Work Text:
I don't understand about complementary colors
And what they say
Side by side they both get bright
Together, they both get gray
But he's been pretty much yellow
And I've been kind of blue
But all I can see is
Red, red, red, red, red
Now, what am I gonna do?
***
Carlos looks at his side of the garage one last time. He really looks at it.
Looks at all the mechanics that worked with him on the side of the garage, and all the car parts, wheels, and etc, red and splattered, looking back at him.
Then, he is in his driver's room.
He looks at all the things he brought up with him. The gifts, the Pinon painting. His racing suits, gloves, shoes, and everything red.
He takes a deep breath, and releases a deeper sigh.
So, this is it. Every action thar i took brought me here, i guess, he thinks to himself.
Then, he hears the door slowly opening, and he know who is there.
"Carlos, mate. I was looking for you. I...", Charles said, quiet and almost hesitantly.
Carlos turned and looked at him. Really, really looked at him.
"Then, tell me why. You know i have to go to Williams soon. I don't have all the time in the world." His tone wasn't exactly bitter, just exhausted and done. Carlos had a lot of things to look forward to, there was no reason for him to look back, not right now.
***
I don't understand about diamonds
And why men buy them
What's so impressive about a diamond
Except the mining?
But it's dangerous work
Trying to get to you, too
And I think if I didn't have to kill
Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill myself doing it
Maybe I wouldn't think so much of you
***
"I just wanted to say thank you. I... I'm sorry that things didn't go the way you pl-"
"Everything you alread told to the media, but thank-"
"Let me finish it!" Charles interjected, and the sound got so silence you could hear a pin drop.
"I just wanted to apologize for anything. I don't know exactly what happens behind the doors, but i didn't want to end like this either. Even if.. even if deep inside we always knew it would be this way, because it's formula 1, its cutthroat, and-"
Carlos interupted and wait straight into him, grabbing him by the collar of his (red) ferrari polo shirt, and told him, looking straight into his eyes.
"Listen. You don't comment on things that you will never understand, you hear me? I dont need your private, condencending, shallow apologies. I really dont. Dont test me, Charles."
Charles fought back and broke the grip of Carlos' grip, releasing himself.
"Fuck you, Carlos. Enjoy Williams." Charles said in a hurt and angry tone. Slammed the door shut.
But when Carlos was turning to pack his things, the door opened again and-
"I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE YOUR FUCKING FRIEND MATE! I WAS TRYING TO PUT MYSELF IN YOUR SHOES!" Charles said, now pushing Carlos with both of his arms.
Carlos held his arms, grabbing him along as he fell on the bed, making Charles fall over him.
As both were in these interttangled dance of blows, Charles raised his fist in a punch , then stopped.
"You know what, i shouldnt have to come here, you're right. Sorry for the inconvenience."
"Its not because i'm no longer in Ferrari, that you decide when to come and go out of my room!" Carlos exclaimed, putting himself in front of the door and placing his finger on Charles chest, still panting from the recent altercation, looking into his eyes.
Charles just stood there. After a beat of silence, Carlos started:
"I gave all of myself, i gave all of my life, for this team in these four years. I moved to Maranello, I came to the Ferrari fabric, i gave all my input. All my knowledge and all my sweat, Charles. I gave them my own strategy, i gave them my help, my work, for the benefit of the team. Everything i could give, i gavem and the things I din't give was because i would be giving my dignity, and I would never do that. But everything else that mattered, I gave, and I gave you too, even if you pretend I dont, but I did, and no one can undo that, and you know that. And all this, for them to not show an ounce of respect for my dignity, an ounce of gratittude, while I'm on my way out of here. And you know you're part responsible for that, Charles, so i'm angry that after this you feel the need to come here and play- listen, I always knew they wanted me to be the second driver. I know i'm in formula 1 and its cutthroat. I'm not naive, Charles. But even this, i feel I deserved a little bit more of respect, and we both know why. Please, dont taunt me, Charles. You don't want to be in my place."
***
I've been watchin' all the time
And I still can't find the tack
But I wanna know is, is it okay? Is it just fine?
Or is it my fault?
Is it my lack?
***
"... I'm sorry. Carlos, I'm really, really sorry." Charles stated, simply. Looking into Carlos' teary eyes, he pushed him into a hug.
"I loved, Ferrari, Charles... I loved you. I still love you. Even if we can never be together like that. I truly loved everything here." Carlos said with his eyes closed.
"I know, I know.... Its okay, Carlos, Its okay to cry. Look at me."
They kissed a gentle, intimate kiss, Both on each oother's embrace, dancing with their mouths an lips. If anything, it was a sad but hopeful kiss.
"I'm sorry for... for everything I just... I just didnt realized, what I was losing. I... I love you, also. I... I will never forget what we went rhough these year, all the nghts we shared together, all the kisses, everything. I just don't know if you ever truly deserved me. If you ever deserved us."
Charles caressed Carlos' wet cheeks as he continued:"And we can never stay together, Carlos. We have to make our own families, and I'm not ready to face the world as I truly am, fuck- i dont know if i will ever be ready... Look how much time Ralf took. Now imagine us, with a whole lot of fans and expectations and- everything... I just wanted to came here to apologize and wish you good luck, mon cheri."
"I know this Charles, I know. We are both equally cowards in this stance, i guess."
"Just, lets see if we can keep things up, okay? Now we are in different teams, of course it will be different, but we both live in Monaco now, we can figure things out. For a while. While we can."
"i don't know how much time we can do this, Charles..."
"Youre right, youre right. But i want to. When you dont, just tell me. You can tell me, always."
"I will."
***
I don't understand about
The weather outside
Or the harmony in a tune
Or why somebody lied
But there's solace a bit in submittin'
To the fitfully, cryptically true
What's happened, has happened
What's comin' is already on its way
With a role for me to play
And I don't understand, I never understand
But I'll try to understand
There's nothing else I can do
***
Charles helped Carlos pack his things, and let Carlos go on his own to the Williams headquarters, after all, work really needed to be done at Williams, and that was his life from that moment on.
While Carlos walked, photographers taking pictures, fans asking for autographs, the only thing Carlos knew was: He was not going to look back. Maybe after 10, 20 years. But not now.
***