen it before.

Red’s not a VK. Not anymore. Right?

“I’m sorry about your mug,” she says, for lack of anything else. “I can get you a new one.”

“It’s just a mug, kid. Accidents happen.”

“Right. Um. Sor-” Red manages to cut herself off before she can apologize again, but it still feels awkward. Uma’s not that much older than her, but even if she wasn’t the freaking principal, she’s Ursula’s daughter. That’s intimidating enough.

“Hey. It’s Red, right?”

Red nods.

“I should’ve checked in before now anyway. It was my idea to bring over a student from Wonderland. It must be hard being away from home.”

“Oh. Yeah, uh, it’s pretty weird.” Understatement of the century, but Uma doesn’t need to know the whole truth. She’d think Red was crazy.

Is she?

“If you ever want to talk about it, my door’s always open. I know a thing or two about weird. And how hard it can be to adjust.” 

Red blinks up at the older girl, her eyes soft and genuine, and is 90% sure Uma isn’t talking about being homesick. 

“It’s complicated,” she finds herself admitting. 

Uma just smiles and stands up from her crouched position, offering Red a hand to pull her off the ground. “Trust me,” she says smoothly. “Whatever you have to say, I’ll believe you. You’ve got me in your corner.”

For a moment, just a fleeting one, Red considers telling her the truth. But-

“Thanks,” she says softly. She dusts off her pants and manages a somewhat-convincing smile. “But I really am fine.”

***

Red’s not an idiot- she knows she isn’t fine. She just can’t figure out how to say what she’s really feeling. More than once in the days that follow, she finds herself pausing outside Uma’s office door, forcing other students to walk around her.

Or- into her, as her current situation suggests.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!” 

There’s a multicolored blur that slides into Red’s line of sight, a concerned pair of brown eyes hovering way too close to her face. “Are you alright?” the girl asks. 

She’s probably a couple of years older than Red, her hair twisted up in a messy bun and full of colorful streaks. She looks like a rainbow threw up on her- or perhaps just an art studio. 

“Uh, yeah. I’m fine.” Red was getting way too used to saying those words. 

“Oh, good. Sorry, I know I shouldn’t walk and text.” The girl waves a phone in the air, her eyes rolling playfully behind red-rimmed glasses. “Anyway- my name is Dizzy. I don’t think I’ve seen you around? And I would remember because your hair is awesome!”

Dizzy? Why did that name feel familiar? 

“I’m Red. I’m new this year.”

Dizzy nods quickly, smiling at Red despite Red’s general confusion about the situation. Shouldn’t this be the point where she…walks away? 

“Seriously, though, can I ask who does your hair? I’ve been doing most of the girls’ hair here for a couple years now, and I need to know if I’ve got competition!” Dizzy laughs like she doesn’t really care, but Red recognizes that glint of competitiveness in her eyes. 

“I do it myself, actually,” she says, leaning back when Dizzy gasps dramatically. “I didn’t really…get out much. Back home.”

Dizzy frowns and her movements still a little, a calculating gleam entering her eyes as she looks Red up and down. “You’re not from the Isle, are you? I feel like I would know you if that were so.”

Red can physically feel her heart drop to her feet. Of course. Dizzy Tremaine. She’d heard Chloe mention her offhandedly once. The daughter of one of Cinderella’s evil stepsisters. 

And a VK. From the Isle of the Lost. The first one Red’s had a proper conversation with other than her run-in with Principal Uma. 

“No, I-I’m not. I’m from Wonderland.”

Dizzy’s eyes light back up. “Wonderland! O-M-G, that’s so cool! I’ve always wondered (haha) what it’s like over there.”

The older teen leans in close again, bouncing on her toes as she grins and grabs onto Red’s hands. It’s a friendly gesture, probably one Dizzy didn’t even think about doing, but it makes Red’s whole body go hot and then cold. She jerks slightly, then freezes when she realizes Dizzy will notice such a large reaction. 

Too late- she already has. 

“Oh, sorry. I should’ve asked first.” Dizzy drops her hands immediately and takes a generous step back. “I just got excited.”

“It’s f-fine,” Red tries. She runs her tongue over her lips and swallows hard. Her mouth is dry and her panic rises when she notices Dizzy’s bubbly energy dim as she narrows her eyes in calculation. 

“You okay?” she asks softly. “I didn’t mean to-”

“I’m fine,” Red cuts her off. It comes out weaker than she wanted, but she stuffs her hands in her pockets to hide how they’re shaking and glares at Dizzy as if daring her to say anything else. 

“You, uh, were talking about hair?” Red tries to steer the conversation back to safe ground. 

There’s a heavy moment of silence where she isn’t sure if Dizzy will take the bait, but then the girl smiles again and nods. “Yeah, I worked in a salon back on the Isle. I still love it- especially coloring. It’s kind of my specialty.”

“Do you, um, have you ever done Chloe Charming’s hair?”

There’s the tiniest of twitches at the corner of Dizzy’s mouth at the mention of her…cousin? Step-cousin? (was that even a thing?)

“No, I haven’t actually. We’ve never met. I would love to, though! Meet her or do her hair. She’s got wonderful curls, and I’ve been dying to know if the blue is natural.”

Huh. Red’s not sure she knows that herself. Ella’s hair was blue too, but Red’s seen pictures and knows that Chloe’s older brother is a normal blonde.  

“I actually don’t know myself,” she says, trying to keep the conversation going. She can do this- talk to someone like a normal student. “I could probably introduce you, though.”

Shit. Can she do that? Should she have asked Chloe first? She should definitely have asked Chloe first. 

“Oh, that would be great!” Dizzy ducks her head, chuckling under her breath. “I’ve actually just been too cowardly to walk up and talk to her. I know I should have introduced myself already.”

“Chloe won’t mind. I’m sure she’d love to get to know you.” There she goes again- putting words in Chloe’s mouth. She’s got to stop before she makes any more mistakes. 

“Sorry- I should probably get going. I have class.”

“Right! Sorry, yes, I shouldn’t have kept you for so long.” Dizzy smiles and sticks her hand out, this time plenty slowly and plenty far away for Red to see it’s just an offer for a handshake. “It was nice to meet you, Red!”

She only hesitates for a millisecond before she gives the girl’s hand an easy shake. “Nice to meet you, too.”

“Tell you what, actually- do you want my number?” Dizzy offers. She lets go in order to switch her phone into her other hand and hold it back out to Red. 

“Oh, um, sure. So I can set you up with Chloe?” Red cringes internally. Now it sounds like she’s sending them on a date. 

“You can text me for whatever you’d like! Friends, school, homework, whatever. I’m a good listener, promise, and I’m always happy to chat.”

The words seem innocent, but there’s a weight to the way Dizzy says them that has Red’s fingers pausing on the screen. She swallows hard and quickly finishes typing. These VKs- they have an uncanny ability to see right through Red, and it makes her skin crawl with discomfort. 

She’s not used to being noticed. To being seen in such a way. 

She leaves Dizzy as quickly as she can without appearing like she’s running away, even though she thinks they both know that’s exactly what this is. Red’s not sure she draws a full breath once in her dash back to her dorm, and she nearly collapses in relief once she’s inside. 

Auradon isn’t at all what she was expecting. For one, it’s much much scarier. 

***

Red grew more and more thankful for Chloe with every day that passed. Chloe was the one who had the good idea to video call her mom together, and Red felt a weight leave her shoulders at finally tackling a hurdle that had been in her way since day one. 

With Chloe by her side, Red figured her mother would have to keep up the image. She was ‘Aunt Bridget’ now, after all. And sure enough, the queen is nothing but sweet. She gently scolds Red for being “too busy for your own mother!” and then moves right on to asking the girls about school. Red slowly relaxes her fists, then her shoulders, then the rest of her as the call continues without a hitch.  

Chloe is pressed right up against her so they both fit on the small phone screen. The girls have been on three “dates” now, as Chloe calls them, and the princess is telling her mom all about them now in great detail. 

Red finds herself smiling, a rare occurrence in her mother’s presence. Chloe is a natural entertainer, managing to make something as simple as a picnic sound like a grand adventure. Though- falling into a pool of enchanted water does tend to make for a good story. 

Bridget laughs in all the right places and promises Chloe she’ll send another care package of her delicious cupcakes. At the very end of the call, she addresses Red specifically. 

“Red, darling, don’t forget- we need to have a talk about your holiday plans soon. You guys are almost to the end of the semester!”

This sets Chloe off into another tangent about how much she loves winter in Auradon, but Red is too busy catastrophizing to notice. Holidays? End of semester? Winter break? 

Home. You’ll be going home. 

But- will she? Plenty of kids will be staying at school over the holidays, so Red could always do the same. Right? Or is her mother expecting her back? Do they have holiday traditions that Red is unaware of? 

Her thoughts spiral, and she doesn’t even notice the call is ending until she hears a faint, “Love you, Red! Talk to you soon!”

It hits just as hard as the first time, even though she’s heard the words over and over in every voicemail since. The thundering of Red’s heart escalates until she’s sure she’s going deaf. She curls into herself, collapsing to Chloe’s blue sheets. 

“Red? Red, are you okay?” 

She doesn’t know how to answer. The normal response gets stuck in her throat, and Red can’t manage to force it out. She’s not fine. She’s not okay. She’s drowning, and she didn’t realize how deep she was until just now. 

“Red? Please, you’re scaring me!”

You’re scaring her. You’re scaring Chloe. She’ll never want to be your friend after this. After she learns the truth. 

Pull yourself together, Red! You’re a princess!

“I’m f-fine,” she stutters, voice muffled by the mattress. 

“You’re not,” Chloe counters. She lays a gentle hand on Red’s back and then jerks it back when Red’s skin shivers under the touch. “Sorry!”

It’s fine. It’s Chloe. 

But Red can barely think, and the touch is too much right now. Everything is too much right now. She curls tighter into the bed and tries to remember what Uma did the last time this happened. 

Count, Red. 

Right. Numbers. Red likes numbers. 

She pictures a deck of cards, slowly counting her way through them, one through ten, four times over. One of clubs. Two of clubs. Three of clubs. When she reaches the end of the deck, she starts over. And over. And over. 

Slowly, Red comes back to herself. Her ears clear enough to hear Chloe talking to someone. Not Red, the voice is far away, like Chloe has left the bed. It takes a few more moments, but Red finally sits up and looks around to figure out where her friend has gone.

“Red!” Chloe takes a hurried step toward her and then seems to mentally check herself, softening and lowering her voice. “Are you feeling better?”

Red nods, blinking several times as her brain seems to reboot. There’s a blanket draped over her shoulders, and the sun is much darker in the sky than in her last memory. It’s Zellie who Chloe was talking to, she realizes, the young princess standing awkwardly across the room. 

“Hi, Red,” she says. “Sorry to hear you weren’t feeling so good. I made tea, if you want some.”

Red has barely spoken to Rapunzel’s daughter aside from a few times in passing. But she’s too drained to feel embarrassed at being seen like this, and she definitely wants a cup of tea. She takes it in her hands carefully, still feeling trembly and weak. 

Zellie smiles at her, sweet as sunshine. She reminds Red a little of Dizzy with her colorful hair and infectious energy. 

Red had kept her word about introducing Dizzy to Chloe. After a stilted introduction where neither girl was quite sure how to proceed, they had got along just great. Both were too inherently nice and overly energetic about life to be anything but immediate friends. 

Neither one brought up the grandmother they shared. Red knows the Isle is technically open these days, but there are several villains that remain there that everyone knows are better left to rot. Having had the pleasure of meeting Lady Tremaine herself, she can’t help but feel that she’s one of them. 

“Red?” Chloe’s voice breaks through her thoughts. “Can I give you a hug?”

The princess has her arms out tentatively, her teeth biting at her bottom lip. Her eyes are full of worry, and Red hates that she’s the cause of it. 

“I’ll give you two some space,” Zellie says. She leaves the room quietly, closing the door with a gentle click. 

“Red?”

She’s too tired to answer, so she just nods and lets herself sink forward into Chloe’s waiting arms. “Sorry,” she mumbles. 

“You have nothing to apologize for.” There’s a brief pause, then: “Was it something I said? Was it…something your mom said?”

Red can’t help her tiny flinch at even the mention of her mother, and that’s about as good an answer as any. 

“I don’t know. I just…I don’t know.”

“That’s alright.”

Except it isn’t. Nothing feels alright anymore. This isn’t supposed to be happening. Everything is supposed to be better now. 

“That’s not how it works, Red,” Chloe whispers, and Red realizes she said that last part out loud. “No one said this would be simple. We had no idea what would really happen.”

“Do you regret it?” Red can’t help but ask. 

Chloe’s arms tighten around her, and instead of feeling trapped, Red just feels secure. She’s safe, here in Chloe’s arms. “No,” her friend says, honesty deepening her voice. This is a different side of Chloe than the one that regaled her mother with stories. 

Chloe lays her head atop Red’s, completely encircling the girl in her hold. It’s warm in her embrace, and Red feels the shivers she’d not even noticed finally come to an end. “I can’t regret it, not when it saved my parents' lives. But…it’s weirder than I expected. It’s hard, feeling like a stranger in my own life sometimes.”

Red gives a tiny nod. She’s glad to at least know Chloe understands that much. 

“Do you…do you miss it? The way things were?”

There’s a pause, Chloe’s soft breathing helping Red slow her own, and then the other girl sighs. “I don’t know. I don’t think there’s much to miss. Things here in Auradon don’t seem to have changed that much. Not like Wonderland.”

Chloe pulls back suddenly so she can look Red in the eyes. They’re glittering with unshed tears, and when Chloe runs soft thumbs over her cheeks, Red realizes she’s already crying. 

“I’m sorry, Red,” Chloe whispers. “I know things are a lot different for you.”

Chloe leans in then and presses a gentle kiss to Red’s lips. “I wish I could make things better for you, I really do.”

Red’s lips tingle, warm with a light burn that she’s gotten used to knowing means Chloe has touched her. They part softly, and she finally takes her first full breath in what feels like ages. 

“I think I’m forgetting,” she confesses. She doesn’t clarify what she means. The past? Their trip? Her life?

Chloe nods anyway and grasps both of Red’s hands in hers. “I’ll help you remember,” she promises. 

Red tries for a grateful smile, but it feels watery and flat. She’s not sure Chloe can help her. Chloe wasn’t there. Chloe doesn’t know the sound of soldiers running overhead. She doesn’t know the stench of roses or the sharp prick of their thorns. She doesn’t know the sting of a palm or the sharp scratch of metal rings. 

Chloe is her best friend in the entire world, but she’s never even seen Wonderland. So Red sips her lukewarm tea and eases back down onto the bed, knowing that later, when Chloe has fallen asleep, she can repeat her confession to the dark.

***

“Was it real?” Red whispers.

The dark doesn’t answer her. She fears it never will.