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I was in front of that endless void, the voices, the voices in my head were the only ones I could hear, people laughing, no, talking, conversing, cursing, no, fighting... That surrounded and reverberated in the walls of my skull, beating, cracking, agonizing, heavens, how agonizing.
As tortuous and agonizing as the pain I felt in my arm, I had been lying in that position for a long time, pointing at nothing, with my head resting on my arm, could it have been days? Nights? Months? Years? ... Centuries.... Thinking about this scares me, when I can think, I believe, that I can't even reason first, those voices got worse, they came from I don't know where, but they got louder, every day they got louder, they grew, they screamed, laughed, joked, no, they fought, cursed, surrounding the void, reverberating through the walls of my skull, beating, beating, beating, god, gods! Someone! Just make it stop!
My eye hurts, I can't see properly with my right eye anymore, it was the only one that worked, my left eye was already partially melted, partially injured, it was my fault, in fact, that whole situation was my fault, that emptiness was the consequence of not listening to advice, of course, it was foolish advice, there would be no guinea pig that would accept that madness, there was no monster that would submit to such a sacrifice, but I decided to take care of myself, I decided to take that last bottle, but how... How the hell did I end up here? I don't remember anything anymore, do I even remember my name, was it Sans? Was it? Ahm... What were you talking about? I was thinking i th1nk....
- hic! Hic!
A hiccup....
- Ah! Hic!
What? It continues, it's... Different...
- Wahh
That cry is different from those mysterious voices, it's more sweet... No... It's more suffering, someone is covered in pain... Could it be me?
I touched my face, feeling my eye sockets, not without tears, too, how could I cry? Hungry and thirsty, I don't even have the strength to get up.
- Waahhhh!
That desperate scream can't be mine... Those choking sounds didn't come out of my throat.... Wait...
I moved my skull towards my palm, trying to visualize the front, trying to move my fingers, I tried to open my palm, in order to try to remove my fingers from my vision, so after much effort I managed to open my hand, seeing far ahead a white dot, no, gray, moving in the middle of that enormous void, but it was far, very far away.
"Is anyone here?" I thought, looking at the gray dot that seemed to have shrunk, stifling those painful sobs... Wait... There's Someone! There's someone here!
- H-H- Coff! H-H3y!-I spoke, covering my mouth as I heard my voice strange, hoarse, and hoarse... What was that? What was-
-Pourquoi personne ne m'écoute ?!
What? What did that being just say? No, wait, I know this, it's another language, but it's not English, wait... I remember, I have to remember, no, I have to get up.
With all the strength I had accumulated during two days without moving, I turned my body to the side, letting out a painful gasp, I felt the floor, dragging my arms to my waist with my fingers, I took a deep, trembling breath, that could have been a simple task, but after so much time in that position I felt that every part of my body weighed like a washing machine... As if every bone from my collarbone, humerus, radius to the phalanges, everything weighed, and my ribcage was the heaviest, carrying the greatest burden that was in that void, my soul.
- Je ne peux pas, je ne peux plus, j'aimerais juste pouvoir entendre ! Je veux juste... Je....
With effort I got up, the gray being was crying and lamenting in... French... I don't understand much of this language, I never really understood it, but I knew some verbs and the basics, je, eu, ne would be no? Porcoi... Or pourcoi would be why? Well, he was sad, that didn't need a translation.
Who knows, maybe he's here for the same reason as me? Who knows, maybe he's as lost as I am, I remember, I still remember the day I got here, my tears and screams were as agonizing as his, I cursed, I cursed, I cried, I cried, I cried, I cried, I cried, I cried... I cried, until my vocal cords broke and I spat blood, as I said at that time?
Getting closer, literally dragging my legs to the gray point, how long had I been dragging myself until I reached him? From the gray point, that became a being... A monster, a skeleton! Like me! However, he looked like he had come out of a notebook, he had a small square balloon coming out of his head, part of his body seemed to have not been finished, it was gray, and another part was white, was he really a monster?
- A-A-Cough! Cough! - I tried to speak, but this time my voice didn't come out, I opened my mouth again but fell to the ground, not far from the scribbled being, who sobbed and turned to me with an expression of fear. - E-Excu-c-cuse-m3... Y-You Cough! - I coughed, unable to speak anymore, I just coughed, it was a dry, burning cough, which irritated my sore throat even more.
I cringed, trying to catch my breath, but it was no use, trying to say just that damn sentence did this to me, I was so happy to be able to find someone else, another monster, another being in this damn empty place! And now... I was about to die from lack of air.
- Monsieur... - The scribbled being spoke in a sad voice. I opened my eyes with difficulty, in a tortuous way I tried to hold back the cough that wanted to come out of my throat again, looking into the eyes of that scribbled being, incomplete, who had his palms together extended over my face in the shape of a shell.
Something he was holding easily escaped between his dry and thin phalanges. That wet and cold liquid touched my cheek, and then dripped into my sore eye. Was that water?
- S-Signeur, s'il te plaît... Ne meurs pas.- The scribbled being with a blurred face sobbed, shaking his head, extending his hand to me after bringing it close to his face.
It wasn't water he was offering me, but his tears, his sweet, cold, suffering tears... Tears that he could still shed, tears that he offered me to drink, while he sobbed, his soul, at least, I assumed that it was his soul that white and shiny blur on his chest that seemed to drip too, with difficulty I sat up, at least I tried, to get myself to the height of his palm to drink that suffering nectar that the scribbled Frenchman was offering me.
It went down like acid, it got stuck in my throat and wanted to come back up, but I drank every drop, feeling my lips moist, my mouth had finally tasted a drop of water after so much time in that nothingness.
I looked at the being, feeling his tears beating against my skull as I drank in his suffering. I looked into his eyes, finally managing to see his face. It was just like I remembered it, he reminded me of me. Was he like me? Was he once called Sans like me? Or was he me before he came? No, I wasn't scribbled, I've always been complete. He was different, but he was another ordinary being who did something bad to end up here, or not. Maybe he just didn't listen to a friend's advice.
- You... Cough! - I gasped, coughing, covering my mouth. I looked at him again, seeing him squinting his eyes to cry again. I don't know if it was out of pity, because he saw my miserable state, or if he was excited to see someone else. I would be, I was excited. I would cry if I had a little more water in my body.
Before I could try to speak, the Frenchman grabbed me, needing his head on my chest, he squeezed my shoulders, leaned his skull against my soul and cried, his chest crashed against mine and I could finally feel another body besides my own, I used to hug my arm before sleeping, bite my smallest phalanx to see if I wasn't dreaming, the pain of being alone, surrounded by strange voices, and at the same time surrounded by such a loud silence, made me forget how good someone else's touch felt.
With difficulty I touched his skull, cold, rigid like mine, I felt the scribble sobbing and shaking his skeleton, rubbing his bare ribs against my lab coat, that touch made me shudder, made me sick, I wanted to move away, but, I had been alone for so long... So long... When was the last time I hugged? When was I hugged? When... When was he even hugged? Did he know how to hug? That strange way he held me, was it a hug?
I pulled his hands to my shoulders, seeing him pull his face away from my chest, looking at me with a confused expression, but before he opened his mouth I took his chest in a hug and pulled him to me, he was quiet for a while until he started to do the same movement but on my neck, and we stayed like that, until his breathing stabilized, until my body returned to being as heavy as lead, until his tears stopped wetting my lab coat, we slept, I don't know for how long, or for how many months, I only know that we fell asleep, for as long as our souls desired we were almost in a coma, I felt him moving on my chest, and sometimes I had the sensation that he felt me turn my head, because he tried several times to touch the top of his skull to my jaw.
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At some point we woke up, and at some point I took off my shirt and gave it to him, imagining that the scribbled man must be cold to be so desperately clinging to me, my body wanted to lie down again, but my mind wanted answers, our communication was not the best, he spoke French and I spoke English, mine sounded different to him, he didn't even seem to understand what I had given him to cover himself with, did he ever have clothes?
I don't think so, he got confused easily with every thing I tried to gesture to him, in the end, we gave up trying to understand each other, my French was terrible, and I wouldn't learn now, and I believe he had never seen or heard the English language, in the end, we were left without understanding each other, he couldn't tell me or show me where he came from, nor could I tell him my story, or where I came from, or how I ended up in that unfortunate place.
But at least now I had some company, a company as broken and scared as I was, but who offered me her tears every day, screamed and hugged me, a needy little company, too needy for the attention I knew I would get tired of giving one day, but for now, I was happy, satisfied I would say, to be able to share that loneliness, those voices, that emptiness with someone.
Someone with a broken soul, like mine.
Someone who wanted to heal my soul, just as I wanted to be able to heal his.
I touched the crack above that fragile heart, the Frenchman said something that I understood as an insult, so I pulled away, he looked at what was left of my soul, a piece that looked more like a shard of glass, he touched it, and I recoiled in pain, cursing him back, he stared at me with those eyes that were always teary, but instead of leaning on my lap as usual, this time he pulled his soul from his chest, extending it towards me as if he were offering his tears again.
- What are you doing? - I asked, seeing him point to my soul and then to the crack in his, his idea was strange, he had an idea of what he was offering. - No, you can die. - He looked at me confused. - Die... - I repeated, drawing the shape of his soul with my index fingers and then I made the gesture of breaking that imaginary heart in half, but contrary to what I expected, he offered again.
But of course, we were both broken, we both wanted death, before I got to him I remember seeing him try to break his soul, we had a lot in common, me and the scribbled man, we both messed up our own lives, whether we wanted to or not, my soul had been destroyed by my own hands, just like he was about to break his before I got there.
We were suicidal, two suicidal bastards.
- No... - I said, pushing his hand away with his soul until it returned to his chest. - S0rry, you can't fix my soul.
- Âme?
- Soul...- I touched his chest.- Tour Soul... Can't, fix, mine...- I touched my chest with my free hand.- My Soul...
- Mon âme, ton âme.- He touched my hand above his chest, while he spoke he then touched mine.- Mine.... Soul...
- Yes.- I smiled weakly.- Your Soul...
- Áme... Soul...- He said smiling weakly, he took a deep breath and looked at me with that distant and sad look, I already knew what he wanted, we had been together for long enough for me to know what he wanted without him trying to say it.
- Yes, souls...- I said extending my hands to the skeleton that slowly approached my chest hugging me tenderly.
- Pourquoi ne puis-je pas te donner mon âme, je n'en veux pas, cela ne fait que me faire souffrir.- He said muffled in my chest.
- I don't und3rst@nd you...- I said calmly, stroking the scribbled gentleman's skull, who sighed, staring at my soul that was between my bare ribs.
He was silent, looking at my soul with an unknown expression, it seemed, admiring? Reflecting?
- Hurt?- He said, touching my chest.
- Hurt?- I repeated, surprised to see that he memorized something I told him, he seemed to forget things easily, even that he was no longer alone, countless times if he slept facing nothing, he would wake up crying and screaming until he noticed me next to him, in general it was increasingly difficult to wake up, if I wanted to get up I could do it without the help of the scribbled gentleman who sometimes carried me on my back from one side to the other looking for something to eat, or some way out. Of course, all our attempts were as failed as our hopes.
- Hurt... Âme, Soul... Hurt?
- Yes... Hu4t... Your... Ahm, Âm3... Hurt? - He touched his chest and nodded.
- Ça fait mal... Mon âme souffre.
- I'm sorry...- I said, stroking his skull. Then I stopped, seeing his suffering expression, while he shrank even more in my arms, seeking warmth, warmth he never had, warmth he never felt. I looked at him and thought again: I once had a life. That being seemed to have every chance of having had one. His soul was the only complete thing in his scribbled body. He slept clinging to my chest in a despair worthy of a child who had lost his teddy bear. He was alone, genuinely alone, more alone than I was, because at least I had a family, I had a life before I got there, but the scribbled one didn't. He was alone... Alone...
- You seem alone...- He turned his face toward me, with that melancholic expression he always had, that miserable expression with those empty, hopeless eyes, small, white eyes that reflected my new, distorted image, but that took a slight shine from those suffering eyes. I was his hope, I was the only monster he had ever interacted with in his life, so I lowered my skull towards him, resting my skull against his, I gave him a soft kiss on the forehead, a caress, a gentle comfort that made those tiny eyes double in size and his cold, broken soul beat against his scribbled chest. - Can i c0n$ole you?
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End of transmission
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