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“Maya, I love you.”
I stared at him. I just stared. I stared deep into his eyes, his beautiful, pure eyes. I felt every beat in my chest as he waited for me to respond, expectantly. I stared, trying to get a grip on what he had just said, but mostly, I stared in disbelief.
“No you don’t,” I whispered to the ground, slightly shaking my head.
“What do you mean I don’t?” He said confused, a hint of anger in his voice.
I slowly lifted my head to meet his gaze. “You couldn’t.”
His face went from confused to sad. “Maya...do you not think I could love you?”
“I...” I bit my lip, trying to say it in the right way. “It’s not that I think you’re not capable of loving, it’s just that...I don’t think you could love me.”
I felt myself being crushed against his chest, his arms surrounding me in an iron grasp, as if he thought that if he held me strong enough, my broken pieces would fit back together. I couldn’t hold it in any longer – I started to cry. I had tried not to cry so many times; always trying to be the tough one. Put Riley before myself. I had to; she was the most important person in my life. The least I could do was put her first. It had always been Lucas and Riley from the beginning, and I just couldn’t let myself believe that Lucas actually wanted me. I didn’t think my heart could take it.
“Maya, shh, it’s ok honey,” He stroked my hair soothingly, and I buried my head deeper into his chest.
He continued to hold me, and I continued to cry, until finally he pulled back, wiping a tear from my cheek and said, “I know I can love you, because I do. I do, Maya. You can put yourself first this time. You can finally put yourself first.”
Through blurry vision I stared into his eyes, pleading for me to believe him, and to trust him.
“Ok,” I whispered.
The smile that spread across his face was a mixture of happiness, relief and...I think, love. I couldn’t help but give him a small smile back. I didn’t have to be the tough one anymore. Lucas was going to keep me together; he’d be strong enough for the both of us. It was my turn to be happy, just plain happy.
And as if he read my thoughts, Lucas said, “It’s your turn to be happy.” With that he bent down to place a kiss on my forehead, and I leaned into his chest once again, feeling like I could finally let go, and really, truly, be happy.