Work Text:
Lincoln had gone looking for Octavia after Harper gave him the Guard jacket; the counsel had wanted him to wear it. With the kill order on him still not revoked, Lincoln had accepted the jacket. There was no denying that Lincoln would make a great guard, he had been on the Earth longer than any citizen in Arkadia, and he knew the land better than most. Octavia, however, didn't see it the same way as the others, it had been the same jacket as the one the guard wore when he took her away for solitary confinement, and it held many bad memories for her.
As Lincoln walked up Octavia, who was brushing down Helios, she turned to look at him and was not pleased with what she saw. Lincoln, possibly the only person who understood her at the moment, was siding with the guard. “Lincoln, why are you wearing that? Take it off,” she pleaded with him, close to tears, “please”. Not that Lincoln could tell at the moment, but Octavia was panicking, it was bad enough seeing Bellamy wear it sometimes, but Lincoln, he was supposed to understand her. “Octavia” he said, pointing to her heart, “Trikru is in here, not out here, the jacket doesn't mean that I side with the Ark now, it is a symbol of our unity and the truce our people share”. He leaned in to kiss her, but she moved out of the way, “I, I just need some space, go away Lincoln,” she turned away before he could say anything, leading Helios into the stable, leaving a distraught Lincoln behind.
That night, as she walked out into the forest to sleep, she felt guilty about what she said to Lincoln, who always put her needs before his own. She hoped that Lincoln wouldn't follow her out because it was dangerous for him, but at the same time, she selfishly wanted him beside her as she slept. She waited for him, for hours too; she couldn't sleep, not after what she had said to Lincoln, but he never came, and that made her feel worse. She decided to return to Camp Jaha in the early morning, she was exhausted too guilty to sleep for even a second. When she arrived, Lincoln was nowhere to be found and she instantly thought the worst. She ran to Bellamy in tears, semi-coherent “Bell, wher-where's Lincoln, he-he's n-not he-re! Th-the kill or-order, they'll kill him!”, Bellamy embraced his sister and reluctantly told her that he hadn't seen Lincoln all night, “He will be ok O, he loves you, you will get Lincoln back.” Octavia wanted to believe him, but she knew, deep down, that her words hurt Lincoln more than he will ever admit.
It was still early in the morning, before the sun had risen, so Octavia went to the cave where Lincoln first took her all those weeks ago. What she found, shattered what was left of her heart into pieces, Lincoln, her strong, brave, warrior Lincoln, was convulsing in his sleep with tear tracks running down his face, muttering something. Octavia, now crying herself, ran to him and placed her blanket over him, saying *“Ai hod yu in Linkon, ai hod yu in.” Lincoln kept shaking, muttering “Please Octavia, I love you, please don't leave me, no, no!…stupid, so stupid, Octavia, jacket, please.” By then, Octavia was sobbing, pleading for Lincoln to wake up, to end his suffering. It was only when she hugged him, hard, that he stirred “Lincoln, wake up, Lincoln, I love you, please.”
Lincoln woke with a gasp, to the sound of Octavia’s voice pleading with him **“Beja Linkon, beja ai hod yu in”. Octavia noticed he woke and hugged him tighter, promising to never let go again, she wiped his tears and told him how sorry she was, how she didn't mean for him to get hurt. “Shh, Octavia, I love you, I still love you,” he said, “but we have to talk”. She knew it was coming, they both needed to talk to ensure that something like this never happened again, but she needed to kiss him first, to feel his touch and make sure he knew he was loved. “I love you Lincoln, more than all the stars on a clear night, I don't know why I said all those horrible things to you, but just know that I didn't mean any of it. I'll understand if you never want to see me again because I really don't deserve you, you deserve someone who can make you happy, someone who appreciates you more than I do, and you deserve to be with them, not me.”
Octavia went to get up, but Lincoln’s strong arms stopped her, “I love you Octavia, and I don't want anyone else, you have been the one for me since I found you at the bottom of that hill. You made a mistake, but sometimes mistakes happen, it doesn't make you a bad person. You make me happy Octavia, you were the only one who believed that could come back from being a reaper, you believed in me when I became a lost cause. ***Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim Octavia, I hurt you too, I should have realised that wearing the Guard jacket would trigger bad memories for you and I'm sorry ****ai gona.” Octavia apologised just as they both fell asleep, after a long night apart the needed to spend the day in each other's arms.
Trigedasleng translations:
*ai hod yu in Linkon, ai hod yu in - I love you Lincoln, I love you
**beja Linkon, Beja ai hod yu in - please Lincoln, please, I love you
***ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim - get knocked down, get back up
****ai gona - my warrior