Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Tick. Tick. Tick.

The clock never stopped ticking.

It never would for as long as I’m still kicking.

I sat up slightly, a headache creeping into me as I slowly pushed out the aching intrusive thoughts from my mind.

I put my hand up to my head, groaning as I got out of bed and waded through the clutter hoarding my floor till I made it to my closet, which was sat right next to the clock.

Tick. tick. Tick.

I turned to look at the source of that terrible, grating noise. It was a tall grandfather clock, made from dark oak wood, with a bronze pendulum swinging back and forth as the clock ticked. I watched the pendulum swing for a moment, mesmerized, before I took a step back towards the closet, snapping back into reality.

I shook my head, opening the closet and reaching in to grab a dress shirt, along with a dark coat and waist pants, the only suit I had owned for a while. I had planned to wear it to a job interview I signed up for, but it remained un-worn for months, eventually losing the purpose I originally bought it for. 

I would have liked to live in my apartment forever, but I was running low on money, so I might as well go job scouting. It’s the least I could do.

I had always wanted to be an artist or songwriter, like my idol, Hatsune Miku. She’s one of the biggest idols, after all. A job like that would have to make a lot of money. I would have to settle, of course. There’s no way someone like me could get a job I enjoyed, like Miku. 

I have no talents, no “special skills” or “gifts.” I was always the one barely passing their classes, the one just barely scraping by. Not even my own parents had believed in me. 

I sigh, moving my hand up to grasp at the edge of the Miku poster I had hung up, the edges fraying, as if it was trying to match with how the edges of my walls were peeling. “Miku..you don’t believe in me..do you?” 

I pull my hand back after a moment and look back down at the suit I held in my hand. She probably doesn’t. Miku doesn’t even know I exist. Why would she?

I slap myself lightly. C’mon, Teto! A bad attitude wouldn’t get anything done. I pulled off the baguette-printed shirt I was wearing, tossing it on the floor next to me, never to be seen again under the mass of things scattered around, before pulling on the dress shirt and buttoning it up slowly. 

I pull on the waist pants, then the coat and tie, taking a couple steps to the side of the closet to stand in front of the tall, full-length mirror I had. The mirror was pretty old, with many small chips and cracks on the surface of the glass. I pause for a moment, adjusting my tie with my fingers as I look at myself in the mirror.

Despite the suit being a bit wrinkled and worn, and the fact that I also wasn’t wearing any shoes, I didn’t look too bad. I looked like a normal person, almost. An idea quickly popped into my head, and I reached over for the comb I had lying on top of the piles of things strewn around my floor. I combed my curled hair for a few minutes before putting it up into two, large twin-drills. 

I tilted my head slightly as I looked at myself in the mirror. It almost felt like I was in college with my friend Defoko again. She always liked screwing around with my hair and trying out new things. At one point, she thought drills would be cute, since my hair was already curly. 

Sure, the dye I had put into my hair was fading, the dark brown of my natural hair showing through the roots, but other than that-

-it kinda felt like I was young again.

My face feels kind of wet.

Damnit.

I bend over, supporting myself with my hands on my knees as I watch the tears fall onto the floor.

I really am alone and miserable, save the Miku merchandise I had lying around from concerts and some rarer things I had to pay a terrible amount for.

I turned slightly as I stood up, glancing at the jar that had been lying on the nightstand next to my bed for a long while. I reached my hand over, hesitating slightly, before I picked up the jar, examining it slowly in my hands. Squinting, I peered at what appeared to be a Hatsune Miku figure sunk into the jar. I twist the lid until it comes off with a soft "pop!", placing it down on the nightstand, before reaching my hand in afterward and gripping the top of the figure. 

As I pull the figure out slowly, I wince, the stringy fluids in the jar sticking to the figure and oozing off. I hold the figure in my hand, some paint from it being chipped off, and floating around as colorful little specks in the jar. It makes sense though, I suppose. 

She had probably been sitting in that jar for a while. I had sunk quite a bit of money for the figure, too, so it really was a shame.

“Miku.” I sigh, grimacing slightly as I turn the figure around in my hands. 

“My bad…you probably would have been disgusted with me if you met me, huh?” 

I grab a cloth I had lying on the floor and wipe the figure off, placing it on the nightstand as I go to dump the sour contents of the jar into the kitchen sink.

It feels like a hazy dream, or forgotten memory, that jar. Doesn’t matter what metaphorical bullshit I make up, it’s still a memory I’d like to forget.

I clench my fist, gritting my teeth. I move my arm over and wipe off the tears I had shed.

The gears in the clock of life would inevitably continue grinding together, moving, keeping time passing forever, until everyone’s breath was stopped, whether they stopped it themselves, or if it was stopped for them.

Even though it’s hard to grasp, I will eventually die. No matter how much I hate this life I’ve been given, I’m gonna make the fucking most of it. 

Sure, I’m not the brightest out there, sure, I’m not a great person,

but..

I’m gonna meet my idol before I die. It doesn’t matter what it takes. I have to tell her how she makes me feel. I don’t care if she hates me or not.

I pull my phone out of my pocket, quickly thumbing through all my contacts before I get to someone I knew long ago. I wait as my phone vibrates in my hand, longing to connect with the person on the other end.

“Hello? Who is this?” a slightly irate monotone says.

“Defoko. Uhm..long time no see?”

“Teto?” her voice softens slightly before becoming cold again. “What do you want?”

I grin weakly as I stand before my front door.

“Uta Utane, wait at the Budokan for me.”

“Huh, why? Wait..Teto, are you drunk again?”

“I’m gonna be an idol.”

I gently opened the door-

Chapter Text

“Okay, Miss..” The girl I was sitting across from flipped through some papers she was holding before turning back to look at me. “Kasane Teto?”

“Yea-” I cough awkwardly and try to remember all the formal speech I went over. “Yes, that’s me.”

“Right..now, Miss Kasane, why do you think you’d be a good fit as an idol at our company? You seem a little…old for the part.”

I tried to gesture with my hands as I spoke. “Ah, well, I may be a bit old, but I think that I would be perfectly fit to be an idol. I think I could bring a refreshing change to the main demographics of idols as well as helping bring more people into the community to make a profit from.”

The girl flips through the stack of papers until she comes across the sheet that was presumably my resume and qualifications.

“Hm. You are very qualified, you know how to use all of the equipment you’d need, and you’re just barely athletic enough.” She looks up at me. “The vocal recordings and samples you sent were impressive as well. The odds of you being accepted are fairly high.” The girl stands up and sets all the papers on the desk next to her, motioning to the other interviewer in the room to bring the stack to who knows where.

“With that the interview should be set. Thank you for your interest in this job, we’ll get back to you in a week if you’re ready to be an idol.”

“Ah, okay, thank you for considering me.”

I stand up out of my chair, my leg having fallen asleep after sitting for so long, bowing for a moment, before grabbing my coat and bag. I walk out of the tall, skyscraper-like building feeling..accomplished maybe? It felt like a big weight was taken off of my shoulders, it was a feeling that was hard to explain. Thank god for having a hobby in making song covers. I walked at a brisk pace towards my apartment complex, pausing for a moment to look up at the sky. I held my hand up to block my face from the sun. 

Just a few days ago, I hadn’t been able to go outside for months, barely taking care of myself at all, garbage clinging to my apartment’s floor like glue. Yet now, I’m even closer to my dreams. I’d be able to meet Miku one day. Now I’d just have to wait a week to see if I got the job or not. I sifted through my suit pants pockets for a bit before pulling out my keys and opening the door to my apartment. 

Waiting was excruciating. I spent days simply lying on the floor, which to my credit, was much cleaner from before since I got a spark of motivation from doing well in the interview. Another day I spent crying in the corner since I got terribly drunk from a few half-empty bottles of expired whiskey. The next day, of course, I had an awful hangover, and spent most of my day sitting on the floor, hunched over the cracked porcelain toilet I had in my small, dingy  bathroom.

However, that was yesterday. Today was exactly one week later, like that interviewer chick said. My hangover was still lingering, giving me a slight headache, but I got up out of bed anyway, not bothering to put on any actual clothes.

I opened the door to my apartment, looking up at the sky. It was raining, the clouds and sky a dark, smoky hue, the faint sound of thunder could be heard in the distance. Shit, maybe I should have at least put on a coat, but too late I guess. I walked out and down the stairs in my shirt and boxers towards the large mailbox in front of the complex I lived in. I scanned down the numerous small storage drawers, one for each tenant, until I located mine. I stuck the key supplied by the landlord into my slot, turning it before I opened the mailbox. I leaned over, squinting as I glanced around the small slot where my mail went.

There was one letter inside that had a small seal on it as well as a stamp on the back. Heh, the stamp was of Miku. I’d have to pull it off later for my collection. I reached my hand in and grabbed the letter, examining the envelope. I sucked in breath between my teeth. It was from the idol company. Even though outside the rain was pouring, I cracked open the envelope anyway. I didn’t want to wait anymore, I’ve waited enough.

I pull the letter out in my shaking hands, reading over each line quickly out loud. “‘Dear Miss Kasane Teto, it is with great pleasure that we invite you to become an official part of our idol group ‘Vocalo ♥ P!’. The first meeting will take place later today at 3:00 PM sharp, where you’ll be given more details as well as a chance to meet the other idols. Thank you, we’ll be waiting for you to be our next shining star in the sky.’ ..holy fucking shit.” 

I laugh slightly as I grip the letter. “I got in…I got in!” I skim through the text again. “‘Vocalo ♥ P!’...that’s the idol group Miku is in..no way..” It didn’t matter that the rain was pouring down or that I was getting completely drenched.

In the main idol company I applied for, there were many idol groups, since it was the largest company and many people applied. I knew if I had gotten into any of the groups, I would have most likely had a chance to meet Miku, since we would be in the same main company and there were often inter-group collabs for songs and music videos. But to get to be a member in the same group Miku was in honestly felt a bit crazy. 

At this point the rain had gotten to me, since it was in fact, very cold! I ran back up the stairs into my apartment, locking the door behind me. My hair and clothes were dripping water all over the floor, which my landlord would definitely yell at me later about, but that didn’t matter.

I perked up slightly as I walked over to the corkboard I had hung up next to my bed covered in various pictures of Miku, a dumb grin plastered on my face. I took a tac from the board and pinned up the sopping wet letter I had gotten from the idol company, remembering to peel off the Miku-branded stamp from the envelope and sticking it up next to the letter.

I flopped onto my bed, staring up at the ceiling, which I had conveniently stuck a Miku poster on, so she could be the last thing I saw before falling asleep.

“Oh..wait a sec.” I propped myself up on my bed, before getting up and walking over to the bathroom.

I opened up the medicine cabinet in the mirror I had on my wall, reaching in and grabbing the last pack of reddish-pink hair dye I had.

I’d have to look presentable when I eventually met Miku later. Plus, my hair was already wet, so that meant less money I had to pay on my water bills. I pull the tube out of the box, popping open the cap and squeezing some on my hands. I stuck my hands in the top of my hair, where the roots were growing out, and massaged the color into my hair. My hair was already all bleached, so the red should be visible.

After finishing up, it kind of looked like a murder scene, with my hands and head all covered in the dark, red pigments from the hair dye.I sit on the floor for around twenty minutes as I wait for the color to soak in, before getting up and pulling my soaking clothes off and hopping into the shower. The hot water came out from the shower head, flowing down off of my hair and body. I wash the red off my hands first, then grab my bottle of baguette scented shampoo, lathering up my hair thoroughly before rinsing the shampoo and excess hair coloring out. I stare at my feet, watching all the red dyes go down the drain.

After a few minutes I turn the shower off and get out, grabbing a towel from the rack on the wall and draping it over my shoulders, drying off my body first, then my hair.

I turn to look at the mirror, my hair completely red now. So much for that look I wanted where I let my dark hair grow back, but whatever. The color was a lot more saturated now, since it had started fading slightly. It looked good, I think. I finish drying off my hair, hanging up the now blood red towel back on its rack.

I take a couple steps out of the bathroom and toss my wet clothes into the washer, before walking back to the main room of my apartment and putting on a new shirt and pair of boxers. I grab a piece of bread from the kitchen and sit down on my bed, nibbling at it as I scroll through the weather app on my phone. The rain should be completely done by 3, so I won’t have to worry about getting drenched again when I go back to meet the other idols and discuss plans. I lie back down on my bed, finishing off the rest of the bread and setting my phone onto the bed next to me.

I close my eyes and sigh contently.

I’d have to wait some more, but at least I knew Miku’d be my light at the end of the tunnel.

"Hm?" I sit up slightly, dazed. I guess I dozed off for a minute. I pick up my phone as I wipe some drool off the edge of my mouth and check the time.

"Almost time to go. I better get ready." I yawn as I get up off of my bed and raise my arms up to stretch, before walking over and picking my suit up off the floor. 

Time for the best day of my entire life.

Chapter Text

“I’m Kasane Teto.”

I bow for a moment, standing back up and grinning, a sparkle in my eye that was never there before.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you!”

I had just gotten out of a long meeting with the executives and other forgettable higher-ups telling me about things like healthcare, insurance, rules I’d have to follow, et cetera, et cetera.

After a while I honestly kinda just tuned it out since it was pretty boring. Now though, was the meet-and-greet with the other idols in ‘Vocalo ♥ P!’

I just introduced myself to everyone as a group, so now each idol was walking over to have a conversation with me one on one. In ‘Vocalo ♥ P!’, there were only four other idols, with my joining making it five, which meant there would be someone in the center.

I zoned out slightly, thinking about how cool it would be to be behind Miku on the stage with her as center. She would probably smell really good..

I shook my head slightly. Ugh, it probably wouldn’t be smart to get worked up on the job, I could always think about that stuff at home anyway. It probably wouldn’t be the best thing to explain to the janitor either.

The other idols were Hatsune Miku, being the most popular of course, followed by Kagamine Rin, Megurine Luka, and Akita Neru, the least popular. Whenever I watched the music videos the group posted, Neru was always lagging behind slightly, and given the tsundere personality she puts on, it makes sense why no one really mentions her at all.

I don’t really care much for the others except for Miku, but Neru never stood out like them. Of course, I couldn’t say that she sucked to her face, cause she’d probably get mad at me. Plus, I already do that on the internet, so it wouldn’t do any good to tell her.

I met and chatted with Rin and Luka for a bit to pass the time. After they leave, I lean back, slumping on the couch they had in the break room for the idols, which would be where we all would meet up to prepare for concerts in the future. I start dozing off slightly, almost falling asleep before I hear an annoyed sounding person yell at me.

“Hey!!”

I open my eyes and try to sit up slightly. In front of me stood an angry looking girl with a petite figure and one long yellow twintail on the right side of her head. I get up off the couch, staggering slightly as my leg had fallen asleep. I extend my hand out to the girl. “Ah, hey Akita-chan.” Neru grabs my hand angrily and shakes it before pulling her arm back and planting her hands on her hips, glancing at me.

“You’re the newbie, huh? Ahh, Teto, was it?”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“Welcome to the group, I guess.” she turns away.

Ah, I guess that makes sense for a tsundere, but I didn’t know she kept the act up outside of concerts..

“Thanks..”

I could sense her continuing to glance at me, so I walked back out to the couch and sat down. I crossed my arms. I didn’t have to go home for another hour, so I might as well take a nap or something while I have the opportunity.

I closed my eyes and dozed off for around 5 minutes before hearing the break room door open and close behind someone.

“Sorry I’m late! They had a sale on leeks at the store. I was able to get four for only 390 yen!”

“Huh?”

I opened my eyes slowly, my heart skipping a beat.

It was Miku.

She wore a casual white dress, while still wearing her hair in her iconic cyan twin-drills. She looked breathtaking.

“Heh..” I zoned out again.

Miku glanced around the room, ignoring Neru. Her eyes landed on me, her face now wearing a surprised expression.

“Oh! I’m so sorry!! I was excited to meet you, but got a little bored waiting!”

I snap out of it, fixing my terrible posture while I was at it.

“Eh? Don’t worry, it’s not a problem.”

I watch as Miku hurries to put her leeks on the counter and then walk back over, extending her hand out to me.

“I’m Hatsune Miku! You must be Teto-san, right?”

“Yeah, that’s me. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Miku.”

I reach out and shake her hand.

“Likewise! I’m excited to have you as a part of the group. Let’s make great stuff together, ‘kay?”

Miku smiles widely at me.

“S-sure..”

I grinned sheepishly.

Me and Miku talked for a while. Turns out we had a lot in common. It felt comforting to talk to her in person as well. Miku had a calm, yet energetic way of going about things, and expressed her emotions vibrantly on her face.

I saw something yellow flit around in the corner of my peripheral vision, but I thought nothing of it.

“So I was thinking,”

Miku leaned forward slightly, her eyes beaming at me excitedly.

“Since you’re new to the group, maybe we should do a duet song to get you settled in. Usually we make a new song with everyone in the group when a new member joins, but since you’re a little less experienced I thought something one-on-one would be better. How’s that sound?”

I blinked, surprised by her forwardness and confidence. I wish I could be as strong as her.

“Yeah, that sounds great, I’m down!”

“Great! We’ll get started and come up with concepts this week, alright?”

“Alright! You can count on me!”

After talking for a while more, the other idols had left, and after a while it was just me. It was the evening, after all. I got up and stretched. “Nn..”

It was a long day, but I was able to meet Miku! So I’d call that a mission accomplished.

I walked out of the building, giving a small goodbye and thank you to the staff on my way out.

I looked up at the sky, which was a solid orange that faded out into rosy hues. I sighed as I started walking again towards my apartment. Everything felt unreal to me in that moment hones-

“Ow, fuck!”

Suddenly I felt my body being slammed against the wall as I was pulling from my suit tie into a dim alleyway next to the idol group’s building.

I open my eyes slightly to see Neru, of all people, holding my suit collar with a tight grip, pressing me against the brick wall. Despite her small stature, she was pretty strong.

“Listen here, grandpa, I don’t like you, so you better stay away from Miku.”

I grimace, gritting my teeth as I look down at her.

“God, what the fuck is your problem??”

Neru snaps at me, her face distorted.

“I was here first, okay? It’s not fair that you’re getting special treatment!”

“How is that my problem?”

“Miku never paid that much attention to me, she never looked at me like that. 

..Why does she like you more?”

Neru loosens her grip on my jacket collar, tears rolling down her face.

“I hate you. I hate you so much.”

She looks up at me, wiping her face off with her arm and snapping at me angrily.

“Kasane Teto, I’m gonna kill you if it’s the last thing I do!”

As I walk away, shivering slightly, I can hear Neru still.

“You really are an idiot..”

My breath caught in my throat as I stumbled out of the alleyway, my suit wrinkled. I pull my phone out of my pocket, picking at my chipped nail polish as I call Defoko.

“Hey, Defoko. Uhm, do you wanna meet me at the bar and get wasted?”

“What’d you do this time?”

“Nothing, it’s just been…rough.”

“...okay, sure, I’ll be there in five minutes, I guess.”

Chapter Text

I woke up to the sight of the worn Miku poster I had taped to the ceiling, a pounding headache looming over me from the night before.

Fuck..maybe going drinking with Defoko was a bad idea, she can drink a lot.

But… we did talk about Neru. They said I should try to come up with a way to make it up to her or something, but I haven’t been able to come up with anything so far. Even though we didn’t get anywhere, Defoko still was able to make me feel a lot better about everything, even though I was wasted out of my mind.

I slide my legs over the edge of my bed, wincing slightly from the pain in my head.

After a moment I decide to get up, walking clumsily over the dirty laundry scattered across my floor to the small sink in my bathroom. I fumble my hands around the cabinet behind the mirror, pulling out a small container of painkillers. I pull out two small tablets, staring at them for a moment before grimacing and shoving them in my mouth, placing the container back and closing the cabinet when I finish.

I stare at myself in the dirty mirror and splash some cold water on my face, noticing my tired face in the mirror, the remaining water dripping off my chin and into the sink.

It’s weird, but I’ve felt less…awful lately. Of course, not physically, because I’ve still physically felt like pure shit. But.. It's been so long since I’ve actually felt good about myself mentally…it must have taken me by surprise.

I jump slightly at the sound of a soft ding! noise from my phone. Quickly wiping my face off on my sleeve, I pull my phone out of my boxer’s pockets. A single notification stained the perfectly fit picture of Miku I had set as my wallpaper. It was a message. From Miku.

‘Hihi Teto-san!! Staff gave me ur contact, so I wanted to know if you wanted to hang out to chat abt the duo song w/ you and me! ^_^’

An impulsive idea popped into my head when I read her message. I sucked in a breath and hesitated slightly, before tapping on the notification and typing out the most professional response I could.

‘Hi, Miku-chan, that sounds good! I have some ideas for the song actually..’

After the string of messages and responses from this morning, I had ended up getting Miku’s address, where we had discussed our ideas for our first song together.

Miku looks at me, her eyes wide. She places her hands on the small table between us, barely able to believe what I had proposed.

“What?? You want to include Neru in the song?”

I rub the back of my neck sheepishly as I grin at her nervously, gesturing with my hands as I speak.

“Yeah, I…er, there’s just not many songs with her, right? I guess I kind of wanted her to get the chance to have a song with a smaller group so she could get some recognition..”

Miku looks at me for another moment, her expression softening as her tone becomes more serious.

“Teto…”

Suddenly her smile widens and that cute sparkle in her eyes returns. She puts her hand over her heart and makes a small gesture towards me, before pulling back.

“Woww, you’re so thoughtful!! Staff knew what they were doing when they got you in the group, huh?”

Usually, if anyone acted like this, I would assume they were being completely sarcastic, but Miku always sounds so authentic and genuine with what she says.

“Hehe, it’s nothing, really..”

I smile warmly back, becoming slightly flustered as she continues giving me high praise.

“Hmm, I guess this means instead of a duo, we’ll be a trio..”

She puts her finger up to her mouth, looking up at the ceiling as if thinking deeply. I think for a moment before replying teasingly.

“Kind of like a squad, huh?”

Miku turns back to me as if a light went on in her head, giving me a cute, but serious expression as she points at me.

“Yeah!! We’ll be the ‘Triple Baka Squad!!’

“Ehh? But ain’t the group ‘Vocalo ♥ P!’?”

“That’s with the entire group, silly! Wouldn’t it be nice to have something special for just the three of us?”

I pause slightly, trying to imagine what Miku said.

“That..that would be pretty cool.”

My eyes widen slightly, before Miku suddenly moves over next to me and wraps her arm around my shoulder. I slowly turned to look at her, surprised at how close she was, before turning away, embarrassed.

“We’re gonna be the ‘Triple Baka Squad,’ then! This calls for a cute photo-op!”

“But Neru isn’t here, that kind of defeats the purpose, right?”

I laugh slightly, turning to look at Miku again. She turns to look at me and gives me the widest smile. She looks so happy as she talks.

“Yeah, well, this’ll be between us then, ‘kay?”

I’m taken aback slightly, hesitating before nodding.

“Yeah, our little secret then.”

Miku holds her phone out in front of us, pointing the camera back. She moves her other hand over and does a cute sign to frame my face.

“Okayy, do a cute pose!”

Not sure what to do, I quickly do a peace sign and pull a grin on my face.

I hear the soft ‘click!’ sound the phone makes to tell Miku the photo was taken. She holds the phone up to her face and examines the photo closely, before turning back to me and smiling her warm smile again.

“It turned out sooo cute! Here, I’ll send it to you..”

I smile softly as I listen to her talk, letting the time pass me by as I sit with the one I loved most.

Soon, we said our goodbyes, and I started walking back home, a weird, warm feeling in my chest. I walked up the steps to my apartment and pulled my keys out of my pants’ pockets, unlocking the door and stepping inside, locking the door once again behind me.

I groan as I stretch, my muscles tight from sitting around all day, before pulling off my jacket and hanging it on the coat rack next to the door and walking over to my bed, the golden evening light shining through the blinds covering my window.

I sit down, pulling out my phone to see yet another notification from Miku. It was the picture we took together. I tap on the image she sent, running my eyes over the awkward smile I had made, the stiff pose I decided on doing on a whim. 

Despite all the awkwardness I had in the photo, in all the pictures I’ve been in, this is the only one I was actually happy with. Up until recently, I hated myself, only being reminded of my self-hatred from going to the bathroom and accidentally glancing in the mirror, or by looking at old pictures I had thrown away.

I save the photo Miku sent, exiting to the home menu on my phone and tapping on the settings. After a few moments, my wallpaper switches from the traditional fanservice-y shot of Miku to the picture that we took together. My vision blurs once again, small drops appearing on my phone screen. Tears pour over my face as I move my hands up to try to catch them, as if they were something important to me. 

“Fuck..”

For the first time ever, my tears weren’t ones of pain, or agony, but they were ones of joy.

After so long of being chained to the life I had forced myself to live, I was finally able to make something out of it, I was finally able to be something worth saving. I had a job I was actually passionate about, and actual skills that I could use.

I glance around my room, the worn posters I had of Miku contrasting with their vibrant colors against my apartment’s dull walls. I turn to look at the floor, the countless amount of garbage and dirty clothes hiding the wooden flooring beneath.

After a few moments I wipe away my tears, before sucking in a breath and gathering up all the clothes on my floor, throwing them all into the washer in the small laundry room I had, an array of different t-shirts, shorts, and other clothes I had once worn and discarded.

I gingerly pick up all of the garbage I had tossed aside and throw it away, glancing at the posters on the wall after I finish.

I ran my fingers over the edges of the poster I had hung on the ceiling above my bed, the colors slightly faded and dusty, before pulling it off and rolling it up. After pulling down the first poster I feel more confident, taking down the other posters with ease.

After everything, I glance around my room, the floors cleared from the clutter that once coated it, and the walls empty from the Miku posters that once clung to it. As I hold the rolled up posters in my arms, I smile, the warm feeling in my chest returning.

For once in my life I have hope for the future.