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Jinx never felt closer to Vi than when she had Isha. Which she realizes sounds crazy, but she’s not exactly the picture of perfect sanity, is she? In fact, she’s sure everyone and their enforcer girlfriends would agree that she is very far from being mentally well.
But the truth of the matter is that Jinx never really understood Vi until she had Isha. It’s hard to figure out what’s “true” anymore, but that’s one truth she’s pretty sure of.
It’s just that sometimes, when she looks at Isha, she sees Powder. She sees Isha’s innocence, her awe at Jinx’s presence, her joy, her insecurities, her big eyes, her ferocity… and she thinks,
Is this what Vi saw?
She didn’t think she’d ever be anyone’s Vi–and she certainly never thought anyone would ever be her Powder. But Jinx wasn’t lying on the day she first met Isha: she thought Powder was dead and buried, until a feral little scrap fell on her from the sky.
So now she has a kid sister. Apparently. She supposes she can’t be too surprised by this new development, because frankly her life has been plot twist after plot twist. She’s not entirely sure how to be a big sister, but she does know, for an absolute fact, that she won’t follow in Vi’s footsteps. Vi was a terrible big sister.
Or. Wait. No– she was–
She was a terrible big sister.
No.
Yes.
No.
Yes.
No.
SHUT UP!!!
It’s not important. The important part is that Jinx will hum Isha to sleep. The important part is that she’ll tell her ghost stories in the middle of the night, and then soothe the fears away when it’s time to go to bed.
The important part is that Jinx will apply face paint in cool patterns on Isha’s cheeks, and fist bump her when she manages to swipe them some food or cash, and tell her she’s special, and laugh with her at stupid jokes, and cause terror across the neighborhood with her, and dance with her, and make up silly handshakes with her, and watch out for her in dangerous situations.
Just like Vi did.
Well… maybe some of it is a little bit similar to what Vi did for her. But the really, really, really, REALLY important part is that she won’t make the same mistake Vi did. She will never. NEVER. Leave Isha out. Isha will never doubt her usefulness, her skill, or Jinx’s belief in her. Isha won’t be left behind, not if Jinx has anything to say about it.
What’s the saying? When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Propaganda bullshit, if you ask Jinx, but she supposes it’s somewhat accurate. Isha is certainly a pretty tough kid. That’s one way she’s different from Powder. She’s not weak, and she’s not scared. So she’s gotta get going.
__________________________________________________
It happens in slow motion. One second, the world is orange and brown (eugh! The worst colors, if you ask Jinx), and sickly, noise and pain and chaos on all sides. One second, she’s on the ground, and it hurts to move, and she can barely think, and Vander is a lost cause. Then, a second later, Isha is sprinting past her, diving for her abandoned gun, sticking one of those awful blue magical doohickeys into it, and sliding gracefully under Vander’s thrashing, vomiting, beastly form. Isha smiles at her. So brave. Too brave.
You feel that buzzing behind your eyes?
The little girl makes a finger gun at her.
Pooow!
And aims the gun up at Vander, the blue of its glow harsh and violent.
Jinx tries. You have to believe her, she really, really tries. She tries to save her. She fights against Vi’s hold on her thrashing body, moving as erratically as Vander is. Like father, like daughter…
In those final moments, amidst the screaming; amidst the horrible agony of being held back, Jinx thinks to herself,
I was wrong. I’ve never felt closer to Vi than I do right now.
It’s a funny joke, isn’t it? Because she’s close to Vi physically, and also because she finally gets it. She really gets it now. She knows why Vi left her. If this is the tradeoff for making Isha feel appreciated, then it’s not worth it. Jinx feels like her entire body is being ripped apart when she realizes what’s about to happen.
Everything’s bright. So bright. Isha pulls the trigger, and the explosion is soundless and white. She feels herself fly, briefly, through the air. She doesn’t blame Vi anymore. Jinx would do anything, anything, to go back. To tell Isha to stay back in the city with Sevika. To say those awful words: You’re not ready!
When she recovers from the shock of the explosion, she barely has the strength or energy to crawl the small distance between her and Vi’s prone body. She can’t tell if Vi is dead – her vision is too blurry from tears and dust and flashing light.
Is she doomed to kill everyone she calls family?
Jinx wants to lay down and sob, but she has to do this. She has to tell Vi. She aims a wobbly, blood sticky kiss on her sister's forehead. She tastes salt and dirt and metal on her lips when she pulls back.
“I’m sorry,” the words come out so quietly she might as well have not said them. “I’m sorry. You were a good big sister. I’m sorry.”
Jinx falls back onto the ground, too shaky to hold herself up anymore, and she cries for Vi. And Claggor. And even Mylo.
And she especially cries for Isha, who should have been left behind.